Kabanata 5

The clash of the skating shoes on the smooth ice pavement made even the tiniest hair in my skin slightly raise. Subalit sa bagal ng ritmo ng kanta ay parang hinihele ang mga tulikap ko na bumagsak. I crossed my arms across my chest and lifted my chin to motivate myself not to take a blink of sleep.

Nanatili ako'ng nakamatyag kay Etienne habang abala siya sa page-ensayo n'ya para sa nalalapit nilang eliminations. My eyes followed his every movement as he gracefully move his limbs with the underwhelming sound that sounds almost classical, it was obviously only instruments because no vocals were present.

Unti-unting umawang ang labi ko habang patuloy n'yang ginagalaw ang kan'yang mga paa. I could never do that, his tricks and his moves were beyond my comprehension, it was fast and smooth. Hindi nga ako makatagal sa lamig ng yelo kung saan n'ya pinapadulas ang kan'yang mga paa kaya naman namumuo ang mangha sa aking mata.

"Etienne obviously has an innate talent in this sport," ani Kaiaria na sumulpot sa aking tabi.

Napalingon ako sa kan'ya, her natural wavy hair was tightly secured in a bun. She was wearing her white bodysuit, showing off her tone legs. Inangat n'ya ito upang i-warm up ang mga paa.

"Totoo," sangayon ko sa kan'ya. "Ikaw rin naman."

Her lips formed a quick smile in response. I watched her from afar while she was doing her stunts and twisting her body into shapes to perform it, magaling din naman talaga siya pagdating dito. And base from what I know, kung mananalo si Etienne sa sasalihan nilang kompetisyon ay baka kunin n'ya ito bilang partner para sa skating pairs.

"Solstice," Miss Krisha, Etienne's coach, slowly went towards me. "Wala ka bang balak sumali? You have a great figure."

I swallowed the lump in my throat. Paulit-ulit kong pinilig ang aking ulo at bahagyang natawa dahil sa kan'yang suhestiyon. The idea was farfetched from the truth. Hindi nga ako makatagal sa mismong rink dahil mabilis ako'ng madulas. I even had an injury before when I tried skating without Etienne.

Hindi talaga siya para sa akin.

"I'll join another sport po."

"What sport?"

"Maybe Taekwondo?"

I'm interested with it because it could also serve as a self defense when in need, unlike figure skating in my perspective. Isa pa, the sport itself wasn't that popular in the Philippines. There is a lack of numbers when it comes to ice rink here. Mayaman lang talaga sina Etienne dahil pwede silang mag-rent o di kaya'y halughugin ang mga nakatagong ice skating rink sa Pilipinas.

Tumango lamang si Miss Krisha, probably noticing the disinterest in my voice. Muling bumalik ang tingin ko kay Etienne. He looked back at me and smiled gently.

"Sunday, eight o' clock. Got it." I echoed the announcement for Etienne to hear as we were walking towards his service. Ngumuso naman siya, pilit na kinukubli ang maliit na ngiti.

"Pupunta ka talaga? Lavy?" Etienne sounded hopeful and it somehow made me chortled. Of course! We're friends! Agad ako'ng tumango sa kan'ya.

I held his hand that is currently freezing, almost glacial probably because of the hours he spent in the rink. Malambot ito kahit tila ba nanginginig siya. His gaze went towards my face. A solemn expression passed his face making me furrowed my brows in the process. Agad kong kinapa ang kan'yang mukha.

"Are you nervous? Kahit naman hindi ka manalo roon, you're still the best for me. . ."

"I'm more scared that you won't be there. . ." malamyos n'yang sabi habang tinatanaw ang sasakyan, subtly avoiding my gaze. "I trust you, Lavy. I really do. It is just I can take any treachery from anyone but never from you."

Hindi ako umimik no'n at umiwas na lamang din ng tingin. I wonder Etienne, how would you feel if you'll know that I'm not even Solstice? Kung sa simula't sapul, hindi kita kayang saksakin sa likod dahil harapan na kitang sinaksak? My throat constricted as I felt my heart slowly colliding with the pain gradually forming inside my chest.

I set my alarm for Etienne's elimination and even told our helpers to remind me. Hindi ako papayag na hindi ako makakapunta roon. Yet, one call from CL, I was abruptly conflicted with my schedule.

"Niyayaya mo ako manood?" I almost giggled in glee. Of course, a pre-teen like me would feel butterflies if their crush called them in the middle of the night.

"Uh, movie lang naman. It is just a movie that I find interesting but you can decline me, Lavy. I'll understand, I swear. . ." CL sounded nervous on the other line. Narinig ko pa ang bahagyang paggalaw n'ya. He's probably pacing back and forth.

"No! No! It's okay, bawal lang sana ako ng 8pm sa linggo. . ." saad ko.

