When we returned to the Donahue's after our boating excursion, the smell of pastries hit us the moment we walked through the front door.

Reid made a beeline for the kitchen, followed by Anna and Frank who called after him something along the lines of you can't hog all the pop tarts.

Nikki had her arm slung around my shoulder as we walked through the front hallway towards the kitchen, still humming some Darius Rucker song that was playing on the boat. Nicky appeared on the other side of her and wrapped an arm around her waist to gently pull her away from me.

"I got her," he said to me with a cheeky grin.

"You sure?" I asked, mirroring his grin as Nikki tried to wiggle out of his grip.

"Oh yeah," he nodded. "She just needs a snack and a quick nap, she'll be good."

Nikki tilted her head towards Nicky and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. "You know me so well. I love you."

"I know, I know," Nicky shook his head, trying to stifle his little smirk.

She whipped her head around and pointed at me. "I love you too."

"I love you too," I echoed with a grin. "Take care of her."

Nicky ushered her upstairs, allowing me to follow my nose into the kitchen. Missy was busy instructing Lily Lou as she cracked eggs over a mixing bowl, while Reid, Anna, and Frank hovered behind them like three bees fighting over the one flower left with nectar.

"Will you three shoo?" Missy swatted at them like they were indeed pesky flying insects. "I swear y'all act like nobody feeds you."

"I want mine extra filled," Reid instructed Lily Lou.

"What do you want filled there, Reid?" I walked around the kitchen island with a coy smirk.

"Wouldn't you love to know." He matched my smirk, pinching my side as I brushed by him, and I had to pretend the subtlest of touches didn't send my heart into my god damn esophagus like bad acid reflux.

I feigned offense and put my hands to my chest. "Yes, I actually do. What on earth did you think I was talking about?"

Anna and Frank snickered, and as they slowly began to back out of the kitchen Frank scooped up a spoonful of jelly preserves that was in one of the handful of glass bowls spread out on the island.

"All of y'all, get out," Missy shooed at them again.

"Except Jo, she can stay," Lily Lou chimed in, grunting with effort as she mixed up the dough in the bowl with a spatula far too big for her.

I stuck my tongue out at Reid as he called over his shoulder, "Remember, extra filled!"

"So what are we extra filling?" I asked as I leaned against the kitchen island.

"Filled and iced puff pastries," Missy explained.

"So, Pop Tarts," Lily Lou pointedly clarified.

"Ah, I get it now," I nodded. I surveyed the various bowls of jams and instantly knew Reid wanted extra filled strawberry. The realization at how well I knew him - in the way that Nikki and Nicky knew each other - made my stomach churn. I tried to ignore it and grinned across the island at Lily Lou. "Sounds perfect."

Lily Lou was undoubtedly her mother's child as she instructed me on how to parse out the dough for pastries, fill them, and press them together with a fork so the tops and bottoms stuck together. I'd made puff pastries before, but I let her take the lead on this one. I filled one in the corner of the sheet pan with extra strawberry jam. They cooked quickly, and when we took them out to ice them, I drew a little R on Reid's.

The guys had piled in the den as the beginning of the Thanksgiving slate of football games was starting, and as much as I wanted to just drop into Lily Lou's fort and rot my brain with some football, Reid was noticeably absent, and I had to deliver him his pastry.

"He's outside on the porch." Anna found my wandering gaze. She'd been sitting on the floor of the den, pressed up against Frank's shins while he sat on the couch.

"Oh, I wasn't..." I shook my head. "I mean, I just have his obnoxious special pastry."

"Right. Of course." Anna nodded with pinched lips. On screen, the Lions had just scored, tying up the game with Dallas, and everyone but Frank cheered and jeered at the TV.

"Thanks," I muttered before sidestepping out the sliding back door in the corner of the kitchen.

Reid was leaning against the railing of the house's wrap around porch, his gaze outwards towards the expanse of empty land. Through the trees, the river could be seen in the distance, and the tire swing gently swayed in the breeze.

I wasn't sure how long I stood there, completely dumbfounded by the sight of him, as if this was both the first time I'd ever set eyes on him, and the last time I ever would. He'd changed into a blue and gray flannel button down, his hair still tousled and slightly windswept from the boat. Endearing, as always.

It seemed like at some point he sensed my presence and glanced over his shoulder at me.

"That for me?" he asked with a smirk.

"Extra stuffed." I made a face at him as I handed him the napkin with the pastry on it.

"I knew you wouldn't let me down."

As soon as he took a bite, the other side exploded with jam and went splattering onto the wooden porch floor.

"Oops," he muttered with his mouth full.

"This is why you don't overstuff pastries," I told him pointedly, watching him finish it off while strategically catching any more leaking jam in the napkin.

"But you did it anyway," he replied with a chuckle.

"Because you asked me to."

As if me doing whatever Reid asked me to do was so obvious. A heavy breath escaped Reid's lips, and I had to take a step back.

"Well, thanks," he said, his smile softer and more genuine.

