Kabanata 45

The games started and most of the time they had to compete for a prize of ribbons and certificates. Ang mag-ama ko ay masyado rin ginagalingan. Leven even bruised his legs because of running too fast. Ito ang unang talo nila sa mga laro na sinalihan nila. Etienne jogged towards us in the bleachers, naka-squat ako sa harap ni Leven ngayon habang nilalagyan ng betadine ang kan'yang sugat.

"You okay?" nagaalalang tanong ni Etienne sa anak n'ya na kanina pa nakatingala.

"Matapang ako, papa. Papa, matapang ako." Leven chanted while wincing because the cottons were touching his bruised knee.

Hinipan ko ito upang kahit papaano ay may maramdaman siyang ginhawa. I saw his shoulders move as if he got tickled.

"Kita m-mo, papa? Hindi ako umiiyak. Big boy na ako." Leven boasted.

Ngumiti naman si Etienne. "Ang galing mo naman, Leven."

"Kapag daw big boy na dapat may small sister na." Leven said, as if it's a script.

I coughed. Pakiramdam ko ay nasamid ako dahil sa naging pahayag n'ya. My cheeks flushed as I looked at Leven.

"Sino naman ang nagsabi sa 'yo n'yan?"

"Si papa," Leven innocently said.

Sa pagkakataon na ito, si Etienne naman ang tumikhim at umiwas ng tingin. Pinanlisikan ko siya ng mata.

Kaya naman pala ang daming alam ng anak ko, marami rin kasing alam ang nagtuturo sa kan'ya. I wanted to scold Etienne but maybe it's his way of trying to win me over. Pero bahala siya riyan. Mukha ba akong nadadaan sa pa-cute?

Bago ko man siya mapagsabihan ay may lumapit sa aming teacher at nginitian kami. "Hello po, sasali po ba kayo para sa last game?"

I veered my sight to Etienne who only shrugged at me. Sa akin pa yata ibibigay ang choice kung sasali pa kami o hindi. Leven is bruised right now, baka hindi na rin siguro.

I was about to decline it when Leven giggled.

"Yes po!" sagot ni Leven.

"Leven," I scolded in a soft tone. "Pagod na rin yata ang papa mo."

Ngumuso naman siya. "This is the first time that papa will play. Hindi naman siguro masama kung mapagod siya minsan, mama. . ."

I was out of words. Even a breath can't escape from my mouth. Si Etienne ay nanatiling nakatitig sa anak naming dalawa. Leven lowered down his head and started fidgeting his fingers.

Hindi ko inakala na ganito na pala kalala ang nararamdaman ni Leven sa ama n'ya. He might not say it aloud and he doesn't even express it, may halong pagtatampo siguro ang nararamdaman ni Leven sa mga taon na wala ang ama n'ya sa kan'yang tabi.

I can't help but blame myself because of the betrayal that he feels. Ako naman ang nag-desisyon na huwag sabihin kay Etienne dahil takot ako sa maaaring maramdaman n'ya kapag nalaman n'yang may anak kami. My decision didn't only affect me but also my son who actually needed a father figure. Nagampanan ko man ang dalawang role na 'yon sa buhay n'ya, the society makes him feel that he is incomplete without a father.

Napalunok naman ako. "Ah yeah, sasali na kami. . ."

"Sorry, Leven." Etienne said. His voice came off as weak. Halata na hindi rin alam kung ano ang dapat sabihin para mapawi ang nararamdaman ng anak.

"Yey! Talunin n'yo 'yong nanay at tatay ni Timo ah! Inaaway ako n'on e." Ngumuso si Leven. Napapikit pa dahil nagalaw n'ya ang nasugatang tuhod.

I nodded at my son and stood to go towards the quadrangle. Hindi pa ako kasing pagod nila dahil hindi rin naman ako masyadong sumali sa mga palaro. Habang binabagtas namin ni Etienne ang lugar kung nasaan ang mismong event, he leaned in to whisper.

"Sorry."

"That's nothing. Masasanay ka rin kay Leven. I just hope you won't take it against him if he feels that way and I'm sorry for the incoming backhanded comments from him. Bata pa lang naman siya, Etienne. Just because he misses you, it doesn't mean that he forgot about the years that you were not with him."

