I'M JUST staring at a blank, white screen. Blinking. Breathing. Nothing runs through my mind, my eyes tired and withering to a black silent sleep. My hands shake as I look at the small text at the bottom of the screen; it showed you were typing. You're at least alive on the other end. I can't say you're living, though. I wish I could.

MY ARMS are red, a pretty, pretty red, if only it was from a gunshot from my head. My head hurts and my body feels weak, and a rush of dizziness flashes my vision. You think I'm okay, and the sad thing is that I am.

I DON'T HAVE enough strength for the both of us, and I refuse to waste it, so I hand it over to you. I don't want to get better. I just want you in my arms. Arms covered in hoodie sleeves and eyes covered with a veil of lies. You tell me I have a pretty smile; I say it's pretty fake.

I WAIT for the day when you wake up and leave me. I wait for the day you look at me and realize that this all is in vain. I wait, but don't hope. I blink. I breathe. I would just stare at this same blank white screen until you come back. I would wait to feel alive again. But it's gainless. It's pointless. Because you'll never come back for me.

WHY DO I ever lie? Why do I speak? Listen? Reply? Why do I wake up just to make you frown? Everything seems to bare now. It's all blank. You don't love me anymore. And the thing that hurts the most is that I had you in my arms

I HELD YOU but I grasped on too tight. I held on but it strangled you, it choked you, It stifled you and even when you told me to stop, I still clanged. I was a snake, wrapping myself around you with panic and terror that was irrational. Or was it? Were you lying all this time or am I really that crazy? What happens when you log off? When I'm left with this blank white screen?

I LOVE you. I HATE you. I FEAR you. I NEED you. AND ALL I want is for you to leave so you can free, free from me. Leave it be; leave me here with this BLANK WHITE SCREEN