Kabanata 24

"Etienne," I called while he's busy on his laptop. Hindi n'ya agad ako nilingon.

"Etienne," ulit ko at hinatak nang bahagya ang kan'yang sleeves.

"Po?" Etienne asked, hindi pa rin inaalis ang mga mata sa kan'yang laptop.

I pursed my lips because I know why he's busy. It was our immersion week. Ibig sabihin ay malapit na kami matapos sa senior high school. We're about to go to college. Kinakabahan nga ako dahil sa totoo lang ay parang naglaro lang kami sa senior highschool. I didn't even really experience hardships during the semesters. Tuwing hell week lang siguro dahil kahinaan ko ang math.

"Susunduin mo ba ako pagkatapos mo sa immersion?" humilig ako sa kan'yang balikat. He stiffened but his shoulders gradually relaxed.

"Yeah," he said and kissed the side of my head. "Kakain ba tayo sa labas o magluluto ako?"

"Can you cook lasagna for me?" Ngumuso ako sa kan'ya. "Ayaw nila ako lutuan sa bahay."

"Okay," Etienne ruffled my hair as he playfully held my chin to make me look at him. "Lavyu."

Our routine was just like the other couples. We'll eat together, go on dates and awkwardly learn new things as our relationship progresses. My whole grade twelve wasn't even focused on finishing my year with flying colors, it was about Etienne. And I don't mind because I think I was able to redeem myself from my past mistakes through this.

Kinabukasan sa school ay halos nagliligpit na sila ng mga gamit. Our school year was about to end already, gano'n lang kabilis ang mga pangyayari. Kapag kasi natapos na ang immersion namin ay tapos na rin talaga ang mga gawain — completion na lang ng mga requirements namin sa ibang mga subjects.

"Itutuloy mo pa ba ang pagiging doctor?" Cara asked me. Isa sa mga kaklase ko ngayong grade 12. She was one of the closest classmates I have. Hindi man kami sobrang nagkakasama ay madalas kaming seatmate o di kaya'y groupmate.

Napalingon naman ako sa kan'ya. "Oo naman. Ikaw ba?"

Cara smiled at me sadly and shook her head. "Hindi na e."

I don't know why it pinched my heart to pieces. Isa siya sa mga matatalino sa klase namin at scholar pa nga siya sa pagkakatanda ko.

"Bakit?"

"Hindi kaya e." Cara chuckled, to mask the crack on her voice. "Magtatrabaho muna siguro ako saka na ako maga-aral kapag nakaluwag kami ni Mama at Ate."

"Is Tita still doing laundry?"

Tumango naman siya sa akin. "Marami namang nagpapalaba kaso may edad na si Mama e. At saka mas dapat makapagtapos si Ate. Nakakahiya naman kung ipipilit ko 'yong gusto ko, hindi naman talaga namin kakayanin 'yong med school."

The biggest slap that senior highschool can give you is knowing that your dream as a child is easily attained by others while it is too far from your reach. Kahit tumakbo ka patungo sa pangarap mo, may mas mabilis pa rin sa 'yo kahit naglalakad lang sila. It was the cruel truth that others tend to hide by saying you can be anything with proper hard work. Although hard work is helpful — you can't deny the power of influence and money when it comes to an easy path to success.

"P'wede ka mag-scholar?" I advised.

Kumulimlim ang kan'yang mga mata at marahan na bumuntonghininga. "P'wede naman kaso nakakahiya kasi talaga kay Mama. Mag-isa na lang n'ya ako'ng tinataguyod. Si Ate naman tumutulong pero hindi pa rin sapat e, estudyante pa rin siya tulad ko."

"Papa mo?"

"May ibang pamilya na si Papa." Cara said in a low voice. The pain in her tone made me feel guilty. "Sinasabi nga nila na baka karma ito ni Mama dahil noon pa man sinasabihan na siya na babaero si Papa."

I sighed. "Hindi naman kasalanan ng Mama mo na babaero 'yong minahal n'ya. Mali lang siguro na inaako n'ya lahat ng responsibilidad."

