a/n: tw for aquaphobia

❧ Too Much to Take More ❧

Taehyung had parked the car, treading down the slopes of the parking garage to hit the main roads of the city's downtown area, when he actually told Mark he was coming to visit.

Too nervous he'd chicken out or postpone it for unknown reasons, he didn't exactly mention taking the car and driving downtown to Mark until that moment.

Mark didn't even pick up his call, being in the middle of teaching a class, and Taehyung slapped himself. He really should have thought things through. Taehyung hoped it wasn't too awkward to simply walk into the place without someone to greet him, especially when he'd never been.

The city was lively at that hour, just before noon, and he'd picked the time so they could grab a meal to eat together at the same time.

That, too, he hoped Mark had time for.

"You're stupid, Taehyung." He muttered to himself, sunglasses pushed down from his hair and onto the bridge of his nose as he was hit with the sun peering through each gap between the towering buildings.

His biggest incentive to actually hang out with the older dancer in such a manner, without his hyungs, was for a chance to bring the connection they used to have back. As friends, instead. Which was the biggest change. Well, at least for Taehyung.

He knew he didn't feel for Mark like he had two years ago— even as recent as the beginning of summer just weeks ago. The older had a life far beyond the shore just like him and there were some things that didn't go further than the shore.

"Or the city." He whispered as he pulled up the directions on his phone again after reaching a side avenue that peeled off the main street. Taehyung waiting for it to route and then traced a similar path to find the hidden dance studio.

It was within a smaller building, surrounded by two others making it appear tiny. The brick outside was clean and the dance studio sign near other names was brightly welcoming. Taehyung hadn't ever been in that part of the city, pushing into the complex tower. A board was on the right wall, listing the occupying business of the leasable spaces and he removed his glasses to look at it.

It was only on the second floor and he dragged his feet up the steps to reach the next level.

Greeted by a small lobby, a secretary-like employee smiling at him and nodding her head. "Hello, what can I do for you?"

"Oh, I'm here to meet Mark Tuan." Taehyung chewed his lip as he gazed down the hall to see a couple dance studios on either side. Mark must've been in the occupied one, the muffle sound of music and footsteps rolling past the muting glass.

"He's in the middle of a class. It should only be about ten minutes if you'd like to sit and wait for him." The woman gestured to the row of chairs in the waiting area and Taehyung nodded, thanking her and taking a seat.

The quiet of the room was strange to Taehyung. Especially when he hadn't had a true moment of quiet in the past month. Not with the ocean in his backyard. He made himself small to keep from the curious front desk lady peeking at him.

The ten minutes passed rather quickly, though. Taehyung stood when students, who seemed to be younger than high schoolers, were talking amongst themselves, waltzing out of the dance studio with sweat clinging to them as they downed the remnants of their water.

He smiled at the desk lady before escorting himself down the hall to the studio spaces.

Taehyung paused in the open doorway as he heard two laughs fill the emptied room. He saw Mark, the familiar guy unplugging his phone from the Bluetooth system, and he also saw Jackson. A face he'd seen not often at all, but it was hard to forget.

Taehyung watched in amusement as Mark gasped in turn of a hand hitting his ass, whirling around to push Jackson away playfully. The younger of the two was grinning, escaping the shove and dragging him in for a small kiss on the lips.

"Oh, not in public— my poor eyes!" Taehyung announced his presence, pushing off the doorway he was leaning against to see the two pull apart with an abrupt laugh to ease the shock.

"Taehyung!" Mark exclaimed, smile wide as ever as he hurried to greet him. Taehyung offered a pitiful hug in the midst of his sweaty state and Mark nudged his shoulder, playful mood dragging past his partner. "Surprising me now, are you?"

He shrugged, chuckling softly. "You could say that."

"You weren't waiting too long were you?" Jackson intervened, stepping towards them with an outstretched hand. Taehyung took it, shaking hands with the older happily. "Hey, it's been a while, Taehyung."

"Long time no see," He dropped his arms to his side, fingers crawling into his pockets. "And, nah, only about ten minutes. Nice to be greeted by you guys and your PDA."

"Shut up," Mark pouted and Taehyung shook his head lightheartedly. "I didn't know you were coming now."

"Oh, right." He sucked in a nervous breath and glanced between the two. "If you guys have plans, don't let me intrude. Mark just wanted me to see the studio so I can go on my way—"

"No way," Jackson butt in. "We were just heading out for lunch. Come with us."

"I—" Taehyung stared at the his wrist in Jackson's inviting grasp, looking at Mark for some help, but the Tuan shrugged with an encouraging smile. "Uh, yeah, sure. I could eat."

"Perfect. Give us a second to change and not smell so gross." Mark grabbed Jackson and pulled him out of the studio, both of them heading down the hall for the bathrooms with bags of personal belongings in their hands.

Taehyung slipped off his shoes before he stepped onto the wood flooring of the mirrored room, spending his time to admire the reasonably sized space. He'd seen much more extravagant versions of a dance studio at his university— being in the arts department— but it was almost comforting to see something smaller. Cozier and personal. It reminded Taehyung of painting in his own space, crowded in one half of his room with the fear of invading other parts of his parents' space, compared to sitting in a large studio with tens of desks and hundreds of projects.

He gazed in the mirror just before him, nearly laughing at how odd he looked with a tote bag slung on one shoulder, shoes in a hand while his summer wear seemed awfully touristy for a city near the beach.

He liked it all the same.

It felt like he was himself, even though he'd never been in the dance studio before. Mark was only recently a teacher there, going up the ladder to work in the summers and gain more money before he was in school again. And yet... the room felt like Mark. Familiar in a way that shouldn't.

He only ever saw the older for a month out of the year's twelve, and yet it had always felt like a second hadn't passed.

Mark's recent friendliness towards him was nostalgic. A token of his childhood that Taehyung had missed a great deal. He'd been so upset a month ago when he thought all was lost for their connection, but it was lifting to see it heal in a disastrous aftermath.

Or maybe you just got over your little crush.

He wondered if that was Jimin's teasing voice in his head or his own.

