•| rain |•

•••
unko jab humne baarish mein pehli baar dekha
hum to tabhi apna dil gawah behte the
•••

Fidah and Zarrar stood in front of a penthouse that belonged to the latter. He swiftly punched in the password on the smart lock, before opening the sleek mahogany door. Giving way for Fidah to enter the apartment as he followed, closing the door behind him.

"Come, I will show you your room." Zarrar said gently for the first time in hours, causing Fidah to nod as she followed him through the lavishly big but minimally decorated penthouse, leading to a corridor that was lined with three rooms.

"You can stay here. If you need anything I will be in the room beside this." He said, switching on the lights and air conditioner to the room that contained a queen size bed, a side table, a inbuilt wardrobe with a huge mirror and another door which she presumed to be the bathroom.
"You will be fine right?"

Nodding meekly she refused to meet his gaze, he stood rooted for a second too long, scrutinising her, but finally nodded back leaving the room. Leaving her standing all alone.

Closing the door behind her, Fidah walked to the bed, slumping on it face down. After crying in his arms not even a few hours ago, it felt like her tears had dried up. She didn't have anything left in herself to give. A void in her heart, her body and her mind that made her feel worthless.

What was she doing in this stranger's house who was also her husband now? What was her life going to be from here on? Everything just seemed a void. Before she knew she was slipping into a rabbit hole filled with sleep.

She was woken up after god knows how long, when there was a loud knock on her door. In her drowsy state, she heard a masculine voice, before she drowned back into slumber.
"Baji, Zarrar Sahab is asking you to join him for Lunch."

What seemed like hours later, Fidah was woken up again by the same knocking this time the voice said,
"The dinner is laid out, Zarrar Sahab is asking for you, Baji."

But the Baji refused to come out again, although she had woken up and sat on the bed zoned out staring at the door. Her limbs aching with laziness or exhaustion she didn't know. Finally she got up, walking towards the bathroom to freshen up.

Coming out she laid down the bedspread and started praying, her body laid in prostration, she mumbled all the duas she knew, hoping to find solace and once again just like that she slipped into the never ending cycle of sleep that her tormented mind demanded.

This time she was woken up, with an uncharacteristically loud knock on the door, followed by a familiar male voice.
"Fidah, come out."

Jolting up from her makeshift prayer mat, she lethargically walked towards the door rubbing her eyes.
"I am not hungry."

"I didn't ask you if you were hungry. Come out. You have been in the room, since the whole of yesterday." His voice from the other side of the door was rough, causing Fidah's eyes to widen in shock. She had slept a whole day?!

"I..I will come out, give me a minute, please." Muttering loudly, she hurriedly splashed water onto her face, that had started to resemble a drug addicts, sunken dead eyes, chapped lips, pale skin. Wrapping the shawl that she had with herself loosely, she pulled at her clothes trying to straighten out the wrinkles but the cotton that the nurse had lended her refused to straighten. Sighing loudly, she finally walked out.

Moving through the corridor she walked to the living room that was connected to the kitchen, a small dining table in between. On one of the chairs sat Zarrar Hamidi, the man who had given her refuge, reading a newspaper. His glasses sat straight on his nubian nose, hair gelled back to perfection and a black three piece suit only added to his model like persona. A stark contrast to her beggar like appearance.

Seeing her coming he motioned her to take a seat adjacent to him, which she obeyed, eyes cast down.

"I presume you were sleeping the previous two times when Basim came to call you." He questioned, keeping the newspaper aside.

Fidah simply nodded her head feeling embarrassed, her hands shuffling in her lap.

"Basim, bring in the breakfast please." He announced, followed by which a man in his early twenties, no older than twenty-two walked in carrying two plates containing toast, parathas and omelettes.

"This is Basim, he works here part time, he monitors the cleaning lady when she comes and he also cooks so let him know of whatever you want to eat." Zarrar said, tilting his chin in the boy's direction. He gave Fidah a genuine smile, which she managed to return with a small one of her own.

She later stared at the food in astonishment, although she was hungry her mouth refused to open, a bitter taste filling her senses.

"Is the food not to your liking?" Came his question when he saw her not touching anything on the table.

