Kabanata 32

Binuhat ko si Leven upang ipasok sa kan'yang kwarto. Upon seeing that his father wasn't with me, dinapuan na siya ng antok. Karga-karga ko siya habang iniisip ang mga nangyari noon. How it all led to this day. . .

I didn't want to keep this from Etienne. It was just. . . He never gave me a chance to tell him. All of our contacts were blocked. I did my best to talk to him but he was always. . . Trying his best to avoid me.

I was aware that I'm a prideful person. Pinalaki ako ng mga Reverio na hindi tumitingin sa aking mga paa. I am a Reverio. Even if it's sickening to know that fact — it could not be erased.

Pero handa akong humingi ng tawad at kausapin si Etienne. I don't know why the tables have turned. Parang kahapon lang ay ako itong umaayaw sa kan'ya, ngayon naman ay ako itong habol nang habol para makausap siya.

Naaalala ko tuloy kung paano ko nalaman na buntis ako kay Leven. I was scared of the fact that I almost lost him.

"I want to get drunk," sabi ko kay Euan na abala sa pagtanggal n'ya ng butones ng kan'yang shirt.

"Eh? Papayagan ka ba ng jowa mo?"

"Ex na kami. . ." bulong ko. "Saka malay mo. . . Puntahan n'ya ako. Kasi gano'n 'yon 'di ba? That works sometimes. . ."

Kinuha ko ang isang bote ng alak. We're currently in a Korean samgyupsal shop near a beach. Napalunok ako dahil sa amoy. I'll just try and maybe he'll come. Sinubukan ko puntahan ang mansion nila ngunit. . . Hindi na raw ako p'wede pumasok. Even Tita Ellise isn't answering my calls. That's rare because Tita Ellise is always attentive. Tito Eije is probably disappointed too, kaya hindi ko malapitan.

"It only works on the movies, girl. Hindi lahat ng ex, may pakialam sa 'yo. Edi sana jowa mo pa siya kung may pake pa siya o di kaya kaibigan man lang. Pero sigurado ka ba na ex na? Baka LQ lang 'yan."

"Ayaw na n'ya talaga. . ."

"Weh? Hubad ka nga sa harapan n'ya, try mo lang. Idaan mo sa alindog."

"Ang sagwa mo talaga, Euan!" I grimaced. Hinampas ko siya sa kan'yang braso. Kahit siya ang pinakamaarte sa mga magpipinsan na Soteiro, siya rin ang pinaka-vocal sa mga bagay-bagay.

Euan winced and leaned towards me. "Try mo lang! Malay mo naman, mahimas mo pa."

"Tumigil ka na nga!" nahihiyang iling ko. We're in a public place, hindi ba aware si Euan? Nasa larangan pa naman siya sa showbiz. A known fashion designer that caters not only local brands but as well from overseas.

"I just want us to talk. Ang vague n'ya kasi kausap noon. Hindi ko alam kung bakit siya pa ang galit. He was the manipulative one! Siya itong may kasalanan tapos siya pa magagalit? I just wanted to clear his intentions. That's all!"

"Baka naman kasi ayaw n'yang ikaw ang gagawa ng paraan para maayos ang gulong nagawa n'ya?" Kumunot ang noo ni Euan. "At, kanino ba?"

"CL," I answered before opening the lid of soju. Gumalaw ang upuan namin dahil sa biglaang paglapit n'ya sa akin.

"Gaga ka pala e!" eksaheradang pinitik ni Euan ang noo ko. "Alam mo naman kung gaano ka-insecure si Etienne kay CL pagdating sa iyo."

"Wala namang nangyari sa amin! Nagusap lang kaming dalawa! 'Yon lang!" depensa ko.

"Weh? Di nga? Sus, sa barangay ka na magpaliwanag," Euan sneered. Lumagok siya ng isang shot mula sa soju. "Kahit nagusap lang kayo, Etienne would feel inferior. You know what happened to him. He will always think that Caer is better than him. I'm not justifying his acts. Pero sana kinausap mo muna si Etienne."