Taehyung rubbed his forehead, wincing at the reminder that he used to like the man very differently than he currently did. He'd been jealous of Jackson at some point; that was undeniable.

It almost felt stupid then. So stupid that Taehyung wondered if it would help him to tell Mark. Explain his distance and then relieve any lingering tension between them.

Probably not the best idea, but you'll probably do it anyway.

That was definitely Jimin's influence on his conscience.

"Hey," Mark suddenly called out, Taehyung seeing him in the mirror before turning around to see his real self. "We're done. Good to go?"

"Yeah," he smiled, timidly, as he slipped his shoes back on and followed the couple out of the dance studio for the lunch break.

"You probably haven't been around this part of downtown, right?" Mark called out as they trickled down the steps and back outside to the street.

Taehyung shook his head when the older looked at him over his shoulder. "No. I had to use directions. Did you have a place in mind for lunch?"

"There's a great pizza place right across the street?" Jackson suggested. "Or sandwiches. Smoothies are nearby, too. Whatever you're in the mood for."

The younger artist flushed at the rush of options and opened his mouth to reply slowly. "Pizza sounds good? I'm happy with anything that's edible."

"Pizza it is!" Mark decided, pushing the building door open and letting them step out into the heated noon hours. They watched the empty street before hurrying across, knowing the crosswalk wasn't worth the extra distance.

Mark got them a table and the three of them sat at a high top, Taehyung letting his bag hang off the bag of his chair.

"Hey, I have to be back by one," Jackson said to Mark as they settled in. "You hang around with Taehyung."

"Are you done at the studio for the day?" He asked Mark, surprised that the older's schedule was cleared.

"I need to use the space for choreographing at three. Other than that, yeah, I'm free." His childhood friend answered and Taehyung smiled thoughtfully. Their waiter came by with menus and water, asking for any initial drinks before disappearing to the back again.

"So, Taehyung," Jackson leaned forward. "I heard you're studying art."

"Yeah, I paint. I'm okay at it."

"He's being fucking modest." Mark scoffed. "His works are insane. Whole stories on one canvas and the technique is crazy good."

Taehyung bit the inside of his cheek, wide eyes darting to the table's surface. "Thanks, Hyung."

"That's really cool. I could never have that kind of patience." Jackson hummed appreciatively and Taehyung almost argued that he wasn't the most patient of people— before he held the words inside his chest.

He was patient. He was trusting. He gave people the benefit of the doubt when no one else really did. That took a lot of patience.

"You can learn a lot of life skills from art." He frowned in thought. "Applies to dancing, too. We all become good storytellers."

The waiter interrupted their conversation, the three thanking her for the water and their drinks.

Taehyung sipped at the coke, dark liquid cool and tingly on his tongue— a savored feeling in the heat wafting through the open doors of the pizza place.

They ordered a pizza to share, some salad on the side (a joke of healthiness by Jackson), and continued on talking. Taehyung felt welcomed by the duo and it was a sense of relief that he was never a barrier for Mark to be happy.

And you still want to tell him.

The whole crush was like a joke for Taehyung so he was certain it wouldn't cause any harm.

"Are you a fan of surfing?" He asked Jackson when Mark brought up a deal at one of the local surfing shops.

"Nah, that's Tuan's lane." Jackson poked his boyfriend's arm and Taehyung lips shot up in a smile. "He tried teaching and I miserably failed."

"Hm, it's hard. I wouldn't beat yourself up about it." Taehyung said kindly. He inwardly scowled at the reminder that zipped through his head of how Jeongguk had picked it up in a day. The biker had caught a wave in his first day in the water on a board.

"You know, I taught Taehyung how to surf!" Mark exclaimed. "My dad and I did. Him, Jin Hyung, Hoseok and Jimin. That was so long ago. Maybe 15 years of you visiting the beach?"

"Fifteen years?" Taehyung echoed in surprise. It couldn't have been that long. He thought back to his first summer at the shore and realized it was, in fact, fourteen years. Just after he'd started school. "Shit, that's a long time."

"You must be damn good at surfing if you've been doing it for that long." Jackson's expression was everything impressed.

Taehyung's mouth ran dry at the words and his easy facade fell through. It was a split second of putting himself back together that brought a crooked smile to his face, hardly full of joy. "I actually haven't surfed much this summer. I'm kind of back at the beginning stages because I got into an accident and developed a fear for it."

"An accident...?" Jackson mumbled, looking at Mark who was just staring at his beer bottle, grimace clear on his face. "I'm sorry, I didn't know."

The youngest scrunched his shoulders up, weight placement giving his head a small ledge on his shoulder to lean on. "Don't be sorry."

"You were working on your fear, weren't you?" Mark asked, a rim of hope in his voice, like how his finger traced the rim of the bottle. "How's that going?"

"On hold right now." He whispered, the sullen tone spreading to the table. "Probably for a while."

"Oh," Jackson suddenly slipped in, voice feigning enthusiasm. "Pizza's here!"

Taehyung felt the mood lift again as they dug into the large sharing, his own thoughts regressing to the back of his head in favor of filling the empty stomach at hand.

It was time for Jackson to leave after he'd gulped down a few slices and Taehyung wiped his hands off when the guy stood from his chair.

"I'll see you later, baby." Jackson leaned over to kiss Mark's cheek, leaving some money on the table for the food, and then stepping around the table to Taehyung. The younger stifled a small gasp as Jackson hugged him without warning, prepared to just wave goodbye.

Taehyung didn't find himself complaining. He liked hugs and it was a sign of friendliness. "It was great to meet you, Jackson Hyung."

"You, too." He said quickly, squeezing his arms with a sympathetic gaze. It was the type of sympathy that he hadn't seen in a long time, not since the events of the storm a month ago, and it caused a full whiff of pain to drag through him.

"Sorry he brought that up." Mark immediately said when the dancer was gone.

Taehyung shook his head. "It's okay, Hyung. He didn't know."

"Can I ask you something?" He nodded in response. "Why aren't you working on your fear nowadays? You told me you were doing great with the progress just a week ago."

