yes hi hello WOW

Honestly, I did not expect it at all. I'm just feeling super overwhelmed and super grateful. However, since I'm me, I have to yap!

When I first found out I'd won, I cried a lot. A lot of what I felt was just relief - I just needed a win so badly, and I don't mean like winning a Watty specifically, but just a life win. Something that made me feel genuinely good. Some of you know that there were so many things going terribly wrong in my personal life over the summer and into the fall, and writing and being on Wattpad was like my only reprieve. So thank you guys for giving me such a safe and positive space to exist while things weren't so great. There were days that coming on here and interacting with y'all was the only good thing about my day.

This is not my first Watty, but this one feels particularly special. My first two I won for deeply personal, emotional stories (CRASH INTO ME and RELATIVE FICTION) that were both marred with sadness and tackled difficult topics such as drug addiction. For a long time, not only did I feel a responsibility to tell these types of stories because of my experiences, but I believed that all the deep and poignant stuff was what made me a "good writer."

Long story short, I can't write those kinds of stories anymore. I suffer from PTSD, and it's too emotionally taxing to continue reliving all these things, even if it's "fictional." So, I had terrible writers block for a long time because I didn't know what to do with my writing if I couldn't write about that stuff.

Then BIG SHOT happened, and it happened when I needed it the most. I learned with BIG SHOT that I can still tell a GOOD story, even if it's not full of angst and turmoil, because it's still about things I care about and believe in. Seeing women in sports is important. Portrayal of healthy relationships is important. Writing about things you enjoy (even if it's as silly as college football) is important! And by winning with BIG SHOT, it has truly given me this realization that okay, I can write about all kinds of things and still be a good writer. Sometimes it can just be as simple as love and football. So thank you, thank you, thank you to all of you who have been so loving and so supportive, it really does mean the world to me.

3 TIME WINNER BABYYYY I FEEL LIKE NICK SABAN!

& if you're a new reader who's come here because of that (or just other means), I genuinely hope you enjoy my silly little story about silly college football <3