On the plane home from Boston, Reid sat next to me and held my hand during take off. When we went up to Pittsburgh the following weekend, he did it again, relinquishing his extra leg room so he could sit next to me and poke fun at me for staring out the window the entire time.

I never thought I'd be relieved to have such bad flying anxiety, but at least that meant I didn't have to look at him, and his fresh haircut and his pearly white, shit-eating grin.

Whatever happened between us in Boston changed everything, even though nothing actually happened. It was like we had arrived at this comfortable understanding of each other that perhaps we didn't have with other people, and suddenly overnight, he kind of became my best friend.

We texted every day, sometimes about absolutely nothing. We got dinner together when we knew we would be some of the last people to leave the football complex at night. We'd gaze at each other across the football field for perhaps longer than we should, knowing that we both agreed that what happened after Derek's party couldn't happen again, for several legitimately logical reasons.

I didn't know it was possible for someone to have such an effect on another person, but by the first week of October, I was starting to lose my mind. He would do nothing more than walk past me in practice, his body more enticing than any person's had a right to be, and I wanted to tackle him in the worst way.

Which was ultimately why when Mara invited me to a 2000s themed party at the boy's lacrosse house, I jumped at the opportunity to expel this from my system. Maybe I just needed to get laid.

"While I am adamantly against low-rise jeans, I wanna give like...Megan Fox in Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen vibes," I told Mara as I sorted through a few cringy but on-brand early 2000s outfit options I'd brought to her apartment. Her roommate Casey was home for the weekend, but we'd just finished up a home game against Syracuse. Clemson was now 4-1, ranked nationally at #4, and with another win on the season, everyone wanted to party.

"Oh, then you need this." Mara strutted over to her closet and pulled a tiny orange t-shirt off of a hanger before tossing it to me. "It's not the same color as the one Megan wears in the movie, but it's the same shirt."

I held it out in front of me, where J'ADORE DIOR was printed across the chest, with rhinestones dotting the corners of every letter.

"No fucking way," I chuckled. "Where did you get this?"

"Estate sale in Charlotte last year," Mara casually shrugged, but her grin was almost menacing. "You'll find I'm secretly very thrifty."

I changed out of my leggings to put on an older pair of loose, bootcut jeans from Free People that could have passed the 2000s aesthetic and tugged on Mara's thrifty Dior tee, which was so tiny (as t-shirts were in the early 2000s) I could barely get down to my belly button. Even though it was October, it was still warm enough in South Carolina to get away with not wearing a jacket, even more so at a hot and sticky house party.

"Well now I really feel like Carla Santini, so thanks," I told her with a smile as I slipped on a pair of flip flops. "What are you wearing?"

Mara turned back into her closet and pulled a few things out of a cubed organizer on the floor. "If there is one thing that gives ultimate 2000s vibes, it's a Juicy tracksuit. I bought one at Nordstrom Rack a few years ago for a Halloween costume, and I never thought I'd actually need it again."

The peachy pink complimented Mara's deep copper skin, and she piled her braids into a high ponytail before slipping on a big pair of mirrored sunglasses onto her head.

"Cute." I grinned at her again.

"Anyway, are you gonna invite Reid and JJ?" She asked me, keeping her tone intentionally casual as she turned and sat on the floor in front of her mirror to apply her makeup, but I could read between the god damn lines.

"What? No," I scoffed and shook my head. "Why would I invite Reid or JJ?"

"Because you and Reid are like, attached at the hip lately, and Reid never goes anywhere social without JJ," she giggled. "And you two make googly eyes at each other every single day at practice, so maybe you'll wanna make googly eyes at each other elsewhere tonight."

"We do not!" My voice must have gone up three octaves in my pathetic attempt at denial. "Besides, don't act like every away game so far you haven't snuck off to Derek's room. I've known him since high school, and neither one of you are particularly subtle."

"That's different." Mara turned and smiled at me in a way that I knew I wouldn't if she'd been talking about Reid and I. There was almost an innocence to it. "Derek and I are just having fun. You and Reid look at each other like you want to strip each other naked and lick each other head to toe."

My face must have turned bright red, because this time Mara whipped around to face me with her mouth agape. "Except you've already done that, haven't you?"

"I mean, maybe not the licking part but..." I almost had a laugh, but I quickly came back down to Earth. "Mara, you can't tell anyone."

"Oh my god, when?" She almost shook with excitement.

"After Derek's birthday party," I told her, shooting her a very unamused glare. "It was one time. It's not happening again."

"Why not?" Mara went back to applying her mascara. "You two obviously like each other, or at the very least want to hook up again."