"Ayaw rin kasi ni Mama na may sinusumbat sa kan'ya. Hindi bale na kaming dalawa na lang ang nagtataguyod ng pang-araw-araw namin kaysa palaging may sinasabi tungkol sa kan'ya."

Lalong lumalim ang kunot sa noo ko. Ang tao talaga ay mahilig manghila pababa ng kapwa nila. They don't like to see others striving so they tend to pull them down with them. Parang kung sa isang barko, lahat ay lulubog at walang aangat. That mentality should be demolished.

"Nahihiya nga si Mama humingi ng tulong sa mga kapaganak namin dahil iba rin ang trato at tingin sa kan'ya." Cara smiled in melancholy. "Ang ganda raw ni Mama kaso iniwan," bigla n'yang dinaan sa tawa ang nararamdaman n'yang sakit.

"Di naman kasalanan ng mama mo. . ."

"Baka raw kasi na-losyang si Mama, mabunganga o kaya'y masyadong magastos. Ang dami nilang sinasabi tungkol sa nanay ko dahil lang pinagpalit siya ni Papa sa iba," Cara uttered, ashamed of her own family. Kita ko ang pagpipigil n'ya ng pag-iyak.

My eyes softened as I swallowed the bile on my throat. Naaawa ako sa sinapit nila. Her mother didn't deserve the scrutiny. Walang natanggap na gano'n ang ama n'ya kahit iniwan nito ang kanilang pamilya at nalaglag lahat ng sisi sa kan'yang ina. The fucking double standards.

"Hindi naman n'ya kasalanan na single mother siya. Mas okay pa nga 'yon kaysa manatili siya sa papa mo na mukhang walang magandang dulot — sorry!" I shrieked at the end, realizing that I was a bit insensitive.

Natawa naman sa akin si Cara at umiling-iling. "Tama ka naman. Kahit ako ang sinisisi ko ay si Papa, kasi kung mahal n'ya talaga si Mama ay hindi n'ya ito ipapahiya sa iba. Ang dating kasi ay tuwing nanghihingi kami ng pera sa kan'ya ay para bang hinuhuthutan namin siya."

"Obligasyon n'ya magbigay ng sustento kahit wala na sila ng Mama mo." I frowned at her statement.

Cara sighed, napapikit pa siya upang pigilan ang mga luha. "Pasensya ka na kung sa 'yo ko nakukwento ha? Ayoko rin kasi isipin nila Mama na hindi ako masaya sa ganitong pamilya. Kung alam mo lang kung gaano n'ya inuubos ang sarili n'ya para mapunan ang kawalan ni Papa."

"Okay lang," I caressed her back. "And I'm sorry you have to go through this. I believe we'll still see each other in the wards, Doktora Cara." I winked at her and she only laughed at me. Tuluyan nang gumulong ang mga luha sa kan'yang pisngi.

Oftentimes, a man can leave a responsibility whenever he want to — but a woman can't. The society expects a woman should carry the burden of the family in case the man decided that the whole family idea is not for him. Hindi tulad ng ibang lalaki na p'wedeng iwan ang kanilang pamilya nang basta-basta — inaasahan ng mga tao na itatayo ng babae ang pamilya na iniwan. They expect too much from a woman and they let a man go from the whole condemnation because of 'lalaki kasi e.' line.

I scoffed.

Not all men, but if a man tolerates the idea that some men can get away from the criticisms so easily — is it really not all men?

"Hello," I called from the phone that Etienne gave me. It was actually a product that they've been working on, isa ako sa mga unang makakagamit. Perks of being a girlfriend, I guess.

"Yeah?" Etienne yawned in the background. "I'm sorry I wasn't able to be with you. May pinapatapos lang sa akin na program si Dad. I'll be with you later, after this. . ."

Nahihimigan ko na inaantok na siya. Kahit kanina sa klase ay natulog lang si Etienne. Napupuyat siguro dahil ang mismong immersion n'ya ay naganap sa kompanya nila. I found it funny but Tito really wanted Etienne to work for him. It was probably their bonding too since Tito Eije is busy most of the time.