I leaned against the railing beside him, making sure to put subtle but intentional space between us. "I should really be thanking you. For inviting me here, I mean."

He bumped my arm with his elbow. "Don't mention it."

I heaved out another sigh, looking down at my hands still speckled with bits of flour. "Your family is just like...so cool."

He chuckled again. "Well what did you expect?"

"I have no idea to be honest." I shrugged. "I guess I only really have my parents and my sisters to go off of. Don't get me wrong, I love my sisters, and sure my mom and dad are totally fine - unproblematic, even - but they're my parents. Your parents are more like your friends."

There was a pause, and I could tell Reid was carefully curating a response, like I'd seen so many times before in post-game press conferences.

"They're all I've really got in the end. No matter what happens." There was a gentleness to his words as they escaped him into the autumn breeze. "There was a point in time I thought they were all I was ever going to have."

"This is going to sound weird," I admitted with a soft smile. "But I feel more at ease here than I think I would have if I went home. There's less pressure here...with you, I mean."

His shoulders heaved as he let out a heavy breath, and I was glad he was still looking outwards to the yard.

"You know...I knew you would have been okay alone back at school." He spoke so softly I had to wonder if he was even speaking to me, or just himself. "I'm starting to think I was just being selfish when I invited you here."

I turned so that my hip was pressed against the railing, forcing myself look at him head-on. Reid kept his gaze out into the expanse of dry grass in his front yard, the passing clouds overhead sending waves of shadows across it. I gulped down any hesitation before speaking. "How so?"

He shrugged, and the few moments that went by of him contemplating his next words, rolling them around his mouth, felt way longer than they should have. "I guess...I just like having you around. Nobody gets me like you do, ya know?" He paused and shook his head. "It sounds stupid when I say it out loud."

I instinctively reached out for him, placing a hand on his forearm. "It's not stupid."

He finally looked over at me, and there was a brightness in his eyes that hadn't been there before. My heart nearly stopped at the realization, because I was sure that was exactly the way I'd been looking at him the last few days.

He dipped his head down so that the tip of his nose brushed against mine, and I could practically smell the sweetness of the strawberry jam on his breath. Time seemed to slow to a stop as we breathed each other in, inches away from what could have been a point of no return.

"Jo, I..."

"Reid!" his dad's voice boomed in the silence, and it ripped us violently away from each other. "We gotta start the turkey!"

"O-okay," Reid called back, swallowing hard as hesitation choked his words back.

"I'm sorry," I stammered out. "I shouldn't have-"

"No, I'm sorry," he muttered, rubbing his hand down the side of his face. "Just...forget what I said before."

He backed away towards the doors to the kitchen.

"Reid, wait-" I took a step towards him.

He held his hands up in defense. "Let's just...later, okay?"

He turned his back to me as he made his way inside. I heaved out a sigh and stood out there alone for perhaps longer than I should have, trying to catch my breath and still my racing heart.

━━━━━━

We'd all gathered out in the driveway to watch the turkey get dunked into the vat of oil for frying. I now understood why Reid was the designated turkey fryer, since his arms were the longest and therefore kept him the furthest from any potential errant hot oil splashes. He wore thick rubber gloves as he lowered the turkey into the vat by a chain, and all the cousins had their phones out to film it, cheering when it was fully submerged.

I didn't miss how his gaze avoided mine. Not just then, but the rest of the afternoon and into the evening. I didn't miss how he intently kept his limbs to himself at dinner - no wayward footsies under the table or an arm draped casually over the back of my chair. I didn't miss the way he chose the chair on the other side of the den when we all settled in to watch the last football game of the night over more pastries and desserts.

Our unfinished conversation ate away at me. The overwhelming urge to want to know was all-consuming - perhaps for reasons I wouldn't yet admit - and if I didn't figure out what he was about to say, I was going to go mad. I knew we had been inches away from the event horizon of a black hole, but I hadn't expected him to just shut down afterwards, and there was a lingering sense of guilt that came with that. I hated seeing him like this.

We were finally forced into the same room when it was time to go to bed. He came back from the bathroom shirtless, and when he silently handed me a different t-shirt of his to sleep in, like he was desperately trying to make things normal even though they weren't, I was just about ready to explode.

"So are we gonna finish the conversation we had earlier or just pretend it didn't happen?" I asked after tugging his shirt on. If he wanted to play painful casual, so could I.

Reid lowered himself onto the edge of his bed and pulled a hand through his hair. There was a hint of frustration in his voice as he spoke. "I don't know what you want me to say, Jo."

"This isn't about me wanting you to say anything." I kept my voice firm as I leaned back against his dresser. "I just want to hear what you have to say."

He shook his head. "It's not important."

"Reid, would you just look at me?"

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because I think I'm in love with you."

Time stopped entirely. I didn't know where I was. My heart was beating so furiously that the sound of it drowned out everything else, even my own voice as I tried to find my words.

"You...what...?" was all I could manage to sputter out, and I wondered if it was possible to wring my own neck.

