•| grief |•

•••
jeena muhaal hai, esa khayaal hai
jeena filhal hai, kal par sawaal hai 
•••

Huddled up together two people spoke in hushed voices as they eyed the forsaken letter that had the last imprint of the dead man. The letter was meant to be delivered to Fidah, but the contents of it were surely alarming to say the least.

"Laiq, we simply can't give it to her now. She isn't emotionally stable." Reem exclaimed frustrated as she threw her hands in the air exasperated at the older man.

"Reem, samaj ne ki koshish karo. Ye Khalu ki aakhri nishani hain. Fidah ki amanat. Hum usse ye kaise chupa sakte hai. She deserves to know." The man, Laiq Abdullah Durrani. Fidah's maternal cousin coaxed.

(Try understanding. This is the last memento from Uncle. Fidah's Tutelage. How can we hide this from her?)

"Mujhe kuch samajhna nahi hai. Kuch to ghairat karlo, uski halat theek nahi hai." Reem asserted, not paying heed to any of his words.

(I don't want to understand anything. Have some shame, she's don't in her right mind.)

Sighing, Laiq motioned towards the maid asking her to call Fidah for dinner. 

Grief comes in waves, at first they are so strong you feel so swept away. They come at such random moments, replacing a feeling of normalcy with those familiar tears. It had been five days since the passing away of her Baba and Fidah was a living corpse. Even though for the most part of her life her father was away because of being in the army, the thought of not being able to spend those few precious moments again with him brought indescribable grief to her soul. Her only Waalid was gone. Would she even be able to go back to her usual sane routine?

"Fidah Baaji?" The maid, Rushna, called out knocking on the door.

Fidah's swollen eyes drifted towards her for a moment's time before she went back to staring at empty space.

"Baaji, Chote saab aap ko khane ke liye bula rahe." 

(Sister, Sir is calling you for eating.)

"Mujhe nahi khana, Rushna." Fidah mumbled burying her head between her knees.

(I don't want to eat.)

"Baaji aese kab tak chalega, aapki tabiyat bigar jayegi." The young maid pleaded looking at her mistress in pity.

(How long will you go on like this? You'll spoil your health.)

Just then, Laiq entered the room dismissing the girl and closing the door behind him.

"Tumhara kya marne ka irada hai? Kyu khana nahi kha rahi?"

(Have you planned to die? Why aren't you eating?)

Fidah jerked her head up in an instant as she heard her cousin's familiar voice. She had last seen him on the day of her Baba's funeral. He had done all the arrangements for the Janazah but after that he hadn't shown his face until today.

"Why are you concerned about my wellbeing now?"

Laiq's face froze in an instant as he fisted his palms that lay to his sides tightly.

"Kuch zaroori kaam the, mashroof ho gaya tha. Maaf kardo." 

(Some important work was there, I became busy. Forgive me.)

"Apni behen se bhi zyada?" Fidah, accused as Laiq made his way towards her and stood by the foot of the bed.

(More than your sister?)

He shook his head dejectedly as he leaned against the frame of her bed.
"Mujhe tumhari halat dekh kar rona aa jaana tha aur mein rone lagta to tum mujh par has padti." 

(I would've started crying after seeing your condition and seeing me cry you would've laughed.)

A small smile threatened to spread at her lips as she gazed up at him,"Gazab kisam ke jhoote ho aap, Laiq Abdullah." 

(Another type of liar you are, Laiq Abdullah.)

It was a running joke between the two of them because to Fidah seeing Laiq cry would always make her laugh. It was this trigger-stimulus.

"Aur tum to badi shareef hona?" He said, raising a perfect eyebrow.

(An you are a saint, no?)

"Aap se to behtar hoon." She exclaimed, scrunching her eyes at him.

(I am better than you.)

Rolling his eyes at her, he leaned away from the bed frame.
"Chalo apna chehra theek karlo aur izzat se aao dinner ke liye." 

(Go fix your face and respectfully come for dinner.)

Fidah gulped as bile rose in her throat at the mention of food, every time she ate her father's lifeless face came into her vision. She couldn't even chew after that.
She opened her mouth in protest but one swift glare from the man closed her shut.

Laiq was her maternal cousin and even after being only four years older than her he asserted authority like he owned everything. Laiq and her were very close, he was the brother she never had. They shared everything from diapers to secrets so it was only plausible of Fidah to expect him to be there when she needed him, that's why his absence angered her.

Sighing already tired, she walked inside the washroom and sprayed some water on her face before draping a shawl over her head and walking out.

As soon as she entered the dining hall, she was met with the sight of Laiq and Reem engaged in a heated discussion. As soon as they saw her they zipped their mouths shut.

