Kabanata 23

The right thing to do was turn off the phone or end the call however it was also rational to answer it. Paano kung importante? Hindi naman siguro masama kung sasagutin ko dahil wala naman na ako'ng nararamdaman para kay CL.

I was supposed to answer it but the call ended on its own. Para ako'ng binunutan ng tinik sa dibdib dahil hindi ko na kailangan marinig ang boses n'ya. Hindi naman sa nagtatampo, I just felt bad that we had to end things the way it ended. Yet, maybe I just find it hard to let go of people too.

Nakatanggap ako ng isang text mula kay CL sa phone ni Etienne.

CL:

You don't have to answer it if you're busy. I'll send the details to you via email. Have a nice day, Etienne.

I could practically hear his accent and his voice in my head while reading the text. Palagi talaga siyang kalmado. His voice fits his dream career, kahit kailan ay hindi ko pa nakitang nagalit o nainis man lang si CL. He'll be good with kids too. Bagay sa kan'ya ang maging pedia.

I fidgeted my fingers. I feel like a criminal for reading that text. I fight the urge to reply back. Hindi bale na lamang, alam ko naman na sasabihin ni CL kung importante talaga 'yon. I should stop thinking about it.

"Lavy," Etienne called. Umangat ang tingin ko sa kan'ya. I stood and gave his things back.

"Someone called," I confessed. "Si CL yata. I didn't answer the call, sorry."

Hindi ko alam kung bakit namutla si Etienne. His face hardened upon hearing what I said. Agad naman siyang umiling-iling. He smiled at me at fixed the few falling strands of my hair on my face.

"It's okay. It's just about family, you didn't have to answer it."

Hinawakan n'ya ako sa aking kamay at giniya pabalik sa rink. "One last round?"

Ngumiti naman ako sa kan'ya at tumango. This time, I hardly stumble. Marunong na ako kahit papaano.

"What if we try skating in pairs?" I asked Etienne. "I wanna try a sport too."

Etienne's forehead gradually formed a frown. "Aren't you into Taekwondo? Black belter ka pa nga?"

"Yes! But I want to try this too. Para pareho tayo," sagot ko.

"Do you trust me. . . That much?" Etienne asked, his voice was laced with utmost sincerity. It sounded grateful even. Napalingon ako sa kan'ya. My eyes didn't fray away when I could feel that his eyes were misty.

"Skating in pairs means you trust your partner with your life. The stunts are not easy and a mistake of your partner can even harm you," saad ni Etienne. His movements gradually became slower than usual. It was as if he was thinking deeply.

"To hear that you want us to try skating in pairs. . .It means a lot to me that you trust me, Lavy. . ." he rasped, I could even feel that he wanted to cry. "Because most of the people I know actually don't. And I understand them. Who would trust someone who manipulates people to make his ideals turned into reality?"

"Bakit mo kasi ginagawa 'yon? Hindi naman lahat ay nadadaan sa pagmamaniubra," saway ko sa kan'ya.

He looked away, parang nahuli siya sa maling ginagawa n'ya. I caught him red handed and he was ashamed of it.

"Wala lang," he answered. "Trip ko lang."

Nangunot ang noo ko. Ano'ng trip n'ya lang? I squeezed his hand which made him look at me.

"Sorry," he mumbled. "I just don't have a reasonable reason. I might as well just leave it at that."

"Pero titigil ka na ha?" I gradually loosen my grip. "Promise me that you'll stop being involve with others. Hindi mo na gagawin 'yong ginawa mo noon."

"Even if it will help them?"

"Not everyone wants that help, Etienne. May mga tao na mas natututo sila kapag sarili nila mismo ang gumagawa ng paraan. Hindi rin p'wedeng palaging kung ano ang tingin mo ang tama ang masusunod."

Etienne didn't answer back. I could see the slight hesitation dancing in between of his seemingly translucent eyes.

They find it hard to read him because Etienne most of the time is actually very clear with his intentions but masked it with his actions. Kahit ako ay nalilito rin sa pagkatao n'ya. No'ng bata kami, hindi ko rin inakala na ganito siya kalalim mag-isip.

Matapos ang skating namin ay nadala na rin kami ng pagod. Etienne wanted to eat in fine dining but I already requested to eat in fastfood.