If we're going to be rational, hindi naman talaga kasalanan ni Etienne. Pero dahil sa hindi n'ya pakikinig sa akin kaya nandito na rin kami sa sitwasyon na 'to.

"Mom wants to meet Leven," ani Etienne.

I almost halted from walking. Hindi ko alam paano haharapin si tita Ellise, takot din siguro ako na mabigyan n'ya ng sermon. She's one of the kindest souls that I've met. Nakakatakot talaga kapag mga mababait na ang nagalit. Minabuti ko na lamang na maging kalmado. I took a deep breath and looked at him.

"Kailan daw?"

"Ikaw bahala. My mom respects your decision as Leven's mother. Saka, gusto rin sana n'ya makausap ang mga Reverio. Although on that part, ako na siguro ang magsasabi sa kan'ya na hindi p'wede. You're still on the watch of the Reverios."

Napapikit naman ako dahil sa sinabi ni Etienne. That's right, I still have to find a way to convince the board that Mareena deserves to have a position in the company. Hindi naman tinatanggal ni Adren ang karapatan ni Mareena pero alam ko naman na hindi rin n'ya p'wede pangunahan na bigyan ng posisyon ang kapatid namin dahil bukod sa bata pa ito, Dayanara is a sly snake. Gagamitin n'ya talaga si Mareena para mabalik sila sa kapangyarihan, no matter how young my sister is.

I shot him with an indifferent glance. "Sure, next week. May kikitain din kasi ako ngayong linggo kaya baka sa susunod pa ako maging available. She can visit Leven at any time."

Kumunot ang noo ni Etienne sa akin. "Sino ang kasama ni Leven tuwing nasa duty ka?"

"Uh, si Snyder?"

Umiling-iling si Etienne. "You're going to stay with me. Ipapalipat ko 'yong mga gamit n'yo sa mansion. I don't care if you don't want us to be in the same vicinity, kahit ako na lang ang lalayo o sa office na lang ako matutulog basta ba't hindi na roon si Leven. I could even take a week off just to be with him, Lavy."

Gustuhin ko man na umangal ay hindi ko magawa. Leven would also question why we're not living there. Ayoko rin naman na isipin n'yang nilalayuan ko ang ama n'ya. Besides, if we're going to be practical, it was the better option than leaving him with Snyder. Nahihiya na rin kasi ako iwan siya rito lalo na kung alam ko naman na minsan ay busy rin 'yong tao.

"Parents! Ang sunod po na game ay calamansi relay," hiyaw ng nasa stage. Luminga kami sa direksyon nito kaya naman naputol ang aking iniisip.

We followed the instructor for the game. Kitang-kita ko ang nalilitong itsura ni Etienne habang hawak ang isang kutsara at ang singlaki ng piso na calamansi na inabot sa kan'ya. I chuckled when I saw him tapping the calamansi using the spoon.

Hindi nga pala uma-attend ng mga ganito si Etienne noon. He doesn't participate in games because why would he? Kayang-kaya n'ya bilhin 'yong mga prizes, kung sa certificates naman ay madali lang naman gumawa ng sarili n'yang certificate. It really is a big deal that he joined those games earlier for Leven.

"Isusubo raw nang buo 'yong calamansi tapos lulunukin sabay sigaw ng darna," I jested and grinned upon knowing that he doesn't know how to play calamansi relay.

"Parang gago naman. . ." Etienne grimaced.

I laughed and showed him how to put the spoon in his mouth. I took the spoon and pointed to the edge on his lips.

"Bite it," I commanded.

Etienne's eyes broadened.

"Ma'am, nasa labas po tayo. Huwag mo naman ako sine-seduce," Etienne chuckled softly. His eyes closed because of his genuine reaction.

"Ulol ka? Ano'ng sine-seduce? Kapal mo," I blushed and instructed him once again to bite the edge.

Ako na naglagay nung calamansi sa kutsara. I demonstrated what to do by biting my spoon and showing him how it would be.

I took the spoon off for a while. "You'll go around the chair, tapos ililipat mo sa akin."

"Tapos?" Etienne asked.

"Ililipat ko naman sa kan'ya hanggang mapunta na sa dulo. . .'"

Etienne squinted his eyes. I sighed and once again demonstrated by biting the edge of the spoon. Ginaya naman ako ni Etienne.

"Lapit ka," utos ko at hinaltak nang bahagya ang kan'yang damit. "Ipasa mo sa akin."