"Pwede naman natin agahan manood. Maybe we can watch next week —"

"Ah? Hindi na! Kailan ka ba pwede?"

"Sa linggo rin. . ."

Binalot kami ng maikling katahimikan. I bit my lower lip in dismay. Narinig ko naman ang bahagyang pagtawa ni CL sa kabilang linya.

"Lavy, there's next time."

"Hindi na! I mean, sa gabi lang naman ako may pupuntahan. I'm free during that day."

"Are you sure?" confusion was laced in his tone.

"Yes, pupunta ako riyan sa linggo ng umaga. And that's final."

Maaga na lamang ako'ng pupunta roon upang hindi magkabangga ang oras nilang dalawa. I promised Etienne that I'll watch him during his eliminations. At tutuparin ko 'yon kahit ano'ng mangyari.

Sunday came in a bolt, maaga ako'ng bumisita kina CL at hinanda ko na rin ang pamalit ko para didiretso na lamang ako sa sports complex kung saan gaganapin ang eliminations.

I was wearing my usual black tank top and skinny jeans, may terno itong dwarf boots. CL invited me over to their receiving area. Halos puti at itim lamang ang kulay ng mga bagay sa bahay nila. Almost everything were designed in minimalist.

"Ano ang papanoorin natin?"

"Atonement." CL briefly answered.

"Oh, movie review ba 'yan?"

"Yes, for our english class. Kailangan namin mamili ng isang libro na ginawang movie para bigyan ng isang book review."

I sat down on one of their modern couches, sobrang lambot nito na halos lumubog na ako. I figured that they are more carefree and modest than the Reverios, wala silang masyadong gamit na maglalabas ng karangyaan nila.

Apparently, CL rented a movie called 'Atonement' and as much as I wanted to enjoy it, it seems like CL was more engrossed with the cinematography than the story itself. Kahit ako ay medyo ngumingiwi sa napapanood ko. It had some scenes that isn't for me but I know it was for the whole story. Tahimik lang kaming nanonood at kung minsan ay may tinatanong ako kay CL kapag may hindi ako naiintindihan.

The movie was good. It was about how a young girl lied about a crime someone committed and in the process destroyed two lives of her loved ones. She tried to have an atonement for her sins by writing a book about them but in the end, the happy ending was an illusion because the one she accused and her sister died without seeing each other ever again.

It proves that there is a kind of love that's already a tragedy in the making.

"It's scary how a single and seemingly harmless lie can destroy someone's whole life." I weigh in, after seeing the whole movie. Lalo na ang katapusan nito. CL didn't answer back, nanatiling nakatuon ang tingin sa malaking flatscreen tv.

"It makes me wonder, did she create a happy ending for them because she really regretted her actions? Or did she just do that to feel relief that she at least did something to make them have a happy ending?"

"Happy endings are subjective per se, it's not like everyone has the same definition of a happy ending." CL said and sighed as he glance at my direction.

"I think the movie just shows how sometimes we make mistakes and our atonement are not enough for those who suffered. Hindi naman lahat ay mabilis humilom, Lavy. At hindi lahat ay kaya pang maibalik." CL smiled at me as he took a few strands out of my face. Agad naman ako'ng napayuko nang bahagya dahil na rin sa kahihiyan.

"Even if she created a happy ending for them in her book, it doesn't erase the fact that both of them could have lived a beautiful life together if she only said the truth. That's why it's important that we take responsibility over our mistakes and offer sincere apology as soon as we can."

His words were precise and concrete, almost hitting all the right spots. At siguro isa 'yon sa nagustuhan ko kay CL. The way he thinks sometimes is almost too deep but also easy to understand.

I took my phone out and gradually furrowed my eyebrows upon seeing texts from Etienne and Kaiaria. Pinatay ko kasi ang phone ko dahil nga nanonood kami ni CL.

Etienne:

Good morning, Lavy! 🌸
Where are you?

Kaiaria:

Hi Solstice! I don't want to bother you but Etienne is up next. Kinakabahan siya kasi wala ka pa. Are you perhaps caught in a traffic?

Kaiaria:

Etienne is currently at St. Anthony's Hospital.

I jolted upward. Agad akong nanlamig habang tumitipa ng isasagot kay Kaiaria.

Lavy:

Hi! Ano'ng nangyari? Sa practice ba 'yan? He had an accident?

Kaiaria:

No, sa eliminations.

Lavy:

Hindi ba't 8pm 'yon? Mamaya?

Kaiaria:

No. It's actually 8am. The 8pm eliminations are for those who are in the intermediate level.

Hindi agad napropeso ng aking isip ang sinagot ni Kaiaria. My heart hammered against my chest it slowly dawned on me that I was already late and Etienne had an accident during his performance.

"CL, I'm sorry. I have to go."