"Sorry," I bit my lower lip. "Wala pa kasi ako'ng budget? Hindi ko nadala ang cards ko." I admitted while we were walking towards the statue of a famous fastfood chain.

"P'wede naman na ako ang magbayad," alok n'ya sa akin. "Ikaw naman na ang nagbayad para sa skating. I should at least pay for it. It is a date after all."

"No, I insist. "Ikaw na lang ang magbayad sa susunod na date natin."

Nagningning ang mga mata ni Etienne. "Mauulit pa ito?!" he covered his mouth upon noticing that it was too loud.

Natawa naman ako sa kan'ya. "Oo? Jowa kaya kita? Parang tanga naman ito."

A faint smile appeared on his lips. He snagged his gaze away and I saw how he bit his lower lip. Grabe, ang lakas ko pala talaga sa kan'ya? Who would have thought I could make Etienne Nealcail Soteiro flushed so easily? Ni hindi pa nga ako naghuhubad? Weird.

Pumunta kami sa Jollibee at pinaupo ko siya upang makapag-order na ako sa counter. I ordered a bucket for the both of us. Kita ko na mukhang naguluhan si Etienne dahil sa dami ng binili ko nang bumalik ako sa lamesa namin.

"I like the chicken here," sabi ko nang tuluyan na makaupo sa harapan n'ya. I opened the bucket by removing the paper lid. "No'ng bata pa ako, pangarap ko makakain sa Jollibee kasama 'yong mama ko. Madalas kasi niyayabangan ako ng mga kalaro ko noon."

"Nagawa mo ba?"

"Hindi." I smiled at him and removed the lids on the gravy too. "Pero sana magawa ko na."

"We'll bring Jollibee when we get there," Etienne smiled back at me. Nagulat ako dahil hinawakan n'ya ang kamay ko. He gently squeezed my hand to assure me. It affirmed my feelings for him more.

"Saan ba siya ngayon?"

"Some private island that the Esmaels once owned. Hindi 'yon mahahagilap ng mga Reverio dahil hawak ng mga Esmael."

My mouth formed a solid 'o' upon hearing Snyder's nickname. "Snyder is involved?He knows about my mother?"

"Yes but no," Umiling si Etienne at humina ang boses. "We only bought the Island from the Esmaels. We didn't buy it just because I wanted to, it was a gift from my mother to at least divert my attention from. . ." he flinched and wasn't able to continue. From the abuse.

Tita Ellise would buy an island just for him to think about something else. Napalunok naman agad ako.

"The Esmaels are very strict when it comes to their products, aren't they? Kaya ka ba sa kanila bumili?"

Etienne's attention looped back to me. Agad naman siyang tumango. "They assured me that the island would be very private and even the people living there would need to sign an affidavit that everything from the island is confidential."

"Nakatakas sila sa gobyerno?"

"Not really, the Esmaels have their ways with the government. Besides, it is privately owned. Wala rin namang illegal ang nangyayari roon," he said, almost in a whisper.

"You went to that extent to hide my mom?" tanong ko sa kan'ya. I couldn't believe it. It was just too good to be true.

"Dayanara is keen and Alfos is madly in love with your mom. Both of them are thorns to be honest," Etienne shrugged off. "I find it hard to hide your mom in the same vicinity as them. Kung sa ibang bansa naman, I doubt your mom would want to go there."

"Paano mo napapayag si Mama?"

"Sinabi ko lang ang pangalan mo at sumama na siya," Etienne said. "She badly wants to see you too."

"Etienne —"

"Let's talk when we're not in a public place. I'm pretty sure that some of the Reverios' minions are tailing us. Have you already told them?" seryosong saad ni Etienne. He folded a tissue which distracted me but I nodded.

"Uh huh," Etienne smiled at me. Inabot n'ya sa akin 'yong tissue. Tiningnan ko naman ito at may nabasa ako. The temperature of my body fell and went arctic.

Dayanara is listening. Someone is behind you, trying to take notes. Please be careful.

Agad naman akong tumango. That was possible. She was always scared that my mother would take her place. She even claimed that Solstice was her daughter to gain her spot.

"Kain na tayo," panglilihis ko ng usapan. "Gusto mo ba 'yong may red flag?"

Etienne furrowed his eyebrows, returning to his snobbish semblance. "What? Red flag?"

Napasapo ako sa aking noo. Medyo natuliro ako dahil sa sinabi ni Etienne. I pointed the spicy chicken with a cute flag on it. "Mahilig ka ba sa maanghang?"

