Bisexual? Is she kidding me? Why didn’t she ever say something about it? I can’t close my mouth as she keeps staring me with a defiant look in her eyes, daring me to say something. I feel like I’ve been put on a test right now and I don’t know the real answer.

It doesn’t bother me that she is bisexual, why would that bother me? It makes no sense. But it annoys me that she never mentioned it before and that I only got to know because she ran into Rachel. If she hadn’t, then I would’ve never known Kay is not straight.

 But why does it annoy me? Kay doesn’t owe me explanations or anything, I don’t really care about knowing those things about her, but I can’t deny it, it bugs me a lot that I don’t know anything about Kay while I feel like she knows so much about me. She reads me like an open book but I can’t see past the things she specifically tells me. Is that because I don’t really want to see more?

“Man! And would you be up for a threesome?” Andy asks before I can answer, my eyes glaring daggers at him for asking such a thing. He seems fascinated.

Rachel laughs and Kay shrugs, but she is wearing her cheeky smile again. “It depends with whom,” Rachel answers and Andy’s eyes widen in shock, his mouth almost hitting the floor like in cartoons.

“I think I’m in love. Kay, would you marry me?” he asks and I feel my blood boiling. What’s wrong with him? Just because Kay is bisexual he likes her so much now? Why is Andy such a weirdo? I know that many guys find two girls making out sexy, but he is exaggerating. It’s not like Kay and Rachel are snogging right now.

“Oh, I’m sorry, Andy, but I only have eyes for Louis, here. Although he hasn’t said anything yet,” the blonde replies, her eyes on me again, expectant.

“Why didn’t you tell me before?” I ask and I hate that I can’t hide the recrimination in my voice.

“Does it matter? I don’t see you going around introducing yourself as Louis the Straight, so I don’t see why I should tell everyone that I’m bisexual. It doesn’t concern them, it only concerns the person I’m with and me. Whether I like boys or girls or eithr, it doesn’t change the person I am, so I don’t think it’s important that the rest know. Being bisexual doesn’t define me and if you think that sexuality changes the person, then I’m disappointed,” Kay speaks, her expression all seriousness and I feel ashamed.

“Please, give me a chance!” Andy insists, stepping forwards and taking Kay’s hands. “You’re the most amazing girl I’ve met.” Although he says that, he doesn’t sound sincere. He sounds like a guy just exaggerating and I’m sure Kay notices the difference. Yet he still makes me mad. “Just dance with me. Please?” he begs and Kay looks at me, but I don’t say anything, I don’t move.

She sighs and looks disappointed, so when she looks back at Andy, she nods and I clench my fists. Yeah, women, always going with that someone else because what they wanted first doesn’t satisfy them anymore.

So Kay leaves with Andy to the dance floor, leaving Liam and Rachel with me. We look at each other awkwardly for a second before Rachel sighs. “Kay is such a sweet girl, you shouldn’t judge her. She doesn’t hide herself, but she doesn’t go around offering her true self to anyone. If you are interested, she’ll share. If you never asked, of course she wouldn’t tell you. If you want her to tell you, you have just to ask.” Then she smiles at Liam and he smiles politely at her. “It was a pleasure to meet you, now I have to go back with my girlfriend. Bye!”

And then she is gone, walking as graciously as Kay does. So it’s only Liam and I now and when I turn to him to see his reaction, he smacks me on the back of my head. “You idiot,” is all what he says before walking past me and leaving me alone.

Fine! Who needs them? I have a huge bar with many drinks waiting for me. I don’t need Kay, she can’t go dance with Andy and all her story that I don’t want to know. Liam can go with Tammy —even if she is not here!—, and everyone else! Tonight, alcohol is my best friend.

+ + + + +

“Lou?” I hear a feminine voice and I jump on the seat, turning in her direction, a smile spreading across my lips as my eyes finally see her, her blonde hair, the chocolate eyes, the little smile that she is giving me.

“Kay!” I exclaim, happy to see her.

Yeah, I’m drunk. I have no idea how many drinks I’ve had so far, but I’ve never felt this fine in my life. I feel light, I feel free, I feel like there’s nothing there to stop me and I can do what I want, and what I really want right now is to enjoy her company. “You’re here!”

“I am,” she giggles, her hand cupping my face carefully. “And you’re drunk.”

“Just a bit tipsy,” I reply, leaning against her hand and closing my eyes for a second. Her skin is so soft and warm and it feels so good to have her touching me. “Where’s Andy?” I ask, this time my eyes sternly on her

“I dunno, I got rid of him a long time ago. I just wanted to make you jealous, but it didn’t work, did it?” she asks and there’s something in her eyes, a sparkle that makes me smile.