"I... things happened. I just— I need a mental break?" He offered, knowing the older was somewhat unconvinced in the pursed lips and hesitant nod he was given.

Mark held his hands up in verbal surrender, though, and then took a gulp of his beer. "It must be exhausting. Mental breaks are probably a good thing."

"Yeah." Taehyung jolted upright, gazing around the restaurant and admiring the clusters of people present at lunch hours. It was fairly packed for the time of day, but he figured business people stepped in for lunch, too. "So, Jackson's a great guy."

"You think so?" Mark also perked up at the easier conversation. "I really like him, Tae."

"I can tell." One corner of his lips tugged upward, much to Mark's embarrassment. "You two are cute."

"What? Are you jealous?" Mark snickered, rather obnoxiously and Taehyung glared at him.

"Jealous of what?"

"That we've got a great relationship, you single pringle."

"I'm only envious." He corrected, eyes rolling in their sockets. "I wish time would speed up so I can find someone that doesn't confuse me. Someone that just makes me feel content and peaceful."

"Your life's already a lot of content and peace, Tae." Mark frowned and Taehyung stilled at his words. "I mean, I don't know how much of my advice you should listen to, but I'll be honest when I say I think you need someone who excites things for you."

"What makes you say that?"

"I dunno'."

"Just 'cause?" He mocked, giggling a little at the profound suggestion from his friend.

Mark snorted, chewing on another bite of the pizza on his plate. "You've got a chill life at home. You would tell me a lot about how you just go to university, do your work well, meet friends once in a long while. You really only stick to your family, Jimin, and Jin for interactions."

"I've told you all that?"

"Yeah, we used to talk a lot more before your break in visiting." Mark said the words without ill intentions, but it put a dent in his chest. "I don't think that things are bad now, don't get me wrong. Just different."

"Agreed." He chewed at his lip nervously. "And I guess you're pretty right about my life at home. I put all my fun into the summers."

Mark nodded, proud of himself for the astounding memory. "You know plenty about complimentary colors. Well, you just need someone who compliments you, too. It makes things more real."

Real. Complimentary. Someone who adds fun.

All those things only flashed bright lights in the form of one person's name in his head. And Taehyung hated it.

"Smarter than Aphrodite, aren't you, Love Doctor?" Taehyung reached across the table to nudge the older's arm. Mark laughed before finishing his current slice and then pointing at Taehyung's plate. "Oh, no, I'm full, Hyung."

"You sure?"

"Yup."

And so they quickly paid, tipping the server before heading out of the restaurant.

Taehyung looked down the new streets, hoping to find another point of conversation again. "What else is in this area?"

"Some other small businesses. There's a really nice flower shop just a block down, some boutiques." Mark shrugged. "I mean, the police station is down the street. Lots of them come through here on their rounds."

"Police station?"

"Yeah, why are you saying it like that?"

"Nothing," Taehyung muttered, picking up his pace to catch up with Mark when he fell a step behind. "I think the bikers were headed there to bail Namjoon out today."

"Oh, yeah. My dad told me about that." Mark whistled. "Let's stay away from that area."

"Sounds like a plan to me." Taehyung said before fully unfreezing and breathing easier. "Hey, Hyung?"

"Mhm?"

"Do you miss how things were years ago?"

"What? You mean... two years ago? Five? Ten?"

"Anytime." Taehyung sighed. "I know you said you weren't mad with how things are, but do you ever miss the ease for everything as a kid?"

"Yes and no." Tuan's head dropped with a smile, their pace falling into a slow stroll on the sidewalk. "Yes, as in, it was all fun. Life was a perfect paradise. I spent summers with you guys and at the diner, the school year in the city. Things were easy and perfect."

"And you said no because...?"

"Because things aren't perfect." Mark said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "I like the challenges, figuring out how to grow up. Having a boyfriend, my own job. I don't get to be at the beach as much, but it's there with my dad and that's a lot more than I can ask for. Real life's not like a perfect paradise and we both know that."

"Yeah," Taehyung murmured. "You got that right."

"Priorities change when we grow up." The older slinked an arm around his shoulder to tug him closer and Taehyung yelped. "I don't wanna limit myself to the beach where I've spent my whole life. My house has always been there, my school has always been in the city here... growing up means giving things up."

"I'm not going to lie, that's terrifying." He looked at the older, poking his side with a hand ruffled his hair. "I missed this place so much when I couldn't visit last year and I've been so upset all summer that things weren't the usual."

"I should apologize. Part of that's probably my fault."

"It's not your fault. You being around less isn't your fault. Hyung, it's great to see you so happy. I'm serious."

"You should have told me you miss the way things were."

"Has all the shit that's happened not made that obvious?" Taehyung groaned. "My life's been ridiculously eventful in some of the worst ways possible."

"Okay, that's fair." Mark sighed and stopped walking, grabbing Taehyung's arm so they faced each other. "I'm still sorry."

"Don't be. You've helped me feel the most relaxed in the past few days. More than anyone else."

"Really? How come?"

"Just... not having to talk about it all. Not having to answer questions and just have some normalcy." Taehyung smiled. "So, thank you."

Mark returned the expression, relieved. "Anytime. I'm glad, honestly. I could tell you needed a mental break from more than just the water... hey, Tae?"

"Yeah?"

"Please don't give up trying to surf again." The older said as they continued walking down the street. Taehyung took a subtle, deep breath at his words. "Please don't give up on something so special to you."

The words held a different course of meaning in his head. They flashed two images, the ocean and those birds, both the water and the man bearing those tattoos special to him.

"I'll try." He rolled his shoulders back. "I promise."

He knew he was only promised for the water.

"Thank you."

"I should be thanking you." Taehyung raised a brow and Mark shoved his shoulder. "Um, I also wanted to talk to you about something else, Mark Hyung."

You're really going to do it. Great.

"Hit me with it, Tae."

"Well... I mean, there's no easy way to put it," he was suddenly chickening out, something he'd been afraid of happening for a while. "And I promise it's not like this anymore. Hasn't been for a while."

"What're you talking about?" Mark's brows raised.

"I... I used to like you, Hyung."