"Hm, you don't have to always say sorry for not being with me. Nandito lang naman ako, hindi naman ako aalis." I chortled.

"Thank you. . ."

"Etienne, may scholarship program ang EIJE Inc. Hindi ba?"

"Yup. You want to be a scholar?"

"No, but I'd like to refer to someone," sabi ko habang naaalala si Cara. "Can you give me the requirements? Para masabihan ko rin siya. And if you have part time jobs, can you give a list? 'Yong flexible sana for working students."

"Is this a friend of yours? We can pay for her tuition fee. EIJE Inc. are always looking for ways to give back to the community. I'm sure my mom is already the living proof of that."

I unconsciously nodded my head. Tita Ellise is a philanthropist and she's one of the most generous people that I know.

"I doubt that she'll accept the help," katwiran ko. Cara is someone who wants to work hard for her own merit. Hindi ko alam kung tatanggapin n'ya lang ang tulong nang hindi n'ya ito pinagpapaguran. I also don't want her to be indebted to me.

"Okay, I'll send you the requirements later. Baka matulog muna ako rito. . ."

Narinig ko ang paghikab ni Etienne. Napangiti naman ako habang hinihintay na ibaba n'ya ang tawag.

"You can end the call," I softly told him. "Tulog ka na."

"I don't want to. . ." he teased. "I wanna hear your voice more."

"Sleep ka na nga," I hushed him. "I'll go there, okay? You'll still hear me later."

Akala ko ay papatayin n'ya na ang tawag. Subalit naririnig ko lang ang mga tunog ng aircon at ang iilang beses na may nagbubukas ng pinto.

He really didn't end the call. It unconsciously plastered a small smile on my face.

Umuwi lang ako sandali sa bahay upang magpalit ng damit. I instructed our driver to drive the car to main headquarters of EIJE Inc.

I didn't have to go to the lobby. May sarili akong keycard ng opisina nila Etienne. That signifies how much he trusted me. I was already part of the Soteiros even without proper announcement.

I was wearing a white body hugging dress partnered with a black lapel blazer. My black stiletto heels were click-clacking on the ground.

I saw Snyder outside of Etienne's office. Namumutla siya at mukhang hindi mapakali. Nangunot naman ang noo ko. He is always stoic or too eccentric to be read. Ngayon ay halatang hindi siya mapakali.

"Bakit ka nandito?" I asked him as I reached his area.

Bahagyang nagulat si Snyder sa akin. Lalong namutla ang mukha n'ya. He looked like he have seen a ghost.

"Solstice. . ." aniya. He groaned and looked upwards, like asking the heavens why. "Can you go? I mean, p'wede bang umalis ka muna?"

"Why?" striktang tanong ko. "Ano'ng mayroon?" My eyes darted towards the door. Lalong nagkaroon ng kunot ang aking noo.

"Just. . ." Snyder ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. "Can we just please go?"

"Bakit nga?" iritadong balik ko. Bakit ba gusto n'ya ako umalis? Kararating ko lang.

"You're not supposed to be here." Snyder said, with a straight face. "Alis na m-muna tayo."

"Is Etienne?" I trailed off. No. . . I don't think Etienne is capable of cheating. Hindi rin naman kami nag-away o ano.

Napalunok tuloy ako.

Is. . . Someone there? Someone I shouldn't meet? Binabagabag tuloy ako habang pilit ako hinihila ni Snyder palayo sa pintuan.

"Solstice," Snyder calmly called me. "Bukas na lang kayo magusap ni Etienne."

Nakarinig ako ng kalabog mula sa kabilang pinto. My heart was palpitating rapidly. Hindi na rin tuloy ako mapakali dahil baka nga tama ang hinila ko. And if someone is being hurt inside that room — I can't just stand here.

"Sorry, Snyder." I said and withdraw my hand from him. "I don't listen to people often."

Kinuha ko ang keycard ko at tumakbo upang buksan ang pinto.

"Solstice—" Snyder shouted but I didn't care and pushed the door to open.

Nalaglag ang panga ko nang makita ko siya. My eyes widened because of my heart bursting in mixed emotions. Hindi ko inaasahan ngunit napamulagat ako.

