AN: So this chapter is lots of thoughts and talking. I hope you enjoy it.

TRIGGER WARNING: Mentions of forms of transphobia, weight shaming, and hints of self hatred.

--------------

The bliss was over. Mitch had a break from his dilemma for a few short hours the night before and when he slept. But now it was back. He had to face the fact that he was completely lost. He had no way of getting his memories back. After weeks of learning of his life in the past seven years, he couldn't figure out anything. It was depressing!

The worst part of it all was that he was second guessing everything he had been sure of. He always assumed things would work how they were supposed to. That certain things were meant to be. But now he wasn't so sure. He hated the unknown. It was one of his greatest fears. What was he going to do!?

"Hey, are you going to stay in here the whole day," Scott said, walking into the bedroom. "You didn't come down to eat breakfast." He had his hand resting on the doorframe, looking down at him in concern.

"I'm not hungry. I just want some time to myself to settle things in my mind." Mitch had turned his eyes away from Scott and back to his hands laying on top of the blanket. He hadn't gotten out of bed at all. Not even Scott's tickles could break him out of this low.

Scott sighed and he heard him step over to the bed. "Don't do this Mitch. I know how you get. You'll start to shut down. You have to eat something. And not get worked up." He sat down and reached over and grasped Mitch's shoulder. "Honey....".

Mitch put his left hand over Scott's that was on his shoulder. "I know you are worried. I....I need time. Yesterday really threw me for a loop. It was not what I was expecting at all."

"Wait, what did all of them say exactly?"

This caused Mitch to finally look back at Scott. "They kept talking about our friendship and how we are so obsessed with each other. How it effected the relationships." Scott frowned. Wrinkles even appeared on his forehead.

"Really? Maybe that is what your fight was about that night?" Mitch shook his head. This caused Scott to frown more. "Are you sure?"

Mitch nodded solemnly. "I'm sure. If that was the case, then something should have resurfaced when he got ticked off about us spending so much time together and I snapped back at him."

Scott's head dropped at these words. "You're right. So what was it that you expected out of it?"

Mitch thought it over. What he imagined the conversations would be like. "Well...I expected them to talk about how we really were, you know. Since no one really understands someone like a significant other, right? That they would talk about the usual stuff about how I was a bit annoying or simple bickering. Things like that."

Scott gnawed on his lip as he let that information sink in. "That is a bit different. What did you tell them to get them to talk to you, though? Maybe that had a hand in why they zeroed in on what we have."

Mitch groaned. "All I said was that I had a life coach I was talking to who advised me to deal with what I did and said in the past and how that affected others in my life. That it was to help me with understanding who I am in the present and how to better myself. I never said anything about romantic ties or that I was speaking specifically to them. For all they knew, I was doing a cleanse with everyone I knew."

Scott pulled his hand away to rub his temples. He was feeling the immense pain too. "So somehow they all came to the same conclusion that you were talking about wanting to "repent" in some way for what we have with each other and it messing with things. Okay this is hurting my brain." Scott was rubbing his forehead now. Probably to relieve some of the pressure on his frontal lobe.

"Now you know what is tripping me up." Scott ran his hand over his face. He was mentally exhausted already, Mitch could see.

"Was that all they talked about? About us?"

Mitch kind of shook his head. "Pretty much. With Travis, I was trying to be careful with what I brought up and it lead into that. With Alex, it was straight to the point from the start. Same with Shawn. With Mark and Mason, it was like we had nothing else to talk about."

It was Scott's time to groan. "This is hopeless," he whined, throwing his head back. He opened his eyes and stared up at the ceiling. "Man....What could have been so bad that you became hysterical and then woke up with no memories?"

"I don't know. Nothing is adding up."

Scott sighed and dropped his head back to look at Mitch. "I wish I could fix this for you. So you didn't have to suffer. I...I'm going to clean up a little around the house. Maybe we can get out of the house for a few hours after that...".

Mitch gave him a sad smile. "Okay...". Scott gave him a smile in return and got up and walked out of the room. Mitch stared at the doorway that Scott walked out of. He couldn't reveal the extent of what was said in those conversations. What the guys truly said regarding his and Scott's relationship. He had to figure it out on his own.

He thought back to how Shawn acted in particular. It felt like he was playing Mitch. The tone he used. And how he was so sure. It made Mitch question everything. Mitch was so focused on what he thought and what he felt. He assumed that Scott loved him. But he didn't really know. Scott had never said anything. It was just how he acted sometimes. But maybe Mitch was seeing things that weren't really there. That he was imagining the love he saw from Scott. That it was him projecting his love onto Scott and not the real thing.

But that couldn't be it! The way Scott acted that first night when he thought that they were together. Scott got really upset. He spat out the word 'boyfriend' like it was poison. And then how he was when he spoke to Austin when Austin found out. Those were signs. They had to be! Except....Scott said he was upset because Mitch had a boyfriend to talk to about everything. Maybe Mitch misinterpreted it. Maybe Scott was simply upset that being Mitch's friend was secondary to boyfriend and hated how their friendship wasn't the same. Everyone commented how they were back to how they used to be. Before last September, if Mitch's calculations were right when looking at what the fans said. Could Mitch really have been letting it all go to his head? After all, Scott would have certainly moved on from their high school romance. Looking at all the guys he had been with since then...of course he did.