"I don't really know what it's supposed to feel like, but..." he paused, keeping his gaze trained down towards his hands pressed into his thighs. "...it's like my body knows before the rest of me does. So no, I can't look at you. When I do, it feels like I'm being set on fire and flung out of a moving vehicle, because...I'm pretty sure you don't feel the same way."

I felt like I'd just been awakened from suspended animation. I'd watched the world - and Reid - just pass me by these last few months, operating on autopilot with a singular destination. It only just now felt like I finally had control.

"You're wrong," I told him with utter surety. I'd made my choice. The pain and the agony it caused me to continuously push my feelings down and not act upon them, and the pain that showed on his face because he thought I didn't return his feelings outweighed the fear of my future. For all I knew, he could have been my future.

I took a massive inhale, like the one you take before hurling yourself off of a cliff. "Reid, I think a part of me has always felt the same way."

He stood up from the bed, only needing one step to almost seal the space between us entirely.

"Then kiss me," he demanded in a low voice. "Kiss me and don't regret it tomorrow."

I didn't have to second guess myself as I rocked up on my toes and put my lips to his. He took my face in his hands, and he was delicate in a way I didn't even know a person could be with me. I kissed him, and he kissed me back. Maybe it was just that simple.

We separated only for a moment as he guided me down onto his bed, pulling my body on top of his and bringing his lips back to mine.

There was none of the burning, intense lust like there had been before. There was something soft and innocent about this, like we were two teenagers kissing under the bleachers for the first time at a high school football game, just trying to figure each other out.

His mouth parted slightly to mine, and he let out a soft moan as I brought my hand up to rake my fingers through his hair. I pulled away from him again and squeezed his face with my hand.

"Be quiet," I hissed at him. "Your parents are literally on the other side of this wall."

He dropped his head back onto the bed, and a breathy laugh escaped him. "Sorry, it's just...I've never had a girl in this bed before."

I smiled as I reached up and twirled a lock of his hair around my finger. "God, you're so annoying. It's like you don't even have to try to be endearing."

"Oh, I try. I try very hard, actually." He grinned up at me, cupping my face again with one hand to bring my lips back down to his. His other hand dipped underneath the t-shirt he'd lent me to brush his fingers across my bare stomach, and I had to swallow down a moan as he gave my breast a gentle squeeze. I was so starved for his touch that anything would have unraveled me at this point.

"Take this off." His voice was still no more than a whisper, and I obliged. I tossed it to the floor, and he smoothed my hair back before pulling me into a deeper kiss, his tongue immediately sweeping along the inside of my mouth.

Without separating, I found the waistband of his shorts and pulled them downwards as far as my arms would allow before he kicked them off the rest of the way. We peeled the rest of each other's clothes off slowly, almost methodically, reveling in every little miniscule moment between us.

Reid laid me back down onto the bed, and there was intention in every kiss he gently pressed into me from my shoulders down to my stomach, still managing to find my hands and lace his fingers between mine. I fluttered my eyes closed and savored the feeling of his lips on me as he moved down my body, and every kiss was like igniting fireworks that boomed under my skin.

"Reid," I breathed his name out in a whisper. "I want you."

He lifted his head up and looked at me with a soft but lustful haze in his eyes. "Right now?"

I bit down on my lip and nodded.

He reached over into the drawer of his nightstand for a condom, and a ghost of a grin found its way onto his lips. "I think we're gonna have to play the who can be the quietest the longest game."

"You're on." I mirrored his grin.

I had to put my hand over my mouth as he slid himself into me slowly, my other arm wrapped around his neck to keep him as close to me as possible. I arched my hips up to meet his, and I felt him bite down on my shoulder as his thrusts became deeper, heavier, and harder.

I repeated things I wanted to say out loud but couldn't to myself over and over again in my head as the feeling of him flooded my senses. How badly I wanted this. How good he felt inside me. How he'd consumed every single waking thought of mine for god knows how long and if that wasn't love I didn't know what love was.

I was close, and I knew he was too from the way he slowed down so he could savor the climax.

"Jo," he moaned out softly, his face still buried in my neck.

"I think you just lost the quiet game, Reid," I whispered with a soft grin.

"I don't care. I need to say it. I love you."

His words danced across my skin, and suddenly everything inside me erupted. All the nerves in the pit of my stomach shuddered as I felt him finish too, and we squeezed each other with such intensity I thought we could have fused into one person.

He rolled off of me, almost gasping for breath, and I reached over to gently stroke his cheek with the back of my hand.

"I love you too, Reid."

━━━━━━

when i tell you i've been thinking about this chapter basically since the start of the story. it was the chapter i was most anticipating, and both nervous and excited to write when the time came. love confessions to me are so fucking nerve wracking to write bc i've realized that i hardly do them on page, and i typically wait until like literally the last chapter or two. there's 10 chapters left like what am i supposed to do with them now???

BUT ALAS THEY DO LOVE EACH OTHER. WHO KNEW?? anyway, would love to know your thoughts and feelings, this chapter was super special <3