Julia couldn't believe she had done that. She had been so good at not bombarding Lily with her feelings and not assaulting the other girl's lips with her own for so long, up until now anyway. Her accidental flirtatious comment in Hogsmeade was nothing compared to this - now Lily really wouldn't want anything to do with her. 

Oh Merlin, what if, out of disgust, Lily outed her to whole school? No one would talk to her, she would be outcast and shunned for her 'abnormality'.

Apparently the muggle world was gradually becoming more accepting of homosexuality, but the few people who were openly out risked getting beaten up and insulted daily, it would be even worse at Hogwarts, which was a little behind the times in many ways, including their views on anything different or extreme.

Julia's heart was pounding way too fast, sending blood rushing around her body and making her limbs feel numb. She stumbled out of the dorm, leaving Lily in a shell-shocked state, and then down the stairs to the common room. Her hand gripped the handrail so hard that she was sure her knuckles had turned white, but she needed the support or she might just tumble right down to the bottom.

She wasn't sure where to go, where she could go, that would make her feel better. Nothing would make her feel better at the moment. When she reached the bottom of the stairs, Julia sort of hovered in the doorway to the common room, just like she had a few minutes ago outside the dorm. Her eyes were unfocused as she stared at a spot on the carpet and gnawed nervously at her bottom lip, a thousand thoughts leaving her unable to concentrate on anything but them.

"Thorne?" Sirius called, forcing Julia's head to turn to see him. He was sat where she had left him and was looking worriedly at her with the other Marauders. "You good?

'You good?' The words echoed around in her brain before she could properly process them. No. She was far from good. Slowly shaking her head, she turned away and walked towards the entrance portrait, she needed to get away. Julia felt like she was trying to walk through honey and the world was moving around her much too quickly.

"Woah, woah, woah!!" Sirius called and she could hear his footsteps jogging to catch up with her. "What's wrong?" He asked, placing his hand on her shoulder and turning her towards him to make sure he had her attention. "Shit, you're hyperventilating, you need to calm down." 

Julia hadn't realised it but he was right, she was suddenly aware that her breaths were coming out in quick bursts and she felt like she couldn't get enough oxygen to her lungs. 

"Julia, what happened?" Sirius asked, looking more serious than Julia had ever seen him, besides their conversation earlier.

"I-" She couldn't get the words out, couldn't admit to what she'd done, "I kissed Lily," she whispered, her voice barely audible; this was partly because she didn't want anyone around to hear her and partly because she simply couldn't bring herself to say the words.

"Fuck," Sirius breathed out, his eyes widening in shock, which pretty much perfectly summed up everything going through Julia's mind. He ran a hand through his hair and glanced around the room, "Okay, we need to get you out of here. I think this requires fresh air and comfort food."

Julia didn't say anything as Sirius turned her back around, his hand slipping to her waist so that he could guide her out of the common room properly. Normally Julia would have shaken him off and probably would have sent a nasty jinx his way for good measure. Right now, however, she was in no state of mind to even walk properly, let alone get her thoughts in order for long enough to perform a jinx.

She didn't pay much attention to where Sirius was taking her, just allowing herself to be gently guided through the castle and trusting that the boy wouldn't lead her into the Black Lake or anything. Trusting Sirius, that was something she had never done before, this had clearly messed with her head a lot.

Julia came into focus when she realised they were in the kitchens, she'd never been there before and, despite being stood in them now, she wouldn't be able to tell you where in the castle they were or how to get in, having been so out of it on the walk down. She vaguely recalled Sirius pulling her behind a suit of armour at one point to avoid a patrolling teacher - she guessed that it was getting late and they weren't supposed to be out - but that was just about the only detail she could pick out from their journey.

"Okay, talk," Sirius ordered after asking a house elf to get them some ice cream.

"I don't know why I did it," Julia said quietly, picking at the edge of the wooden counter she was leaning against, "Lily was sat on her bed and the sun's going down so the light was shining perfectly through the window onto her and it just- she looked perfect Sirius; the sun makes her eyes glow and it sets her hair into a golden flame and the window was casting all these pretty patterns onto her skin-" Julia realised she was rambling like a pathetic, love sick puppy, so she cut herself off. "-And so I just leaned forward and kissed her."

Sirius let out a low whistle, "You've got it bad, Thorne."

"We might need more ice cream than I thought," he muttered under his breath, "So how did she react?" He asked.

Julia shrugged, slowly coming to her senses, though her mind felt just as frazzled as before.

"She didn't really. She froze up and then went all distant and spacey, I left after a couple of minutes of her just staring at the wall in shock."

"That's not a great sign, but it's not the worst!" Sirius said optimistically, "She's probably just shocked, like you said, more than anything else right now. Give her time and it will be fine," he assured her.