“I’m not jealous,” I say but I chuckle. I am jealous, very jealous. But shh, no one can know. “But I’m glad you’re not with him. He didn’t want to marry you, you know?” she nods, stroking my cheek with her thumb. “By the way, I don’t mind that you’re bisexual.” Her smile widens as I say those words.

“Good, I didn’t want to be disappointed in you. I like you too much already,” she tells me and I smile this time.

“Let’s go dance!” I exclaim jumping to my feet, right in front of her. “You’re mine for tonight.” She raises her eyebrows but doesn’t move. “You remember when we kissed?” I ask her, leaning a bit closer, my forehead almost touching hers as my hands land on her waist, pulling her slightly against my body.

“How could I forget that?” she says, her hands on my chest, going up and down slowly.

“I can’t stop thinking of that either,” I confess and her smile is precious, so precious and I wonder why I can’t see these things when I’m sober, why do I have to be a bit drunk to see all these beautiful things about Kay? “And I really wanna kiss you right now.”

“And why haven’t you, then?” she asks me, biting her lower lip and I feel something twisting in my guts, an urge pushing me towards her.

I don’t reply, instead I wrap my arms tightly around her waist, pulling her a bit upwards as I lower my head and capture her lips in a hungry and fierce kiss, almost like the one we shared in the bus. She hugs me back, kissing me with the same passion, not minding all the people around us.

I kiss her with all I have, my hands desperate to reach her, to cover all her body and have her as close as I can. I’m already drunk, but her taste is more intoxicating and at the same time, it makes me feel sober. She has something addicting about her, sometime that makes me want to stay like this forever. Forget about breathing; forget about anything else. Right now I can’t think of something more important than kissing Kay.

But she pulls back, just a bit to catch her breath, her hands still on my shoulders, her eyes on our chests together, breathing heavily both of us.

“I like when you don’t fight me,” she says and my hands are still caressing her back. “Don’t you get tired of pushing everyone away?”

“I do,” I reply and she looks up again, her eyes meeting mine. “I don’t really know why I keep doing that. Being like this with you is easier.”

She smiles, standing on her tiptoes, and pecks my lips. “Alcohol takes your inhibitions away, your fears, and it only leaves your very core. We people tend to filter our personalities so we can fit in society, but when we’re drunk, we destroy all those filters,” Kay explains and I listen carefully. “The person you’re being now is the purest you, in a way. No walls, no inhibitions, no filters. Just you.”

“I’m scared when I’m sober,” I estate and she nods, one of her hands cupping my face.

“You don’t have to be scared,” she tells me and I close my eyes tightly. Things seem clear yet so blurry right now. “Let’s go dance, maybe we can talk about this without having to speak so loud to be heard.” Kay laughs and pushes back but takes my hands and starts pulling me towards the dance floor, her smile bright and amused.

I follow her, smiling as well. Right now I’m not afraid, she is right, but what happens when the alcohol fades away, when my filters come back and I remember why I’m afraid? What happens then?

But for tonight nothing really matters. For tonight I can only enjoy Kay’s company, her smiles, her proximity, her kisses. For tonight, nothing can stop me. So I follow Kay and while The Big Bang plays and everyone dances at the rhythm, Kay stops and I step forward, my hands on her waist again, pulling her against my body and together we move, in perfect sync. I like this song, I’ve always thought it is a very sensual one and with Kay… dancing this song with Kay makes my blood boil in a very special way.

She is a confident woman, she knows she is sexy, she knows that when she dances all eyes are on her and she is not afraid of showing what she can do. The way she moves, the way she looks at me, how her hands travel on my body is making me crazy.

Maybe it’s the alcohol, maybe it’s because I’ve repressed this for a long time, or maybe it’s a combination of both, but I can’t stay away from her, I can’t take my hands off of her and before I notice what I’m doing, I’m kissing her again, more desperately, more urgently. She holds on to me for dear life, kissing me back with the same emotions.

I don’t know what will happen next, I don’t know what all this means or even if I’ll remember this tomorrow morning —probably I will, who can forget something like this? When it feels like this?—, but I can’t stop, this is all what I want. Now.

I hug her tighter, but it’s not enough. I don’t have her close enough and that is kind of frustrating.

I leave her lips and kiss the line of her jaw, heading to her neck and her fingers grab my hair, tightly yet gently.

“Maybe… maybe we should go somewhere else,” she suggests in my ear breathing difficultly, still holding on to me while I spread kisses on her neck. “My… my flat is near.”

“Can you drive?” I ask her, staring into her eyes and I see them darker, more intense.

“Follow me,” she says grabbing my face and kissing me fiercely but briefly. “Tonight you’re mine,” she adds using the same words I told her before.

I smile widely as she steps back, taking my hand and leading me away from the club. Right now, Kay is what I want and she’s all what I’ll get.