Trigger warning: Instances of attempted suicide.

My name is Park Jimin.

The name felt distant to him. He wasn't sure how. But it felt as if Park Jimin was an island. An island he had just left on a boat. He looked back at it and it was beautiful indeed but he alone knew the darkness that it held. He was getting further and further away from the island and as he went, it merged with the distance. It vanished out of sight; perhaps never to be found again.

He focused on the path ahead of him. He was getting close to his apartment condo, and the city shone in obliviousness around him. He felt faded. The city itself with its vibrant colours struck a deep contrast to his colourless self. He could imagine not being here and having not a single thing change in the city. That's how insignificant he felt.

Graduated at the top of his class, being the only heir to his father's established company, with a handsome face that made women and men fall at his feet... he was what people dreamed to be. But to him, they were nothing. He no longer knew what he longed for but he was certain he couldn't take it anymore.

My name is Park Jimin. He repeated again.

He has been at the threshold of death for the past one year. He would slip in and out of reality like a curtain fluttering on a windy night. A string of events had lead him to this specific vortex of nothingness. But now, he could barely remember what it was. They seemed insignificant anyway. It didn't matter anymore. He didn't matter anymore.

The air seemed chilly and he buried his hands in the pocket of his jacket. He wasn't sad. He wasn't in pain. He was numb. The numbness had spread through him day by day and within a span of twelve months, it had completely consumed his body. Initially, he felt like there was an evil spirit, lurking around him; heaving icy breaths down his shoulder. But eventually, he was numb to it too. He wanted to end this. He wondered how much more lighter the earth would feel, with him no longer being there to weigh it down.

He understood that he was, in a way, selfish. He should be thinking of people who would suffer at the loss of his life. But that seemed considerably low and he didn't seem to mind it. His family would mourn him and get over him in the course of time; he knew they were strong enough. His friends might get furious at him, but he knew he'd be doing them both a favour by relieving them of this burden. A little jolt of pain went through him as he thought of Minnie. He truly considered her his little sister; she was the only one whom he felt responsible for. She was big enough to take care of herself now. He knew that she would understand and that if possible, forgive him.

He walked into his apartment and quietly made his way to the door. Unlocking it, he put his jacket aside and untied his shoes. He walked slowly to the bathroom and turned on the faucet. The water energetically spilled into the white ceramic tub and he watched as it bobbed its way up. He looked around the room one last time and took in the emptiness of the white that covered it. The vortex that had opened up now awaited his arrival and beckoned him with hospitality.

My name is Park Jimin. He reminded himself.

Soon, it wouldn't matter what he was called. The vessel that contained this emptiness was finally bidding adieu. Out of habit, he pulled the hem of his T-shirt but stopped midway. This certain dip did not demand that requirement. It was still a form of cleansing but it was of the soul and not the body.

When the tub had water filled to the rim, he turned the faucet off. He stepped inside, soaking his jeans cold. The water overflowed and spilled to the floor, adjusting to fit him. He sat and watched his t-shirt grow dark with its touch. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. A final breath.

With that, he descended. The water tickled his chin and played with his lips. Its playfulness subdued as it entered his nostrils, cutting off the air that kept him alive. His body started panicking and his brain did everything to get him out of the water but his heart and mind weighed him down. He sat motionless. Despite his body, he surprised himself with the calmness that he carried.

Sounds that buzzed in the background became distorted and all he could hear was a steady beep. He could see it more vividly now. The vortex that called for him was approaching rapidly. He accepted its welcome and gave into the darkness.

***

The vortex he had so boldly walked to had completely vanished. All he could see was pitch darkness around him. He walked, jogged, turned around and ran but no matter what he did, he was stuck in the same spot. His heart beat fast and he panted hard. He had been waiting in here for hours and nothing seemed to change.

For the first time, Jimin found himself thinking about what came next. Was this it? Did he leave everything behind just to be stuck here? Doomed to think, re-think and be trapped in his own stream of never ending thoughts? For the first time, Jimin found himself feeling rather scared of the dark.

He hadn't exactly hoped for anything, but this... this felt like a prison he built for himself. He fell on his knees and touched the floor. It was neither hard nor soft. He tried prying it open but it was futile. Tears welled up in his eyes and he helplessly let them fall. He wiped his eyes and found to his horror that the tears he shed were black, like the one that surrounded him.

What have I done?