I sighed. "I know. I've been a bit emotional these past weeks. Kahit naman gusto ko idaan sa usap, pinapangunahan ako ng emosyon ko. Everyone would react that way, he sabotaged Caer's life!"

"What do you mean?" tulirong tanong ni Euan. Napasandal siya sa kan'yang upuan.

"Etienne was the one who set Caer and Kaiaria. . ." I bit my lower lip, I felt like I was throwing Etienne under the bus.

"Oh," Euan nodded, seemingly too bored for the conversation. "That was actually a better choice."

"Ano?! Anong better choice roon? Are you telling me that it's okay that Etienne did that even without Caer's permission? He ruined his life! I'm not saying marrying Kaiaria is bad, what I'm trying to say is Etienne could have done better!"

Unti-unting naging seryoso ang mukha ni Euan. Tinitigan n'ya ako nang matagal bago siya nagpakawala ng isang buntonghininga.

"Caer would have been married to Ursa Fuentabella, a widowed wife of a recently deceased millionaire. Ursa's twenty years older than Caer but she expressed genuine interest in him romantically. Ang chika pa sa akin ay siya mismo ang nagpapatay sa asawa n'ya. Do you want that, Solstice? If Etienne didn't interfere, Caer would always be in danger."

My lips parted. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang gagawin ko sa impormasyon na isiniwalat n'ya. I was scared for a moment.

"Nagbibiro ka ba?"

"Oh, I wished I was." Muling uminom si Euan. Nilapag n'yang muli ang shot glass sa lamesa. "Caer wouldn't react to it because he is too kind. Kaya si Etienne na lang gumawa ng paraan. You know how he likes to help under the table. Kahit nga ako na minsan ay naiirita sa kan'ya ay hindi siya masisisi sa mga desisyon n'ya."

"He helped Caer. . ." ulit ko para mas mahimasmasan. All along, he was helping him to get away from something horrible.

"Shot mo na," Euan jeered.

"You knew?"

"I had a hutch, but I was surprised that Etienne chose Kaiaria. Ang akala ko kasi ay si Chloette, adopted ng mga Esmael, stepsister ni Snyder. Chloe is richer than Kaiaria's entire family despite of her position in their household."

I decided to swallow the huge lump on my throat. Hindi pa ako nakakainom pero nalalasing na ako sa amoy pa lang. Napalunok muli ako. Isa lang naman, o dalawa — o kung ilang baso ang kailangan kong inumin upang malasing talaga. Minsan lang naman e.

I raised the glass and was about to drink it when Snyder snatched it from me. We were surprised when he suddenly emerged on my side.

Iniinom n'ya ito at padabog na nilapag ang baso. Busangot siyang umupo sa tabi ko.

"What's the result? May OB ka na?"

"OB?" ulit ni Euan.

Nalito ako no'ng una ngunit agad din napagtantuan kung ano ang gusto n'yang ipahiwatig. Umakyat ang kaba sa aking dibdib. I haven't tried taking a pregnancy test. Nawala sa isip ko dahil sa dami ng nangyayari sa akin.

"Negative nga," I lied.

Snyder groaned. May kinuha siya sa kan'yang bulsa. It was a box — a pregnancy kit. Parang pinatuyo lahat ng tubig sa aking katawan dahil sa panlalamig ko.

"Show me," Snyder deadpanned. "The result, show it to me. Kapag negative talaga, hindi na kita kukulitin. Pero hanggang di mo naipapakita, hindi kita titigilan."

I was curious too. Ang totoo ay gusto ko rin talaga malaman pero natatakot ako.

Paano kung ayaw ni Etienne? Lalo na ngayon na hindi kami magkasundo. Kaya ko ba palakihin ito ng mag-isa? Hindi ko namalayan na nanginginig na pala ang kamay ko.

"Akin na," I said. Kinuha ko mula sa kan'ya ang kit. Parang may bumabara sa aking lalamunan. Sure na ba ako?