"Huh?" The confusion on his face almost made Taehyung groan in embarrassment. "Do you not still—"

"I mean the other like. I had a crush on you."

Mark choked on his own saliva, grabbing his arm in shock at the words. A person walked by and gave them a strange look, so Taehyung nudged them to a nearby bench to sit. "You— what?!"

"I know! I know, it's ridiculous. And it's completely in the past now so don't think much of it. I just wanted to get it off my chest."

"Hold on— you— I'm going to need a second to process this."

"Um, sure. Take your time."

He sat awkwardly as Mark scratched his head, staring at the ground with a flustered expression. "It's... it's hard to believe. But, wow. I'm flattered? Sorry, I don't even know what to say to that."

Taehyung smiled at his words and tapped Mark's shoulder. "You should be. Younger Taehyung had high expectations."

Mark cringed at his words and Taehyung giggled again. "Why did you tell me that?"

"I guess as an explanation. It's not your fault that things between us haven't been all that normal between us. On top of everyone, I was realizing that my liking for you changed into something more brotherly. And, then, you started dating Jackson and I became kinda distant."

"Oh, shit. When I talked about Jackson all the time... that must have hurt."

"Once again, not your fault."

"You should have told me to shut up." Mark huffed.

"What was I supposed to say? 'Hey, Hyung, I'm in the middle of not crushing on you anymore so if you'd stop talking about your future boyfriend, I'd appreciate it?' That just sounds stupid! Not to mention embarrassing."

They fell into a fit of laughter at his ramble, Mark nodding in agreement that those words wouldn't have been taken all too well.

"Can I asked what made you move on or is that too weird?"

"You wish I still liked you like that?" Taehyung teased him, though he was waving it off like it wasn't a big deal. "Things just changed a lot in two years. Sometimes, it's easy to forget you have a whole like here outside of the summer. I was used to spending all my summer time with you that it made the beginning of this summer overwhelming."

"Got it." Mark leaned in closer to him. "Not because my handsomeness depleted or anything, right?"

"Dude— you're worse than Jin Hyung!"

"It's a genuine concern!"

"Go ask your boyfriend to hype you up, asshole." Taehyung crossed his arms over his chest, falling back into the bench as Mark playfully glared at him.

"So... do you have a new crush?"

"Why? Are you gonna say something dumb about me moving on too quickly?"

Mark barked out a laugh, punching his arm and Taehyung lightened with the jokes. "No, I'm not that mean. I'm just curious. We never talked about this stuff."

"Well, now you know why we never did." Taehyung rolled his eyes, but frowned the next moment. "And, no, not at the moment. Too much has been going on the think about love."

Fat lie, Kim. Fattest lie on the planet.

"That's understandable."

"No hard feelings, right?" He asked the older and Mark looked amused at his words.

"I should be asking the guy who had the crush." Mark grinned at his own words. "Just kidding. No hard feelings."

"You suck, Hyung." Taehyung returned the hug Mark enveloped him in anyway.

Because he liked hugs and he missed those familiar arms as a friend.

~•४•~

When Taehyung found himself standing by the diner's shore, hands buried in his pockets with a bead of sweat slipping down the frame of his face, he felt as though he was being far too ambitious.

After panicking hours ago from fear, to suddenly finding himself standing before it— facing it? Taehyung definitely thought he was out of his damn mind.

But something small, yet powerful, chanting above the practicality and told him that he was there and trying would be good for him.

Taehyung figured he ought to learn how to advance in the water without leather bearing shoulder beside him. Without soulful eyes distracting him from drowning in the ocean and instead within sparkling irises.

That was really the only way he could keep working on it, like how he'd promised Mark earlier that day.

His only doubt was doing it so soon, but where was the time to do it later?

Taehyung scowled at his own thoughts, sliding his shoes off and feeling the sand seep between his toes, cold and encompassing his ankles.

The dark waters crawled up the shore just a few feet from his legs, tainting the sand amother shade (almost gray in the the low light).

He stepped forward until his feet disappeared into the ink, sighing when his body reacted with only a quickened pulse. It was reassuring that he hadn't lost all of his strength to Jeongguk's words.

It gave him the confidence to tread deeper, feel the waves wade up to his knees and they buckled slightly every time they went under.

The water was cold. Colder than usual. Or maybe that was just how it truly was in the absence of a second body warming him.

Get used to it, Tae.

Right. He was getting on his board by the end of the summer and Taehyung refused to fall victim to some shoots of a board game sending him back to the start.

Taehyung clutched the fabric of his sweater as his shorts dipped into the water, the ink rising to his mid thighs and swishing up to his hips with the next step.

His breath went ragged, heavy and slightly numbing in his head.

That was when he usually reached out and latched onto a leather arm there beside him.

There was a ghost of wind instead, the ocean empty, albeit his presence holding on.

Taehyung's body shuddered from head to toe when the water rose to his waist, kissing up his chest with the bigger tides as water dangerously creeped to his neck.

He was freezing.

Taehyung began to question whether it was safe to be in the water at night, alone, for reasons other than his fear.

He tried distracting himself with other thoughts. He'd seen the bikers in the diner for dinner, though Jeongguk was in and out like he was burning alive in that booth. Namjoon was with them, so he figured they'd successfully bailed him out of the holding cell. Yoongi was... well, Yoongi. Dull as always, seemingly unaffected by everything in the world.

His hyungs had been okay, not bringing the issues up much too often, asking him about his trip to the city when they'd ventured off on a boat again to pass the afternoon by.

The distracting thoughts didn't last nearly long enough.

It was so damn cold and Taehyung felt a cry rise as his mind pieced together the cold of death to that present, thoughts involuntarily shifting for the worst.

"No, no, you got this, you can—" he attempted to convince even himself, scooting forward another foot for the ground to dip lower and the water to rise to his throat. "Fuck, oh, fuck."

His eyes began to blur, lips quivering as his throat clamped up with waves rising up his throat to hit his chin. He urged his feet to stop and control his steps, but they seemed to disconnect from his brain, continuing in small steps even though he nearly screamed to gain control of his cracking interior.

