So Liam is not coming to the meeting and later, he calls and tells us that he can’t go to Germany with us. Yes, we all reacted the same way: What the fuck?! Liam is the most responsible one, the one who is always on time and ready to go with the next appointment, the one that complains the least and the one who never lets anyone down. And he is not coming with us?

“You just can’t do that, Liam,” Jeannine, one of Management group tells him as she is talking over the speaker with all of us, including Management. Yeah, they are not pleased either. “You have responsibilities. You just can’t ditch us for a girl.”

“It’s not just because of Tammy!” he protests and my eyes widen. Liam never yells at Management, but since he met Tammy, he is not afraid of saying no when he doesn’t agree. “Ray got beaten up, he is in the hospital right now, in a very delicate state. I can’t leave him without knowing he is okay. And I need to stay with Tammy! She is not okay either, she needs me. This is important to me and I know the lads can manage a few days without me.”

We look at each other, not pleased with the idea of Liam staying behind, but if Ray is as bad as he makes it look like, then he has to stay. That poor kid… in the hospital. Ray is one of the kids of the charity we went to, You Matter. Liam has told us about him and for what we know, Tammy is the closest to the boy. I can imagine how terribly she must be taking this. Even I feel sorry for her.

“We can do it,” Zayn says before anyone else can speak. “You make sure Ray is okay. Tell him we’ll see him as soon as possible.”

“Yeah, mate. You just make sure he is okay,” Niall agrees and soon Harry and I join in the statement. Management are glaring daggers at us, but I just look at them defiantly. If Liam needs to stay, even if it were only for Tammy, if he feels he has to stay and it’s important for him, we’ll stand up for him, because we’re not only band mates, we’re best friends and that’s what best friends do.

“One week,” George, another from Management group says. “You can only stay one week. You’ll miss Germany, but you have to meet them in France.”

“Deal,” Liam agrees. “I’ll see you around, I have to go back.”

“Tell Ray we say hi!” Harry shouts before Liam can hang up.

“Take care of Tammy!” Niall adds.

“Don’t eat the food from the hospital!” I say because I have no idea of what else to add. Everyone looks at me with surprised expressions. “What? It’s awful.”

I hear Liam chuckle and the lads smile at me, then we finally say goodbye and face Management. They really look pissed. “Your fans will be so angry for this,” Jeannine mutters pinching the bridge of her nose. “I just hope they understand why he is staying behind.”

“They will,” Harry intervenes. “They are great, I’m sure they will.”

I don’t say anything, instead I bite my tongue because I know not all our fans are sensible enough to understand why Liam is staying behind. I just know it’s important for him, but he didn’t explain much what happened to Ray and why Tammy needs him right now. That’s the most bizarre thing ever. I would’ve never imagined that Tammy would need someone, and certainly not Liam. But well, life surprises you all the time.

“We’ll have to make new changes. We’ll let you all know first thing in the morning tomorrow. For now, you may leave. We’ll see you all tomorrow here, please be punctual and don’t forget anything this time,” Jeannine instructs us and we nod. After that, they leave and we stay in the meeting room a few minutes.

“What do you think happened?” Niall asks, his eyes showing concern. “You think Ray got in a fight and Tammy tried to save him and that’s why she is bad as well?”

“I dunno,” Harry answers with a confused look. “I just hope he is fine. Liam sounded so worried.”

Zayn and I nod, because we also perceived the strangled note in Liam’s voice, the urge in his words and the fear in his tone. Whatever happened, it’s so terrible that Liam has put his job aside. For Liam the band is not only his job, it’s his life and his number one priority. So this is big, probably more than what we can imagine and even if none of us actually likes Tammy, we know Liam cares about her and it’s his life at the end. I still think he is an idiot, but I can’t save him from his own stupidity.

After that, we all leave to get ready for tomorrow. Next destination: Germany. I’m really excited, I love visiting different countries, different cultures and seeing so many people, wanting to meet us. But what makes me wary is that Kay is going to be there. I know she is still working on the documentary. She hasn’t showed us anything yet, but she has a lot of material and she had a meeting with Management while I was with Mum —that’s what Jeannine told us— and that it’s going great. They are more than pleased with her work, even if it’s not completed yet.

How am I supposed to be around her if she keeps reminding me of what happened? I have enough with the flashes my mind playing before my eyes. I don’t need her to remind me what I can’t delete, even if I try. It’s too vivid in my head, the way she felt under my body, how my hands memorised every part of her, how her lips and skin tasted as I kept hearing her saying my name.

I shake my head desperately, trying to get rid of the images again, but they haunt me like ghosts. I know the rest of the tour will be so awkward and I’m kind of afraid of what Kay may do. I wish I could honestly regret about what happened, but a part of me, a strong part of me won’t let me because all of me knows that I enjoyed it. Still, I can’t let that happened again, even if I want to, even if she tempts me. I can’t be that weak, I can’t really trust her. Because the moment I trust her and follow her game, I’m in danger of caring about her and then I’d be disappointed when she leaves, when she finds someone better. I won’t give Kay the power to break me like Eleanor did, and for that reason, I can’t give in.

Oh man, it’s going to be hard.