I went inside the comfort room. Huminga ako nang malalim habang ginagawa 'yong test. I was trembling as I waited for the result. Napapikit pa ako nang ilang sandali bago tingnan ito.

Oh.

Naghugas ako ng kamay. I let the water from the faucet calm me. Pinanood ko ang malakas na agos ng tubig sa aking kamay. I closed the faucet and proceeded outside. Lumabas na ako ng comfort room habang tanaw na tanaw ako ng dalawa sa lamesa namin.

"So?" Euan trailed on. "How did it go?"

Hindi ako agad nakasagot. Naunang bumagsak ang makakapal na butil ng mga luha mula sa aking mata.

"Positive," I cleared my throat. "I don't k-know. Baka mali 'yong PT. I'll visit an OB or get myself checked in a hospital."

"Sasamahan kita," Snyder assured me. His monolid eyes expressed concern. "It could be scary because it's your first time and. . ."

And Etienne isn't with me. I continued what he was supposed to say in my head.

It's scary when you're alone in a path where two people are actually needed in order to be considered as complete.

Hindi ko namalayan na unti-unti na akong nanghina. I covered my face in shame because I didn't know where to start. Hindi pa tuluyang nags-sink in sa akin ang lahat ngunit pinapasuko na agad ako. Wala pa nga pero tapos na para sa akin.

"Hindi ba gumamit ng condom si Etienne? Bobo naman n'on! Palibhasa puro computer alam e." Euan lazily snorted.

"I w-was the one who told him n-not to. . ." I admitted, bashfully. It was the truth anyway, it was just funny to see him struggling on our first night so I thought I should elevate some of it. And look where it leads me. Nakakahiya dahil nasa medical field pa naman ako. I should have known better.

"Jusko, Lavy. Ang wild lang ha," Euan exclaimed and propped his chin on his palm. "Sige nga, Lavy. Lapag ka full details kung wild ka talaga."

"Gago ka talaga," Snyder nudged Euan who yelped in response. "Akala mo kasi hindi seryoso 'no?"

"I don't want her to stress it out, Snyder. The kid inside her might be affected," depensa ni Euan. "Also, curious lang ako. Bakit ba? Tatanong lang kung magaling 'yong pinsan ko e."

It dawned on me that what Euan said was true. Maaaring maapektuhan ang dinadala ko kapag masyado akong nagpadala sa emosyon. I was scared that something might really happen to our baby if I'm not careful enough.

"Should I tell Etienne?" tanong ko sa kanila. My eyes lowered down and I started to fidget my fingers. I was always confident with my decisions but I'm starting to regret not asking anyone before acting upon it.

"Etienne has to know," Snyder affirmed. "Pero kung gusto mo ay magpa-check up ka muna saka natin siya lapitan? How about that?"

My heartbeat raced because of the sudden tension. "Okay." I said before sighing. Kita ko kung paano dumaan sa itsura ni Euan ang awa para sa akin. Maybe he also knows how hard it is for me to absorb all of this all at once.

"Ganda ng lahi n'yo 'te." Euan smiled at me. "Huwag ka na malungkot, malulungkot din 'yong bata."

"Paano kung di tanggapin ni Etienne?"

"Si Snyder na lang daw magiging tatay," Euan shrugged.

Namilog naman ang mga singkit na mata ni Snyder. "Bakit ako? Ni hindi ko pa nga nasusubukan gumawa ng bata, parang di naman makatotohanan. P'wede namang ikaw na lang, Euan."

"Huy, not me. Papatol lang ako sa mas maganda sa akin 'no." Euan huffed, crossing his arms across his chest. "No offense, Lavy. You're not my type."

Ngumiwi kami pareho at natawa na rin nang sabay. I never thought that I'd form a good bond with them. They were always out of reach for me. . . but maybe I never really tried to reach them.

Kinabukasan ay nag-desisyon ako na magpa-appointment sa isang hospital. I was a nervous wreck because it wasn't part of the plan. Naiisip ko pa nga lang ay pakiramdam ko hindi ko na kakayanin.

