I returned home to find Eli sitting on the couch with CJ in his arms. Cronan spotted me first. He approached, eyes raking over my body likely trying to see if I was injured or not.

"I'm okay," I assured him once he reached me. "I'm okay."

"Where did they go?" He questioned, referring to Nolan and Atlas.

"Back to their pack," I explained.

"Just like that?"

"Nolan has always been the more peaceful twin," Eli said to him. "Violence is rarely, if ever, his first choice. Of course, if you push him enough times or if the reason is dire enough then he will resort to it."

Cronan nodded slowly. "Will he come back?"

"Maybe, but I don't think it'll be anytime soon," I said and he visibly relaxed at that.
Without thinking, I raised my hand and combed them through his dark hair. "I told you I wouldn't leave."

CJ's small meowing caught Cronan's attention and his eyes drifted to where Eli sat and he gently pushed my hand away.

I followed Cronan's gaze and took a deep breath. "Eli, can we talk?"

Eli looked up, his expression guarded which was a dramatic contrast to the excited expression that used to take over his face when we were younger. He gently set CJ down, and the little cat scurried off to explore.

"I guess we should finally talk. It's long overdue after all," he said.

"I'll give you both some space," Cronan announced.

I watched as he disappeared down the hall and waited until I heard the sound of his door shutting before returning my attention to the beta in front of me. There were so many things I wanted to say, but I decided to start with the simplest, and most important, one.

"I'm sorry," I apologized to him, running my hand over my face. "I really am so fucking sorry, Eli."

There was a pause and I could feel his eyes on me, but I couldn't bring myself to meet his. I didn't want to see the expression he was wearing.

"I'm just...confused," Eli murmured. "Confused on how it all came to this, on how our friendship became so twisted, and on what was going through your head at the time. I've thought a lot about us, everything before and after all that happened, and I just don't get it."

I risked a glance at him and I saw his glassy eyes staring at me.

My feet moved on their own, taking me toward him and I rested a hand on his shoulder. He tensed underneath my touch but didn't pull away.

"You did nothing wrong," I told him sternly. "Everything that happened was because of me. My insecurities, my fear of being alone, and my stupidity. You were a good friend, Eli. Better than I deserved."

Eli's eyes searched mine, trying to find some truth in my words. "I saw you as one of my best friends—a brother, even. The day you...kissed me took me completely off guard. Before I knew everything, I thought that we could talk it out and put the kiss behind us. Then you told me about Reuben, then I learned about the Nixon scandal, and then you were gone. All that happened back to back and the only thing I could think was, 'What the fuck, Fen?' I couldn't understand it at all and I wasn't given the chance to to process any of it before you vanished. It felt like you ripped the ground out from under me, and I was left trying to piece together what the hell happened."

Guilt, a feeling I was becoming well acquainted with, consumed me. I nodded at his words, swallowing hard. "I'm sorry I left you like that. It just- it felt like my worse fears were coming true, only it was my own fault."

"What fears?"

"I thought you and I were going to be mates and when I was eventually proved wrong, I was worried our friendship would fall apart you'd leave—"

A pillow hit me and Eli's glassy eyes glared at me. "Leave?" Eli snapped, his voice filled with disbelief. "You thought I would leave? Fen, I was your friend, your best friend. You meant a lot to me, and you really thought I'd just abandon you because we weren't mates?"

I rubbed the back of my neck, feeling even smaller under his intense gaze. "I know it sounds ridiculous now, but back then, it was my biggest fear at the time, so I did whatever I thought would keep you around."

"Goddess," he whispered to himself and shook his head, the hurt in his eyes unmistakable. "I never would have left you, Fen. You were family to me when I basically had none. I wish you would've talked to me before everything happened. Did you know you were the first one I told about Reuben? Even before my parents and Nixon because I thought we were that close."

"I—"

"I know you're sorry. It still hurts though. Could you imagine someone close to you doing what you did to me? Could you imagine someone you treated like a brother trying to ruin your bond? Trying to take Cronan from you when you'd only just met? How would that make you feel?"

I thought about it. I thought about it for a moment, imagining someone close to me doing what I had done to Eli. I thought about a world where Cronan had actually gone through with his original plan and rejected me. The thought alone made my stomach churn and my chest tighten with pain.

"It would destroy me," I admitted quietly.

He nodded. "That was why I locked myself in my house for so long. When you told me you were coming back home after his rejection, I was so happy. Now I just feel like an idiot, knowing I practically clung to your side when you were part of the reason I was in that position in the first place."

"I was selfish," I said softly, my voice cracking. "I didn't think about how my actions would affect you. I was only thinking about myself and my own fears."

"You were," he agreed. "But, I don't think you're truly evil. Even though you did try and mess with my bond twice," he shot me a look. "I do think you were trying to help me the second time in your own warped way. Reuben told me you tried to help him understand his feelings toward the end of your stay with him too."

"I was just being a dick to him," I admitted, remembering how many times I called Reuben an idiot.

"Maybe, but the way he described it, you helped him confront his feelings. It doesn't excuse anything, but it does show me you aren't heartless. Then there's Cronan."

"What about him?"

"Sometimes getting through to Cronan can be an impossible task," Eli said and I nodded.

"Don't I know it."

"Getting information out of him can oftentimes be like pulling teeth and yet, he seems to think pretty highly of you. He didn't hesitate once to tell me about how nice you'd been since staying with him. He said you make him happy."

Hearing that made me somewhat proud. It was nice to know the changes I'd been trying to make were recognized by my mate.

"He said that?"

Eli nodded. "He did. I'm going to be honest here. I don't know if you and I can ever be as close as we once. As of right now, I just don't think that's possible. But, I don't hate you and truthfully, I don't know if I ever could fully. You and I practically grew up together over the years. I remember a time when we would spend hours outside laughing—no overwhelming feelings, no mates, no problems. Just us and maybe I'm being a little too wishful, but I'd like to see that side of you again. I miss it."

"I'm trying," I said with sincerity in my voice. "I am."

He nodded a few times. "You keep working toward it and maybe one day down the road, you and I can meet again."

"Is there a future where you and I can be friends again at some point in our lives?"

"I don't know for sure, but if things keep going like this," he glanced around and shot me a smile that I missed more than I thought I would, "well, I wouldn't mind giving it a try one day."

With that, he disappeared down the hall toward Cronan's room and left me alone with his words.

A future where Eli and I could potentially be friends again? I was willing to work toward that. I wanted to become someone he could trust again and if that took years of atonement then I'd do it without hesitation.