I lowered myself onto the edge of her bed with a sigh. "Mara, you're great at what you do, and you're going to be a successful photographer. But since you don't want to work in sports media or for any major media outlet, you are not going to encounter a hurdle in your career trajectory because you hooked up with Clemson's kicker. But for me, with any and all career paths I'm on, if someone along that path got wind that I was hooking up with Reid fucking Donahue while we were in college together, it would look very bad. It would look like I slept with the number one overall draft pick to use his connections and get a job, even if that wasn't true. That's what people would believe."

I hated how logical it sounded coming out of my mouth - because of course I couldn't have a legitimate relationship with an athlete and a job in sports media that I earned. A woman earning her place in sports? That's just unheard of. But that was just the way things were, and the reality of it stung even more than usual.

Mara looked back at me through the reflection in the mirror by her closet, dabbing at some lip gloss in the corner of her mouth. "Jeez, I never really thought about that."

"Neither did I at first, but that's reality," I admitted with a shrug. I swallowed down the little knot that had formed in my throat and tried to change my tune so I didn't sound as morose as I felt. "Besides, even if that wasn't the case, Reid and I are really close friends now, and I was in a situation once freshman year where I hooked up with someone I thought was my friend. Then we stopped being friends. I'm not doing that again."

"That part's fair, I guess." Mara stood up and capped her lip gloss, spinning around on her heel, giving me a conspiratory grin. "Well then tonight, you're going to pick a cute boy, bat your eyelashes, flash your cleavage, and hopefully get laid. Then maybe you will no longer feel the need to make googly eyes at Reid Donahue."

I gave her a pinched smile. "That's the goal."

━━━━━━

The night's conquest seemed easier said than done, mostly because every single male I came in contact with over the last two hours either had the out of style lettuce hair associated with the douchebag kind of lax bros, had a tin of Zyn glued to their hand, or both. Mara and I had found a spot in the kitchen, close enough to the liquor and a door in case we needed to make a quick exit.

"I think you're being picky." Mara leaned in close to me as she handed me a shot, having to raise her voice over the thumping bass of NSYNC. "You're looking for a hump and dump, not a husband."

It wasn't that I'd never had a rogue party hook-up before, but I had standards. Was tall and attractive with swoopy hair and a jaw that could cut diamonds too particular? I didn't think I was being unreasonable, but Mara had a point.

"I know," I finally sighed out before throwing the shot back, the burning sensation at the back of my throat making stars flash in the corners of my eyes. "Ugh, what was that?"

"Southern Comfort, it's all they had," Mara told me.

"Of course," I groaned, aggressively tossing the plastic shot glass into a garbage bin by the back door.

The boys' lacrosse house was a pretty standard split-level house in one of the neighborhoods on the edge of campus. Believe it or not, regular people actually lived in the town of Clemson that weren't directly associated with the university - however, that didn't mean they weren't as much fans as the rest of us. Every house on the street had an orange paw print flag, tiger lawn ornaments, car stickers and decals (including a tiger tail hanging from the trunk, which was more common than you think), or some combination of all three...which meant no noise complaints.

"I think I give up," I huffed out a sigh as I folded my arms over my chest. "I don't even like lacrosse."

Mara dropped her gaze into her empty shot glass, and I could tell she was rolling her tongue around in her mouth, like she wasn't sure what to say.

"You sure that's it?" she finally asked.

"Yep," I nodded curtly. "I'm sure."

Baby One More Time came blasting through the speakers, and suddenly everyone stopped what they were doing to sing and dance to arguably the most iconic song of the early 2000s. Nothing brought the people together like Britney Spears.

"Dance with me to Britney and then we can leave," Mara pleaded with me, but she was already pulling my arm towards the makeshift dance floor on the other side of the kitchen.

"Alright, alright," I surrendered. I wasn't going to protest anyway - it was hard not to sing and dance to Britney. Mara and I held each other's arms as we swayed back and forth with the rest of the party, singing the chorus with at least 50 other intoxicated college kids.

My loneliness is killing me (and I)

I must confess, I still believe (still believe)

When I'm not with you, I lose my mind

Give me a sign

Hit me, baby, one more-

As soon as I moved to turn on my heel, I spun right into someone, sending their phone to the sticky wooden floor with a loud clack.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry." I bent down to pick it up and check for damage.

"Jo?"

I looked up, and in the glow of the fluorescent recessed lighting, was Thomas Finn, Clemson's star pitcher...and that freshman year hookup I'd literally just told Mara about earlier that night was now staring down at me.

"Well, I don't think this was exactly what Britney meant when she said hit me baby," I said as I rose to my feet. I handed him his phone back with a guilty smile. "Anyway, hi. Wow, I haven't seen you in...years, I guess."

