It was the moment that I knew I couldn’t make myself love him. In fact, no one can ever love him. I knew it was very mean of me to say but this person breath to belittle other people. And, no matter how handsome he was or how much expensive perfume he wore…he was a person who never loved a thing. In fact, I think he was brought up to love himself only.

I wanted to eat when he stood up but looking at him stopping for a few seconds close to me told me that he required me to follow him. I was walking behind him when an image of a ten-year-old that had to go through such immense pain just because he was living his life to full make my heartache.

I knew I had never met his grandfather but I hope that he realized his mistakes at the last of his life. Matteo took the stairs up and I followed him wondering if I was relaxed or sad knowing I didn’t have any right to carry his blood.

Once I heard that the worst mistake you can make is to have kids with someone who is not worth it. So, as of now, I guess it was a good thing. Plus, the future with him was so uncertain while my present with him was suffocating. And, having him as the future father for my kids was the worst decision I could make.

We got into a room but he walked to the spacious terrace. The room had a wooden floor and had a more comfy look. I inhaled getting the fresh air. And, soon felt his arm getting around my waist.

But how I could control it? I wondered thinking of all the unprotected sex we were exercising.

Don’t worry Julie, making babies can’t be this easy. We aren’t planning it so they won’t happen right? But then all of the classes I took on sex education came in front of me. And, that really got me thinking.

He got his cell phone out and the next I found the whole field sparkling with yellow neon lights. My mouth parted looking at the view until I heard him say.

“It works on every female. Doesn’t it?”

I turn to look into his eyes to only find arrogance. He was smiling as if telling me I was just any woman.

He pulled me close before holding my chin up and I looked up into his eyes. He was not only an egoistic person but also a narcissist. But there was one thing he wasn’t.

He came to kiss me and I blinked feeling his dominating hand at the back of my head and his warm breaths on my face. He wasn’t ignorant. His father might think that he doesn’t know what this real world like. But no…he did have the understanding of how things work. And, he precisely uses that knowledge to manipulate anything. And, being insensitive refrain him from having any guilt.

I groaned holding his shoulders when he dug his fingers in my skin and held me tighter. He knew he was wrong. It was as if humiliating someone powers him.

“You said I can’t have your heart right?” He pulled away to whisper over my mouth. I don’t know what was going on in his head but as of now, he wanted to have a serious conversation. “I can’t control it… no one can…” I tried to get away but he held my arms before looking right into my eyes.

“As your man, I provided you with the roof, the food, and the clothes." He emphasized every word, "...If I still don’t have your heart. It is you who are ungrateful…” And, though I knew it wasn’t true. I couldn’t stay unaffected by his words. I wasn’t a strong head like him.

“Sir…you are hurting me.” I winced while he whispered, “...If the man who is fucking you can’t have your heart. What kind of woman it makes you Julie?” I looked up to find a very proud smile on his mouth. He was enjoying insulting me.

“Leave me, Matteo,” He left me with a jerk and I couldn’t control it. I walked into the room and inhaled deeply to contain the dampness in my eyes.

“That’s not fair to me. I want your heart even if doesn’t value anything because I…own it…” He said the last words as if tasting them in the mouth. I heard him getting into the room saying.

“You are always a disappointment.”

I grazed my left arm with the right and felt his presence soon behind me. I couldn’t help hiccupping when he held my waist.

“Seriously woman?” He rubbed my tear away. “Do you really think it will work on me?” My breathing was ragged when he held me.

“Tell me that I have your heart.” I looked at him in disbelief. I wonder why he wanted this. He knew it won’t be true even if I say it now.

“Tell me, Julie…that I have your heart.” I gulped when this time he came to say this in my ear. He spoke softly before holding my body to his tenderly. But I didn’t have my guards down.

“You should say it now, Julie.” He hissed louder in my ear making me wince.

“…you have my heart,” I said without meaning the words and he knew that. But I knew what is changed now. His ego was satisfied now.

It wasn’t the first time when I felt like a slave in his arms. He didn’t want me to have my own mind or heart.

My chest felt heavy when he offered me a peck on my ear and I couldn’t help wondering about the day when I will be free.

I woke up with his hands wandering on my body. I wanted to sleep a little more but groaned when his hands passed some sensitive mark on my chest. I held his wrist that was indeed very strong and huge. It was the kind of morning that made me wonder if I wanted to get up.

“Wake up,” He whispered and I looked in his eyes. With his smile, I could gather that he wanted me to be all sweet with him. And, how easy he was thinking it is.