His body felt numb when his toes curled into the sandy seafloor for some grounding, water flicking up and against his chin. When a drop flung up and touched the plush of his lips, Taehyung licked it away, the salt urging a violent wave of discomfort to ripple through him. He felt sick.

"Taehyung?"

So startled by the voice, distant in his ears and ricocheting in his head like a bullet bouncing off walls, Taehyung whirled around to find the shore with such force he stumbled back deeper into the ocean, crying out when the water grazed his ears, shooting up his nose with a painful burn.

He caught himself in time, face wrenched up to face the sky as he gasped for air, catching his breath and coughing out the sting scratching scars at the back of his mouth.

"What—What are you doing here?" He cried exasperatedly, stunned into a frozen state as the ocean tugged his body forward and then back again.

"Get out of there," Jeongguk called out, voice gentle, and Taehyung's cries worsened. "Taehyung, c'mon, get out of the water—"

"S-Stop. Don't tell me what to do. I-I can do this—"

"What are you trying to prove?" The voice was small, worry etched into ever croon of his voice and it made his heart burn as the water lapped against his nape, dampening his hair and making it cling to his skin.

His hands grasped at nothing. There was nothing for him to grasp.

"That—That I don't need you," he sputtered out, cursing when the bobbing tide slipped into the corner of his mouth. "I don't need you to do this!"

"Point proven," Jeongguk said hurriedly, "Now get out of there, okay?

"N-No, you need to leave," Taehyung's arms waved around more carelessly to keep his head up so he took a few more closer to the shore to get a stable foot on the sandy floor. "Why do you— you don't care whether I'm okay or not. Don't bullshit me!"

"I'm not bullshitting you, Taehyung." The biker returned sternly. "Do I need to drag you out of there? You're shivering."

"Stop caring when you don't mean it," he bit out, taking a step back again to answer Jeongguk's unspoken question. He wasn't leaving. He had a point to prove to himself and he wasn't leaving until it was proven. Oh, he was fucked with that mindset. "Stop being everywhere— I-I'm fine."

"I'm coming in the water."

"Like hell you are!"

But Jeongguk was actually taking off his shoes and leather jacket and a rush of panic ripped through Taehyung. He didn't want Jeongguk near him when he wasn't on land. And he especially didn't want Jeongguk near him in that very moment.

He couldn't trust those arms to keep him afloat anymore and Taehyung screamed in fear as he began retracting away from the man forcing his way into the water.

"Taehyung, stop it! You're too deep—"

"Please," he cried, choking on an unintentional gulp of water that make him nearly black out, vision fuzzy as it specked with spots. "Please, I don't want to die— I don't—"

A flicker of hurt flashed across Jeongguk's face, making his advance halt at his words. Taehyung could hardly see anymore as he scrambled to find a grip on anything, water molding around his arms, giving him nothing.

Jeongguk didn't move because of Taehyung's words. Taehyung was stuck. Stuck because the ocean could kill him, but he was scared Jeongguk would do the same if he got ahold of him.

Taehyung cried harder as the predicament sent his mind into a spiral, voice stifled with sobs as Jeongguk blocked him from the shore and he had no way out. The biker watched him, entirely torn, and Taehyung felt weak all over again.

"I'm... I'm going to go back to the sand," Jeongguk's voice was ringing, light and airy as it somehow managed to weave its way into his ears. "But that means you're getting out of there."

Taehyung didn't answer, but Jeongguk didn't take that as a rejection to the suggestion. Taehyung blinked viciously to get a sense of his surroundings through the unbridled fear gripping at every nerve in his every limb.

His vision doubled; he could see two Jeongguks backtracking out of the water, his clothing dripping and even darker in the midst of night as sand stuck to the soles of his feet, finding purchase on his ankles and everywhere it could grab.

Sand was safe. Sand was—

No, Taehyung, you can do this. You can. You have to.

"Okay, now walk towards me, yeah?" Jeongguk raised his hands, curling them inward to motion him closer and Taehyung panted as another shudder rippled through his body and his legs went numb.

His eyes shot wide as he couldn't feel his legs, breaths suddenly short and snappy, making the blood rise to his face as his pulse pounded in his head. Heart lurching into his throat.

"Taehyung," Jeongguk called out again. "You remember our fear training? Why don't you tell me a few things..."

Taehyung could hardly hear him. His eyes pinched shut as he rattled his head around like a shaker, hoping to get the dizzying effect of his hyperventilating dulled enough to move.

His knees wobbled and Taehyung couldn't manage a word past his quivering lips. He couldn't speak a word past the frantic breaths that occupied his lungs and throat, making more water seep in and less get out than he could control.

"Oh, shit—" Jeongguk suddenly yelled for his attention. "Taehyung, there's a bigger wave—!"

He didn't get a chance to react when a wave at his head level rose past the smaller ones, hitting him in the back of the head and knocking him down. Submerging him fully under.

Everything was black. He could feel everything and Taehyung almost wished he had passed out just so he didn't feel a thing. Because his scream opened his airways to the unforgiving water, choking him up and making his whole body too limp to even stand in the shallow end.

He couldn't see anymore in the dark of night, moonlight not strong enough to cut in past the water's surface.

It was all just dark ink. Consuming him until he was dying inside out.

Something was blindly grabbing for him in the dark and Taehyung felt a creep of whiplash snap at him as he was wrenched out of the water, body weighing nothing in Jeongguk's arms.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck— wake up, Taehyung," Jeongguk had his arms under him, hoisting him fully off the ground, but Taehyung was so out of it, he could have mistaken it for suspension in the water. "Taehyung, come on— shit."

They toppled over into the sand, Taehyung entirely numb to his senses as Jeongguk hovered over him, hands placed on his chest. They pressed down at a steady beat, palms digging into his skin as he attempted to force the water out of him.

"Goddamnit, why don't you just listen?" Jeongguk chided, voice raspy with disuse and exhaustion, both mental and physical. "Get up, Taehyung!"

Just as Jeongguk's fingers were prying his mouth open, water spewed out of his throat, drooling down the sides of his face as he returned to a conscious state, gasping for fresh air as his chest heaved as it was finally cleared.

