Harry

I'm waken by the sound of glass breaking. I shot out of bed. I walk out to the living room.

"Alex?" I call to him.

"Stay where you are, I don't want you stepping on any glass." He said warning me. He sounds like he's had something to drink.

"It's okay I'm wearing slippers. What's wrong?" I ask him.

He gave me a bitter laugh, "what's not wrong? He asked in return.

"Were you drinking?" I asked him. Something is seriously wrong, looking at his expression.

"Don't worry I'm not drunk. See, I'm just getting started," he said pointing to the bottle of whiskey in front of him.

He looked at me with a hurt look on his face, and a hint of anger and confusion marring his eyebrows. After a moment, he stood up and walked over to the window looking over the city of Paris.

I'm unsure as to what or say or do: I could leave him and let him drink himself to death or I could ask him what's wrong.

I chose the latter. "What's wrong Alex, did something happen?" I asked walking over to his side.

He turned to look at me and said, "it's Roger. He's...he's my father."

"Alex...I..." I couldn't find the words to say.

He looked at me and said, "you don't look surprised to hear that."

Understanding registered on his face, "my god, you knew. He's been lying to me all this time pretending to be a driver, and you... You knew all this time and you didn't tell me?" He accused angrily.

"I didn't know Alex. I found out during our wedding reception. I overheard Roger and Jane talking. Then I confronted him and asked him, so he told me the truth. Alex I'm sorry, I didn't mean to keep it from you, but he wanted to tell you the truth himself. I'm sorry," I said, begging him to understand me.

He shook his head brokenly. "I don't know what to think, this is all so fucked up."

"Look Alex, I don't know the whole story, but from what your dad told me, it wasn't his fault. He didn't find out about you until 9 years ago."

He kept quiet.

"Alex, please talk to me." I plead with.

It was so quiet, all I could hear was our breathing. He kept on staring out the window. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, he turned around to face me. He grabbed my hand and guided me to the sofa. He pulled me to sit down beside him and I obliged. He let go of my hand and rubbed his face with his hands. He took a deep breath and leaned forward, resting his elbows just above his knees. He put his hands together and took another deep breath. And then he finally spoke...

Alex

Be true to her Alex. Let her in. It will help her understand you better.

Michael's words rang in my head. He's right. I have to let her in. So I did. I began to tell her about my past.

"My mother drank a lot. That wasn't her only problem. She was an addict too. She wasn't so bad when she wasn't drunk or high. But most of the time she was drunk and high on drugs. When I was little, she would leave me for days. I remember crying the first time she left me. I was 3 years old. I remember being hungry. Then I remembered her coming back. I was so happy to finally see her. I ran to her hugging her legs and she just looked at me. She looked at me and said, 'I should have aborted you when I had the chance,' and she pushed me aside. I didn't know what it meant, but as a kid, I knew it was something bad, because of how she looked at me, and how she pushed me aside. She said the same thing to me over and over again, every time she would come back after leaving me for days. Then when I was 7, she left me at an orphanage. She promised that she would come back for me and that she needed to leave me there so she can get help and get better. She told me she loved me, that's why she was going to rehab, so that she can be a better mother. For a 7 year old, it was hard to understand. All I knew was that she was leaving. I begged her not to leave me. I ran after her, called for her over and over again to come back for me, but not once did she look back. She just kept on walking. I remember one of the nuns holding me back, trying to soothe me and calm me, but I just kept on crying and calling for her. I remember crying for hours. One of the nuns just kept on telling me that my mom loved me and that she promised to be back, and that she just needed time to get better so we could be together again..."

"Alex..." She whispered my name brokenly, tears streaming down her face.

"Shh..let me finish," I told Harry gently. "I want you to know. I need you to know." I said to her, wiping her tears.

"My mom came back a few months later. I was so happy. I thought she was there to get me, but then she said, she needed more time. I begged her, I begged her to take me with her. I told her that I loved her and that I wanted to be with her, but she shook her head and said, "I'm not better yet. I told you I'll come and get you, when I'm all better," then she left me there again. I called her over and over again. I begged her to take me with her. But like last time, she just kept on walking. She came back every month to see me, and the first two months, I continued begging her to take me with her, but she never did, so I stopped. I stopped begging. I finally figured out that she was never going to get better and she was never going to get me back. Then one day, when I was 9, I heard her and Mother Cecilia talking. Mother Cecilia told her, that she wasn't going to give her any more money. Then my mother said to her, 'then there's no more reason for me to keep visiting that child of mine.' I was so angry and hurt, I yelled at her and said, 'then don't! I don't need you! Don't ever come back!" Then I turned around and ran away. I finally realized that my mother never loved me. I wasn't worth it. I wasn't enough of a reason for her to turn her life around. I stayed at the orphanage until I was 18. I was never adopted. I was the oldest at the orphanage. watched others kids come and go. I watched all friends get adopted by couples, but never me. At my age, it was hard to find a couple who would want to adopt me. Most couples wanted infants and toddlers or when left with no choice, they chose kids younger than me. When I turned 18, I left the orphanage." I said to Harry.