Somewhere far away, he heard an echo. He got up, relieved that there was at least someone else. He ran towards the source of the sound but the echo tricked him and this time, he heard it from the other end. He ran again but the echo seemed to be playing games with him. He ran endlessly but each time he did, the echo would only fade off to the other edge.

Agitated, he gave out a yell of fury. The echo seemed to understand his pain and this time, it was clearer.

Jimin

He recoiled at the sound of his own name. Yes, he was still Jimin. He turned and twisted desperately, not knowing where it came from.

Jimin

It called again; but this time with more urgency. The place he so badly wanted to get to seemed terrifying. Despite knowing that there was no turning back, he so badly wanted to get out of here, even more so knowing that the sound needed him. But this was a one-way a trip.

Jimin! Please!

His heart broke at how sad the voice seemed. It needed him just as bad as he needed it. His heart thumped and an agonising pain came along with it. It was repetitive and he wanted it to stop, to yank away the invisible hands that were beating his chest. It hurt, but the melancholy in the voice hurt him more.

Jimin, you can't do this. Please. No. Please don't do this.

He didn't have to hear anymore to know who the voice belonged to. The only person he was afraid to leave behind seemed adamant to make him stay. Minjee's voice echoed throughout his body, shattering the dark cage that had trapped him.

His body shuddered and his eyes flew open. He coughed violently, water flowing out of his mouth. All he saw was fragments. He could make out the blurry image of his weeping cousin. He seemed to be rested on her lap while two other men frantically pumped his chest. He saw a few more figures looming around him before he blacked out. But this time, the darkness wasn't as terrifying.

***

Jimin opened his eyes to the mild glow of a hospital bulb. Even the mere act of shifting his gaze hurt him. He found it hard to breathe and his chest hurt sorely. He focused his gaze to the only source of sound in the room.

He could faintly make out the broad tall figure of Jin. He was seated next to a woman, protectively caressing her head. The woman had her head buried in his chest and her shivering petite figure suggested that she was crying.

"Shhh, Kira. It's okay. Everything's alright. He is fine now. We saved him. We found him at the right time. It's okay." He chanted tiredly. But the woman didn't stop crying. Her cracking voice suggested that she'd been at it for awhile but she wept relentlessly.

Jimin tried to remember the last time he saw her cry. Even as a young girl, Minjee abstained from crying. No matter how much you hurt her, she refused to cry; at least in front of others. He had found this fascinating and annoying at the same time. As far as the general stereotype went, boys don't cry but girls do. But in their case, she was stubborn while he was popular for his whines.

But the Minjee he saw now was polar opposite. She wasn't just shedding a tear or two; she was crying violently with so much force that he was afraid she wouldn't breathe. He stared helplessly for a little longer before he felt darkness envelope him once again.

Before it consumed him, he promised himself to never take the bait of the dark vortex again. Some things were just not worth it and he decided this was one of it. If he couldn't live for himself, he would at least start by living for his sister who granted him a second chance.

***

"Happy Birthday!"

Present day Kira woke up to the sweet voice of Jimin by her bed. She rubbed her eyes, groaned and laughed at the sight of his goofy face adorned with a party hat. Of course, he made it back to Seoul on her birthday. It wouldn't be Jimin without some sort of a grand plan.

"Come on, sleepy head. We have a long day ahead of us."

"But it's my birthday. I should be able to sleep to my heart's content."

Jimin pouted comically. "But... I wanted to spend the whole day making you feel like the happiest person on the entire planet. I even got you presents."

"Fine." Kira laughed and took hold of the purple bag. "Let me guess; Minnie mouse merchandise?"

"You are absolutely right!" He said pulling out an oversized black T-shirt with the rodent cartoon character printed on it. "Exclusively for my little Minnie mouse."

By this point, Kira had a shelf solely for the merch she got from Jimin on her birthday and she was glad to know that it was still adding up. Underneath the T-shirt, nestled in a glass box was a classy Patek Philippe watch.

"A watch, so that you are never on time." He said solemnly.

"Thank you, Jiminie." She sang sweetly.

"Oh and before I forget, Jin and Hoseok has a special something packed for you in their room."

"They didn't forget!"

"If they did, they know they won't hear the end of it." He said chuckling."Now, who's ready for some morning ice creams?"

A/N: Hey guys! This is actually the 50th chapter of the book. Bout time I started bringing this boi to an end huh?