Thomas was attractive in the generic way you expect athletes in romance films to be - tall and fit and unassumingly charming. His hair looked to be buzzed short underneath the brim of his hat, and I'd kind of forgotten how blue his eyes were.

We didn't really have a friendship outside of that freshman orientation class, even though he was one of the few people I talked to in that 60 person seminar that whole semester. I'd be lying if I said I didn't have a little crush on him, maybe in the middle school girl way even though I'd just turned 18. But then we saw each other at a Halloween party, and after a few drinks and a lot of suggestive dancing, I went back to his dorm with him. Then Thomas quickly rose to stardom on the baseball team, that semester ended, and I figured he was just too cool for me. I was never that fond of baseball anyway.

"Oh, I've seen you," he replied, quickly realizing the connotations his words had as he cleared his throat. "I mean on the football field, running back and forth on the sideline like a headless chicken."

"I do not run like a headless chicken," I chided as I playfully shoved him in the arm. "I'm graceful, like a gazelle."

He snorted. "Maybe a gazelle getting chased by a lion."

"A tiger, you mean," I grinned, and I realized I was finally starting to feel that shot of Southern Comfort hit me, lowering all kinds of walls and inhibitions. Maybe it was just because I knew Thomas - I knew parts of Thomas very well.

"I don't think tigers and gazelles share an ecosystem." Thomas tapped his fingers on his chin.

I scoffed. "Right, these are things I'm sure you've learned with your Agricultural Business major."

"I was joking."

"So was I."

Thomas paused for a moment, smirking almost to himself. "Can I get you a beer?"

I shrugged. "Seems like the least you could do for interrupting Britney Spears."

As soon as he walked away, I made eye contact with Mara, who was silently beaming and shaking her fists in excitement like a kid being told they're going to Disneyworld.

You good? I mouthed to her.

She shooed me away, mouthing back Go, go, go.

Thomas returned with my moderately lukewarm beer, and we found a corner out on the deck, where old school Usher could faintly be heard through the sliding door over other sparse idle conversation outside.

"So, uh...how are you, I mean really?" He asked before taking a sip of his beer.

"Fine," I told him with a nod, leaning against the railing of the deck. "Busy, but fine."

"Running around like a gazelle." He grinned.

"You guys haven't started practice yet, have you?" I asked, referring to the baseball team.

"Just casual fall practice stuff. Weight room, meetings, you know the drill."

Thomas paused, and I could feel his gaze slowly work its way down my body. Not in a sleazy way, but almost more curious.

"What?" I finally asked with a faint smirk.

"Nothing, I just..." he shook his head. "I've been trying to figure out why we stopped talking."

The alcohol moved the words past my lips before I could stop them. "Well, I think you stopped talking to me."

"I did, didn't I?" He rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. "Stupid, huh?"

I held my hand up, pinching my pointer finger and my thumb together. "A little bit."

"Can I...make it up to you?"

This time whatever liquid confidence I had took full control, and I rocked forward on my toes to plant a gentle, almost exploratory kiss to his lips. I pulled away just slightly before whispering, "You can try."

He smirked down at me before kissing me back with more certainty, cupping my cheek with his hand and running his tongue along the inside of my teeth.

For a moment, it was great. But when I reached up to put my hands around the back of his neck, I found myself grasping for hair that wasn't there. When he brought his hands to my waist, his fingers just brushing the bit of bare skin between the bottom hem of my shirt and the top of my jeans, he felt smoother, less calloused. Every touch, every movement, I compared to him.

And when we separated just for a moment to catch our breath, I expected warm, brown eyes looking down at me, and I had to take a step back when I realized it wasn't him.

"Sorry," I sighed out. "I'm sorry Thomas, I just..."

"It's okay," he held his hands up. "Are you, uh...like, seeing someone?"

"No, I'm not," I told him, shaking my head.

At least, maybe not in the literal sense, but I sure as hell was seeing him - in the way you hallucinate when you have a fever.

"But there is someone." It wasn't a question.

"Maybe, I don't know." I shrugged. "It's...complicated."

"I get it," Thomas nodded. "I mean hey, I had my shot a while ago, and I fucked it up. Maybe whoever this is won't."

"Truthfully, I think it's me fucking it up," I confessed, my gaze falling to my cheap flip flops.

Thomas leaned his hip against the railing, gently spinning his beer bottle with his hand with all his baseball player dexterity. "Is anything really ever that complicated, Jo?"

Maybe it was, and maybe it wasn't, but I wasn't trying to rattle the tiger's cage to find out.

━━━━━━

no reid at all in this chapter is really the main reason why there's a double update this week. as necessary as it is sometimes, we do miss him!

i know some of y'all may not have liked jo's decision making here, but alas we are only like halfway through the story so it would be super boring if things were easy and simple for her and reid :)