They were definitely hiding something from her that much she knew for sure, but she didn't have it in herself to satisfy her curiosity right now so she left it at them, if it was anything concerning her she would come to know of it sooner or later because both her cousin and best friend were not the best with secrets.

"Eat." Laiq commanded as he placed two pieces of naan on her plate and poured some piping hot chicken karahi beside it.

The familiar bitter feeling settled in her mouth as she eyed the food with distaste, Fidah could imagine her father staring at her pointedly because he hated when someone acted all snobbish around rizq, food. 

Swallowing audibly she tore a piece of the naan and placed it in her mouth, she paused for a moment as if trying to calm herself down before she started chewing slowly.

Just then another familiar voice came from behind her causing her to stop chewing once again, the naan feeling like rubber in her mouth.

"Aah, Fidah Jaan. Mera Bahadur baccha. Allah tumhe taaqat de." Her Mamu Jaan, Laiq's father, expressed his condolences as he placed his hand on her head, coming into vision.

(My strong child. May god give you strength.)

Fidah managed to give out a small smile as she saw him take a seat adjacent to her.

"Thank you for coming, Mamu Jaan." 

Much like his son, Fidah was never really close with her mother's brother. He was rarely even around like her own father. He was a well renowned politician so he was always busy. Both Laiq and Fidah were initially raised by Laiq's mother, her Mami Jaan, and then when she passed away it was their Dado and Nano respectively who took care of them.

"Arey, kis cheez ka thank you?" He said dismissively as he waved his hand in the air."How are you holding up, bacche?" 

"Quite alright, the loss is still fresh so.." Fidah trailed as tears started clouding her eyes.

He nodded his head as if understanding every word that was leaving her mouth, but Fidah was familiar with this expression since the past few days. All of them acted as if they understood her pain, but in reality they only pitied and sympathized, which was never enough. It only infuriated her pain and grief more than it already was.

"I have to talk about something important with you. I know it might not seem appropriate at this---" The man began but Laiq cut him off.

"Baba. Please do not do this now. She's eating, at least, usi ka kuch lehaaz karlein." This caused the older man to shoot an underlying glare towards his son while Laiq clenched his jaw clearly not happy with what was happening.

"Of course, of course. Bacche, finish your dinner then we'll talk." Saying this he got up and took out his phone before walking out.

Fidah looked over at Laiq questioningly but he was avoiding her gaze like she was some contagious disease.

Reem sensing the tension quickly interjected. "Chalo meri jaan, Shabash apna khana khatam karo."

( Come on, my love. Finish you food.)

Fidah looked at the insipid food with a frown before she started chowing down on the naan.
Few minutes later, Reem got up saying she was leaving as it was quite late. 

"Will you be alright?" 
Fidah nodded her head as she chewed at the last piece of naan in her mouth.

"How are you going to go?" Laiq questioned as he placed his phone on the table.

"Maaz has come to pick me. He's outside." Reem replied as she texted something on her phone. Maaz was her fiance.

"Accha, meri jaan. Khayal rakhna, I'll try coming by tomorrow. Khuda Hafiz." Reem murmured softly as she kissed Fidah's head and shot Laiq a pointed look which didn't go unnoticed by Fidah.

After she left, Fidah and Laiq also got up and headed towards the living room where her Mamu Jaan was seated with one leg on top of the other before asking the maid to clean the table.

"Come sit." He smiled warmly as he made her sit on the couch beside him.

"Jee, Mamu Jaan?" Fidah questioned, utterly puzzled as to what was happening.

"See, bacche. I want the absolute best for you and so did your father so I will don't beat behind the bush." He paused assessing her face, when she slightly nodded her head he continued one again," A few months before your father, Rashid Bhaijaan passed away, may his soul rest in peace. We had a discussion."

This caused a frown to take over Fidah's face but he continued nonetheless.

"He expressed his concern about you and what would happen to you if he passed away. And later than that, he suggested that he wishes to see you married to my Laiq when he returns from deployment this time around." 

A gasp escaped from both Laiq and Fidah's mouth alike as they gaped at what the shrewd man was saying.

"Baba--" Laiq began in anger but his father raised his forefinger towards him still eyeing Fidah. This surprisingly seemed to silence Laiq up.

"Dekho Fidah Jaan, badi suljhi hui baat hai. Ye tumhare marhoom Baba ki aakhri khwahish thi isliye maine tumhe ye bataya hai. Mein to bas ek zariya hoon. Baaki sab to tumhari ijazat ke baghair kuch nahi hoga." 

(See my dear, it's a very simple thing. This was your dead father's last wish that is why I am informing you this. I am only a messenger, pathway. And the rest will not happen without your consent.)

