Kabanata 33

"Kalma ka lang, mommy, ha?" Doktora Reyes smiled at me as she assured me that what happened is nothing to worry about.

"H-hindi po ba maaapektuhan 'yong bata?" I asked, still trembling.

Nasa loob ako ng opisina ni Doktora Reyes. I immediately went towards her after what happened in the comfort room. Mangiyak-ngiyak pa nga ako dahil sa nangyari. I did try to remain calm but something inside me stirred and made me rush towards her office. Mabuti na lang dahil may appointment din naman ako sa kan'ya.

"What you experienced is spotting, it occurs mostly on early pregnancies so I wouldn't say it's normal for most but it happens to most mommies. If you experienced it again, siguro ay doon na kita kailangan tutukan." Doktora Reyes said as she typed on her records. Natigilan siya sa pagtitipa at humarap sa akin.

"However, even if it's common, I advise you to take good care of yourself. Spotting, when it becomes heavy bleeding, can lead to miscarriage or other complications that is dangerous for your health. You have to focus on your pregnancy, Miss Reverio."

Napakagat ako ng ibabang labi ko. I won't lie that I was truly neglectful about my pregnancy. Hindi ko pa nga sure kung ilang weeks na ito at kung anu-ano ang mga dapat gawin. Nawalay ako nang matagal sa mama ko at hindi naman ako pinapalapit ni Dayanara kay Mareena noon. Everything about my current situation is new to me.

Biglang pumasok sa isip ko ang med school. I know I can still continue it but with my current situation, I might need to stop for a year o di kaya'y maghahanap ako ng paraan upang kahit nasa bahay ay nakakapag-aral ako. The Reverios have already cut me off, di na ako nagtataka kung mamaya ay hindi ko na magamit ang mga cards ko.

"Miss?" Doktora Reyes called my attention.

"Ah, yes p-po?" I shook my head for a bit.

"As I was saying, I'll have to give you. . ." she trailed on. Hindi ko talaga ma-absorb ang mga gusto n'yang sabihin. A part of me was still dazed about the whole situation. I can feel my head throbbing because of pain.

She gave me dates for my check up and even assisted me when it comes to vitamins and my food consumption. I texted Snyder and Euan to pick me up because my sight was slowly becoming blurry. Hindi ko alam kung dahil ba biglaan lahat ng mga nalaman ko ngayong araw o dahil hindi ko kaya magawan ng plano ang mga nangyayari.

"Hey," pambungad sa akin ni Euan pagkalabas ko ng opisina ni Doktora Reyes. "You okay? Ano raw?"

"Magpapahinga na muna ako," I smiled weakly. "Saka ko na siguro iisipin ang lahat."

It was truly exhausting to think about it. Euan's eyes softened and it went towards my stomach. Kuminang ang mga mata n'ya na tila ba may nadiskubre siya.

"Ang galing mong magtago ng baby bump!"

"Ni hindi ko nga alam na bata na 'yan, akala ko taba lang." Ngumiwi ako sa kan'ya.

"'Te naman, ang layo ng baby bump sa bilbil, shuta ka." Euan rolled his eyes at agad na napawi ang ngiti n'ya sa akin.

Namataan ko si Snyder na papalapit patungo sa aming direksyon. His hair was messy, his fringe were blocking his eyebrows but some of it was swept sideward. Mukhang kagigising lang n'ya dahil sa mga naniningkit na mata at busangot na mukha. It was normal for us to see Snyder in a grumpy state. Mas magtataka kami kung nakangiti siya. Something weird or amusing for him happened if he smiled. Kaya minsan lang siya ngumiti at sanay kami roon.

Narinig ko ang pagsara ng pinto kaya napalingon ako sa aking likod. I saw Doktora Reyes eyeing Euan and frowning slightly. Si Euan naman ay namutla dahil sa tagal ng titig ni Doktora Reyes sa kan'ya. He even shifted his weight because of how uncomfortable he was with the way the doctor glanced at him.

"Congrats po," Doktora Reyes smiled at Euan. "Daddy ka na po."

Napaubo bigla si Euan at nanglaki ang mga mata. "Huy, anong daddy?! Kinakabag ka ba, doc?" he exclaimed, a little too loud. Napalingon sa kan'ya ang ibang nurses at ang mga dumadaang tao sa hallway.

