Alex

I thought, I had gotten through to Harry. I thought she finally understands why I was the I was before. Why I didn't believe in love. It hurt to have her walk away from me, right when I needed her most. But I can't blame her. I did the exact same thing to her.

Fuck! Why is this happening to me. Why do I always lose the people I love? First my mother, then my father, and now Harry?

Then her words rang in my head, 'You're wrong Alex, your father loves you. He's just scared. Scared of losing you. He's scared that you won't be able to forgive him or accept him in your life. Alex, he helped you. He did everything he could to help you. He told me so. He told me how proud of you he is. He even worked for you as your driver just to get close to you. He wanted to serve you. He wanted to make up for all the years he wasn't there for you'

Could it be true? I'm so confused. I don't know what to think or believe anymore. All I know is that I need Harry in my life. If I have to beg, then so be it.

The next day, I was sitting at the breakfast table when Harry walked in with her things in her luggage. Panic creeped in. I stood up abruptly and walked over to her. I grabbed both of her arms and asked, "What's going on? Where are you going?"

I shuddered at the look on her face, it was the cold expression she wore on her face, when I found her. Then she closed her eyes and looked down. When she looked back up to face me, the look on her face squeezed my heart, bringing tears to my eyes. She looked so broken.

"I can't do this anymore. I can't stay here," she said brokenly.

"Don't do this, Ry. Please. Don't leave me. I'm begging..."

"Don't. Don't beg me Alex. I don't want to hurt you," she said stopping me from begging her on my knees.

"You are never going to forget, are you?"

"What do you mean?" she asked anxiously.

"My stupidity. You will never forgive me and trust me enough to let yourself love me again...to let me love you," I said dejectedly.

"You don't believe in love," she reminded me.

"How many times do I have to say it? What can I do? What can I do to make see you, how much I love you, and how sorry I am. How much I regret what I had done to you?" I asked her angrily. I didn't mean it to sound that way, but it came out in anger anyways.

"Nothing. You don't have to do anything. Every time I think of how much I loved you, I can't help but to feel the pain all over again. You would think that saying you're sorry and that you love me would erase and heal everything but you're wrong. Everything you do and say just reminds me of how easily you tossed me out like a pile of garbage," she screamed at me.

My shoulders slumped and I staggered forcing me to take a step back in defeat. "It will always come back to that, won't it? I asked her, already knowing the answer. I turned to walk away from her.

"Don't make me out as the bad guy Alex and don't you dare turn your back on me, you bastard!" She said before gasping, realizing what she has said.

I turned back around, shock and regret registered on her face. "What did you call me?"

Her face turned hard and said, "Nothing worse than what you called me that morning at your apartment. Doesn't feel good wearing the shoe does it?"

"I didn't call you anything!" I said, confused at what she was trying to say.

"Your note implied I was a whore, and in my boom it's as good as calling me as one."

"I never thought of you like that and never would I ever call you that," I said in shock.

"Your damn note said it for you! You've managed to put me in the same level as those other women you bed!" She screamed at me.

I closed my eyes, swallowing my own pain. "I was overwhelmed with emotions that night. I didn't like feeling that way. When you said you loved me, it made me happy, but then I freaked out. You were the first person who said it to me. I just couldn't handle the overwhelming feelings I was having that night. I just had to prove to myself that I was still in control. I learned to regret a lot of things I've done and said Harry. You were special and I felt honoured that you have chosen to give your innocence to me." She gasped.

I nodded, "yes, I know. I didn't, until I saw the blood on the sheets, when I returned later that evening," I said to her. "But before that, I already regret what I had said to you. You were special...you are special," I said.

She shook her head in disbelief. "You expect me to believe that? After begging you...after begging you to give me a chance...to love me? You looked me in the eye Alex, and told me that I was just another body in a bed to you, and you expect me to believe you now?"

"No." He shook his head. "I do not expect you to believe anything I say anymore. You are so convinced that I am lying to you, and that my feelings for you aren't real. In your eyes, you would always see how I betrayed our love, so how can you possibly trust and believe me now?" I asked her dejectedly.

She simply shook her head. "That's what I thought," I said.

"Just let me go Alex. Save us from anymore pain and suffering. Let's not do this to each other. I will not keep you from seeing our child..."

"No!" I said firmly. "I will not lose you. I can't lose the both of you."

"But Alex..."

"You know the deal. If you leave and walk out that door, you will lose custody of the baby once the baby is born," I interrupted her. I ignored the look of hurt on her face. "think about that before you make a decision," I said to her before walking away towards my bedroom.

Once I was inside my room, I stayed close to the door and listened. After about a minute or so, I heard Harry walking back towards her room, pulling her luggage behind her.

I should be happy right? She chose to say. But why do I feel like I just lost the war?

I sat on my bed, defeated.

I decided to go to Harry, to apologize and assure her that everything will be alright...to convince her to give me another chance.

When I reached her door, I decided not to knock. I slowly opened the door, and the scene before me stopped me on my tracks. Harry is sitting by the window, weeping silently. The sight squeezed my heart painfully. I closed her door quietly, afraid that she might catch me.

Pain zipped through me, as I walk back into the living room.

What do I do?

I decided that I had to get out of the apartment. I just can't stay here.

I don't know why, but I found myself outside Roger's suite...again.

I knocked and a few seconds later he opened the door. Shock and surprise registered on his face. I had my hands tucked in my pocket.

I understand now, what Harry meant about my own father being scared of my rejection. I feel the exact same thing right now. I'm so close to losing Harry completely. I looked at my dad, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," I whispered brokenly, tears rolling down my cheeks.