+ + + + +

Management tried to convince Liam to follow the schedule and go to Germany with us, but it was useless. Liam refused roundly, saying that staying this is what he has and wants to do and no one will tell him otherwise, nor even Tammy. Apparently she didn’t take nicely that he is staying either. Tammy is a very responsible girl when it comes to her career. I know it’s weird to say it, considering the type of person she is, but she takes this as seriously as Liam does, which is a lot.

We asked Liam what happened. He called last night to explain things and put everyone at ease before leaving again. He said Tammy had left the bathroom so he had to go. Apparently, he’s staying over at her place. Yes, that still sounds weird, no matter how many times I say that. He told us that Ray’s father beaten him up until the kid was unconscious. A neighbour called the police, the man now is in custody waiting for the trial, but he will most likely stay there. As for Ray, he is doing better, still very, very injured, but that’s the minor problem now. He is getting into the system, which means he will be taken away to somewhere he doesn’t know, waiting for a family to take care of him or something else. Liam and Tammy are trying to help so he can stay, at least, in You Matter, but things don’t look pretty and that has Tammy in a mess, that’s why she needs him. Or at least, that’s what he told us. We made him promise that he would send our love to Ray and that we would try to see him as soon as possible. I hope that by the time we’re back, he will still be here in London and not in another city.

Right now, we’re arriving to Germany, Berlin’s Airport, ready to carry on with the tour. Man, we have loads of luggage and we already have the buses for this country. We’re playing three gigs here, staying for five days, which is great. I love Germany. Niall is with Alex, Harry is taking pictures and texting, probably sending pictures to Mila, Moni and Hannah. Zayn is trying to wake up and look like a normal person, but he is failing. Kay… I don’t know where she is. Incredibly, I haven’t seen her. Nor even in the flight. Maybe she is not coming…

“Missed me?” I hear a feminine voice next to me that makes me jump one foot in the air. I turn in a hundred and eighty degrees just to meet her chocolate eyes that shine with amusement and delight. “You didn’t actually think I wasn’t coming, right?” she asks next, as if she just taken a look in my brain.

“I wasn’t even thinking of you,” I lie, although my whole body is aware of her presence.

“You’re cute when you lie. You were missing me. I bet you can’t stop thinking of me,” she says, very confident and taking a step forward, her hand reaching to take mine and I don’t shove her off, because the electric jolt that runs through my body when she touches me startles me too much to react. “But don’t worry,” she adds, her body closer to mine, standing on her tip toes, threating me with the proximity of her lips. Is she going to kiss me? Here? Now? I don’t know if I can’t stay impassive this time if she kisses me. “I’ve been thinking of you all the time, too.”

“You haven’t crossed my mind,” I lie again and she laughs, but she doesn’t get closer.

“I can tell the difference even when you don’t believe in your lies, so don’t even try, babe.” Then she steps back and I tell myself that I’m not disappointed, that this is the best that could have happened right now. Kay looks over my shoulder and her smile widens. “Alex! I’m so glad to see you again! It feels like forever since the last time. I missed your beautiful face,” Kay dramatises letting go of my hand and walking past me. “I have so many things to tell you!”

“Kay! Why didn’t you fly with us! And yes, tell me everything!” Alex plays along, leaving Niall behind. Just like she used to do when I called her wife. “Does that involve my beloved husband? I saw you two at the club.” At the mention of my title my head snaps in their direction as my whole body tenses and I see the black-haired girl winking at Kay.

“I had to come here first to settle some things for the documentary, just to make it more perfect. Oh and yes, it has to do with your husband. I know you don’t mind we’re lovers,” the blonde states and my eyes widen in horror.

“Oh, not at all. I ship you both, to be honest. Plus, I can’t be jealous, I have Niall,” Alex answers and I look at Niall, he only shrugs and smiles, as if he is already used to this. In a way, he is.

“I’m not your husband anymore!” I complain with a frown and Alex only blows a kiss at me. “I signed the papers.”

“For as long as I don’t sign those, we’re still officially married.”

Everyone remains silent at that statement, thinking about it. “You know what’s the weird thing? I don’t find this weird at all by now,” Niall says stepping forward, taking Alex’s hand. She smiles at him brightly and kisses his cheek.

“Ugh, can we just go now?” I ask, scared that Kay may tell everyone what happened between us, and I don’t really want to be here when that happens. I guess I have to ask her not to tell the lads. I’ll have to bargain and I’m scared. What will she ask me in exchange of her silence? What if she doesn’t want to stay silent?

I’m so immerse in my thoughts that I don’t notice how Alex and Kay plot to attack me. One second I’m freaking out in my mind, the next I’m being tackled by the two girls at the same time.

“Oi! Get off me! Now. You girls, get off me! Ew, ew, ew, ew!” I freak out externally now, fighting to set free from both girls but, surprisingly, both are quite strong and I’m having a hard time. “Help!”

“Group hug!” Niall shouts and my eyes widen in panic. This is only going worse.

“NOOOO!” I scream but it’s too late. The lads have tackled me too. I’m surrounded and asphyxiating slowly in this little mob.

Seriously, how did this happen? And the worse part, paparazzi are taking pictures of this.