You'll meet that very special main character in this chapter and I hope you know who he is when he shows up. :] Thanks for the great comments and votes, I appreciate it so much.

The dedication is for this wonderful book cover maker who made my new book cover. Actually, she made two. The other one is on the side ----> You guys should definitely go to her for book covers, she makes great ones! :] Thanks Lost_In_A_Dream.

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Chapter Two

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Jebadiah didn’t let me go back to Xavier’s grave for another two weeks. He kept me busy around the pack, telling me I needed to train some of the preteens or spar individually with some of the young wolves that needed to get better at their hand-to-hand combat.

I felt even emptier without being close to his resting place. I needed to go. I didn’t care that I sounded mentally screwed up in the head – I was tired of walking around like a zombie, half-dead. It hurt my head seeing all the mated couples, the children, it hurt seeing Michael, the boy I considered my own son. Because he just reminded me that now the chances of me birthing a baby was slim to none and he’d never really be mine.

“Mommy!” Speaking of Michael, he was running headfirst at me. I caught him before he could hurt himself and lifted him into my arms. My arms trembled and I couldn’t help, but notice he seemed much heavier than the last time I picked him up. Either he was getting bigger or I was getting much weaker.

“Hey, baby,” I smiled at him weakly and pressed my lips to his temple.

His little hands grabbed both of my cheeks. “Mommy, Jeb asked me to get you,” he informed me, blinking his big blue eyes.

“Did he now?” I asked, shifting him to my hip so I could look at the two fourteen year old girls who were standing to the side, watching us. “Take a fifteen minute break, if I’m not back by then, continue sparring. Keep track of who wins how many rounds – whoever knocks the other down on her back first wins,” I instructed before picking up my water bottle. “Do you know why Jeb asked for me, Mikey?”

Michael shook his head, floppy, honey, brown hair falling across his face. I brushed it away – he needed to get a haircut soon. “No, Mommy. But can you not go?” He pouted, his fingers wrapping around my hair, though he made sure it didn’t hurt me. “I want you to play with me.”

I puckered my lips and Mike kissed me, but his lower lip still stuck out in a stubborn pout. “You know I can’t say no to Jeb.”

“Cause he’s Alpha?” he huffed.

 “Yes.”

“But you’re Beta!”

“That might be so, but I still have to listen to him, sweet pea,” I nuzzled his face with mine affectionately.

He tucked his head under my chin and his face pressed against my neck. Michael’s hand was on my chest, right over my heart which was thudding hard against my ribcage. “Mommy, I love you. Will you play with me later?”

“If Jeb says I don’t have to do anything else,” I sighed, hand grazing his soft hair. “And baby, I love you, too. So much.”

Raising his head back to look at him, he flashed me a brilliant smile. I could see my boy growing up to become a playboy, breaking hearts left and right, if that twinkle in his baby blue eyes was anything to go by. “Okay, Mommy,” he said charmingly before wiggling down from my arms. He hugged my legs, coming only up to the middle of my thighs before running off.

I watched him go, already missing the unconditional love he gazed at me with. When he disappeared around the corner, I walked towards Jeb’s office. I knew the scent that was coming from the room should’ve warned me, but I guess I was so disoriented, I didn’t even realize. So I just walked in, only to stop dead in my tracks when I saw Jeb’s hand was down Lily’s pants and moving furiously. I didn’t know why I couldn’t hear Lily moaning form outside. Usually my senses were sharp enough to catch that even a few yards away. And the smell of her arousal, too.

“Shit!” Jeb cursed, yanking his hand out. Lily’s face went bright red.

Casually, I walked to the fridge Jeb had situated in his office and grabbed a bottle of water. “Leave that to the bedroom, please,” I said, rolling the bottle across the cleared desk to Jeb. I didn’t want to risk handing it to him and have him touch me – not after he was in her.

Lily fixed up her clothes and wouldn’t even look me in the eye as she left. I just sat down on the chair, leaning back against it and closed my eyes. The door closed softly and her footsteps padded away.

“You should’ve knocked,” Jebadiah told me. 

I shrugged. “You shouldn’t have been fingering her when you knew I was going to be coming,” I replied.

“Why couldn’t you smell us?” he asked as he walked to the window and poured the water down his hands to clear off her essence.

“Jebadiah, I don’t know. Why won’t you let me go back?” I pleaded, opening my eyes and looking at him. My eyes became moist.

A torn look entered his eyes. It distraught him every time I cried – I knew that. He knew I knew that. And he knew whenever he put his foot down about Xavier, I used my tears on purpose to make him give in. But even though he knew I was just playing with his soft spot, he didn’t say anything. Because whether Jeb liked it or not, I was one of his biggest weaknesses. “I can’t do that, Cade. Enough is enough – I’m tired of having to call Hayden to make sure you’re at Xavier’s grave instead of going to do something drastic. I hate seeing you come home with that dead look in your eyes. Can’t you see, Cade? I love you and I hate seeing you so hurt.”

A single tear dripped down my cheek. “Being away from him hurts me,” I whispered.

Jeb looked exasperated. “Cade, please. You know he’s gone! That’s not him…it’s just his body. He’s gone, Cade,” he said.

