Reid and I weren't speaking. At least, not in the way we had been.

Two weeks went by of painfully, forcefully civil interactions, and nothing past that. He didn't even sit next to me on the plane ride to South Bend for the game that weekend, so I had plenty of time to sit and marinate in my poor decision making. It was almost a distraction from my usual bout of flying anxiety.

After I'd left Reid's the day after Halloween, I realized something - the gut twisting look of dejection on Reid's face was eerily similar to the look on JJ's face when I'd found out Kayla broke off whatever had been going on with them. I had to wonder if they sat on their couch that morning and played Xbox while commiserating on their taste in girls that willingly hurt them. 

I thought about reaching out to Kayla. It wasn't like she hadn't been giving me sound life/career advice since I'd known her. Kayla and I clicked from the moment we met because we were always aligned - everything from our goals, our priorities, and our taste in stylish trainers.

But asking Kayla for advice would also mean actually acknowledging what happened between Reid and I out loud, and part of me was convinced that if I pretended it didn't happen, everything about it would go away, including the way my heart would seize every time Reid looked in my direction. I knew what she'd tell me anyway, because she'd already done it.

I was also fully aware that I'd done this to myself - that whole you made your bed now lay in it shit, except laying in someone else's bed was what got me into this mess.

"The weather is going to be shit this weekend," Mara said to me as we made it to our hotel room just off Notre Dame's campus. "It's supposed to pour all day tomorrow."

"Great," I grumbled, dropping my weekend bag at the foot of my bed. "It's already jarring enough for my body going from 68 degrees to 45. Adding rain to that might put me into hypothermic shock."

Mara just shook her head with a sigh.

She knew my mood was going to match the weather this weekend. I hadn't explicitly said anything to her about what had happened between Reid and I, but she knew I'd left with him on Halloween night, and she knew since then I'd been a less than ideal partner. I'd kept my office door shut most days, and I didn't hang around the complex the way I had been. She was perceptive enough to put it together.

We'd arrived pretty late on Friday, so for the most part everyone just went to their hotel rooms and went to sleep. Even Mara had resigned herself to a night in, and she laid in the other queen sized bed, silently scrolling through her phone.

But not me. I'd been sitting on the floor of our room in front of my open camera bag, prepping some of the equipment for the impending weather tomorrow. I wrapped and re-wrapped my camera in its protective vinyl jacket, then didn't like how the plastic sat on the viewfinder, so I did it again.

"Okay I love you, but you stop." Mara was still laying down, but she'd given me a sideways glance away from her phone screen. "The camera is fine."

"I know," I admitted dryly. "I'm just very awake. The Dramamine's worn off."

"Go for a walk," she shrugged. "Get a candy bar from the vending machine or something. That's what I do."

I nodded as I rose to my feet with a faint groan. "Yeah, guess some chocolate wouldn't hurt."

I slipped on my New Balances on the way out of our hotel room and walked into a silent hallway. Even my steps were muted against the geometric-patterned carpet as I trudged past what felt like miles of closed doors, trying not to guess which one Reid was in.

When I made it to the little room at the end of the hallway, I threw my shoulder against the swinging door and nearly slipped on the linoleum flooring at the unexpected sight of Reid standing in front of the vending machine, his head dipped down and illuminated by the pale fluorescents. The hum of the ice maker filled the otherwise painful silence, hoping he couldn't hear the way I gulped at the sight of a trail of bruises down his neck far too similar to the ones I had after Halloween.

"Hey," he greeted me, bored as if he had been expecting me. He kept his gaze down at the vending machine, and I realized he'd been zeroed in on a packet of Reese's pieces still dangling from its row.

"Vending machine cheating you?" I asked with a dry chuckle.

"I only brought a dollar and I don't feel like going back to my room," he grumbled. He gave the machine a halfhearted nudge to loosen the candy, unsuccessfully.

I walked over to him cautiously, the way you approach a tiger in a cage, before gently placing a hand on his forearm to get him to step aside. I bought another packet of Reese's and both of ours dropped down into the bottom.

"Here." I handed him his. My eyes were drawn back to the unmistakable hickeys on his neck, and I had to swallow down the sudden stinging sick feeling. 

"Thanks."

He took it gingerly from me, softly slapping the packet a few times against his palm. He didn't move, and I wondered if he was waiting for me to say something else.

"Good luck tomorrow," I managed, straining my words past the dry lump in my throat.

"Thanks," he said again, his gaze still down towards his shoes.

That whole floor of the hotel was filled with people we knew - friends and teammates and coaches - but in that little room, bathed in a quiet light, we were the last two people at the end of the world, and he still wouldn't look at me.

Eventually he took a step forward, and as he walked past me towards the door, he seemed to almost pause, like someone had hit the slow-mo button on him. It couldn't have been longer than a few moments before he resumed regular speed and walked out, but it was long enough to have me reeling.

By the time I realized what I could have done in that one lingering moment and bolted out into the hallway to catch him, he was already gone.

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Notre Dame was unlike any place I'd ever been before.

