Why. Am. I. So. Stupid? Seriously? Why do I have to kiss her back? Why do I have to be so weak and fall in her game so easily? Why can’t I be consequent? But what’s worse, why do I have to enjoy it so much? Damn you, Kay! I hate you so much for making me feel like this, for making me swallow my own words all the time, for scaring me with your words, for making me want you when you touch me.

What if I get a restraining order?

“Ugh!”

Stupid Louis. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Weak. Stupid!

I bang my head against the wall —not hard, of course, I’m not that stupid— with each word, and I do mumble them, with my teeth gritted. I haven’t even gone to my room, I’m just in the empty hall, banging my forehead because I hate myself for being weak, for hugging and kissing her back, for holding her. And for wanting more! Because, goddammit! I want to go back there and kiss her again, because I did enjoy that night together and because even when I want to forget about it, when I want to regret every single minute, I can’t. And she doesn’t make it easier!

How am I supposed to forget what happened between us if she is constantly reminding me of that night? Kissing me, touching me, whispering in my ear, telling me how much she enjoyed it. How can I forget about that night when she keeps telling me how much she thinks about that and how she wants to repeat it? I fight the flashbacks, but I’m just a man, I can’t be that strong.

“Ugh!” I groan again, with another bang against the wall with my forehead.

“Louis?” a deep voice asks and I freeze, closing my eyes tightly because I’ve been caught acting weird… again. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just hating myself, you know? What about you, Harry?” I reply, trying to act normal, getting away from the wall. He looks confused but kind of amused and I would like to know what’s going through his mind.

“Your forehead is red… for how long have you been doing that and why? If you don’t mind me asking,” Harry speaks and I sigh, rubbing my hand on my forehead. It hurts, I just realise that now.

“A while… I just did something stupid, that’s all.” He cocks his head to the right, as his smile grows wider. “I had to punish my brain cells, you know.”

Harry laughs at my statement but doesn’t ask further, instead he approaches and wraps his arm around my shoulder. “I missed your stupid comments. Anyways, may I do something to help? To punish your brain cells?” he asks looking at me seriously and I pretend to think about it, which makes him laugh harder. “You can always tell me what happened, you know right?”

I sigh. I guess I could tell him and maybe he could help me. He’s my best friend, after all. Maybe he knows why I’m doing these stupid things and why I act like this with Kay. Maybe he could even help me to figure her out, but I’m not really sure how to explain everything. All these events are still in a messy nest in my mind, and I can’t even begin to untangle the parts because it gives me headache.

“If you can keep my mind away from this for an hour, I’d be forever grateful. Five-ever grateful,” I tell him and he chuckles again.

“Considering I don’t even know what ‘this’ is, I shall try. What if we go outside and give some heart attacks to German fans?” he proposes but I hesitate.

First: fans, which means mostly girls, and I’m not fond of girls. Second: if they see Harry and I together, all the rumours will start again and since Eleanor and I broke up, the fans have been even more annoying about the whole topic. If they see us hanging out, they will start crying and saying that we are finally together and they will say mean things to Hannah and Harry will get upset and hurt. Not a good idea.

“Let’s avoid rumours,” I say, only thinking of what’s best for both. “We can mess with Paul.”

“Lou, I don’t mind if they believe we’re more than friends. I know I love Hannah and that you’re my best mate. Plus, I miss spending time with you and I hate we don’t anymore because some people fantasise with things that will never happen in this world. I know we took it too far at the beginning, but I miss those times. We had so much fun. Do you remember?” he tells me and I feel the nostalgia attacking me.

I do remember those times, when we met, when we were always together, laughing, messing with each other, joking. Those were fun times, easier times. When we messed about being more than friends, but people started to actually believe that and took it to another extreme level and we had to stop. We couldn’t make jokes about that anymore, we had to be away from the other to protect ourselves and to protect those we loved. I had to do it to protect Eleanor, I had to stay away from my best mate to protect her, yet she still left me.

“I do miss those times, too,” I confess and Harry hugs me tighter for a second.

“I’ve missed my best mate,” he says and I know he means more than what we had to do to keep the Larry shippers under control and protect our loved ones.

I know he means how much I’ve changed since Eleanor dumped me, how I pushed everyone away and threw a pity party. And I’ve missed him, too, all of them, but when they look at me I only see how they want me to move on and leave this behind, to be the old Louis instead of just letting me be, I feel more frustrated. But today Harry is treating me like he always did, like he used to do. He is not looking at me with pity, he is just laughing at the things I do. Like in the old times. And that’s what I wanted, even if I didn’t know it.

“Screw the shippers. Let’s go have fun and throw Niall’s socks at them. I bet they’ll go ballistic,” I laugh at the idea as I imagine it.

“Let’s do it!” I agree and Harry laughs. “You distract Niall and I’ll take all the socks. And snapbacks! I bet he will cry.”

“You and your evil mind. Okay, meet you in my room. My balcony leads to the street and you can see all the fans,” Harry agrees and like that, we set the plan in motion.