The last night was all in my mind when I replied, “Good morning,”

He leaned into the headboard and pulled me to him before resting his hand on my chest. “I don’t feel like going to the office today. We will spend this day together…I want to enjoy your heart…”

I raised my brows and knew my silence was going to hurt his very fragile ego. “That’s good…that’s amazing.” I got out of the covers to get my hair into a bun but got static, feeling his mouth on my back. His suggestive hand coming to rest on my thigh was telling me why he woke me up. I turn to him to rest my hand on his chest and took a deep breath before slipping under him.

I seated across him as he took his breakfast. I couldn’t feel hungry. “Were you always like this?” He asked making me look at him. Wasn’t it the same thing I asked him last night? I looked at him showing I didn’t get it. “Like you always dreamed of becoming someone’s wife and spend your life in luxury.”

And, that was a snap. I haven’t given much thought to this idea but I couldn’t help.

“Sir…I wanted to ask something? Can I do a job? I will be back when you are back? I…” I didn’t wait for his permission to let me talk and asked anyway.

He gave me a hard glare for a few seconds before bursting into a laugh. “And, what you will do? Be a maid?” He laughed louder making an old man standing close sneer too. “Why don’t you be a maid in my home? This way I won’t have to face the humility of my wife doing another person’s job.” He said and refusing to get hurt I said, “Fine,…I will take this job.”

“Don’t you dare disrespect me?” He punched the table making me jump. “…You are meant to be in this beautiful cage. I can’t let you have your self-esteem back.” Lifting his finger in a warning tone he seethed, “You will get what I give you. Do you get me?” His voice was going creepier and I didn’t dare to look up in the eyes of the people around us.

We left soon after for home but a huge lump in my neck was piercing my soul. I couldn’t help but recall the days when I wasn’t married to him. If I had any idea of what this man Matteo will be I would have tried with tooth and nail to avoid this bond.

“Are you mad?” He asked but I refused to look in his way.

“Tell me, why you want to do a job when you have already scored me?” He was leaning in his seat and I was burning under his gaze. I gulped on the painful ball of emotions in my throat when he grazed his fingers on my arm. “You will have enough even if I decide to leave you,…then why do this drama of doing a job to prove yourself a hardworking person.” He took his hand to hold my chin.

“You should better be good at one job. And, you know that…” His suggestive fingers on my face were proof that he doesn’t think of me more than a subject and I refused to be something like this. Nobody could live a life like this. And, I was no exception.

I looked at him to notice a kind of pride. But I had decided. I will look for a job no matter what. I will never depend on this person for a single penny.

We got into the house to notice Sasha donned in a very revealing brown dress. Her legs were all on the display and when she stood seeing us coming I noticed how her dress was barely covering anything. My eyes went back to Matteo’s at a light speed and he was indeed checking her out.

“Welcome back, Mr. and Mrs. Lucca.” Sasha chimed,

“What are you?...” I trailed off looking at Matteo and expected him to say something.

“Welcome back, Sasha.” He said indifferently to what I was pointing to. But then his smile and eyes started making everything clear to me. I don’t know why I was hurt. I didn’t want to be. But I was wronged. Wasn’t I? I didn’t deserve it. No…not this thing. I took two steps back and tried my hardest to take longer strides.

A hiccupped only escaped my mouth when I passed his study to get to his room. I wanted to cry out the river to dissipate this feeling in my chest but I couldn’t. Instead, only a lone tear fell from my eyes.

I don’t know I was expecting him to follow me. I only realized it when he didn’t even return after hours. And, this time I knew exactly why. The women roaming in this home were not only for his guests. I now knew what this house was. This house was built for his pleasure and he has never treated me any differently. And, now I feel stupid. I should have recognized all of it a long time ago. The lust in his eyes and the greed in his voice were always crying out to me what kind of person he was.

For a second, I wonder why Mr. Lucca decided to ruin my life. Apparently, Matteo always had women around him. He didn’t need me. He wasn’t someone deprived of physical touch because now it seems he could buy it and he had arranged it for him all along. He…he didn’t need me for anything. And, now I wonder what I was even doing here.

“I want a very tolerant woman for my son,” I recalled Mr. Lucca’s voice.

I remember knowing that I was no tolerant. But I don’t know why lifting a single finger seems like a lot of work right now when I should be getting my things packed. I took a huge sigh recalling our first time on this bed. The moment I thought maybe he was only hurt and I could trust him. I hated how I blamed me for his behavior. All this time, I thought that taking the money to marry him was the problem but it wasn’t a thing. It was never a thing and I couldn’t help but feel so stupid for all the times I let him have his way with me.