"Oh, I do like hot, Lavy. That's why I like you because you're hot—"

I blushed. "Gago ka talaga!"

"Hot headed! Very much." Etienne teased and flicked my forehead. "Laging ang init ng ulo mo."

Napanguso naman ako sa kan'ya. I took a chicken out of the bucket and put it in his plate. He was like a kid while eating and he obviously liked it. Pero tinatabi n'ya 'yong balat at binibigay sa akin. I found it peculiar but I didn't complain.

Umuwi kami nang nakahilig sa akin si Etienne. He was asleep and he probably got tired because after we ate, we still roamed around the mall.

"Hi Tita Ellise," bati ko nang bumungad siya sa akin dahil binuksan n'ya ang pinto ng sasakyan.

Her eyes widened a fraction. "Uh! Uhm, p'wede ko ba muna kayo kuhanan ng picture?" she nervously asked.

Nanglaki naman ang mga mata ko. Nagliwanag ang mukha ni Tita Ellise. She excitedly took photos of Etienne sleeping on my shoulder. I only smiled for the picture too. Hindi ko talaga mabasa ang mga Soteiro kadalasan.

𐂴 ৫ ⧉ꕤ

"Ang galing mo naman 'te may quiz tayo sa physics pero nagawa mo pang humarot," panga-alaska sa akin ng isa sa mga kaklase ko. She probably saw the photos uploaded by Tita Ellise on her account.

"PauTienne lubog," panggagatong pa ng kaklase ko.

"Last year pa 'yon ah!"

"Sayang 'yong fanpage," someone sighed. "Gawan na lang natin ang Lavienne!"

"Gagi huwag, baka lumubog din!"

I dismissed their unwanted opinions. Sinubukan ko na lang mag-review para sa physics na quiz namin dahil bukod sa bobo na nga ako rito ay nakakabobo rin talaga 'yong subject. Calculus is hard, alright. Pero physics? Isa siyang traydor. Mukha lang madali pero madali talagang magpa-iyak ng estudyante.

Nagulat ako dahil may nagtulak ng isang index card sa akin. Umangat ang tingin ko at nakitang si Etienne ito. Puno ng formulas ang index card na inabot n'ya.

"Pinapayagan ni Sir 'yong index card na formulas. Ginawan na kita." Etienne smiled at me. Mukha siyang mabait kapag ngumingiti siya nang ganito. Umlike how his previous smiles were, I think this time it was genuine.

"Thank you. Goodluck mamaya," I took the index card from him. I didn't have one and also his handwriting has always been neat.

Nagkandahaba ang kan'yang nguso. "Walang goodluck kiss? Unfair."

Pinitik ko ang kan'yang ilong. "Ang landi mo na, Stop Etienne send to 8080."

He lightly chuckled. "What?" not getting the reference. Halatang hindi siya ang nagbabayad ng postpaid or prepaid sim n'ya.

Ngumisi lang ako sa kan'ya. Dumating na si Sir kaya natigil si Etienne sa panglalandi sa akin. Pinamigay na rin ang test namin at unang tingin pa lang ay pamatay na.

P'wede bang bumalik na lang kami sa mga laws of motion?

After the deadly quiz, it was already our dismissal. Nangawit ang leeg ko sa sobrang pudpod ko sa kakaisip kung paano iso-solve ang mga 'yon. Malaking tulong 'yong mga formula na binigay sa akin ni Etienne pero bobo 'yata talaga ako sa physical science.

I groaned. Ako yata ang patunay na p'wede ka mag-STEM kahit di ka magaling sa science at math. Two of the most important topics in the strand itself.

"There are next times," Etienne snaked his hands on my waist. A worried look plastered on his face. "Hindi rin naman talaga siya madali."

Nasa hallway na kami ngayon at papunta na sa gate. I gave him a small smile.

"Papasa naman ako," I said. "Para sa akin 'yon naman ang mahalaga kasi may mga susunod pa naman."

While I commend those who give a lot of effort for their studies, I can't see myself sulking over my grades when I have more to think of. P'wede pa naman ako bumawi at marami pang pagkakataon para mapatunayan ko na may kakayahan ako na ako lang ang p'wedeng gumawa.

"Uh, free your weekend." Etienne said. "Aalis tayo, ipagpapaalam na lang kita."