Fidah managed to give him a nod while she comprehended this sudden revelation.

"Aaram se soch samajh ke faisla lena, baaki to mujhe yakeen hai aap samajdaar bacchi hai jo bhi aap ka jawab hoga wo sahi hoga" Saying this he got up placing his hand on her head and walked out of the living room, Laiq's fury was unmatchable at this point as he glared daggers at his father before storming out behind him.

(Think about it calmly and come to a decision. The rest I know you are a smart kid whatever you decide will be correct.)

Laiq's reaction clearly showed that even he wasn't aware of this revelation. Fidah remained motionless as her eyes strayed towards family photos that hung on the nearest wall. It was a photo where she was wrapped under her Baba's arm in her graduation dress and her doctorate in hand while her father beamed with inimitable pride. She remembered how he had proudly exclaimed, "aise lag raha hai ki ye meri graduation ho rahi hai. Maine kaha tha na Fidah jaana, khuda par bharosa rakho, wo apne bandon ko itna hi aazmata hai jitna wo seh sakenge" 

(It feels like I am graduating. I told you remember, Have faith in God, he doesn't burden a soul more than it can bear.)

At that time it was just a mere phrase and she hadn't given it much thought, because she was so exhausted from studying that at one point she wanted to quit everything but that was what her Baba had said to reassure her.

A small smile played at her lips as tears brimmed in her eyes, threatening to fall out. Why would her Baba even think of something like that? He knew her and Laiq loved each other like siblings.

Kya Tabeer kiya tha aapne Baba? Mujhe aisi azmaish mein kyu tabdeel kiya jaa raha hai. Jise humesha bhai maana usi se shaadi karwane ka irada kyu kiya aapne?

(What did you plan? Why are you presenting me with such a trial? Who I have always considered a brother, you decided to marry me off to him?)

Everything seemed to be a blur now as only one thing played itself in her head.
"khuda par bharosa rakho, wo apne bandon ko itna hi aazmata hai jitna wo seh sakenge"

(Have faith in God, he doesn't burden a soul more than it can bear.)

That actually seemed to provide her with a little hope amidst her fogging future.

•••

As the cold night tucked under a woollen dove-grey sky two men sharing striking resemblance stood arguing in loud voices.

"You can't do this.This is low, even for you." The younger man, screamed.

"I definitely can and you will do as I say. This is your only chance to prove your worth of being called the son of Raahil Abdullah Durrani." The older man replied calmly.

"To hell with being called your son. Ghin aati hai mujhe aapse. I am going to tell Fidah all the truth." 

( I feel disgusted by you.)

"Ye harami pan, ye aag, ye josh, apne baap ke khilaf jaana, ye sab us do takke ki ladki ke liye? Kya karoge, jab ye tumhari bewakoofi ki sazaa us ladki ki jaan se leni padegi?" The man tsked as he smirked through the darkness.

(This immorality, this fire, these patriotic emotions, going against your own father, all this just for that two rupee girl? What will you do when this foolishness of yours costs that girl's life?)

"YOU WOULDN'T DARE! USKI ISME KOI GALTI NAHI HAI." Laiq thundered, as he leaped forward grabbing his father by the collar.

(This isn't any of her mistake!)

"Uski galti hai ya nahi uska faisla mujhe karne do. Par ek baat kaan khol ke sunlo, tumhari ek na farmani se uski jaan ko khatra hai." His father, gave him a crooked grin as Laiq loosened his hands.

(It's her fault or not, let me be the judge of that. But listen to this one thing clearly, your disobedience will be a threat to her life.)

"Ek marhoom ke naam ka galat istemal karke aap haram ka lalach paal rahe hai." Laiq was dejected, as he realised his father would move earth and sky to kill Fidah if he rejected the preposition.

(Using a dead man's name you are birthing a forbidden pride.)

"Ye siyasat he, bacche. Isme mein murda, marhoom, zinda, sab ka ek hi mazhab hai. Paisa." Saying this the man walked away drunk with immense power, like he owned the world. And Laiq knew by no doubt, all that was going to come from this was tabaahi, zawaal, barbadi. Ruination.

(This is politics, kid. In this dead or alive all have only one religion. Money.)

•••

a/n

Hellooo!! Yes, I am alive!

How did you find the chapter?

Will Fidah agree to marry Laiq?

Also, for the old readers no spoilers please! Like I said the whole story is changed so nothing is going to remain the same.

Next chapter, someone new is going to make an entrance *wink wink*

So stick around even though I update slower than a snail.;)))

Alsoo, do let me know how you find the new cover and description.

Please do leave your precious feedback!

Stay safe
Byee
~flawfully