Klaatu faced the council to summarize his findings. He felt a little sorry for the primitives; the evidence was damning. "In short, they are a curious and inventive species not given to introspection. They are almost pathologically shortsighted, controlled by the most primitive of survival instincts." He paused to ensure he held the attention of all chief facilitators of the prime supervisory board of the Council of Cooperative Worlds. The next point was crucial.

"The office of Anticipatory-Social-Dynamics has projected they will ultimately self-extinguish but, at their rate of advancement, they will develop early space-folding technology in only 2.5CUs and achieve interstellar flight in 3.7CUs-"

The chief facilitator of Applied-Spacial-Mathematics clacked his mandibles in surprise, his translation device squawking. "That's impossible!" The other facilitators displayed shocked looks at his breach of decorum. He rolled onto his back and kicked up his legs in embarrassment.

The chief facilitator of Theoretical-Xeno-Biological-Taxonomy spread her membranes seeking attention. "No species has ever achieved that in less than 10CUs, most take 20 to 25CUs!"

Klaatu tapped his eSlate. "I am including a summary of a detailed amplification from the department of De-constructive-Statistical-Appreciation to substantiate the results."

The chief facilitator of the office of Anti-Theoretical-Heuristic-Thought-Engineering leaned toward his neighbor and muttered from one of his three mouths, "trans-substantiate, I wager."

The council overseer stuck her/his pipe to her/his respirator and blew a shrill discord to re-establish order. "I would remind the council the reason we are here." Her/his aquatic helmet bubbled with fury. "The existence of an entire community of auto-scientious biota is at stake!" When order had been re-established, s/he turned to Klaatu. "What terminal opinion has your department achieved?"

"While their technical abilities increase at an exponential rate, their moral and philosophical development has actually regressed. If these beings calling themselves humanity are allowed to persist and achieve interstellar travel, they may delay their self-extinguishment by tens or even hundreds of CUs, destroying or absorbing thousands of unique socio-political-matrices in the process."

The assistant to the chief facilitator of the office of Cultural-Epidemiology clapped its claws together and defensively retracted its eyes beneath its upper carapace. "They are that virulent?!"

The overseer turned her/his pipe on it and bubbled angrily.

Despite the interruption, Klaatu pressed on to his conclusion. "It is this department's recommendation that an asteroid of no less than 16KSUs be immediately directed to a simultaneous co-local position with the planet called Earth."

That quieted everyone down. The council members stared back at Klaatu in shock. The public translator of Psycho-Social-Impact-Studies turned a dangerously pale shade of mauve. A single exhalation bubbled to the top of the overseer's helmet. "Does anyone wish to add anything before we close this hearing?"

Klaatu cringed. He rarely had to make this request, but it was always embarrassing when he did. "If I may...a representative of the planet in question would like to address the council." He gestured at the human sitting on the relief frame next to him.

The overseer bubbled in his direction. "You may initiate."

The human rose on his two legs. "Thank you for allowing me to speak. I merely seek to understand the rationale behind this proposed action." The human paused to bare his teeth at the council in what was universally understood as a threat to eat the subject of the gesture. "Am I to understand you are considering destroying the Earth?"

"The extent of our action or inaction will depend, in large part, on the inherent aggression in the evolutionary processes of your biota. We may need to sterilize the planet or merely sanitize it of humans."

"For what crime against your Cooperative Worlds are you punishing the Earth?"

The overseer leaned toward the chief facilitator of the office of Anti-Theoretical-Heuristic-Thought-Engineering. "Crime?"

"It's not really my department, but I believe he is referring to adverse activities contravening formally-agreed normative behavioral standards."

"Ah. Well, It is not because of any specific crime, but because of the threat humanity poses to us."

"Threat? Has humanity intentionally threatened you?"

"Not intentionally, no."

"So what is your moral justification for attacking the Earth?"

The overseer cringed as her/his neighbor explained the meaning of 'attack' to her/him. "If human nature itself is a threat to us, we will act in self-defense."

"Are the Cooperative Worlds alone allowed to defend themselves?"

"No. It is a universally acknowledge right of all auto-scientious biota!"

"Does that include humans?

"Yes."

The human produced a white square of fibrous material and inscribed symbols on it with a small container of pigment. "So if you decide Humanity is a threat, humans would be justified in counter-attacking?"

"Er, yes."

"So, can we agree that you are considering exercising your right of self-defense to destroy a people exercising that same universally acknowledge right?"

The facilitators began chirping, grunting and drumming to each other. The overseer's pipe lay on the table, forgotten. One of the facilitators quietly whistled at its assistant. "Quick, call the propositional tactical defense philosophers!"

The Overseer bowed her/his head. "That would seem to be the case."

The human swept the room with his bared teeth. "I suggest this idea be removed from further consideration due to a lack of moral standing."

"It seems we have no choice."

"May I approach the council?"

"If you stop baring your teeth at us."

The human placed the white square of fibrous material on the council's table.

"What is this?" the overseer asked.

"A list of damages my client is seeking compensation for, as well as an invoice of my billable hours."

The facilitator of Applied-Spacial-Mathematics leaped up and clung to the ceiling. The assistant facilitator of Cultural-Epidemiology retreated entirely into its carapace. Many others hid under the table. The facilitator of Anticipatory-Social-Dynamics shouted into a communicator. "This is a system-wide emergency! Prepare to evacuate this sector!"

The overseer held her/his head in her/his hands. "It's too late. The threat is far worse than we imagined."

Klaatu rushed to the table. "What?"

"They have lawyers."

992 words (not counting this bit right here)