LA.

      LA.

      It's beautiful, yet not as beautiful as Yoongi.

      It's fun, but not as much fun as hanging out with Yoongi.

       Looking at myself, I debated about hiding my body. I wasn't fat, at the most, but I definitely wasn't skinny. Swallowing the lump, I nearly jumped out of my skin when someone knocked on the bathroom door.

       "Ya! (Y/n), are you ready?" Yoongi.

       "Yeah. I'm ready," I unlocked the door, and covered myself with a jacket that covered my stomach and a little bit of my butt and swimsuit bottoms.

        "Why are you hiding yourself?" The black haired rapper frowned at me, not being afraid of resting his hands on my butt.

        "Because I don't want to be cold? I'm not hiding myself," I lied.

        "We are going swimming for a reason. It's almost a hundred degrees," Yoongi sighed. "Now tell me the truth."
 
        It gets scary when you make Yoongi mad or frustrated. He's so scary that the members don't even wake him up.

       "My body isn't attractive," I whispered, playing with the hem of the jacket.

       "Oh c'mon," Yoongi growled, trapping me on the wall, making my gut twist and my heart speed up.

       "It's not my fault I think this way," I bit my tongue, trying to fight the tears. "I never asked to always feel unattractive and fat!"

       "You aren't fat!" He yelled, making me flinch and finally let the tears go. "Stop yelling, please."

       He backed away, startled and I slid down the wall, my face falling into my hands as I sobbed.

       "Hyung! Are you two ready?" Seokjin knocked on the hotel door. Yoongi looked between me and the door before opening the door. "Yeah. Just give us a few more minutes."

       When the door clicked shut again, I let the sobs erupt from my throat loud and ugly. Tears rained down my cheeks, catching on my lips now and then.

        "I'm sorry for yelling," Yoongi whispered in my ear, his hot breath tickling it, but I shook my head and cried harder. "Please tell me what's wrong," he sounded desperate now.

        "It sucks feeling how I do. Whenever we go to those other Kpop idols' concerts, like I.O.I and Blackpink, I feel like stabbing myself. They're just so gorgeous compared to me. They can wear whatever they want without feeling self-conscious," I whispered when I finally controlled my breathing and hiccups.

        "They also work out everyday," he said gently.

        "I don't fucking care! No matter how much I work out, I eat it all back," I pushed him away and stormed into the bathroom, shutting the door.

         "(Y/n), please," Yoongi let out a shaky breath. "Please."

         "Leave me alone and go have fun," I shook my head, though I knew he couldn't see me.

       "(Y/n), please open the door," he whisper, pounding his fists on it weakly.

       "I told you to leave me alone. I'm sick of people telling me I'm skinny, and that I'm just curvy. I'm sick of the lies," I wailed.

       He went silent for a moment, and then there were more voices.

        "(Y/n), please come out. We want to hang out with you," I could hear Jungkook.

        "I told you to leave me the fuck alone. Go away!" I yelled, sitting on the lidded toilet with my knees tucked closed to my chest. "I'm fine. Just leave me alone."

        "You aren't fine. Open the door."

        "It's not even locked," I whispered. It was to see if they actually cared enough to try to get in the room.

        The knob twisted, and I looked up, meeting eyes with the seven boys with teary eyes.

         "Take the jacket off," Yoongi ordered. "Or I'll rip it off. I don't care if I ruin it."

        "No," I wrapped my arms around myself.

        "(Y/n)-"

        "Go."

        "(Y/n)-"

        "Go-"

        "Fucking listen!"

        "No! Leave me alone! I don't about what you have to say!" I kicked him in his flat stomach when he got too close. Jealousy flared in my gut and tears rimmed my eyes. "You're all fucking perfect and skinny. It's not fair."

         "(Y/n), how long have you been going through this?" Seokjin asked gently.

         "Ages. It makes me horrible about myself," I sniffled dryly.

         "We can tell," V sighed.

  ____________________

Here's a chapter into my mind. Like all people, I'm not perfect. My mom suspects that I have BDD, which is Body Dysmorphic Disorder, which is a Body disorder that makes you feel fat and ugly. It tears me up and I really hate it.

Some people don't believe me when I tell them I have it, which makes me quite unhappy. It's not someone place unless they are professional to tell you what you do or don't have. That's like telling someone who lost a limb that they have all limbs and are perfectly fine.

My eonni (sister) has tried telling me my "fat" is something all females get actually, but it doesn't make me happy at all. She tells me I'm just curvy, but I don't believe her. It's just my mind works. I have told myself that I'm fat and ugly so many times that it's the only thing I believe and the only thing my mind wants to believe.

Oh god, I'm actually tearing up. Anyways, this chapter has given you an inside to how I feel in one-shot form. I hope you guys enjoyed. I didn't have a hard time writing this, but it definitely hit me hard.