Ngumiti lang si Doktora Reyes bago umalis. Si Euan naman ay medyo nailang dahil sa tingin sa kan'ya. Halos puno ito ng mga panghuhusga.

"Hala, di n'ya yata tanggap."

"Kawawa naman 'yong babae."

I became conscious of our surroundings. Hindi ko alam kung bakit may mga taong minamata ako. They don't even need to speak because their eyes are already telling me their thoughts.

"Solstice. . ." Euan softly called. Mukha siyang na-guilty dahil sa nasigaw n'ya. Mukhang kahit siya ay nadama rin ang mga tingin sa akin.

I looked young so people were probably assuming that I was too young to be a mother. Napabuntonghininga naman ako.

But, what is 'too young' or 'too old' when it comes to motherhood? Ano ba dapat requirements? Ano ba dapat kong gawin? I honestly don't know.

Being a mother is definitely not the only purpose of a woman, however it's commendable that a woman can live not only for herself anymore but also for her child. It's a choice and also a hard one to make. And I can't blame those who don't want to have children. Hindi rin naman ito ang sukatan ng isang babae. Not all women are capable of having children too. And not everyone is fit to be a parent.

I grew anxious about my future. My mother isn't even with me anymore. Sino ang kasama ko sa pagpapalaki sa kan'ya? Etienne isn't even. . .

I have been alone for most of my life, I could survive on my own but now that I have someone inside me. . . A real human being who also needs to live. . . Hindi ko alam kung paano ako mabubuhay ngayon.

How ironic how it could make me feel so alone even if I have someone literally inside my womb.

"Thank y-you," Euan stuttered. Napalingon ako sa kan'ya at kumunot ang aking noo.

Ano'ng nakain nito?

"Tatay n-na ako!" Euan shouted in a panic, pinagdaop n'ya ang kan'yang mga kamay. "Thank you kasi n-nabuntis kita!"

Nasamid si Snyder at kahit ako ay nanatiling nanglalaki ang mga mata. Patuloy ang ubo ni Snyder na may halong tawa. Tinatakpan n'ya ang kan'yang bibig.

"K-kaya huwag ka na malungkot! Kasi marami naman kaming bahay at lupa! Kahit sampu pa maging anak natin, mabubuhay tayo! Dagdagan pa natin ng lima!" Euan said, blushing.

"Ay weh? Kaya mo pa ba, mahal?" I teased Euan. Hindi na napigilan ni Snyder ang tawa n'ya.

"Magp-practice a-ako sa bahay. . ." bulong ni Euan na mukhang problemado.

"Go Euan, paramihin mo lahi ng mga Soteiro." Snyder coyly smirked.

"Papagurin ko si Solstice! Kaya ko 'yon!" Euan declared absentmindedly. Parang batang may gustong patunayan.

Namilog naman ang mga mata ko sa kan'yang sigaw. Tumikhim 'yong nurse ni Doktora Reyes na nakamasid sa amin. At ang ilang mga taong nakapalibot ay napa-"aw" na para bang hindi nila ako minamatyagan kanina.

"Sir, ikaw po ba ang daddy? Congrats po." The nurse smiled at Euan and her eyes flew towards Snyder with admiration. "Kayo po? Single po kayo?" hagikhik nito.

"Third party nila ako," Snyder deadpanned, obviously not interested. Umiling-iling na lang ako. Ang sungit talaga nito kahit kailan.

I appreciate that they want to divert the attention from me. Napangiti ako nang di ko namamalayan. Hindi naman pala ako nagi-isa.

Naisipan na nilang umuwi at at ihatid ako. Habang nasa biyahe kami ay iniisip ko kung paano ko kakausapin si Etienne. Euan was driving while Snyder was peering over me, katabi n'ya lang ako habang nakatitig sa akin na nagtitipa sa aking phone para kay Etienne. I was wondering how to craft my words so that it wouldn't sound desperate or offensive.

Lavy:

Panagutan mo ako or tulfo???

"What the fuck, Lavender?" Nangunot ang noo ni Snyder nang mabasa ang text ko para kay Etienne sana.