I dropped my head and stared at my lap. I refused to continue this conversation. Trying to pretend to be the perfect, strong Beta in front of the whole pack was tiring. I just wanted to sleep, preferably for eternity. Live in my dreams and have the relationship I’ve wanted since I was little with Xavier. Whenever I closed my eyes, Xavier was there, smiling, holding, touching me, making me feel like I was actually alive. I dreamt that he had lived and he had made up for all the hurt he caused and we’d had those four boys and two girls I really wanted plus Michael.

“What did you call me here for, Alpha Jebadiah?” I asked softly.

He flinched at my use of his title. “Can you go to the store and pick up some things?”

“Like what?” I asked, staring straight ahead at the wall and not bothering to meet his eyes. I could still see him though from my peripheral vision.

Walking over to his desk, he picked a paper up and handed it to me. I took it and got up. “Here’s the list. Mom made it,” he said.

I got up and walked towards the door, but stopped when he called after me, “What? No hug?”

“Sorry Jeb.” With that, I walked out.

~

The whole cart was overflowing by the time I got to half of the list. I sighed and looked towards the large windows of the grocery store wondering if this was all going to fit the jeep.

“Need some help, miss?” a teenage boy walked up to me, looking a little shy. He was wearing the plain, navy blue shirt that all employees wore with his nametag pinned to the fabric over the right side his chest. It read ‘Shane’.

I looked over his shoulder to see if anyone had put him up to this, but he was alone. He looked way too shy and awkward to have come up to me by himself and I decided that whoever did this was hiding somewhere listening. I didn’t bother trying to pinpoint where, because it’d be wishful thinking on their part if they thought they could get anywhere with me.

“Don’t you have work to do?” I asked. I must have been at least four inches taller than the boy who was probably around sixteen.

Pink splashed his cheek. The corners of my lips turned up at his blush. His eyes lit up at my smile. Innocence was so rare these days. “No, miss,” he said, gaining a little more confidence. “I’d love to help you.”

“Well, I still have a lot more things to buy,” I said, showing him my list. “If you can help find the things that aren’t already crossed off while I go buy all these, I’d pay extra,” I said.

His face went red and he looked embarrassed, but adorable. “Okay, miss,” he squeaked before going to look for the items on the list. Then he looked paused and went the other way. “I forgot the cart,” he called, biting his lip.

I walked to the checkout counter and put my items on the conveyer belt. The person that worked it stared at me for at least fifteen seconds before he finally began to bag all the products. “Is this all, miss?” He cleared his throat.

“No, I’m going to come back because it didn’t all fit in the cart,” I explained.

“Oh-oh, I see.” He smiled at me brightly, a twinkle in his dark brown eyes. I nodded and pushed the cart outside to my jeep. I opened the door to the drunk and began to load it all in. It took around fifteen minutes because I had to make my moves seem human.

I walked back into the grocery store, leaving the cart there. I couldn’t be bothered with taking it back in when there were people getting paid to do it for me. As I walked down the aisles looking for Shane, the boy who had my list, I felt something stirring in my stomach. I had a feeling something big was going to happen soon. My senses instantly became alert, in case it was an attack from the hunters.

The thought of hunters instantly made me angry, so angry that I could practically feel my pupils dilating and making my eyes look black. Hunters…hunters were the reason my parents were killed. They were the reason why Darren, my best friend, was dead. Hunters had taken Xavier, my mate from me.

My fists were clenching without my permission, so I tried to breathe in and out deeply to calm myself. It wouldn’t be good for my kind if I shifted into an oversized wolf in front of humans. But just as my anger was deflating, someone crashed into me.

I probably wouldn’t have fallen if I was paying attention. But I wasn’t paying attention – I was trying not to burst out of my human skin. I toppled to the ground as a man, probably a few years older than me fell beside me. He had black hair, like mine that was cropped short and clear blue eyes.

“Oh man, I’m so sorry,” the man said as he got up and held out his hand, letting a sheepish smile cross his face. My fingers clenched into a fist without my permission and I could feel my prior anger returning with a vengeance. I got to my feet and pulled my arm back, letting my fist fly forward. I had to hold back so I wouldn’t seriously hurt him and knocked him straight on his sorry ass.

“Next time, do me a favor and watch where you’re going,” I snarled, turning and storming away. I could smell the sweet scent of his blood and feel his inquisitive gaze on my back, but I didn’t turn around. Instead I found Shane as fast as I could, trying to wipe the man’s excess blood off my knuckles.

Shane looked startled when he looked into my raging eyes. “M-miss, I was looking for you. I got all your things,” he stammered.

“Thank you, Shane,” I said, taking out a fifty and pushing it into his hands. “Good-bye,” I said flatly. I paid for all my items, then walked back to my jeep as fast as I could, my heart pounding loudly against my chest. I had almost killed a man. If I hadn’t held back in the last minute, I would’ve pushed all the bones of his face straight into his brain. I loaded all the products into the backseat, which was full by now and got into my jeep, breathing heavily.

Xavier. I needed to go to his grave. I needed to go now. I’d just drop this off to the pack house and take Jeb’s fastest car to the Midnight Pack territory. The tears began to glide down my face. Why was I crying again? When did I become so weak? How could I let myself become this person? I thought I had changed in the last three years…but I managed to prove myself wrong.

I ignored Jebadiah’s pleading eyes and barricaded myself in his car. I looked at his face and mouthed ‘sorry’ before swerving the car and speeding away. I knew I let him down, but once again, I didn’t care.