She merely shook her head negatively, gulping down the bile that was forcing to arise past her throat. Zarrar, poured a glass of what seemed like apple juice and pushed it towards her, before taking a plate and filling it up with a paratha and a piece of masala omelette.

"Eat..Stop thinking so much."

Picking up the glass of juice reluctantly Fidah slowly began sipping on the juice her parched throat finding relief. She soon began eating normally, the nervousness faded as she took small bites of the food.

"I won't be there throughout the day, so make yourself at home. Basim leaves at around 4, so you will have the place to yourself." Zarrar announced, relieved that she was atleast eating something, getting up he dusted his pants.

Fidah hurriedly chewed on the paratha that was in her mouth and blurted out the question that was troubling her.
"Why are you helping me?"

Zarrar froze for a second before he slowly turned around meeting her gaze. Her hazel eyes against his grey ones.
"You said you didn't have anywhere you could go and you are my responsibility now."

Fidah visibly flinched at the mention of responsibility, he was referring to their forced marriage. She hated being this to him. He didn't deserve this.

"Responsibilities don't take much time before becoming burdens." She whispered ever so meekly, her voice almost broken. He could've easily missed it but he didn't.

Clutching his fists tight, he turned around, his jaw taut as frustration bubbled within him. He didn't want her to fuss over anything. It freaked his insides out when she seemed troubled and disoriented.
"I am not the kind of man that lets his responsibilities turn to burdens." Saying this he walked away, leaving behind Fidah with a mind full of jumbled thoughts.

_____

The rest of the day Fidah spent holed up in the room. Staring into spaces, mulling over her fate and pondering on everything that had gone wrong. Soon enough, Basim came knocking at her door and asked her to come for lunch. He had prepared an extravagant meal of chicken biryani, kebabs and sweet dishes.

"You didn't have to prepare so much food for just me.." She mumbled as she sat at the dining table still thoroughly dazed at the amount of food before her.

"Why not, Baji? Zarrar Sahab has given me specific instructions to feed you well." Basim answered, scooping in a little biryani rice on her plate.

"Oh.." Fidah's cheeks flushed pink as she bowed her head, her senses absorbing the scrumptious smell. "Will you not be eating?"

"No no, I will eat later."

Nodding slightly, she pinched the grains of rice within her fingers and began eating, the taste melting in her mouth. She barely held back a moan of euphoria.

"It's good right?" An over enthusiastic Basim chimed in, leaning against the counter near the kitchen, as he wiped out the plates dry. "It's my sister's recipe."

"It's really good. Your sister is surely blessed." Fidah manage to smile properly for the first time, as she scooped up more rice.

"That she is.." Basim chuckled lightly and continued making small talk with Fidah whilst she ate. She didn't mind it at all though, her entire life she had craved company, her meals were usually spent alone in odious silences back home, this change was nice. She appreciated it.

She got to know Basim was infact only twenty one and was pursuing his degree in engineering. He was the youngest brother of two older sisters and his father used to work for Zarrar as a caretaker before, but since he had fallen ill due to Alzheimer's, Basim had taken up the job, albeit part-time.

She enjoyed Basim's company, he wasn't intrusive. It took her mind off a lot of things, she had to admit she was a little sad when it was time for him to leave.

"Baji, you can use the landline to make calls, the tv is hooked up with all the latest ott platforms and you will just have to reheat the dinner when you feel hungry." He instructed for the nth time, checking his watch.

"Yes, Basim. Thank you." Fidah simply smiled standing at the foot of the entrance.

"Take care, Zarrar Sahab comes late usually so don't wait up. Khuda Hafiz."Saying this he bid her bye before leaving.

Fidah walked to the couch, reclining back on it as she switched on the tv, playing a random sitcom.
Despite being in a stranger's house this was the most at home she had felt in years. It hadn't been even a whole day. Her mind wasn't throwing caution at anything, it was numb.

What will her relationship with Zarrar Hamidi become now? Does he even want to continue this forced marriage? How was Ashraf Hamidi related to her Father? What would've happened to Laiq? Her Uncle definitely wouldn't have let it go easily.

Switching off the tv in a few minutes, she reached out to the landline, her fingers slowly dialling Reem's number. She had no hope for Reem to pick up her call, but she desperately wanted to try.