Ngumuso naman ako. "Parang joke lang e."

"Not a good time for jokes," Snyder scolded.

My heart was racing. Pinapakalma ko na nga lang ang sarili ko sa ganitong paraan ngunit di naman nito napipigilan ang puso kong halos tumatakbo rin sa sobrang lakas ng tibok.

Lavy:

Can we talk?

I waited for his reply. Napatingin ako sa orasan at kung sinusunod ni Etienne ang schedule n'ya kadalasan — it was his free time.

He would reply to me in a second. Gano'n naman kadalasan, hindi n'ya hinahayaan na hindi siya makapag-reply agad sa conversation namin, he would even call if he was a minute late. Yet when a minute has passed, I swallowed my pride and decided to text him again.

Lavy:

Etienne.

Still no replies. Umakyat na ang kaba sa aking dibdib. My fingers were trembling as I composed a set of words to at least make the atmosphere lighter than it is.

Lavy:

Press 1 kung buhay ka pa.

Lavy:

Haha ayaw mo ibig sabihin patay na patay ka talaga sa akin. 👍

Still none. Parang may bumabara sa aking lalamunan. My eyes stings too. C'Mon, Etienne. You wouldn't like me roasting you, right?

Kahit noong galit siya sa akin ay nag-re-reply siya. He would do anything to pester me off. Kaya habang lumilipas ang oras ay lalo akong namumutla.

May nangyari kaya sa kan'ya?

"Nag-reply na ba?" tanong ni Euan habang nakatingin sa traffic lights na ngayon ay kulay pula. "Dapat nag-sky way na lang pala ako! Tagal!"

Napalunok ako. "Hindi pa."

"Busy?"

"Etienne is never busy when it comes to Solstice." Snyder chimed in, napalingon sa akin. "Ngayon lang."

"Tawagan ko ba?" alok ni Euan at nilingon kami sa likod.

I was petrified on my seat when he threw that question to me. Hindi ko kasi alam kung ano ang magiging reaksyon ko sakaling sagutin 'yon ni Etienne. A part of me was hesitating but I also wanted to talk to him. Para matapos na ang pangamba ko.

I need him now, more than ever. We need him. . .

Euan sighed before dialing a number on his phone. Isang beses lang itong nag-ring.

"Hello?" Etienne answered Euan's call. My heart sank.

It took him one second to pulverised my heart. It didn't even need a paragraph to ruined me. . .

Hindi ko alam bakit naluha ako na para bang may sumusundot sa gilid ng mga mata ko. Bumalisbis ang nga luha ko nang marinig na sinagot n'ya ang tawag ni Euan nang walang kahirap-hirap.

He was ignoring my calls. . .

Ang OA para sa iba pero ang sakit-sakit para sa akin. Because I know that Etienne would never do that to me. Etienne wasn't capable of treating me like I'm no one special.

But maybe his feelings have already changed. . .

Siguro nga sinukuan na n'ya ako. Nagsawa na siya sa akin. Hindi na n'ya ako mahal.

A heavy feeling pierced through my heart. Nilunok ko na lang ang bumabara sa aking lalamunan. Wala akong karapatan mag-inarte ngayon. I need to talk to him.

"Pakyu ka, bakit mo sinagot?!" Euan hissed on the call.

"Tumawag ka kasi? Why did you call anyway?" Etienne huskily asked on the other line. I miss his voice. Ilang araw pa lang naman kaming di nagkikita.

Euan eyed me on the side. Para naman akong tutang hinihintay na ibigay n'ya sa akin ang tawag. He sighed before hesitantly giving me the phone.

Inabot sa akin ni Euan 'yong phone n'ya. I was trembling as I put it close to my ears.

"Euan —" Etienne was cut off by my shaking voice.

"H-hello? Etienne?" my lips quivered. C'Mon, love. Isang salita lang mula sa iyo, I'll be fine. All of my worries will calm down. I would be comforted by your voice. Please. . .

Ilang segundo pa ang hinintay ko para lang sumagot si Etienne. Kahit umabot pa kami ng gabi rito basta kausapin n'ya lang ako.

He hangs up. . . The deafening silence made me want to throw up.

Is it too much to ask to talk to him?