Etienne. . .

"Pfft. . ." Snyder held his breath. "I'm so sorry. I tried to s-stop her. I really did."

Kita ko si Etienne na may hawak na throwpillow at akmang ibabato ito kay Euan na mukhang batang naliligaw kakatakbo. Euan was even panting. Etienne went pale.

I examined their hair. . .

Color white?

It was bleached.

"Pft. . ." I covered my mouth to suppressed my laughter. Nakita ko naman na binaba ni Etienne 'yong hawak n'ya.

Mukha siyang naiiyak kaya naman kinagat ko ang pang-ilalim na labi ko.

Gagi ka, Lavender. Huwag kang tatawa. I reminded myself. Boyfriend mo 'yan kahit mukha siyang. . .

"Gago, sabi ko sa inyo mukha kayong mga sisiw e." Snyder burst out laughing. "Sorry. Sorry talaga di na ako tatawa. Promise —" he continued laughing. Kahit tuloy ako ay napapahagikhik.

"Euan!" Etienne snarled. "Bakit ba kasi dinamay mo ako?!"

"Sayang 'yong bleach!" Euan winced. "Saka bagay naman sa iyo!"

"Mukhang sisiw —" Snyder stopped himself. "Kaibigan ka n-nila, Snyder. P-pero. . ." bumalik na naman siya sa pagtawa. His shoulders were moving. Sinapak ko nga sa likod dahil pinipigilan ko rin ang tawa ko kaso nahahawa ako sa kan'ya.

"Lavy. . ." naiiyak na tawag ni Etienne, eyes brimming with tears. "Mahal mo ba rin ba ako kahit mukha akong ano?"

"A-ano?" I bit my lip to suppressed my laughter. "A-ano 'yon? Ha? H-ha? Ah? Oo n-naman! Mahal pa rin k-kita kahit m-mukha kang s-sisiw." I bursted in laughter. Hinampas-hampas ko si Snyder dahil tawa rin siya nang tawa. Tarantado 'to!

Etienne's face fell and he was looking at me like a lost chick. Naiiyak na talaga siya. Si Euan naman ay walang kibo lang at tumitingin pa sa salamin kung bagay na sa kan'ya ang bagong kulay ng buhok.

"Bagay kaya pink or red?" tanong ni Euan sa amin. Walang pakialam sa pinsan n'yang nagdadalamhati dahil sa buhok nitong kinulayan.

"Hey," I swallowed hard and went to Etienne. Napasalampak siya sa isang sofa habang malungkot ang mukha. He hugged me on my waist and buried his face on my stomach.

"Nahihiya ako sa 'yo. . ." Etienne said. I could feel his breath on my skin.

I ruffled his hair. "Bagay naman sa 'yo. You can color it grey, just like your eyes." I played with his hair for a bit. Bagay naman talaga kahit mukha siyang sisiw na binibenta sa labas ng simbahan.

"Pangit," pagmamaktol n'ya.

"No, it's not." I took his chin to make him look at him. Umangat naman ang tingin n'ya sa akin. "At saka! Alam mo ba pangarap ko maging boyfriend noon si Jack Frost! And his hair was white and grayish. Ibig sabihin pangarap na rin kita maging boyfriend, 'di ba?"

I kissed his forehead, the bridge of his nose and wiped his tears for him. "Hm, ang gwapo mo kaya?" kahit mukha kang sisiw, I closed my mouth before I can utter that phrase. Natawa ako sa sarili ko.

"Really?"

"Really." I affirmed.

"As long as you love it, I think I can love it too." He beamed.

He hugged me tighter. He was like a child who got praise for something childish that he did. Paulit-ulit ko naman na ina-alo siya sa pamamagitan ng paghawak sa kan'yang buhok.

The door created a 'ting' sound indicating that someone entered the room. I don't know why I felt cold all of the sudden, like a wild breeze went through the room.

"Ah," Euan looked at the door, binaba n'ya ang compact mirror na hawak n'ya kanina. In a bored tone, he called someone.

"Nandiyan ka na pala. . .CL."

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