"But what if it isn't?" Julia asked desperately, looking up at this boy who she had never really gotten along with but was now spilling her guts out to. "What if she hated it, hates me, and tells everyone about it. I'll be ruined, people will never leave me alone about it and I'll be bullied like you guys bully Snape and ugh."

Once again, Julia cut herself off before her rant could go on for too long, if she wasn't careful the hundreds of worries and what ifs that were racing through her head would all pour out of her mouth - and it would take decades to get through every single one of them.

"This is Lily Evans we're talking about, I don't think she has a single bone in her body that would allow her to truly hate anyone - not even James. And yeah people might give you shit for it, but only if Evans is cruel enough to spread what happened around the school and I dont think she is. Also, as much as I hate to admit it, you can more than handle a few bullies so I wouldn't be too worried about that." Sirius, once again, reassured her.

At that moment, a little house elf came up to them with two bowls of ice cream and placed them on the counter beside them.

Sirius thanked the elf and Julia tried her best to summon a grateful smile for it, but it was hard to make her face comply when all it wanted to do was scrunch up in worry.

"For now, just focus on your ice cream," Sirius said with a grin, picking up a spoon and digging into his bowl of chocolate ice cream.

Julia hesitantly picked up her own spoon and looked down at the bowl, "How did you know strawberry was my favourite flavour?" She asked, digging in and trying to enjoy the heavenly food.

"I didn't, but I've noticed you have a thing for pink so I took a guess," he explained.

Julia was surprised that Sirius had payed enough attention to her in the past to work out that pink was her favourite colour.

Seeing the puzzled look on her face, Sirius elaborated, "You have a pink bag, I'm pretty sure the only outfits I've seen you wear other than your uniform included something pink, and I'm sure I've seen you using a pink quill before as well."

Okay so maybe Julia wasn't as subtle as she thought.

They ate in silence, Julia trying to calm the storm that was taking place in her mind and Sirius concentrating very hard on his ice cream. When they were done, he announced that they should probably get back before it got too late.

Thanking the house elves one last time, they made their way slowly back to the Gryffindor common room, dodging Filch and any other teachers they came across.

However, as they neared the common room, Julia's worries picked up again. The girls in the dorm were Lily's best friends, there's no way she wouldn't have told them about the kiss. Julia couldn't walk in there and face their judgement, not yet, not while she was like this.

"Sirius," she called, coming to a stop just before they reached the Fat Lady's portrait.

Sirius halted too and turned around to face her, "What's up?"

"I can't share a dorm with her tonight, I can't walk past her and all her friends knowing that they despise me for who I am."

"I swear they don't like you that much anyway though?" Sirius pointed out unhelpfully.

"That's because I've made them dislike me, now they'll dislike me for something that I can't help or control, which is so much scarier," Julia admitted. She hated how much she had confessed to Sirius tonight, it made her feel vunerable that he knew so much about her fears.

"Yeah, I guess you might want to give Evans some space too. You can sleep in our dorm, you can take my bed and I'll share with James."

Julia chewed her lip as she thought again. She'd feel guilty kicking Sirius out of his bed, but she just couldn't face her own dorm right now. So she chose the selfish option.

"That would be great, thank you," managing a small, but genuine, smile for the first time in the last hour.

"No problem Thorne, I've got your back," Sirius grinned, turning back to the portrait and walking through after saying the password, Julia close behind him.

When Julia entered Sirius' dorm, she recieved four very confused stares from the remaining Marauders and Frank Longbottom.

"You realise this is the boys' dorm, right Thorne?" James asked once he'd got over the shock of her being there.

"I'm aware, yes," Julia replied coldly, trying to hurriedly throw up her usual stoney attitude.

"Right, then why are you here?" The asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Sleepover." She shrugged.

"Is that allowed?" Peter asked in wonder, as if this revelation could change everything for him.

"Not technically," Sirius replied, "but as long as no one snitches we'll be fine."

Then he flopped onto the bed next to James, looked over at Julia, who was trying not to look awkward whilst stood by the edge of the room, and pointed at the empty bed beside them.

"That's my bed, you can have it for the night."

Julia walked hesitantly over to it and sat down, crossing her legs and laying his pillow over her lap to lean on.

"So uh, are you two getting together?" Remus asked, glancing between the two of them.

Sirius and Julia both scoffed a laugh at the same time, although his was much louder as she still felt very drained and anxious about this whole ordeal.

"As if, she's not my type" Sirius said, at the same time Julia responded: "I would never go for him."

Julia noticed that Remus looked quite relieved to hear that and smiled slightly, she hoped he and Sirius turned out better than her and Lily were so far.

"So what should we do on our sleepover?" Sirius asked, trying to dispel the tension in the air that was no doubt caused by Julia's presence and also attempting to cheer her up a little.