"Oh, son," he said before hugging me tight. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not being there for you when you needed me. I'm sorry for not telling you right away. I was just afraid that you would push me away. I love you very much, son!" He said to me. He released me, looked me in the eye and said, "Please forgive me for not being there for you all those years, I hope that you would let me make it up to you."

"You can be here for me now," I said to him

"Always," he said, grasping my shoulder, leading me inside.

"I don't know what to do. I love her so much, but all I've done is cause her more pain. I don't want to lose her dad," I said brokenly. Calling him dad just felt right. I needed my dad.

"Do you really love her son?"

I nodded, "with all my heart!"

"Then let her go," he said to me.

My eyes went wide,"I can't. She's my life. She's my everything. I can't lose her, or our baby."

"Son, if you force her to stay now, her heart will be broken everyday she's with you. You can't fix her. You have to let her heal in her own way. Sometimes, love means accepting defeat and knowing when to let go. Sometimes when people love each other very much, they need time apart, so when they come back together, their love is even stronger. If you make her stay, she'll just resent you even more."

"What if she never comes back to me? I asked.

"Then continue loving her, and be thankful for the opportunity to love her for however short the time given to you," he said.

.................................................

I went back to the apartment to find Nora in the kitchen.

"Good evening Mr. Harrington. Would you like to eat dinner now?"

"No thank you. Did Harry have dinner already?" I asked her.

"Yes sir, although she didn't eat much," she said. "She seemed sad, like something was bothering her.

I looked at her.

"I'm sorry sir, it's none of my business," she said thinking I might scold her for speaking her mind.

"It's quite alright Nora. I think I know what will make her happy," I said to her, while dreading what I'm about to do.

I decided that my dad was right. I have to let Harry go. I will just continue hurting her if I make her stay.

I walked to Harry's room. I knocked on the door.

"Come in, " I heard her say.

I entered her room and found her standing by the bed, unpacking her clothes. I saw her stiffen, when she realized it was me. I walk over to her. I grasped her shoulders and turned her to face me.

I looked at her with tears in my eyes. My gut clenched at the look of despair on her face. I will my voice to speak, "I love you so much," I said in a broken whisper. "I love you more than I can say. So, I'm letting you go," I said to her while caressing her cheeks with my fingers. "I will not take away our child from you. I could never hurt you that way....I would never hurt you that way." I swallowed the lump in my throat before continuing. "I don't want to cause you anymore pain. I don't want to give you anymore reason to hate me." Now tears were falling on her beautiful eyes, and I wipe them away. "I will love you forever until the day I die. If and when the time comes, and you find yourself being able to love and trust me again, and when the pain is gone, I hope, that you'll come back to me. But if that time comes and you find yourself no longer capable of loving me, and you find yourself happy without me, I will understand. I will not begrudge you that. All I ask is that, you let me be a part of our child's life. I want to always be there for him. I want our child to grow up knowing that I love him or her very much." I smiled at her tearfully, while wiping away her tears. I cup her face and said, "There will be a car at your disposal downstairs, that will take you anywhere you wish to go. Nora will help you pack your things. I'll be leaving to fly to LA for a business matter," I said quickly, while swallowing the lump in my throat. I look at her one last time. Tears continued to fall from her eyes and I wiped them away I looked into her eyes one last time and said, "I love you." I pulled her closer and I kissed her on her forehead. I let my kiss linger for a second before releasing her. I turned to leave. Every step I took feels like a dagger being stabbed straight to my heart.

Harry

He let me go. I'm free to go.

My heart broke when I watched him leave. I wanted to stop him from walking away from me, but it's for the best. We'll just end up hurting each other if I stay.

I start to pack my clothes again, when the letter from my mom falls out from between my clothes. I picked it up, and ran my fingers through my mom's hand writing.

I opened the envelope and read the letter.

My Dearest Harriette,

I am so sorry that I'm not there on your wedding day. It saddens me to know that I won't be able to watch you get married; But it also makes me happy to know that when you are reading this, you are about to marry the man you love. I am so proud of you. I am so happy that you have found the man you are going to spend the rest of your life loving.

Getting married is easy, it's the marriage itself, that's hard. You have to make room for countless mistakes, and you have to have a never ending fountain of forgiveness for each other. There will be times that you hurt each other, but never let that hurt win. Use that pain to motivate you to work hard at loving each other better. Don't waste time making each other grovel. Don't waste time making each other beg just to make a point or prove you're right. Always remember that, it is punishment enough when you realize that you made a mistake and may lose everything because of it. Love should never be about grovelling or revenge because you got hurt. Love is what it is. It sees no reason or mistakes. It is pure, kind, giving, and forgiving. Believe me sweetheart, life is too short to hold grudges and play with the emotions of those we love. Don't waste time. Love everyday, love when you're happy, love even more when you're sad, and love even harder when you are hurt.

You may not realize this, but your father and I have had our share of fights and arguments. There were many times that we have caused each other great pain, and there were times where we both wanted to give up, but the thought of not being with each other was far more painful, than any of our fights and arguments. We both chose to stay because life simply wouldn't work without the other.

The only time you should ever give up, is when love no longer exists. As long as the love is there, then never ever give up or walk away from love. No matter how painful, love is always worth it.

With all my Love,

Mom

My tears continued to fall. I hug the letter to my chest.

There was a faint knock on the door, then the door opened, "Mrs. Harrington, Mr. Harrington has asked me to assist you. He just left ma'm," Nora said.

I nodded at her to enter. "I'd like for you to help me pack please."