Jeongguk slumped back, head dropping in relief as his hands fell flat on Taehyung's arm, gaze weary as the older's eyes ripped open.

"O-Oh my god..." Taehyung rasped, groaning as he clenched a fist around the fabric of his chest. He tried sitting up, but Jeongguk was quick in braving hands behind him to help. "Fuck— oh, no. No— the water— no—"

"Hey," Jeongguk moved his hands to cup Taehyung's face and the Taehyung's bewildered gaze eyes took him in, in shock. "Breathe slow."

Taehyung shook his head, tears slipping out though they muddled with the ocean water dripping from his hair. "D-Don't— touch— leave me alone—"

"Look what that got you." Jeongguk scowled, jerking his face slightly so Taehyung forced his eyes to meet his. "Come on— slow."

Taehyung's head drooped, not a wink of energy left to actually hold eye contact, and he shivered as he slapped weak fists against Jeongguk's chest. "No, no— I won't—"

"You're the fucking worst." The biker grit out, hands slackening to reach for his relentless wrists, limbs flailing to attack him. Taehyung cried out at his restraint and lurched out a leg to hit his side. "Kim Taehyung."

"Let g-go of me!" He was crying more, still recovering from the dull ache in his lungs as his lightheaded state had yet to fade. "Please, why— why me..."

Jeongguk held him steady as his body crumbled, head falling against the biker's chest as his sobs came thick and deep, filling the quiet shore with heaviness.

"I know. I know, it's not fair—"

"You don't know," Taehyung slammed his forehead against his chest, voice croaking in downright misery. "You don't— you don't know anything a-and it's so hard and I can't do it and I just want my life back, but then there's you and the stupid ocean— I still can't go under and I promised Mark I'd try but I don't have time— w-what did I do to deserve this—"

Taehyung stifled a sharp gasp as one hand holding his wrist was suddenly under his chin, wet thumb pressing on it and forcing his head to tilt up. And then his eyes shot wide as lips were on his, shutting him up with ease as his words died in his throat, a confused sound replacing it because Jeongguk was pressing against him harder until he was all warm inside, despite the cold dripping down his cheeks, and he really couldn't think about anything except the fucking addicting lips pressed against his—

"What are you doing?" Taehyung gasped out when he gathered enough strength to shove Jeongguk's face away, enough to separate their lips, but not enough to have their own air to breath.

Jeongguk's thumb molded over the slope of his chin, grazing his bottom lip and Taehyung felt his heart skip a beat at his slow touch, melting him until he couldn't feel the cold waves taunting him in his head. Until he didn't notice the salty water drip down his neck and chill him.

"Distracting you," Jeongguk muttered. "Because you talk so damn much, that you don't even try and calm down."

"Fuck— Fuck you." Taehyung's voice was higher, breathy and gone with the crazy thought that Jeongguk wasn't actually kissing him to kiss him, but to help him forget the nightmare in his head. "I hate you, J-Jeongguk."

"Then, tell me to stop." He mumbled, shifting forward again and Taehyung found the hands that had pushed the biker's shoulders away, gripping the same material again. "I'll stop if you say the word."

But Jeongguk was so warm. And he was all alone without the man. Taehyung whimpered softly as Jeongguk pressed a chaste kiss to his lips. "No."

"No?" Jeongguk echoed, wet lips ghosting the damp skin above the line of his jaw, teeth grazing it and Taehyung felt his whole body vibrate at the warmth building throughout his entire system. "No, as in don't stop? Or no as in—"

"No, as in," Taehyung turned his head, coughing at the burn that lingered. It forced Jeongguk to pull away and move his mouth out of reach. "I'm not— I won't do this. I'm not forgiving you when you don't feel guilty. I'm not kissing you—"

He wouldn't dare admit he felt more calm after the uninvited claiming of his mouth, the calloused hands on his cold skin. Hands that had grabbed him out of the water a second time.

Taehyung argued he wouldn't have been in the situation a second time if Jeongguk hadn't shown up.

"Why would I be here if I didn't feel guilty?"

Taehyung's eyes flickered up to meet the biker's. And the flickering emotion, seeping through the cracks of his calculated gaze, wasn't enough for him.

"If you really felt guilty," Taehyung pursed his lips, jolting away so he could breathe his own air, feel the chill of the passing breeze without Jeongguk's hovering body blocking it out. All his movement was broken and heavy, lack of control clear. "Then, saying two words and apologizing wouldn't be so difficult."

His breath was finally steadying, though memories and images flashed through his head, making the simplest of emotions, restraint, difficult to build.

"I'm taking you home." Jeongguk muttered, standing and grabbing his jacket and shoes with such speed Taehyung didn't dare blink. "Get up. Let's go."

His disappointment was almost expected and Taehyung shook his head. "I'll walk."

"You can't even stand. Walking is out of the question."

"Then, I'll call Jimin."

"Stop being difficult and let's go."

Stop being difficult. Stop being— Taehyung almost laughed. Almost. He was too drained to think of any emotion other than regret, like always, to consider laughing in its place.

"What part about I don't trust you and that makes me uncomfortable to get on a motorcycle do you not understand?" Taehyung raked his sandy hands through his hair, wincing when he was aware of what a pain it would be to wash out. But that was the least of his worries.

Jeongguk's outstretched hand retracted. He saw the biker nod, a gulp bobbing in his throat as he stood stupidly a few feet from him. "Okay. Call Jimin, then."

"I will."

"Okay."

"Okay." Taehyung said quickly, waiting for Jeongguk to leave but the younger stood as still as a rock. "What are you doing?"

"Waiting for you to call him."

"Jeongguk—" Taehyung let out a frustrated huff, pulling his knees to his chest as the sand on his skin began to feel uncomfortable, the salt water drying and aggravating the urge to itch. "Fine."

He reached for his phone, the device sitting idle in the sole of his stray show. His fingers were shaky as they focused on the screen, searching for his best friend's contact.

It took three rings for the line to be picked up, because Jimin had been fast asleep, and that much was evident in the gravelly tone, words slow as the older came about.

