At home, his lips feel like home. The moment they touch mine, the world around me blurs, some of my worries fade away, and the warmth of home envelops me like a thick blanket. It's a warmth I unconsciously missed more than I thought.

His unexpected action makes me place my hands behind my back on the mattress for support. However, he moves further onto the mattress, places his hand under my lower back, and pulls me flat onto the mattress.

We don't break the kiss, my arms wrapped around his neck, and our lips sliding against each other. Absorbing each other's warmth, the taste and sensation we've missed.

But as soon as his tongue seeks permission, I pull back. The memories, the images, fight their way back before Novak places a hand on my cheek.

'I'm not him, I'm not standing there.' The red eyes stare into mine before his lips gently find mine again. Slowly, my body and mind relax as I focus on the sensation.

This time, I allow him without hesitation as his tongue seeks permission, welcoming the taste. The warmth envelops me further like a blanket, my cheeks flush, my breathing quickens. My hands find his hair, my fingers entangling in the black strands.

Novak is the first to withdraw and push himself to sit in front of me. His black hair is tousled by my hands, his red eyes mixed with a look of lust and love.

'Can I take off the dress?' Although I should have seen or expected the question, I remain silent.

It's Novak, there's nothing he hasn't seen before, nothing unpleasant will happen, he won't hurt me.

'Yes,' I say hesitantly. I know he sees the doubt, but still, he gently removes the open dress from my body, revealing the black veins that are now more visible than ever. My arms, legs, back, and the beginning of my chest are covered in them.

I immediately draw my arms and legs in, trying to cover the reality. It's not a lack of trust or desire on my part, but an automatic response from the past few months.

Novak seems to ignore it, tosses the fabric on the floor, and bends his head to my belly after gently removing my hands from my legs. His lips find my skin and start kissing their way up. His lips glide lightly over my belly toward my breasts. My eyes slowly close, my hands resting in his black hair.

Unlike how he normally pays enough attention to my breasts, he kisses his way around them now, letting his nails gently stroke my ribcage.

Unnoticed, my breathing quickens, my hands grip his hair tighter, and I give Novak the opportunity to lie between my legs. He seizes the chance as his hands glide along my inner thighs.

Even though my eyes close, especially when his fingers teasingly slide along my inner thighs, relaxation seems like a daunting task. Guilt, lies, and thoughts continue to race through my head.

My muscles stiffen, my thoughts fly out the window, and my focus on his lips diminishes. My head takes over as if his skin doesn't touch mine.

'Are you okay?' he asks softly, looking up from my hips.

I remain silent for a moment before pushing myself up with a sigh.

'My head, it... it's a mess. The guilt... I'm so sorry... I...'

'Cel, do you trust me?' he asks as he pushes himself up a bit, sitting on his knees.

'Yes?' I ask, not understanding what he means, my arms wrapped around my body.

A smile appears on his lips. His fingers gently hook behind the fabric of my underwear and, with a bit of hesitation, pull it off my legs. I'm left naked on the mattress.

'What are you doing?' The black sweater is quickly pulled over his head and ends up next to him on the floor before he positions his head back between my legs.

'Distracting your mind,' he says as his tongue slides over me. My head immediately falls back into the pillow, my hands gripping his hair, and my eyes closing. The warmth, the moisture, and the gentle touch empty my mind instantly.

Sexual touch was never something I thought I would miss, and yet, despite not actively missing it, it feels better than ever.

Licking, first softly and slowly, then faster and shorter, his tongue caresses me. My fingers weave themselves tighter into his hair, his lips sucking on my clit.

'Ah,' escapes my mouth as I moan.

The warm and tingling feeling in my lower abdomen slowly builds up. A feeling I unconsciously missed in the past months and builds faster than I can remember.

'Nov...' I try to say as his tongue maintains a fast licking rhythm. Unable to think about what my hands are doing, I pull harder on his hair, my legs shaking against his head as the feeling intensifies.

Thoughts have left my mind, the warm feeling taking over my belly.

My hands grip his hair tighter, and I don't hold back the sound that escapes my mouth. Rapid breathing, moans, and a sigh.

In a rapid pace, the feeling builds up until I'm pushed over the edge. My legs tremble, my muscles tense, my hands gripping his hair harder until all my muscles release the tension.

That feeling, I missed that feeling without even realizing it. The relaxation, the warmth. As if you sink into the mattress and never have to get up again, as if the world is a little easier.

Slowly, I open my eyes and look into Novak's satisfied face. His arm wipes his lips clean before they find mine. My own taste on his lips, my arms back around his neck.

'Is your mind distracted?' he asks with a grin as he pulls back. I roll my eyes before nodding in agreement.

However, he doesn't have long to be proud of his achievement before I turn us over in a quick, fluid motion. With Novak on his back on the mattress and me sitting on his hips, my hands stroke his chest. A smile appears on his lips, his hands sliding over my sides.

'I missed you,' he says softly but with a smile.

'I missed you too.'

With those words, the discomfort, guilt, and tension that have hung over us for months disappear. Suddenly, my thoughts vanish, the images fade. It seems that the incredibly complicated world consists of nothing more than the two of us, together in this bed.

It doesn't take long for Novak's pants and underwear to find the floor and the blankets to keep us warm as we heat each other up.

On my back, with my hands around his neck and my lips on his, I softly moan as he slides inside. Our foreheads touch as we exhale together. In a soft but steady rhythm, his hips move against mine.

We've never done it in this position before. It's one that I've only done with Christiaan before and one I never dared or could try again afterward. It was the last of Christiaan that held me back, the last man.

The warmth of the situation, the emotions, and Novak's trust were enough to fight against that. To erase the mistakes and memories with new, with good ones.

Yet at first the discomfort is not gone. What to do with my arms and legs I don't know until Novak increases his rhythm and the pleasure takes over.

Groaning, I lay my head against his shoulder, my arms around his neck and my hips thrusting toward his, searching for more.

'Aah,' leaves my mouth louder than I thought, overwhelmed at the sensation the position produces.

'You like this position,' Novak concludes more than he asks. A grin has marked his lips, one that I want to wipe away from it before his pace increases further and his hips come up with something more. That small change makes for the best feeling.

Once again, the warm feeling builds its way into my lower abdomen. Novak's breathing also quickens until a moan escapes his mouth.

The rhythm faster, the movements more irregular, moaning and panting we hold each other until his head falls on my shoulder and his body shakes in pleasure. His hands grasp the pillow and the moans breathlessly cross his lips.

Smiling, we entwine in a kiss, I end in his arms as his finger helps me to my second orgasm.

Both tired, happy, relieved and relaxed, we fall asleep in each other's arms for the first time in months together and without worry.