The tears freely surrendered as my heart shattered with his one swift reaction. My mouth clamped down. Unti-unting humikbi dahil sa ginawa n'ya. Hindi ko mapigilan ang mapayuko sa sobrang kahihiyan at sama ng loob. Sa sobrang sakit. Sa sobrang panghihinayang. The bottled feelings I resisted have already given in.

"What the eff 'yan ah!" Euan violently reacted. "Akin na 'yong phone! Tatawagan ko ulit— Snyder, tawagin mo 'yang papa de puta na 'yan, naiinis ako!" Euan frustratedly ruffled his own hair as he started to maneuver the car because the lights were already green.

"Huwag na," Snyder coldly said. "Hayaan mo na si Etienne."

"Pero tanga n'ya kasi —" Euan was cut off.

"Believe me, he's too hurt to clear his judgements. Kahit magusap sila ni Solstice, baka lalo lang n'yang masaktan 'to," ani Snyder, tinutukoy ay ako.

"Snyder," Euan gritted his teeth as a warning. Mukhang naiinis at gustong manabunot o manapak.

"He's obviously mad. And Solstice is not in her best state. Baka isang masakit na salita lang mula kay Etienne, Sol could harm not only herself but also their child."

"Etienne is being shitty," reklamo ni Euan. Patuloy lang ako sa paghikbi. Kasalanan ko naman kung bakit gano'n si Etienne sa akin ngayon.

"Nasaktan e," Snyder shrugged. "Nevertheless, he should at least try to listen to her. Pero hindi pa sa ngayon. Intindihin n'yo rin na nasaktan 'yon. Tao rin naman 'yon kahit parang hindi."

"A-ayoko na," I said firmly. Pinalis ko ang mga luha ko. "Kung ayaw na n'ya sa akin, edi wag. Di naman siya 'yong nag-i-isang lalaki sa mundo! As i-if I'll die k-kapag di n'ya ako kinausap." Suminghot ako.

"Yes, girl! That's the spirit!" Euan cheered. "Pangit naman 'yon si Etienne, daming alam sa buhay! Gumamit lang ng condom ang hindi!"

Kumunot naman ang noo ni Snyder. "Huwag mo na gatungan, Euan. Babawiin rin naman 'yan ni Solstice. Isa ka pa. . ."

I got offended by the confidence that is dripping on his voice. Akala ba n'ya hindi ako seryoso? Humalukipkip ako at lumingon sa kan'ya.

"What makes you so sure that I'm not serious? Hindi ko k-kailangan si Etienne!" giit ko, kahit sumisinok na dahil sa pag-iyak. I clenched my fists to contain my emotions.

"Because we tend to say things out of our emotions even if we don't mean it, Solstice." Snyder explained in a calm manner. "I'm sure Etienne isn't talking to you because he doesn't want to give in to his current emotion. Ayaw n'ya lang magalit sa iyo."

"Stop defending him, huwag kang Etienne apologist!" Euan snarled, even if his eyes were still on the road. "He's an asshole and that's final!"

Napasapo si Snyder sa kan'yang sintido na tila ba problemado. "Bahala na nga kayo. . ."

Snyder's phone was ringing. Agad naman n'ya itong sinagot. He frowned upon answering the call. Para bang nag-switch on ang pagiging tigapagmana n'ya ng isang auction business.

"Bakit Chloette?" malamig n'yang tanong sa kan'yang kausap. Ah, his step sister called. Ngayon ko lang sila halos narinig mag-usap.

They sounded casual and distant. Parang hindi magkapatid.

Ang mga singkit na mata ni Snyder ay namilog. "Ano? Kailan pa? What the fuck?!"

"B-bakit?" tanong ko. Hindi ko alam bakit kumakalabog ang puso ko dahil sa reaksyon ni Snyder.

"Etienne. . ." Snyder closed his eyes and sighed exasperatedly. "He wants to get married to Chloette."

❛ ━━━━━━･❪♀❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜

An early update! Next update will be on Jan 21, but it could be earlier if I get motivated once again. However, please do know that I'm still as struggling student so there could be delays too but I would update as soon as I can and I hope I could stick with my 3-days-after schedule. Thanks for reading and thank you for the comments and votes po! ᥫ᭡ li