If we sounded great in rehearsals, once we’re on stage for real, with all the lights and the audience singing along… it’s even better. When we’re on stage, I don’t mind that four girls that I really despise are playing with us. I don’t mind that probably ninety per cent of the crowd is only girls. When we sing, when we get to show what we can do, nothing else matters. No gender, no social class, no backgrounds. Nothing. We’re just people here, gathered to enjoy the same.

Prodigy make our music better, they are so talented that everything they touch turns into gold and our fans notice the change and they react even louder. I know they like what they hear and I can’t wait to hear the reviews from the media and our other fans, those who are seeing us through a livestream. I honestly feel this is our best performance yet, although it’s the shortest and we share the spotlight.

After the show ends, euphoria runs in our veins and I don’t care about anything. We all hug, including the girls of Prodigy. We all celebrate the success of this night and what we’ve accomplished. I’m sure that after this, the charity You Matter will only improve, and with it, the lives of all those kids. Our happiness is so overwhelming that even these four girls accept to hang out with us to celebrate and I don’t really mind they are coming along. They are part of this success, they deserve to be with us. For tonight, I don’t care if they are girls. For tonight, I see them only as colleagues.

We’re about to go for a shower so we can leave when Kay stops in front of me, her smile honest and big, her eyes sparkling with something I can’t put my finger on it. “You were amazing,” she says softly, her voice so feminine and shy, which is extremely weird in her, who’s always so outgoing and carefree.

“Thank you,” I say and I can’t help it, I smile back. I’m just so happy after this gig, not even Kay can ruin that.

“Tonight you were even different from the other shows. You looked so… so into what you were doing, like you were in another place where no one could reach you but I think tonight is the closest you’ve been to your fans,” she expresses and I look at her raising my eyebrows, a bit surprised that she paid so much attention. She doesn’t care about me; she only cares about her project.

“Thank you,” I repeat because I don’t know what else to say. She looks at her feet and it’s shocking to see her this shy and embarrassed. Why is she acting like this?

“I know you’re really happy tonight,” she smiles to the floor —yes, I do notice this is like in our song—, her eye start meeting mine and I think her cheeks are rosier. “And I know you don’t enjoy my company although I just wanna help you, that’s why I’m asking you this time if you would mind if I go with you all tonight. I really don’t wanna ruin things for you tonight, but I really want to go.”

I’m in complete shock, I think I can’t even breathe and I only stare at her in disbelief.

Did she actually just ask me if she could come with us? Just because she doesn’t want to bother me? What kind of parallel universe is this?!

I keep staring at her, not even blinking, too shocked to utter a word and she is pleading with her eyes. What if I say no? Will she really back off and leave me alone? Or would she come anyways? And what if I say that I don’t care if she comes along or not? Will she follow me around all night?

Whether I like it or not, she works for us, she is part of the team of this tour and almost everyone is going; it would be really unfair if she doesn’t go just because I say so. And I’m so happy already, I don’t think she can ruin anything. Right?

“I don’t care,” I answer and her smile spreads across her lips quickly. “Just don’t follow me and let me be. We’re going to a big place, you will have a lot of space to be with other people. Deal?”

I stick out my hand, waiting for her to shake it and therefore force her to accept this condition and for a seconds she only stares at my hand, pondering her options maybe? With her smile growing wider, she takes my hand and I refuse to admit the light electric jolt I feel tingling on my skin when she takes my hand.

“Deal,” Kay agrees but there’s something in her eyes that makes me thing this is maybe a bad idea.

+ + + + +

We all go to a club in Manchester, where the gig was. I really used to love this city, it was one of my favourite for gigs and everything, but now it has a bittersweet taste for me. Eleanor is from this city, she lives here, she is somewhere around the corner. But also Ethan, Alex’s brother lives here and she couldn’t miss the opportunity to invite him to hang out with us. Ethan is the only family she has and he is a good lad. We like him. We met him two years ago, when we met Alex, Phebs and Belle.

So the group in this club is rather big. Almost our whole crew is here, and Prodigy’s as well. Plus some random people that were already in the club. It is packed, but it’s great. Ethan recommended it for us when we met him the first time because it’s a nice and chill place where we can have fun without worrying about crazy fans or paparazzi chasing us.

I have to block many memories while we’re here, and I do that with bottles and bottles of beer. Many things happened here, more than once I came here with Eleanor and I have to fight those memories so I won’t feel like choking. We were so happy once, when did all change? Why didn’t I realise before she was slipping from my fingers? Why wasn’t I good enough for her?

I push the —what, fifth?— bottle of beer. Alcohol is not helping, I’m getting depressed and I shouldn’t. We’re here to have fun, to celebrate the most amazing gig we’ve ever had, although it was a small one. I shouldn’t start thinking of her or what we had. I shouldn’t even remember that once we had something great. It’s over now, it’s part of my past and no matter how much you wish things had been different, you can’t change the past.

I don’t think I wish I could still be with Eleanor. I honestly don’t know really what I miss or why I feel so low all of a sudden. I blame the alcohol for all this conflictive thoughts!

I look around so I won’t have to think of these stupid things anymore, I try to find a distraction and in a matter of seconds my gaze ends upon Kay, having the time of her life. Dancing with some random guy who keeps her very close. She dances with such sensuality, like she feels the music in every cell of her body. It’s somehow hypnotic, I can’t take my eyes off of her although I try, I really try to look aside, but I just can’t.