Napangiti naman ako. He knows that even if Dayanara doesn't care about me as much as how she values Mareena — bantay sarado pa rin ako sa mga Reverio.

I didn't know what to feel. Lalo lamang lumala ang pangamba ko nang matuloy ang pagpunta namin sa isla kung nasaan si Mama. We even had to use an airplane in order to get there. Sinalubong din kami ng mga convoy nang makababa kami sa isla na 'yon.

"Sir Etienne," bati ng isa sa mga guards sa kan'ya. Etienne dismissed him by waving his hand off.

"Drop the formalities," Etienne said. "Nasaan si Tita Lucilla?"

"Townhouse," the guard calmly stated. "Open the main gate." utos n'ya gamit ng kan'yang lapel.

"You know," I said as I grabbed Etienne's hand. "Nakakalimutan ko na mayaman ka nga pala kapag inaasar kita."

"Ha?" Etienne widened his eyes. "Does that bother you? I don't even know how to spend my money. Does it bother you? That I'm rich?"

"It bothers me that you don't even know how powerful you can be with your money."

"Money isn't everything, Lavy." Etienne caressed my cheeks. "We can live without it."

"Sige, akin na lang pera mo," biro ko sa kan'ya.

"Oh, that's okay. I don't plan having prenups anyway," he shrugged off. "Sa 'yo lang naman ako."

Nakarating kami sa isang townhouse. The place was eerily silent but only the movements of a chess piece can be heard across the room. My heart hammered against my chest upon seeing a familiar woman. Nakita ko rin na may kausap siyang nakasaya na kulay puti. The woman was smiling as she played chess.

Natutop ang labi ko habang pinapanood siya. Agad namang lumingon sa akin ang isang babaing mukhang manika. She looked at Etienne and bowed for a bit.

"You're here," aniya. "I was only inspecting the island so I could improve it's state in case it does not reach the Esmaels' standards."

"Thank you, Chloe." Etienne said. "Is Snyder with you?"

"Nasa likod mo lang si Snyder." Chloe pointed towards a direction. Nilingon naman namin ito.

Snyder was waving his hand to greet. Nakita ko na bahagyang kumunot ang noo ni Etienne. Unti-unting lumapit sa amin si Snyder.

"Bakit di ka namin nakita?" Etienne asked.

"Nauna ka pa kasing humarot bago mo ako nakita." Snyder shrugged off. "Besides, it's the monthly inspection."

"You know? About me? About my mother?" tulirong tanong ko.

Snyder lazily smiled at me. "I can pretend that I don't. I'm an Esmael after all, amicus usque ad aras."

Hindi na ako nagtaka sa sinabi n'ya. The Esmaels, even if they were very mysterious to the core, are very loyal to their motto. They tend to stick with their customers. Tout a vous. If I recall. Wholly yours, is what they aim as their motto. Kaya mahal din talaga ang mga binibenta nila dahil kasama sa binibili ang kanilang loyalty.

"Lavender?" a soft voice called me. Hindi ako makagalaw dahil sa pagtawag n'ya sa akin.

I feel like I was shrink back to my old self. The one that wanted to save her from that horrible house. Nakita ko na nagkakulay ang namumutlang mukha n'ya kanina.

"Lavender," ulit n'ya at unti-unting bumalisbis ang mga luha sa kan'yang pisngi.

"M-ma," I choked on my own breath. Pakiramdam ko ay tinatambol ang puso ko habang papalapit ako sa kan'ya.

I cried in her arms as she enveloped me for a hug. She kept on hushing me down as I continued to let my tears soak her white dress. Narinig ko ang mahinang tawa n'ya sa akin.

"Masaya ako na lumaki kang maayos. . ." she whispered in my ears. "Patawarin mo sana ako kung nawala ako sa buhay mo. . ."

"Nandito ka naman na," I sobbed. "Hindi ka na aalis sa akin 'di ba?"

Ngumiti lang siya sa akin at inayos ang aking buhok. "Ang ganda-ganda mo na. Patawarin mo ako kung. . ."

I cutted her off by kissing her forehead. "I don't want to talk about it anymore. We are not living in the past, I want to see you in my future so we have to talk about our present and this is what we have right now."

The crinkles on the side of her eyes appeared. Binigyan n'ya lang ako ng isang ngiti bago ako halikan pabalik sa noo. I felt comfort in her arms.