"Alex, I'm so sorry. I could never imagine a mother doing that to her own son. You were a child! An innocent child. You deserved to be loved. It must have been painful for you to have gone through so much," she said in tears.

"Don't cry for me, Harry. It made who I am today. I wouldn't have worked hard to get myself where I am today if it wasn't for what I went through with my mother. I promised myself, that I would never let anyone have the power to hurt me again. I guess that's why I fought my feelings for you. I was afraid of losing myself...of losing control. I made a mistake of trusting a woman once, and I vowed never to make the same mistake again," I said to her.

"Who was she?" She asked.

"Her name was Larissa, met her when I was just starting out. I thought I was in love with her, but the truth is, I just got comfortable with her. She felt safe. I was with her because I knew my heart was safe from her. I knew I could never love her. She knew it. Well at least that what she said when I caught her in bed with another man." I hear Harry gasp. "It's okay. It was a long time ago. It was for the best."

She didn't say anything and there was an awkward silence between us. I didn't know what to say either.

Then a few moments later, "I still don't understand how your Dad played into this," she said to me.

I smiled at her, "Roger said that my mom was a waitress at a bar he frequented. My mom flirted with her, knowing he came from money. At 21,Roger was already running the family business after his parents passed away due to a car accident. They had an affair that lasted for about a year until she caught my mother doing drugs. He broke it off with her, and that was the last time he saw her. He said that when he me working as a janitor in one of the apartment buildings he owned, he was shocked. He said I looked like him, when he was young. It bothered him and he had a gut feeling, so he looked further into it. He said that he found out who my mother was, and he knew. He knew I was his son. He even showed me the DNA, to prove it," I laughed bitterly. "I think my mom, really didn't know who my father was. I mean I'm sure that if she knew it was Roger, she would have gone after him, considering how rich he was."

"Did you ever ask her about who your dad was?"

I nodded, "yes, I did. She told me it could be anyone," I said, shrugging my shoulders.

"You deserve better, Alex."

"Yeah, well, It is what it is. But you know what I don't understand? I get that he didn't know about me, but why did he wait 9 fucking years to tell me the truth? He's just like my mother, he didn't love me. He didn't want to be with me. I wasn't enough for him," I said brokenly, tears in my eyes.

Harry

"He's just like my mother, he didn't love me. He didn't want to be with me. I wasn't enough for him," Alex said brokenly, tears in his eyes. My heart was aching seeing him like this, so hurt and broken. I reached out to him, and I held him close. I cradled his head on my chest, while he cried out his years of pain. I cried with him. I cried for the little boy who was hurt and afraid. I cried for the 7 year old, who begged his mother not leave him.

Now I understand. I understand why he didn't believe in love. He grew up believing that his own mother didn't love him...and now his father. But he's wrong. Roger loves him. I could tell. He genuinely loves him. He's just scared like Alex.

"You're wrong Alex, your father loves you. He's just scared. Scared of losing you. He's scared that you won't be able to forgive him or accept him in your life. Alex, he helped you. He did everything he could to help you. He told me so. He told me how proud of you he is. He even worked for you as your driver just to get close to you. He wanted to serve you. He wanted to make up for all the years he wasn't there for you," I said. Hoping Alex would find it in his heart to try to understand his father.

He finally calmed down, I feel him move his head away from my chest, I loosened my hold on him. He moved his head until it was levelled with mine. He looked at me, "I love you," he said before leaning in to kiss me. At first I was shocked, then I find myself responding to his kiss. Our kiss turned frantic, he cupped my face and pulled me closer.

Wait! This can't happen!

"Alex... Stop, I can't. I can't do this," I said pushing him away.

"Harry, please..."

"No, I can't. Nothing has changed. I still can't trust you," I said dejectedly...leaving him.

I closed my door and locked it, then I let the tears fall uncontrollably. I buried my head in my hands, in an effort to silence my sobs.