Harry distracts Niall, telling him of this guy he saw hitting on Alex, so Niall leaves —not without his sandwich, of course— and I sneak into his room, grabbing his bag and pulling all the socks in there and all the snapbacks I can find. These girls will be so grateful, and I bet more than one will sell these things on eBay and get rich. I should do that… nah, I already have enough. Let’s have fun seeing them going crazy, trying to kill each other to get a hold on one of these items.

Once I finish, I leave a note telling Niall that if he wants his socks back, he’ll have to ask for them in the concert tomorrow, because the fans will have them. And I write a PS telling him that his snapbacks have been captured, too.

Chuckling, I go to Harry’s room and he is already there, laughing when he sees me with the bag. “Ready?” he asks and I nod, really excited to see the fans’ reaction to this.

We open the window and step into the balcony and we’re greeted by screaming fans that get so loud when they see us. We wave and smile and we realise that if we speak, they can’t hear us, so Harry runs into the room, grabs paper and a pen and writes down “Niall’s socks” and “Niall’s snapbacks.” And then another with “Enjoy!” and then he shows those signs to the fans, who start screaming louder and louder, jumping and shaking one another. Harry and I laugh at them and their excitement. It is so amusing to see them like this.

I open the bag and with Harry we start throwing the socks at them. I’m not lying when I say riots arise in the mob. They actually start fighting trying to grab one of the pair of socks and when we throw the snapbacks, I get actually scared. If one day one of us gets really trapped in one of those mobs, we wouldn’t make it alive. They wouldn’t stop until they get a piece of us.

Holy shit, these girls are scary.

We run inside once we throw everything, giggling and with expressions of sheer incredulity. We’ve caused riots and I think I heard the police coming.

Oops.

“Man, they are scary,” Harry laughs and I nod in agreement. We burst out laughing as we can still hear the fans screaming out loud. I think I hear them chanting Larry, but we ignore them. It was fun to throw at them Niall’s belongings. “Next we should try with something of Zayn.” I laugh even harder at the idea; that would be absolutely hilarious.

Once we calm down a bit, I look at Harry with a smile, glad that we did this. “Thank you, Harry. I’m glad that you’re not looking at me with pity anymore,” I tell him and he smiles at me.

“Kay talked to me,” he replies and I tense, and he notices that because he chuckles. “She talked to all of us before, when you were in your room.” I look away not comfortable with this topic. How is that I always end up talking or thinking of Kay? “She told us to let you be. She said that she knew we only wanted you to get better, but pushing you like we were doing was only going to frustrate you more. She told us to treat you like we normally do because that was going to help. I guess she was right,” he explains and I look at him again and he looks so pleased this time.

I can’t believe Kay actually got what I’ve been wanting all this time. I’ve tried to make them understand that I just need time, but they couldn’t understand. Yet she made them, she got them to leave me alone with this problem and just treat me like they used to. I— I can’t believe she did that for me.

“You know, she cares a lot for you. I’m impressed. If you decide to ever date someone again, I approve of Kay. I like her for you. That would be a fun relationship,” he laughs casually, not knowing what his words cause in me. He is not pushing me to date again, he says if I decide, totally up to me. But then he speaks of a possible relationship with Kay, what she wants, what she told me she is pursuing, and I don’t really know how to feel. “Anyways. What do you think Niall will do when he finds out?” Harry asks and I’m grateful he drops the topic and forces me to think of something else.

“He will ask Alex to hurt us, that’s for sure,” I answer and Harry bursts out laughing, clenching at his sides although it is not that funny. “We’re lucky Moni is not here, otherwise we should have to really worry about the consequences.”

“True that,” I agree, knowing that girl is something to be scare of. “Can you imagine Niall asking for his socks in the concert?” I wonder and Harry laughs again.

“Why didn’t we do this before?”

“I have no idea. Let’s wait he buys new socks and we can do it again!” We both laugh this time but stop in the exact moment when he hear a scream.

“LOUIS!!”

“Oops, I think he already found out about the prank,” I tell Harry and he laughs. “Time to face the little leprechaun,” I sing right in the moment when someone bangs at the door. Yup, he is here. “We could throw him to the fans, too, you know,” I muse as Niall keeps banging and shouting.

“I KNOW YOU’RE THERE! WHAT DID YOU DO?!”

“Harry helped!” I confess shouting as well and Harry smacks my arm. “What? It was your idea. Now face the consequences like a man.”

Harry laughs and we stand up, facing the door. Niall can’t get in, but we can’t get out either. Eventually, we’ll have to open that door. And I’m sure Niall will be waiting. He loves his snapbacks.

“If I call Alex wife again, do you think she would help us out?” I ponder out loud and Harry shrugs.

“It may help. We have to survive the rage of the Leprechaun.”

Cue to his words, I take off my mobile and call Alex, who picks up very confused. I haven’t done this in a long time and it feels weird, but I have to try. “Wify, I need your help. Niall went green. Hulk-green, not clover-green. Save us!”

I hear her giggling before she actually replies. “I’m on my way, husband!"

It worked!