Mitch couldn't help but want to cry. He was so stupid! He actually thought that Scott wanted to be with him. Of course he wouldn't. He was so skinny and ugly and much too hairy. He had a whiny high voice. It probably made Scott think of a cis woman whenever he opened his mouth. All the guys that Scott had been with since Mitch were way more attractive than he ever could dream to be. Except for Shawn, they were all tall and muscular and really manly. Shawn was probably some anomaly that Scott tried out. To see if a mixture of Mitch and Alex fit better. They were all smart and successful. They didn't have to rely on Scott to be able to make it. Without Scott, he'd be nothing! They were the kind of guys Scott would be proud to take home to his family. Mitch was an embarrassment. There was no way Scott would want some prissy high maintenance anxiety ridden attention whore who couldn't even decide on their gender!

He muffled his sobs with his hands so Scott wouldn't hear. The blond would rush to the room in a panic, thinking Mitch was hurt or something was wrong. He hated how it took him so long to realize the truth. He had spent weeks deluding himself into this fantasy. He should have learned the first time around. It was funny, though. The night that Mitch spoke with Mike...the same one he spoke with Scott about Avi...Mike had told him to not be so wrapped up in Scott. Yet he didn't listen. He was simply too stubborn. Wait....his dad...His dad would know the truth. He had texted him since the memory loss about a thing here or there but had been careful because of what Scott said. Maybe he could ask about Scott!

Mitch quickly wiped his face of tears before grabbing his phone. "Siri call Dad." The phone rang a few seconds before it picked up. "Hey Dad," Mitch said into the phone.

"Mitch! My boy! I'm so happy to hear from you. You haven't called in a little bit. How's everything going? Winding down from tour? And what about the Christmas album this year? Your mother is anxious to put it with the others."

Mitch was almost tempted to cry again. His dad was so sweet! It really felt like the last time he talked to him was that night seven years ago. "I'm....tired. There was not much winding down. We have off days here and there but we are preparing for the Christmas album full swing now. I'll make sure Nel gets it when I go for Thanksgiving. How about you?"

Mike laughed. He always found it funny when Mitch would never stop working. "At least you have some off days. We can't wait to hear the full album, kiddo. We're fine over here. Same old, same old. I'm still driving people around for extra cash. Your mother is getting closer to finishing on her master's. Your sister's kids are growing up more and more. They can't wait to see you in a couple months. I can't help but feel like you want to talk to me about something, though. What is it?"

Mitch rolled his eyes. His dad always could tell when something was off. Well...besides him having lost some memories. "Mmm, actually there is. I just wanted to know your opinion on something.....Uh...what do you think of Scott?"

Mike made this weird high pitched squeal in the back of his throat. Mitch pulled away from the phone and stared at it for a second. WTF!? He heard Mike say something under his breath that he couldn't quite catch when putting it back up to his ear. "Well of course I think Scott is the best. He's sweet, reliable, loving. Simply perfect. I liked that other boy well enough. He seemed nice but Scott is just right for you. Oh your mother and I were a little worried for a bit but we knew you and Scott would get back together. Oh this is so exciting! I can't wait to tell your mother. The kids will be so excited. They love Scott. Should I tell Rick and Connie? Have you two told his parents yet?"

It was like being literally shocked. Mike wanted them together!? This was completely different to how he acted seven years before. His parents liked Scott when they were young but the way his father was speaking, it seemed that like had morphed into pure adoration now. "Dad, calm down! We're not together."

Mike was silent over the line for a second. "O-oh....Are you sure?" What was it with people today!? Yes he was sure!

"Yes Mike. I am very sure." There was another beat of silence.

"Uh huh. Can you change your mind," he asked very plainly.

Mitch's eyes widened. "DAD!" This was not his father. What the hell changed Mike's perspective!? Mike thought that Scott would string Mitch along. He said that Scott was a good friend to Mitch but that Mitch tended to get sucked in when it came to Scott. It was one of his worries for Mitch when deciding on The Sing Off.

"It was worth a shot. Okay. I believe you. If you say you're not together then you're not together." Mitch breathed a sigh of relief. He didn't even want to imagine how red Scott's face would get if Connie told him about this.

"Thank you. I just needed to hear your opinion. I love you Dad. I'll talk to you later." Mike's words definitely changed things...yet again. It was like he was on a never-ending rollercoaster. Going up and down and from side to side.

"Of course. Love you too, son. Tell Scott the same. I miss that boy. Bye, Mitch." Those final words got to him. Mike showed such open love and respect for Scott. It was so much more than what he ever dreamed of. Mitch still remembered how devastated Mike was when he came out. How angry he was when he learned that Mitch had a relationship with Scott that he never told him about. So much had changed in seven years. To the point that his dad actually wanted them together. That he and Nel were hopeful for it.

So that meant that Scott loved him, right? Mike wouldn't act that way if Scott didn't, right? He really wanted to believe it. For Scott to love him like he loved Scott. If only....