A week had gone by since Reid and I had slept together, and somehow it felt like both no time had passed and several years had passed. I tried to tell myself it hadn't changed anything between us, but I knew the way we now held each other's gaze across the practice field was anything but the same as it was. He'd give me a quick wink, then look away and smirk to himself, like neither one of us could believe he'd just done that. I almost liked it.

When he'd walk by me in practice I found myself inadvertently holding my breath, afraid to make a sound or a sudden movement in the way that sudden movement attracts the attention of apex predators. I was afraid that sudden movement would attract unwanted attention to my aching, lusting heart.

Thankfully the team was too wrapped up in preparations for the opening game against Georgia, and with five days left until we all made the 40 minute bus ride to Atlanta, I'd barely seen him beyond the hedges.

I'd submitted our first article for final approval by the ESPN staff, but it wouldn't be going up until the day before the game. I wasn't nervous about it, despite the fact that in the moments (hours, if we're splitting hairs) before sending it off to my ESPN contact I read and reread it no less than 533 times.

I'd become overly sensitive to everything Reid-related seemingly overnight. It wasn't that I hadn't wanted the article to be perfect before, but now I wanted it perfect for more than just my own sake.

The universe must have felt my internal tug-of-war, because as I was leaving the media offices after uploading practice content in preparation for some hype videos leading up to the game, JJ was on his way out of the film rooms. JJ normally greeted me (and everyone, I assumed) with the enthusiasm of someone you saw once a year instead of every single day.

But not today.

"Oh, hey." He gave me a quick head nod as our paths conjoined on the way out of the complex.

"Doing a little extra film study?" I asked him, tilting my head back towards the hallway.

He nodded again, his expression far more contemplative than I was used to seeing from him. "Working on a few bubble screens and stuff. Coach Nix thinks we're gonna have to rely on the short pass game for Saturday."

"No moon shots for the Archer, huh?" I threw in a chuckle, hoping it might get one out of JJ.

JJ scoffed. "Not unless he wants it returned for six in the other direction."

We walked mostly in stride out of the complex, the late afternoon sun still throwing off hellish levels of heat and glare. JJ lingered, and so did I.

"Hey, you okay?" I asked, squinting up at him.

JJ pursed his lips as he slipped on his Ray Bans. "Okay look Jo, I'm not asking you to betray girl code or whatever, but like...did Kayla tell you?"

I arched an eyebrow. "Did Kayla tell me what?"

"We're not...hooking up, or hanging out anymore, or...whatever." JJ paused and blew out a sigh. He was like Reid - gently bouncing on his toes, his arms swaying, like their energy flow was just so intense it couldn't bear to have them stand still. "I just...I figured..."

"No, she didn't." I shook my head. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry." JJ shrugged. "I mean it sucks, but her job's important to her. I know that. I get that."

I shifted my weight from one foot to the other, letting him know if he wanted to say anything else, my feet would be planted. Kayla was my friend, but so was JJ, and I just wanted to understand.

"So this is...the potential conflict of interest because she works for the ACC network, and you're a standout on an ACC football team," I confirmed, suddenly aware of the wariness in my voice.

"Mostly. Like I said, I get it." He waved the thought off like he was shooing away a bug. "I guess if people found out she'd been seeing me, there are still a lot of assholes out there who would say..." he paused and pinched his lips together, like he wasn't sure if he wanted to say what he was going to say. "Well, you know what they would say."

It hit me like a truck. Then it hit me as if the truck backed up over me, and then ran me over again. "Yeah. Yeah, I do."

JJ rubbed the back of his neck. "Anyway, I'll see you around-"

"Hey, is Reid at your place?"

JJ furrowed his brows. "Should be, yeah."

"Okay, thanks, bye!"

I didn't give JJ time to respond as I dashed away towards my car in the parking lot.