"It looks like we're going to kiss, Lavy. . ." Etienne's cheeks reddened. Nagawa pang hawakan ang magkabilang pisngi n'ya.

Nalaglag naman ang panga ko. Ang tanginang ito, inuna pa ang landi. Kitang tinuturuan ko na nga para di siya ang maging dahilan para matalo kami.

"Huwag dito, nahihiya ako. . ." He jutted out his lips.

"Etienne, kapag di ka umayos. . ." banta ko sa kan'ya.

Wala siyang nagawa kundi sundin ang utos ko. We had a few trials and each time, he drops the calamansi. Nagtataka naman ako dahil hindi naman mahirap i-balance 'yon.

"Ang ganda mo kasi, nad-distract ako. . ." Etienne frowned while he was playing with the spoon in his mouth.

Oh goodness.

Hindi na ako nagtaka nang matalo kami. Yet, Leven was happy that we still played in the end. Wala sa kan'ya na hindi man lang nag-effort ang tatay n'ya manalo dahil nalalaglag palagi 'yong calamansi dahil ang ganda ko raw.

Tarantado talaga.

Ako pa talaga ang sinisi?

The week passed by and I scheduled a meeting with Philomena. Hindi naman kami super best friends, I actually don't even have that kind of friend just because I think connections are risky. Pinalaki akong Reverio kaya naman ang hirap magtiwala.

I met Philomena during one of her rebellious phases. Maybe, she wasn't even a rebel during that time. She was just fed up with the way her parents treated her. Mas matanda siya sa akin pero sa sobrang hinhin n'ya, mas nagmumukha pa akong matanda. She probably considered me as a close friend because we did spend time together. Lalo na nung nasa bahay siya ni Tita Juana.

Hiniram ko ang isa sa mga sasakyan ni Snyder upang pumunta roon. I saw her at the entrance of the hospital. Her face is entirely white, mimicking a sheet of paper. Naka-puti siyang dress at kulay beige na doll shoes. Her hair wasn't braided today, it was a bit curled though. What really made me gasp is her tummy.

She really is pregnant.

Umangat ang tingin n'ya sa akin at nagbigay ng isang maliit na ngiti.

"Sorry sa abala," she said in her soft voice.

"Hindi naman. May appointment ka na ba?"

Tumango lang siya. Parang wala sa sarili. I hooked my arm to her arm so she would feel at ease. I also tried to smile to make her feel that she's not alone.

"I'm scared of the possibility. . ." she gulped down the lump on her throat. "Hindi pa naman sigurado pero. . ."

"We'll know later, okay?" I assured her.

Nang makapunta na kami sa doctor n'ya. Minabuti ni Philomena na hindi na ako papasukin. She told me that she only needed someone to be with her aside from Iscalade. Baka raw kasi mag-panic ito at lalo lang sumama ang pakiramdan n'ya.

She doesn't want Iscalade to know about it. My stomach churned because I already know where this is heading.

Humilig ako sa pader habang hinihintay si Philomena na nasa loob ng isang kwarto ngayon. Sakto naman na may namataan ako na paparating na naka-scrubs pa. Caer was typing on his phone while walking towards me.

"Doc, single ka ba?" I jeered. Napalingon naman sa akin si Caer at umaliwalas ang mukha.

"Hey," he said. Sinuksok ang phone sa kan'yang bulsa. "Anong ginagawa mo rito? May sakit ka ba? Or are you going to transfer here?" may pagaalala sa kan'yang tono.

"May sinamahan lang," I pointed towards the room.

Tiningnan naman ito ni Caer at tumango. "Oh wow, congrats. She's expecting. . ."

Sakto naman na kalalabas lang ni Philomena. Her shoulders were slumped and I immediately felt my heart shattering upon seeing her eyes produce small drops of tears.

"Philo. . ."

"Is s-she okay?" Caer asked, a bit shaken upon seeing Philo crying.

"I couldn't keep b-both of them. . ." Philomena confessed. "If I do, t-they might lose me. . ."

"Philo. . ."

I saw how Caer was cemented in his place. It was like a horror film and this was the most dreadful part for him.

Philomena cried her heart out. "My body is too frail to have twins, one could suffer from neonatal death. . .pinapapili na ako k-kanina para raw h-hindi masyado maging kumplikado kapag manganganak na ako. . .k-kahit may tyansa naman raw na maging okay ang lahat. . .still. . ."