"Tae? What's— hey, where are you? You're not sleeping?"

"Can you come to the diner's shore, please?" Taehyung mumbled, a shiver hitting his shoulders and he could feel his teeth beginning to chatter. "I need some company."

"What are you doing over there?" He heard the rustling of sheets, a sharp curse as Jimin banged a limb into the side dresser. Taehyung wondered whether he should ask for a towel or something to warm up, but he didn't want Jeongguk to think that kissing him had a good cause behind it.

"Just hurry." He said before hanging up, rolling the device in his palms as he stared up at the biker. "Happy? Now, go."

"I'll wait 'til he gets here."

"What—? No, go now." Taehyung argued, hunching over to rest his tired skull on his knees, the weight heavy on his neck. "I'm too tired to reason with you, Jeon."

"Then, don't."

So, he just went silent, sitting with his eyes closed, as his wet feet dug into the sand and hair dropped drops onto his lashes. Jeongguk didn't make any noise as he stood around, rocking in his feet, pacing a little bit until he got bored of that, too.

It was like he wasn't even there. But he was. Taehyung could sense his presence, but it wasn't like Jeongguk was making himself known. Like a stranger.

Eventually, a car was heard on the pavement, rolling into the diner lot, and Taehyung raised his head to look at Jimin scurrying out of the vehicle to get to him.

The man faltered in his steps seeing Jeongguk, exactly what Taehyung was worried for in the biker sticking around.

"The hell are you doing here?" Jimin snapped at him, rushing past the biker to kneel by Taehyung. "Did he touch you?"

"I use this place for myself, too." Jeongguk defended his appearance, Jimin brushing off his comment with ease and waiting for Taehyung's answer.

"No, he didn't touch me." Taehyung said. Technically, Jeongguk had, but not in the way Jimin was suggesting.

"Okay, well, you can go now." His best friend directed the curt words to Jeongguk, the biker sighing with some indescribable emotion.

"Yeah, thanks for the fucking permission." Jeongguk muttered back, Taehyung only hearing the swish of leather before a loud engine started a minute later. The motorcycle sped out of the lot, sound fading in his head faster than in his ears.

"Hey, you're soaked, Tae. Hold on."

Jimin left his side to go to the convertible, top drawn up because of the storm coming in the next day, but Taehyung just ached for the warmth to return quickly— wish granted when a towel was wrapped around his shoulders and Jimin sat beside him.

"You went in the water?"

"Alone." He leaned into the older's side, Jimin's hand smoothing around to hug him.

"Then, why was he here?"

"I-I don't know." Taehyung admitted, wondering himself. Maybe Jeongguk really was just there to use the space they generally shared. "I'm so confused, Minie. Everything's so confusing and it's too much."

"You want to talk about it?"

"No," he took a deep breath, the overwhelming notion to flow with his pent up emotions overtaking control. "Fuck, I do— I really need to talk."

"It's okay," Jimin whispered comfortingly, lips pressing against the side of his head. "Take your time to say what you want."

He chewed his lip, debating on where to start, when unrelated words dropped out altogether. "Sorry, I woke you in the middle of the night."

"Not the first time it's happened, asshole." His friend teased, giggling and Taehyung smiled meekly. "Ripped this shirt a little in the hurry, though. That's unfortunate."

"I'll buy you new one."

"I don't give a shit, stupid." Jimin poked his side, almost offended Taehyung thought he cared so much about it. "I'll just steal yours."

"Of course." Taehyung shifted closer to him, bent knees falling to rest on Jimin's thigh as his head burrowed into his shoulder, the older's arms holding him secure and small fingers stroking his hair.

"What's confusing, Taetae?"

"Where do I start?" He asked rhetorically, voice strained and almost inaudible as the trickling thoughts seeped into a stream.

"Anywhere is good." Jimin reassured. "But I just think you should know Hoseok told us about Jeongguk. And how he saved you in the storm."

A small sound of surprise slipped out of his lips, though it was backed by relief. "I'm glad, honestly. I needed Hoseok's help to talk about it."

"Why?" Jimin directed the conversation and it made his life ten times easier.

"Because Jeongguk took it back." Taehyung sniffed, the tears welling behind his lids. "He... the night of that fight, I went to talk to him. To reason? Get answers? I don't know anymore, but— he said some pretty terrible things."

"You should tell me." Jimin said, good intentions making Taehyung gather the strength to grab the older's hand and squeeze it, voice torn over the reminder of how weak he was to the water's will.

"Jeongguk said he shouldn't have saved me. Said he should have left me to drown that day— that— he meant that he had wished I'd died, Jimin."

"What?" He heard his best friend suck in a sharp breath, air ragged as it left his lips having not expected such a response. "Shit, I'm going to lose it next time I see him."

"Yeah." Taehyung gulped, taking the corner of the towel and wiping his eyes. He brushed his hair out of his face, too, hoping to prevent more of the ocean staining his skin. "That's— that tipped me over the edge."

"I don't blame you." Jimin breathed out. "That's beyond not okay."

"H-He can't even apologize, Minie," Taehyung choked out, Jimin rubbed his side with more attention at the tone. "Why is it so hard for him to admit to a mistake— I don't get it."

"Different things are harder for different people." Jimin offered as an unconvincing reason. It didn't seem he, himself, believed it.

"Guilt and humility should not be foreign emotions to someone." Taehyung shook his head, staring up at Jimin, who looked down at him with worry in his eyes.

"Maybe it's not foreign. Maybe there's just too much guilt already to take on more."

Taehyung blinked, gaze darting to the water wading up the sand, far from reach. Jimin had no clue of Jeongguk's past, but such words could very well fit for the younger's case.

"And I know it's not an excuse for what he said to you. I do still think you deserve the most genuine apology for him to gain any appreciation back, but... I think he's been through one hell of a time recently, too. The officers and Namjoon getting taken, hurting someone when he seemed to have a pact not to... I was so out of it, but I saw the look on his face when he saw you after hurting me. Tae, that was not a look of pain bringing him joy."