Being a woman in the sports world was living your entire professional existence parked on a razor's edge. If you say the wrong thing, you're not opinionated. You're just a bitch. If you have a relationship with an athlete, then you've slept your way to the top. Doesn't matter if you had the job first. It wasn't against the rules, but was against people's perceptions of women in sports. Kayla knew that, and I knew that.

I knew our situations weren't the same - Reid and I had only hooked up once - but I couldn't help but see the similarities. Not just because both Reid and JJ were on track to be professional football players, but between us and our career trajectories. Our priorities.

I needed to stop while I was still ahead. I still knew what I wanted most.

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Reid and JJ lived in an apartment complex similar to the one that Bree and I lived in, on the other side of town and further away from the campus. I'd never been there, but I had his address from the contracts and paperwork. I didn't have time to think about whether that was totally ethical or not. We left for Atlanta in four days, and I didn't want whatever was going on to spill over into the season.

I'd made it to the fifth floor and their apartment at the end of the hallway in what felt like the blink of an eye, but now that I stood at the door, it felt like moving mountains to get my arm to unstick itself from my side to knock.

I counted the moments between when I'd knocked and how long it took him to come to the door, and yet I still wasn't totally prepared for the sight of him when he answered.

Because of course he wasn't wearing a shirt.

"Oh. Hi." There wasn't a trace of surprise in his voice. Rather, he met me with the usual casual ease in his tone, but this time the faintest smile lifted the corner of his lips

"Hi," I echoed in a breathy voice. "Can we...can we talk?"

"Sure." He stepped aside to let me in.

I had to assume that years ago, some property developer saw the potential Clemson had to offer and invested an obscene amount of money in all the surrounding land, which is why despite being on opposite ends of town, our apartments at a base level were pretty similar. Same open floor plan with a kitchen island that looked directly into the living room area (although their sink was bigger, their appliances were a lot nicer than mine, and their TV much bigger...naturally), same big open windows for all the natural light. They even had the same brushed metal light fixtures and cabinet hardware.

"You really weren't kidding about keeping things neat," I remarked. Not that I expected a frat house knowing what I knew about Reid now, but it looked more like someone had staged it for a magazine. If it wasn't for the several pairs of large sneakers sitting in the front hallway, it didn't even look like anyone lived there. I would have even gone so far as to say the whole place might have just been styled by an interior designer, constantly reaffirming to me that NIL money was no joke.

"Yeah, well I like things clean and JJ likes things to look good," Reid replied with a shrug. "Which is not exactly the same thing, but it works, which is why he's been my roommate for the last two years. The guy orders from Restoration Hardware like it's his job."

Designer furniture, obviously.

Reid muted the baseball game playing on the TV before taking a seat at one of the cushy barstools at the kitchen island, where a half-eaten Chipotle bowl sat, waiting for him to return.

It was hard not to fixate on the varying degrees of abrasions on his elbows and his knuckles from turf burn. Practices were getting harder in preparation for the real thing - when some other guy's job will literally be to smash Reid into the ground.

It was even harder not to appreciate him for what he was - a physical specimen, like a sculptor had taken a chisel to his chest and carved out every single muscle with tremendous attention to detail. The constellation of freckles on his shoulders and sternum were the only things that reminded me how human he was.

"Everything okay?" he asked. "I mean, I don't think you came over just to watch me eat my lunch."

My face blanched. "No," I shook my head. "It's just...well for starters, your bare chest is distracting."

It wasn't a lie, but did it need to be said out loud? Probably not. The verbal blunders were happening more and more around him, and I needed to reign it in. I knew how to keep my cool around people, and I had to remind myself that Reid was also just a person. It was, after all, the whole sordid point of the pieces I was doing on him.

That was all well and good until I'd seen him naked last week.

He chuckled. "Would it make you feel better if I put a shirt on?"

I'd clearly made some kind of sour face, as he got up without waiting for a verbal response from me, motioning for me to follow him back into his room.

Unsurprisingly, his bed was made the way they do at hotels, the sheets tucked in super tight and the big gray pillows stacked up and in front of one another. I almost chuckled to myself thinking about how many lessons and scoldings he took from his mom before being able to do this with ease.