Maybe that's why people should always practice safe sex and know if they're financially and emotionally ready to be a parent. Hindi ito madali at hind tulad ng ibang bagay, hindi mo ito p'wedeng iwan na lang kapag di mo na kaya. It is like living— its hard but you can't give up. Napapikit na lamang ako habang nasa elevator. My phone beeped and I looked at it. Hindi ko inakalang sakto palang nasa iisang hospital lang kami ngayon.

Dayanara:

Gising na si Alfos.

Lavy:

Bakit pa siya nagising

Dayanara:

Solstice! You're such an ingrate! Bakit gan'yan ka kay Alfos?

Lavy:

Grabe ka naman, nagtanong lang e. :)

Umirap naman ako at inalam kung nasaan ang kwarto n'ya, binigay naman ito sa akin ni Dayanara. Nagmamadali ako dahil hindi ko alam kung totoo nga ba ang balita. I opened the door without knocking and saw Alfos in his most feeble state. Nangangayayat siya at maraming medical paraphernalia ang nasa kwarto n'ya. He glanced at my direction. Umasiwa ang kan'yang itsura nang makita ako.

"Bakit ka nandito?" he grunted, halos walang boses.

"Mamamatay ka na raw kaya nandito ako para sa live watching," I smirked at him scornfully. "Go on, die already. Don't be fucking shy to die."

He reflected my smirk. "Hindi ka nagmana sa mama mo. Masyado kang matapang."

"I'm not my mother, you can't hurt me."

"Matapang ka lang dahil may kasama kang Soteiro. Without him, you're nothing. Hindi ba't siya ang dahilan kung bakit naitago mo sa akin nang matagal ang mama mo? Didn't you offer yourself to him to save your mother? Even if it's futile?"

"That's not the truth," I said. Umiling ako at mas lumapit pa sa kan'ya. Namataan ko si Dayanara na nakaupo sa gilid, she was oddly silent.

"What's not true?"

"I only fucked Etienne because I wanted to know where my mom is." I frankly stated. "That's not true. If that's what you're trying to imply."

Ngumisi lang sa akin si Alfos. It was sickening that despite his almost bedridden state, he was still able to irk the hell out of me.

"Bayad na ako sa ginawa ko sa iyo noon," bilin ko. "Lahat ng mga ginawa n'yo sa akin, hinding-hindi ko na palalagpasin."

"You really are ungrateful, aren't you?" Dayanara sneered.

"What am I supposed to be grateful for?" asik ko sa kan'ya.

Napatayo si Dayanara na nanglilisik ang mga mata at parang may usok na lumalabas sa kan'yang ilong at tainga. "'Wag ka nang uuwi sa mansion kung ayaw mo na kaladkarin kita palabas!"

"Well, good riddance!" I snarled. "Mas gusto ko rin naman na mahiwalayan sa inyo kung bibigyan lang ako ng pagkakataon."

My heart was racing. Ang totoo ay gusto ko rin itago ang tungkol sa bata sa kanila. I know how Dayanara and Alfos can be capable of the most despicable acts. Ayoko naman na madamay ang bata sa gulo ng mga Reverio.

Padabog akong umalis at marahas na sinarado ang pinto. I have to find Snyder and Euan now. Saka na ako pupunta kay Etienne kapag sigurado na ako.

Minabuti ko na muna pumunta ng comfort room. Naiihi na rin kasi ako dahil sa kaba na rin siguro. After a brief time inside a cubicle. I panicked. Wait, panic was an understatement. Nanginginig ang mga binti ko nang makita ang kinatatakutan ko. I didn't know what to do. All the years spent in college were lost and I was dumbfounded for a moment.

I was beyond horrified to see blood trickling down my legs.

❛ ━━━━━━･❪♀❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜
Li's note: hi! An early update because your comments from the previous chapter is overwhelming! thank you for the thoughts! The next update will be on Jan 18 but it could also be an early update (because your thoughts motivates me to write faster) thank you po talaga! ᥫ᭡ li