Natataranta ako'ng humingi ng paumanhin at agad na inayos ang sarili. CL only nodded his head in respond, despite being confuse.

"Ihahatid ba kita?"

"No, ako na lang. . ."

I wetted my lips inwardly. I didn't say that I'll visit CL. Ayoko naman na baka iba ang isipin ni Etienne. I was sure that I'll be able to watch him. Mali pala ang schedule na nakuha ko. It made me somehow feel stupid because I didn't correct myself immediately. Kaya heto ako ngayon tulirong-tuliro.

Agad akong sumakay ng aming sasakyan at nagpahatid sa St. Anthony's Hospital. We didn't have to travel long, fortunately. At nakita ko naman agad si Kaiaria na nasa isang bench kung saan naghihintay siya katabi ng isang emergency room, she looked displeased and worried at the same time. I traipsed towards her even almost falling because of my steps.

"K-kamusta na siya?" pambungad ko.

"He fell, face first. Sana lang ay hindi nagkaroon ng matinding sugat. . ." Kaiaria answered, almost too calm. Halatang sanay na siya sa mga ganito.

"B-bakit daw?"

"He kept on looking towards different directions. Halatang wala sa sarili habang gumagawa ng stunts, inabisuhan na siyang dapat ay mag-focus kanina ngunit wala pa rin." aniya. She sighed as she carefully massaged her temples.

"Saan ka ba galing, Solstice? Not that I'm accusing you. Pero hinihintay ka ni Etienne kanina."

"Sa. . ." I stuttered, I can't even speak coherently. Napalunok ako dahil sa nararamdamang pagkirot ng puso.

"Na-late ako n-ng gising. . ." I lied.

Kaiaria didn't spoke. Agad lamang siyang umalis sa aking harapan. I slowly showed myself to Etienne who was in a daze state upon seeing me, nakaupo lamang siya sa kan'yang kama at nakatitig sa kawalan.

Nagawa n'ya pang gumawad ng isang ngiti kahit dumudugo na ang kan'yang pisngi. The woman in a nurse's uniform was nursing him by putting soft cotton balls and wound solution on his cheeks.

"Sayang, ang gwapo mo pa naman tapos nagasgasan ka lang ng gan'yan. . ." pabirong sabi ng Nurse.

"Okay lang po. . ." Etienne despite flinching away, answered back. Halata na wala na siya sa mood.

"Etienne. . ."

"Lavy, pumunta ka naman 'di ba?" Etienne asked in a low voice. "H-hindi lang kita nakita pero pumunta ka naman 'di ba?"

"I-I was late, sorry. . ." I told him while looking away. Regret ascended on my chest as Etienne let out a sigh of relief.

"Alam ko naman na pupuntahan mo ako. . ." Etienne smiled, despite having a few tears on the side of his eyes. "You promised me and I'll always believe in you. It's okay, Lavy. I'm sorry that I didn't win. . ."

I swallowed the lump on my throat as my chest tightened. Hindi n'ya pwedeng malaman ang totoo. He'll get more hurt. Agad naman ako'ng humanap ng paraan para maibsan ang nararamdaman n'ya.

"M-may next time pa naman, Etienne! Promise, maga-alarm na ako!"

"Thank you, Lavy. . ." Etienne mumbled, unti-unti na siyang humiga sa kama upang magpahinga. He covered his eyes using his forearm and I left him alone for a while.

Halos isang linggo na nasa hospital si Etienne. Tita Ellise was not satisfied until he was completely healed, mabuti na lamang na hindi naman raw napuruhan si Etienne. It was also my chance to have an atonement. Sinamahan ko si Etienne buong linggo at hindi pinansin si CL para lamang hindi mag-isip si Etienne tungkol sa kan'ya.

Sa araw na bumalik kami ng klase ay nagulat ako ng may mga kumpulan ng mga tao. Lalo na nang makita ko si Etienne na halos namumutla habang nakatingin sa cellphone n'ya.

"Sol! Crush ka pala ni CL?!" tili ng isang kaklase ko. Agad na umakyat ang kaba sa aking dibdib.

"Hindi. . ."

"Ha? E magkasama kayo no'ng nakaraan na linggo?"

"B-bakit?" I went towards them with a racing heart.

Pinakita n'ya sa akin ang isang larawan kung saan nanonood kami ni CL. It was for the book review, pinost pala ni CL dahil kailangan 'yata para sa kanilang subject at nagkataon na kita roon ang mukha ko. Both of us was not prepared, parang stolen shot lamang.

My face gradually contorted into an aghast expression. My eyes went towards to Etienne who was already staring at me in a glacial manner. His eyes didn't lie and showed how I gave him a death by a thousand cuts. Slowly. Painfully. Almost like a treachery.

"You p-promised me, Lavy. . ." Etienne mouthed while a tear fell from his left eye.

❛ ━━━━━━･❪♀❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