Napalingon ako kay Etienne. I mumbled a quick 'thank you' and he only smiled at me.

I finally found my light in the endless trail of darkness I had to conquer alone.

𐂴 ৫ ⧉ꕤ

I promise Mama that I will visit her every month. Hindi rin kasi ako p'wedeng magtagal sa isla dahil baka magtaka ang mga Reverio. Lalo na si Dayanara kung magtatagal ako ng higit sa tatlong araw kada isang buwan. I have to still be discreet.

"Etienne has done a lot for you," Snyder remarked upon our arrival at the airport, hiwalay kasi kami ni Etienne upang hindi masundan ang kanilang eroplano kung sakali man na pinabantayan ito ni Dayanara. "Aren't you scared that he's actually doing this for a purpose?"

"What do you mean?" tanong ko sa kan'ya.

"Did you know what Etienne went through?" Snyder looked stoic. He played with his fingers before looking up to me. "He got judge for being a victim. His trauma was downplayed by the people he was expecting to help him."

"I. . ."

"People expected him to take it easy because he was a man. . ." Snyder coldly said. "He was a man so he must have wanted it too, that's what they told him. That's how he coped with it."

Umiwas ako ng tingin. "He didn't deserve that."

"I know, but what hurts more is your half-assed love for him."

"What?" Napalingon ako sa kan'ya. My eyes squinted because of what he told me. His accusation stings.

Snyder shrugged off. "He could sacrifice his entire existence for you but you're not even trying to forget someone. . ."

Snyder looked at me with his intense stare. "I know you weren't Solstice the moment that I saw you didn't have the mole on your ears. But you know what's the biggest difference between the both of you?"

Nagtatahip-tahip ang puso ko dahil sa mga sinisiwalat ni Snyder. He only looked at me, his lips tugged up appearing like a smirk.

"Solstice won't hurt Etienne." Snyder said. "You, on the other hand, don't even know how to love him."

"Who do you think you are to question my love for him?" I snorted at him.

"If you really love him, let's meet CL." Snyder smirked at me. Natigilan naman ako sa sinabi n'ya sa akin. "Wala ka naman nang nararamdam para sa kan'ya 'di ba?"

Hindi agad ako nakasagot sa kan'ya. I look at him, tinatansya kung ano ang binabalak n'ya.

"If you can talk to CL without feeling anything. . ." Snyder touched his bruised lips, a small smile forming. "I'll use the Esmaels to bring the whole Reverio down."

The Esmaels. . . They're rarely involve with the socialites because of their eccentric living conditions. Mayaman ngunit hindi ginagamit ang yaman. 'Yan ang kadalasang binabato sa kanila. Biglang umakyat ang kaba sa dibdib ko.

I looked at my phone and saw the picture of Etienne sleeping on my shoulder. I love him, I do. I hate how people are doubting my love for him just because I have hurt him before. It's not like they don't have the right but I'm trying. I am always trying to match his love for me.

"I'm actually on Etienne's side," Snyder said. "Gawin mo pa akong ninong sa kasal o sa binyag ng anak n'yo, I don't mind. I don't want Etienne to settle with mediocre love, that's the shittiest thing that could happen to anyone in this universe."

"Sinasabi mo ba na mababaw ang pagmamahal ko sa kan'ya?" I asked, my voice was shaking.

"No," Snyder shook his head. "Ang sinasabi ko, hindi mo mahal si Etienne. You just see him as someone you need to keep. And that's different."

"I don't have to prove to you that I love him." I said, hindi alam kung bakit naiiyak ako sa mga paratang n'ya.

"Or are you just scared that I'm right? You're still in love with CL?"

"I could. . ." I took a deep breathe. "I could meet him. But I won't because I know Etienne is not comfortable with the idea of CL. And you don't do things that would make your partner feel threatened."

I won't do things that would lead to Etienne being hurt. And if that means avoiding CL then I would do that. I would avoid CL or just be civil with him. It's the least that I could do.

"I still don't believe that you're wholly his, the hesitation in your voice would probably hurt him." Snyder furrowed his eyebrows. "But I think I know why Etienne loves you. . ."

Snyder left me alone, but he didn't leave me completely alone. He left me with a thousand questions in my mind — left unanswered.

❛ ━━━━━━･❪♀❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