"How are you so positive about a guy who punched you in the face?" He asked, awed by Jimin's consideration.

His friend merely shrugged, "I should be shit talking him for what he said to you, really, but he's a biker. I guess, I can't expect him to be perfect."

"Far from that." Taehyung murmured. He missed how Jimin's expression had changed, turning towards another point that he didn't notice until the older spoke.

"You knew him well, don't you?"

Taehyung tensed at the words. "Kinda. Better than most."

"What's he like?" Jimin's voice was soft, encouraging, and Taehyung pulled away in disbelief. "What? I can't be curious?"

"You... you're unbelievable." Taehyung shook his head before smiling sadly, snuggling into Jimin's side again to fend off the cold. "I always thought he had a good heart. He agreed to help me with my fear and only joked about me returning the favor in the future. There were so many times he could have used that and I would have done what he asked... but never. He just helped me without a catch."

"He knows how to deal with fears?"

"Maybe? I don't know. He was really good at calming me down from the panic attacks, though." Taehyung sighed, chest warming at the more pleasing memories he scoured for. "I've been around him for weeks, Minie. He's so much more than that leather jacket."

Taehyung didn't bother ruining the moment with how much distaste he had for the things that jacket led him to do.

"But he's careless with his words. Says stupid things." Taehyung grumbled, voice still light. "We would get pissy about that sometimes."

"You went on his motorcycle, didn't you?" Jimin recalled his remembrance for a certain morning Taehyung had rolled up smelling like a barbecue. "That one morning I questioned you."

"Yeah," his cheeks flushed as he thought about it, more sad than the fearful he had felt not long ago when Jeongguk offered to take him home. "That's probably the best time I spent with him."

"You liked the motorcycle so much?"

Taehyung hummed in thought, shaking his head. "That wasn't all. I saw the most gentle sides of him that night. He took me to this cliffside. You go north and up instead of south and inland, like we usually do. There's this gravel path after a few turns and it leads to a large clearing, the edge of the cliffside. God, it was beautiful. You could see the entire beach from there, the city if you turned around, the horizon was further and the stars were closer..."

"He took you there?"

"He wanted to show me it." Taehyung explained. "We were up there and... and he was so real. He suddenly wasn't this superficial facade I'd been suspicious of from the start— Jimin, his smile. It's so pretty. He's got these bunny teeth and his nose scrunches when he smiles with all the happiness in the world—"

"You did that?"

"Huh?" He froze at the seemingly random words from Jimin. "What do you mean?"

"I mean," Jimin's expression was unreadable, making Taehyung nervous. "You brought out that kind of happiness in him?"

"No. He's always more himself up on that cliffside he said." Taehyung denied too quickly, heart racing in his chest. "I guess he just liked having some company, too."

"And, yet, he's never taken anyone else there with him before."

"What are you getting at?" Taehyung snipped, voice hardly coming out as stern and more reaching for an explanation to Jimin's weird responses.

Jimin shook his head, expression changing in the blink of an eye. "Nothing. Just indulging in the conversation. But that sounds like a nice place to unwind."

"It really was." He whispered, words quick as he curled in on himself again and drew shapes in the cool sand, wondering if he'd ever go there again. It didn't seem right for Taehyung to go to someplace special for Jeongguk by himself.

He felt his inner self slap him in the face, mentally. He jerked back into the reality of the matter and felt his shoulders sink in misery. It was hard to think of how good certain times were when they seemed impossible to achieve in the present.

"He thinks art is stupid." Taehyung tried to offer a negative to the rush of positives he'd just presented.

"Well, that wouldn't work out, now would it?" Jimin joked off, chuckling softly.

"His tattoo, Jimin..." Taehyung found himself cowering in his head again. "My project's meaning is heavily attached to his tattoo. I don't know if Hobi told you about that, but it's how I found out he saved—"

"He told us."

"Oh."

"Is that why you haven't worked on it at all the past few days either?"

He nodded.

"That's okay, you know." Jimin consoled. "Whether you want to admit it or not, Tae, you had a special connection with him and if moving on is what you want to do, it'll take time. Anything emotional does take time."

That was the problem, Taehyung thought. He didn't know if he wanted to move on or not. He felt like he was being forced to because there was no other reasonable way to go about the matter, but if it were up to him, he'd rather resolve the issue. Alas, half of that choice was on Jeongguk.

"You said he's careless with his words?"

"Mhm." Taehyung glanced over. "Why are you asking?"

Jimin pursed his lips, his soft shorts and tee loose on his frame as he stretched. "People say things they don't actually mean when they're angry, Taehyung. When people get angry, they speak much quicker than they think."

"Still means he thought it."

Jimin nodded, sounding defeated. "Yeah, that's true."

"Not everyone would do that, anyway." He frowned. "You'd never say something like that to me, no matter how angry we were at one another."

"But I'm not Jeongguk," Jimin squeezed his hand before letting it go and staring at the dark ocean. "Nor am I careless with my words."

"I don't—"

"It's not okay," Jimin agreed before he could even speak. "But he was upset about a lot more than you and you just became a convenient punching bag in the moment. I personally don't think Jeongguk would have said that to you if all his problems hadn't spiraled so quickly."

He knew Jimin was trying to tell him that it would take time for Jeongguk to think about admitting to the guilt. He knew Jimin wasn't trying to excuse the biker's actions, but it added a layer to his doubts anyway.

Did he still think he was defending Yoongi this whole time, though? Taehyung groaned and buried his face in his towel covered hands, blowing hair air out to warm the damp thing.

Jimin ruffled his slightly drier hair, neither of them saying anything more in relation to that conversation.

But on top of being upset, Taehyung was losing any sense of clarity to the situation.

He suddenly felt that he'd been fighting Jeongguk with fire, and not the water he'd always been, making them burn all the oxygen needed to truly breathe.

❧ ❧ ❧

the way i was so excited to publish this quickly because half of it was done and then i fell sick and could hardly stare at a screen >:(
but i'm better and it's here now LMAO (next chap is also basically done so double update?? ;)) that never happens lolsies)

thank you for loving this story as much as i do!! <33

✵ NEETO ✵