"Before you start scheming for your sleepover, I want to remove myself from the plans. Things like this never go well with you guys," Frank spoke up.

"You say that now, but you'll come around Longbottom," James smirked playfully.

Frank shook his head adamantly, only making James' grin widen mischievously.

"It's not a sleepover if you're not wearing pajamas," Peter stated, bringing the conversation back on topic.

"For once, you speak wise words, Petey," Sirius praised, "Pajama time it is!"

"I don't have any with me," Julia pointed out.

"Can't you just go to your dorm to get some?" Frank asked.

"I'm too lazy to walk all that way," Julia replied, not hinting at the fact that she just didn't want to go anywhere near that dorm or the girls in it.

"You can borrow one of my jumpers," Sirius offered, jumping down from the bed and digging through his trunk. He pulled out a knitted sweater that would be way too big on her and chucked it in her direction. Catching it, Julia wondered at how soft it felt.

"Thanks," she said gratefully, looking him meaningfully in the eyes, letting him know that the thanks was for much more than just a jumper. He nodded in response, going to sit back by James.

"And you're sure you two aren't a thing?" James asked, he sounded teasing but Julia could see a little bit of curiosity on his face as well.

"Definitely not."

"Ew."

"You can get changed in the bathroom, but don't come out until we tell you it's safe, alright?" Sirius told Julia, who did as he said with no snarky come backs like she usually would have made.

As soon as the bathroom door clicked shut, she heard harshly whispered questions being fired at Sirius about why she was upset earlier and what had happened, luckily Sirius managed to brush all of them off without raising too much suspicion.

Just as expected the jumper was way too big on Julia, stopping a little bit past her mid thigh.

"Are you guys decent?" She called through the bathroom door.

"Yeah," several voiced chorused back.

"No!" Peter's panicked voice cried over the top of them.

Letting out a sigh, Julia leaned against the door.

"How about now?" She called out again about thirty seconds later.

"It's safe now," Sirius replied.

"Wait no, I don't want someone as cool as Julia seeing me in this state, I'll lose all my dignity!" James cried out dramatically.

"Shut up!" Sirius laughed.

"You're fine to come in Julia," Remus confirmed.

"Bold of you to assume you have any dignity left anyway, Potter" Julia retorted, walking into the room and dropping her folded up pile of clothes on top of Sirius' trunk.

James spluttered indignantly at her response, but had no come back for her.

Once she had sat back down, Julia glanced around the room at the boys' attire, they were mostly wearing loose t-shirts and jumpers paired with comfy trousers.

"Are those Hello Kitty trousers, Potter?" Julia asked, glancing down at the pink, cat covered, trousers that he adorned.

"Normally I'd sleep naked, this is all for your benefit Thorne," he explained, bearing no shame.

"Shouldn't it be more for Sirius' benefit?" She asked, she figured since the boys were sharing a bed it would be more for their well-being than hers.

"Padfoot over here has seen me a lot worse than just naked, he'd be fine with it," James winked, patting Sirius heavily on the shoulder as he spoke.

Julia raised her eyebrow, both at the weird nickname and the boy's statement, but she questioned neither.

"Okay, so what's our first sleepover activity going to be?" Peter asked excitedly.

"I'd rather just read my book." Remus held up the book that he had been immersed in, as if to show them how good it was.

"Yeah and I'd rather just sleep," Julia admitted.

Frank made no comment, but the way he shuffled further under his covers and turned his back to all of them made it very clear that he had no intentions of joining them.

"You guys are boring," James stated, looking disapprovingly at them.

"You can call me boring all you want, it's better than whatever else you might have in stock for me if I play your game," Julia commented, moving to get under the covers as she did so.

"Touché."

"It's barely even 10 o'clock, how can you be tired?" Sirius questioned.

Julia shot Sirius a look, he knew very well how she could already be tired.

"Just one round of dares!" Peter almost begged the three of them who weren't willing to participate.

"Feel free, but I'm going to sleep," Julia said, rolling on to her side and getting comfortable.

"Okay, but if anything bad happens to you during our game of dares, it's your own fault," James warned her.

For a second, Julia hesitated, did she really want to allow herself to be that vulnerable around three immature boys playing a stupid game? But then her eyes were so heavy and the thought of staying awake much longer wasn't a nice one.

She would take the risk.

"I dare you to fly out the window and over the lake." Julia heard as she was drifting off.

A few minutes later, when she was almost completely dead to the world, a cry of despair broke through her hazy hearing: "My Hello Kitty trousers got wet, they're ruined!"

word count: 3005

damnn that was long. also, i've decided that sirius and julia are bros now, they've bonded over being gay messes.

how did you like this chapter? tell me what you think in the comments!

also i've edited the cast list to try and make it a little more diverse and unique, which you might want to check out! i absolutely fell in loveee with some of the faceclaims i found