It didn't even feel like a college campus. Every building was old and weathered in a way you expected old European towns to be, and even in the dismal gray haze that blanketed us all, the iconic golden dome of the school's Main Building glowed. Across the quad from the stadium was the campus library, where a giant mural of what was dubbed "Touchdown Jesus" looked over his football disciples.

Even though the game was at 3:00, the sky was so dark it could have been midnight by the time everyone took the field. There was a scene in the second Lord of the Rings movie, where an army of orcs is marching towards Helm's Deep to attack Aragorn and all of the good guys. They sort of stand there staring each other down for a while, and all of a sudden the sky opens up and rains down an absolute monsoon on them, but that's when the battle really starts. That was kind of what this felt like as the rain began, except there was a possibility that we were viewed as the orcs, imposing on Notre Dame's pure and pristine undefeated record.

"It's a joke, because they make their own damn schedule," I grumbled to Mara as I wiped raindrops away from the clear plastic cover over my camera's viewfinder. "They're in the ACC for every other sport but they're independent for football, then complain they don't get respected, but it's because they play a cupcake schedule and don't have a conference championship game to play in."

Mara snorted. "Tell us how you really feel, Jo."

"That is how I really feel."

Mara made a sweeping motion over her head with her hand, letting me know her sarcasm went right over my head. Well, I was not in the mood for sarcasm today. I was cold and wet down to my damn bones, my rain jacket essentially useless in the downpour. It was only the third quarter, and I was over it all. I was over the weather, I was over Notre Dame's obnoxious shiny gold helmets, and I was over the way my heart lurched watching Reid getting pounded into the mud over and over and over again. 

Passing was as useless as my rain jacket in this kind of weather because the ball was impossible to grip or throw or catch, so Reid spent half the game running the ball, the orange of his jersey almost impossible to see under a layer of mud and muck. When he took his helmet off on the sideline, an assistant was ready with a dry towel for his soaking wet hair. 

By the fourth quarter, it was tied 21-21. As time ticked down, both teams missed chip-shot field goals - in fact, Derek almost slipped on his kick approach - and by the time the clock hit zero, it was still tied.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me," I groaned through gritted teeth. I bopped up and down on my toes to keep my blood flowing, my socks so soaked through they made a gross squelching sound against my sneakers.

"I would make the obligatory Spongebob Overtime joke, but I'm too cold to care," Mara muttered, folding her arms tightly over her chest.

When the team captains came to the field to take the overtime coin toss, the field was so torn up that the officials were having trouble spotting mid-field. Clemson won the coin toss and elected to possess the ball first, which I personally would not have done. In college, defer always.

Overtime in college football was unlike the NFL in the way that it allowed both teams to have a possession, and they started their drive from the 25 yard line on the opponent's side of the field. If it was even possible, the rain started coming down harder, and the first overtime series went by without either team scoring. Derek never missed field goals, but he'd missed three tonight, and I could see the frustration and dejection on his face when he came off the field.

Second overtime started the same, with Notre Dame unable to score as the field started looking more like a pond, and the players were just baby ducks running around aimlessly in the rain.

I sucked in a breath as Reid took the field, and unsurprisingly he kept the ball, running straight into the Notre Dame defensive line as it effectively collapsed on top of him. After all the bodies had been pulled off, Reid called for a timeout and limped off the field. On the sideline, we all froze.

"No," I shook my head, watching my breath materialize in front of me. My chest tightened as I watched him drop onto the bench, immediately swarmed by trainers as he draped a towel over his head.

Mara reached over to squeeze my hand, but my focus was zeroed in on Reid, who eventually shooed away the trainers as he ran the towel through his damp hair. Derek had to walk past him to take the field for another field goal attempt, and when he did, Reid grabbed his arm.

It was impossible to decipher what Reid said to him as Derek dipped his head down to hear him, but when he walked onto the field, he did so with his head up high. This time, when he lined himself up for the kick, he drilled it through the uprights. Game over.

"Yes! Yes!" Mara jumped into my arms as she screamed. "Oh my god, that's my man!"

It was hard not to share her elation, especially because I was happy for Derek. The rest of Clemson's players ran onto the field to lift Derek up onto their shoulders, the cheers mingled with the sound of the rain as the sky continued to punish us.

Eventually fans stormed the field, slip-sliding in the puddles and jumping around in the rain like it was confetti. I let Mara go, who tried to pull me onto the field with her, but I hung back.

Instead, I found Reid, still on the bench alone with a towel on his head, and sat down next to him. The cold metal sent a shockwave of shivers through me.

"You okay?" I asked him, keeping my gaze outwards to the field.

"I'll be fine," he responded.

"Okay." I nodded. "Good, I'm glad."

The storm continued to come, but somehow just like last night, it felt like we were the last two people at the end of the world, and even though we weren't looking at each other, he reached over and put a cold hand on top of mine.

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i love the rain, i love the drama, i love the hurtful pining!!!

officially 12 chapters left kids. would love to know any thoughts/feelings/predictions for the rest of the story <3