"W-who did you choose?" Caer asked in his broken voice.

Philomena smiled, amidst tears. "I told my d-doctor that if that happens. . . please choose my children. I will b-be happy if both of them survive. . ."

"Why would you say that? Your child needs a mother. . ." Caer sounded hurt.

"Iscalade will be a good father e-even without me. I trust him with all of my being. . ." Philomena wiped her tears and looked at us with a brave expression.

Caer was petrified in his place. Kahit ako ay natigalgal din dahil parang binalik lang kami sa sakit ng nakaraan. It looped us in the darkest place we never wanted to visit again.

Caer smiled painstakingly. "Please do your best. . . To stay. Your children will need you."

Philomena nodded and with a deep breath, she answered Caer. "Yes, thank you."

"And please, tell this to your husband. . ." Caer pleaded. "He deserves to know your decision."

Pinanood ko si Caer umalis pero alam ko naman na iiyak lang 'yon kaya siya nagmamadali. Hinatid ko si Philomena pauwi pagkatapos no'n. She looked tired and she was probably emotionally exhausted to even drive. Baka nga nagpahatid lang siya kanina dahil wala naman siyang kotse na dala.

She went home safely, I advised her to take a bed rest and not think about it for a while. Magagaling naman ang doctor na nandoon at alam ko na hindi pa naman final 'yon. They would do anything to save lives, 'yon naman talaga ang trabaho sa hospital. I wanted to stay longer but I had to talk to Etienne about meeting his mother.

Hindi na ako nag-retouch o kung ano pa man. I went towards the familiar headquarters and was greeted by the nostalgic interior design of the building. Masyado talagang moderno, halos gawa sa malalaking salamin ang mga bintana at nakapalibot pa ito.

I saw Etienne heading to the elevator. I was about to approach him when a woman suddenly clings to him. Natigilan naman ako.

Mahaba ang buhok ng babae at may balingkinitan na katawan. From afar, she was tall and her features were a bit foreign. May nunal siya sa gilid ng kan'yang mata kapag side view.

My jaw clenched. Wow. Tarantado talaga ito. Ang lakas ng loob na landiin ako tapos may babae pala? Fine! Si Leven lang naman talaga ang connection n'ya sa akin.

My initial plan was halted. Hindi ko alam bakit ba ako nag-e-effort para sa kan'ya. Apart from Leven, wala naman na kaming koneksyon. Umuwi na lang ako na may dalang sama ng loob.

Etienne:

Lavy!

Nakuha ko number mo kay Snyder.

Kumain ka na ba?

Lavy hehe.

I snickered and decided to mute my notifications from his number. I wanted to block him but I wanted him to know that I wasn't bothered at all!

Snyder:

Lavy — S

Lavy:

Bakit?

Snyder:

Si Etienne ito :c

Bakit di ka nagrereply sa akin???

I groaned and decided that I was being petty. Pero totoo naman na dapat ay hindi kami sobrang close. Dapat ay casual lang kami. I didn't answer anything back. Hinayaan ko na lang na lunurin ako ng mga texts n'ya.

I went home to help organize the boxes that will be sent to the mansion. Hindi pa rin tapos ang paglilipat dahil marami-rami rin ang gamit na nandito. Sana lang ay late na umuwi si Etienne para di magtagpo ang landas naming dalawa mamaya.

Snyder:

hoy — s

sunduin mo raw si Etienne — s

Nangunot naman ang noo ko sa nakitang mensahe. Bakit naman ito nag-te-text na magpapasundo?

Snyder:

sunduin mo raw siya or if ayaw mo iiyak siya tapos susumbong ka raw n'ya sa nanay n'ya — s

Lavy:

Parang ewan naman.

Snyder:

sunduin mo na, parang awa mo na. Gusto ko na umuwi. kakanta pa siyang sweet child of mine. sirang sira na buong pagkatao ko rito. — s

I sighed and decided to at least tag someone along. Kinuha ko ang phone ko upang may i-text na magpapasama ako na sunduin si Etienne.

Nagpupuyos ako sa inis kanina pero tingnan mo naman, ang dali-daling tunawin ni Etienne ang inaalagaan kong galit.

❛ ━━━━━━･❪♀❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜

ᥫ᭡ li