I rubbed my tears away and left his bed. It had been four hours and he was still not back. I went to take out my bag and started packing my things. I had my cell phone on charge and take it out to only notice a few texts in my friend’s group. I couldn’t have the heart to open them and was dragging my bag outside when I found Matteo coming up. His face did become sour when he looked at my bag but I tried not to pay attention until he had my left arm in his grip.

I tried to get my arm back and looked right into his eyes. “Leave me, Matteo,…just leave me.”

“And, why?” He replied jerking my body to him.

“It’s because I am leaving, Matteo…” I was cut off when he started pulling me back into the room I despised the most now.

“Matteo, No!” I shrieked now holding his arm that was tightly gripped around my arm. I was sure my voice was loud enough to get heard by many.

“Help!” I called out for any staff to hear but had my hopes died when he almost threw me on the bed.

“You can’t do this with me. You can’t…you!” I shrieked making his eyes darker.

“I am going to kill you if you dared,…” I was heaving in anger and fear while he had his finger pointed at me.

“…and, you know what?” He got his right knee on the bed while I felt weak getting back. “…no one will ever come to know what happened to this beautiful girl.”

“…Matteo, please…I can't stay here with you. Please, let me go,” I whispered looking away as he leaned in.

“…are you jealous? Then why don’t you act better? Because there is no way I am letting you leave me.” He got my hair behind my ear before coming to whisper. “Do you have any idea how amazing you feel? Remember, the first time I fucked you here,...it felt so good. And, believe me, you feel new all the time... every time I...” And, that got my guts burned with hate. I wonder if I had hated anyone this much. “No…” I held my hand over his mouth that was burning my ear with his hot breaths.

“…or we can do a negotiation.” This made me look at him. “I will let you do a job that means a few hours out of this place…and, you will not interfere with my way of living… Because there is no way you are getting out of here to cry in the civil courts how bad of a husband I am. But…I will decide your job…and, you will deal with my NGO’s and, now that you know what I am capable of, you can become my official wife to deal with everything I do…ok? Happy?” I don't know what he was talking about at this moment. I only wanted to get away from him.

“Matteo…please, no…” I held his hand coming over my thigh. I could literally smell another woman on him.

“This…is mine…” He whispered but I was quick to respond, “No!”

“Come on, we can make it work…” He said shamelessly over my mouth while I held my hand on his mouth again before refusing, “Matteo…I can’t…I can’t do this anymore.”

“Why the hell you think I am keeping you?” He shrieked so loud making me numb.

“...Do you think you are the prettiest woman? No! You slut! Divorcing you means to split my half shares with you! This is why I will never ever divorce you! You cunt! This is why no man in my family has ever divorced a woman. So, you will either be stuck here forever with me or go six feet under…” He hissed getting closer to my face. His grey eyes were bulging out making him look murderous. There was red in his eyes. “…and, let me tell you, woman! I will happily do it if you kept giving me the reasons.” I heaved looking at him while my ears started ringing with all this shouting. He got off heaving in anger and left the room while I held my legs to my chest. Thankful, he didn't touch me. I lay there now knowing it is far more complex than I previously assumed. I was aware of his love for his wealth and I was sure he would rather kill me than losing a single cent because of me.

I curled myself into a ball and wondered about all of this as a bad dream. I, so, wanted to wake up but I couldn’t. There was no way out.

I woke up to a somewhat different morning. He seemed indifferent to me and didn’t talk. But unlike any other morning, I found two women bathing him. I could hear their voices that told me what was going on but I guess I had given up. I think I should have known better than trusting a person who offered me a million-dollar contract.

I got out of the room before he could return. I knew he must have someone to help him out and didn’t need me.

I was sitting in his study wondering what took him long but somewhere I just knew the answer. He passed the open library and didn’t spare me a single glance.

“I didn’t feel like eating or anything but had in my mind to look for a job. I couldn't see myself here with him. I knew there must be a way out. But first thing was to earn some money. I got into his room and got my laptop out but before I could do anything I found someone knocking at my door. “I don’t want to have the breakfast right now,” I replied but what came out was something I wasn't ready for.

“Mr. Lucca is waiting for you at the breakfast table.”

Hey, I got stuck in something...and, the update got delayed. I am sorry. I will try to be soonest for the next one.