While Reid rummaged through a dresser drawer, I took a more curious glance at the picture frame sitting on the shelving underneath his wall-mounted TV. It was senior night during football season, telling from the single rose Reid had in his hand, as was a pretty standard tradition for the parents to give their departing seniors on the team. High school Reid, clad in a red and white football uniform, was still taller than everyone around him but beardless and baby-faced with choppy, swoopy hair much different than the way he wore his now. He looked like his mom, dark-haired and dark-eyed with an effortless, charming smile. His dad was a little more rugged, with blonde hair that matched the little girl's who sat on Reid's shoulders, sporting a toothless grin. Simpler times, it seemed.

"Better?" He returned in a white Clemson t-shirt.

I picked up the frame and flipped it over to show him. "Nice Justin Beiber hair."

"Hey, that was the style back then," he held his hands up in defense. "And I hated getting my hair cut, it was such an inconvenience. Shit, I still hate getting my hair cut."

I allowed myself a faint smirk. "I guess it's kind of cute."

"I know."

I gently put the frame back and turned my attention back to him. Somehow seeing him with a shirt on was almost worse than seeing him without one. The boyish, effortless charm was in full force.

"Look Reid, I just want to make sure we're on the same page about what happened last week." I folded my arms over my chest, as if to quite literally keep myself and all my insides contained. "I think it's in everyone's best interest if we don't tell anyone."

Reid nodded slowly, almost contemplatively, and for a split second the possibility of the things he could have said next had my heart skip a beat. "Ya know, despite how much time we've spent together, I feel like you're constantly second guessing what kind of guy I am."

He was closer to me now, and I felt my whole body tighten. "This is a little different Reid, it's not like asking you for your body count is in the realm of relevant information."

This was not where I intended this conversation to go, and only further emphasized why I needed to be having this conversation in the first place.

He let out a dry chuckle. "Yeah, and you don't know it for a reason. It's not like I go around bragging about the fact that I've only hooked up with 4 girls in my life, including you. And you know how many girlfriends I've had? Zero. Unless you count Kelly Moore in the 7th grade which lasted like a week."

"Really?" I arched an eyebrow at him.

He chuckled softly, his lips turned upwards just slightly. "Always the tone of surprise."

"Well, mostly just because...you're pretty great." I paused and pursed my lips. "In the act of, I mean."

"Good instincts I guess." He shrugged, brushing his fingers over the picture frame. "You were...pretty great too."

I allowed myself a self-satisfied smirk. "Well it's no secret we're attracted to each other. That helps."

"It does." Reid mirrored my smirk, and my heart predictably performed its usual stutter-step. There was that effortless charm again, and it was infuriating. He was so close now I could have easily rocked up on my toes and kissed him like I had last week. The intrusive thought crossed my mind as he ran his tongue along his bottom lip, even though I might have actually been hallucinating.

But then I remembered why I was really there, and I threw myself back a step. "Listen, Reid. I had fun the other night, and I know you did too." I paused to smile, but it felt more like a wince. "And who knows, maybe it was bound to happen eventually, so I guess it's good we got it out of our system and we can...focus. I mean, football's about to start, and..."

"I get it." Reid held his hands up, his tone falling back into that casual indifference. I should have been relieved at how easily he agreed with me. Maybe tomorrow I would be. "No distractions. For either of us."

Reid didn't need to explain to me that he had priorities too. Football mattered too much to both of us, even if it was in different ways. He knew that I knew, and it was literally my job to understand and to tell that story. His story.

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i mean, obviously things were not going to be all cute and hunky dory from here on out.

good news is that football is FINALLY ACTUALLY starting (even tho football season irl is ending, big sad). if you've read my other football-heavy book blind ambition, you'll know i live to write football game chapters

any other predictions on what's to come? we got a loooong season ahead of us. would love to know your thoughts <3