"Hello?" Her best friend's confused voice picked up the call much sooner than she had anticipated.

"Reem.." Fidah voice wobbled back, despair clouding her being.

"Fidah! Where are you? Are you safe?"

"I am. How is Laiq? How are you?"

"Laiq got married, Fidah.." Reem's unsure voice sounded back.

"Ohh.." She expected more than this, her uncle wasn't kind, especially when his reputation was at stake. This was the least that could've happened.
"Is he okay with it?"

"I don't know. It was so sudden, Raahil Durrani married him off to an associate's daughter. She is a widow."

Fidah was tied down wordless, how many lives was this man going to destroy? Was his thirst for power and money so supreme that he was okay with ruining everything?

"How are you? Where are you, Fidah? I will come get you."

That is when the dam broke loose, Fidah found herself articulating into words whatever she had gone through, she didn't hide anything. Everything except her peculiarly forced marriage.
"Meri Jaan, tell me where you are. I will come to you. Mujhe tasalli hi ho jayegi."

(I will be at peace atleast then.)

"Not now, I will call you soon. I promise." Fidah's heart refused to let Reem drag herself into her messed up life. Her best friend was too naive to be a part of whatever was going on.

After ending the call, Fidah lazed around the unfamiliar house. Zarrar seemed like he was quite well off and didn't lack anything in materialistic comforts. That's when it struck her! What if he was already committed or married? Was she going to become the unwanted mistress? He seemed old enough to be married didn't he?
____

It was eight thirty in the night when Zarrar stepped inside his penthouse, it was quite early than his usual time of return. The idea of leaving Fidah all alone during the night didn't sit well with him and given how anguished she had been it only added to his worries. He wanted her to go back to being normal, he didn't know what her normal was, but it definitely wasn't this. His entire mind was hyper-fixated on her the entire day. She was his wife now, and he was accountable to keep her safe and happy until she wanted even though there was no emotional attachment till now. He would help her until she wanted him to.

The house was eerily silent like it had always been no sign of existence of another resident in the house. Keeping his wallet and watch in his room, he knocked at her door, hoping to talk out everything that was still unspoken between them. But there was no answer from the other side. He continued knocking and called out her name but yet again no reply. Finally putting his hand on the handle he opened the room to find it empty with a neatly made bed.

Rubbing his forehead in restlessness, he surveyed through the house trying to find her. Did she go away? He hoped that she hadn't, not atleast without letting him know.

He heaved a sigh of relief when he saw her sitting on the swing in the balcony. It had started drizzling lightly, the small rain drops kissed her skin in the most tenderest ways possible. The moon lay in the background admiring her beauty just like he was doing. It reminded him of the first time he had seen her at her father's funeral. The time when all the ladies around him were questioning her future, when he himself wanted nothing more than to protect her. He didn't know why back then, but today he seemed to have gotten all his answers, an epiphany of sorts. He wasn't as religious as he liked to believe but in that moment, it felt like Allah had written his name beside her. Zarrar Hamidi and Fidah Mahmoud.

For once he believed he was capable of some kind of love, a carnal need that plagued him to hold her tightly in his arms, to protect her from everything and anyone that hurts her. Finally tearing his eyes away from her, he walked back to his room, taking a tshirt and sweatpants from his wardrobe he placed them on her bed, along with a few towels. All the while a smile so breathtaking on his face that one would assume Zarrar Hamidi was showing signs of a person falling deeply in love.

hum bohot aage ka sochte gaye,
par sochte sochte ye bhul gaye
ke humari kismat to likhi hui hai kab se

•••

a/n

hii guyss!

I hope all of you are doing well. I hope your ramadan so far is filled with blessings and more.

Did you like the chapter? It was nothing like the old one, i am aware, but according to the poll i conducted on Instagram you guys wanted to see more chemistry between #Firrar so here it is!

It is slowly but surely developing, also i know Fidah Jaan's emotions are all over the place but she will come around.

There are also going to be a handful of new characters introduced so ya that is also there.

I am also debating on changing the name of this book. Would you all want that?
I will also try to update regularly or atleast once or twice in a month, so for that i need your support, i would really really appreciate if you commented and voted.

Thank you for reading guys!
Love you
~ flawfully