Kay is a hot girl, feminine and petite. She looks fragile and I guess any guy would feel the need to protect her, plus she is outgoing and carefree; it’s no surprise that guys are eating her with their eyes. And I don’t know why but I’m pissed about it. She hasn’t even looked at me in the whole night. I guess she really took it seriously when I told her to leave me alone. I didn’t think that was possible, I never thought someone could tell Kay what to do. And I know, I know I should be happy that she is not bothering me, but it makes me mad that she is completely oblivious to my presence in the same club and that she is having so much fun with strangers.

I guess this only proves how much she doesn’t care about me. Maybe she finally accepted that her challenge was pointless from the beginning. She saw that it was better to give up and just live her life, forgetting about me. See? She is no different from any other women. Once she got bored, once she saw it wasn’t like she wanted it to be, she gave up and moved on. Like everyone else on this planet! No one fights for what they want, everyone takes the easy way out.

And why does this bother me so much? What’s wrong with me tonight? Seriously!

Stupid alcohol. I won’t drink again. It makes me stupid.

I finally manage to tear my gaze off of her but what I find now doesn’t make things better. If I’m bad, Liam is worse. He is dancing with Tammy, very close to her.

Is this the apocalypse? Are we all going to die? Will the zombies attack while we’re here?

“Aaaahh!” I groan rubbing my face with my palms, trying to put my feet on the ground again.

Maybe I drank too many beers, maybe not five but fifteen? I don’t know, I didn’t keep track, but man, I should’ve. I think I even feel dizzy. Is it just me or the world is spinning? Suddenly, I don’t feel well and although people surround me, they start to look more distant, and things seem blurry and funny, like they are moving away from me. I blink, trying to bring things into focus again, but it’s useless. Everything starts to move faster and I start to feel like I’m drowning. There’s a weight on my chest, pushing and pushing, not letting me breathe and I need air!

“Louis?” someone calls. I didn’t even notice someone approached to me.

I look at my right as I feel a small hand on my shoulder and my eyes find a pixie face with short blond hair, chocolate eyes that I can’t focus on, but I’m trying. “Kay,” I smile at her, still fighting to put her into focus. “I thought you were dancing.”

“I was,” she answers, her hand sneaking up to my cheek, cupping my face softly. I don’t push her away, I actually find some comfort on her touch. Something solid when everything seems to be liquefying around me. “But I saw you going pale and I came to see you. You okay?”

“Everything is moving,” I answer, leaning into her hand like a puppy looking for petting from its owner. “Too much beer,” I chuckle closing my eyes. If I keep trying to see Kay, I will get dizzier.

People shouldn’t let me drink that much and that fast. I don’t think we have been here for an hour!

“Maybe we should go back to the hotel. C’mon, I’ll take you,” she says but I don’t move and soon I feel her taking my arm and placing it around her shoulders. She is so small.

Eleanor is almost my same height. I heard her complaining more than once about not being able to wear high heels when we went out, how she wanted to wear those fabulous shoes she had bought but she couldn’t because she knew it would hurt my ego. But Kay… she can use killer high heels and I still would be taller than her. She is wearing some now and I know that if I hug her, my chin would rest on top of her head. I think she is just a bit taller than Mila. No one is shorter than the writer.

“You’re so short,” I say as she starts walking, I assume she is leading me to the door. When I’m on my feet I realise I’m actually very tipsy, so it’s good to have her as a support or I would greet the floor with my face.

“Wow, thanks. Not even drunk you can’t stop insulting me,” she says but she doesn’t sound hurt, she sounds amused.

Why is that she always takes insults so easily? It’s like nothing can touch her. How does she do that?

“I meant in a good way. Cute short,” I clarify and I think I heard a little voice in my head protesting for what I’m doing, but I can’t hear it. I can only hear the other, louder, voice pushing me to say all what I think. “Look at the way you fit with me!” I exclaim and without any warning, I grab her in my arms —although we almost fall— and hug her tightly, my chin on top of her head as I had presumed. I smile at that. “See? Perfect!”

She doesn’t reply with words, she just hugs me back for a few seconds and we only pull apart when someone bumps shoulders with us as he tries to make his way to the bar.

“Let’s go,” Kay tells me, passing my arm over her shoulders again and finally taking me out of the club. We take a taxi —because we don’t tell anyone that we left— and it drives us to the hotel. I try to keep my eyes shut because if I open them, everything spins around and I don’t want end up throwing up. How did I end up like this?

We finally arrive to the hotel and Kay keeps helping me because I’m as dizzy as before. The lift is a torture, I feel like the whole world is shaking when we’re inside and I’m about puke when the doors open and we step into the hall. Kay helps me into the room and takes my shoes off when I throw myself to the bed, making myself comfortable. I didn’t notice I was so tired until now… and sleepy.

“Thanks,” I whisper when I feel the blanket over my body.

“You know,” Kay says, stroking my hair in that soft way of hers. “I really like you when you’re drunk.”

“I’m a nice drunk,” I murmur smiling but then I open my eyes and stare at her. “Why are you helping me? You don’t care,” I ask, needing to know.

“What? What are you talking about?” she chuckles, like I’ve just asked her something stupid. “I care about you, maybe too much. Now just sleep and I hope you don’t remember I said this tomorrow morning.”

She leans in and kisses my lips softly and briefly, and I don’t move, I just stay with my eyes closed and I don’t know when she leaves the room, by that time I’m already asleep.