6. Risks

That was the easy part, the tricky one was facing Mikasa after that night. Eren was very understanding of the situation, he even drove you back home as soon as you woke up and had breakfast.

"We should keep this a secret from everyone." He had said while he was driving, which you agreed to immediately, if word spread out about your relationship things could get messy, mostly with your friends. "I don't want to pressure you in any way, but this is the safest way for everyone."

"I'm very well aware of that as well." You had replied with a nod, it was going to be very hard for sure but you could last for... as long as you were together, you didn't even know how long that relationship was going to last. But you didn't have time to think about that, the present counted way more than the future at that point. "Besides, I wasn't going to tell Mikasa either way, she would've gotten mad at me."

He frowned. "I can see why, getting with a professor is both risky and unprofessional."

But that wasn't the point, once again. If you had a crush on any other professor you were sure Mikasa wouldn't have bat an eye but since it was Eren you were talking about, she would've been so mad. "Yeah, that."

Even at that moment, in your apartment and in front of your best friend, you found it very hard to look her in the eyes and lie.

She was sipping her black coffee while staring at you, it was a funny scene really, seeing how you were still wearing your clothes from the night before since you couldn't possibly wear Eren's ones. "So, you were with a girl you don't even remember?" She asked, she didn't sound angry just worried.

You pouted. "Basically, she was nice too, I just can't remember the name." You shrugged and sat at the table. "I'm sorry, I just needed to clear my mind."

She placed her cup on the table and sighed. "I got that part, but I would've preferred if you came to me." At that point, she looked just sad, which was understandable but she couldn't understand how. hard it was to open up to her when it came to love in general.

"I know, I was awful, I was so shaken up by what happened that I didn't really think straight." It was a lame excuse, but what could you do about it?

You didn't feel like telling her about your worries, it was difficult to explain how uncomfortable you were at the idea of talking about Jean to the very girl he obviously had a thing for.

"So, what happened? Why did you run away like that in the first place?"

A loud sigh escaped your lips, thinking about everything that had happened made your head hurt. "I was drunk and kissed Jean for some weird reason just to realize that I don't feel anything for him anymore, I was embarrassed and confused so yeah, I wanted to leave."

She shook her head, as if she was having trouble understanding you, which was probably true. "Alright, so you kissed him and then walked away, that's why he came to me all panicked."

You opened your mouth and closed it back not knowing exactly what to say, were you surprised? Not one bit, of course, he went to complain to her. But at that point, it didn't even matter anymore, you didn't care.

"I'll talk to him and explain everything. Now I really want to take a shower and sleep." You didn't have classes so you weren't too worried about it, that way you could rest and think about some excuses to use so you could explain your weird behavior. "I'll see you later." And with that, you got up and waved your hand before going to your room.

Mikasa didn't object, which was exactly what you needed. As soon as you closed the door, a smile appeared on your face, you were incredibly happy after everything that had happened.

Was it stupid of you to be so joyful about a secret relationship? Maybe it was, but it really felt amazing and you felt as if a big weight had been lifted from your shoulders.

All that tension and anxiety were gone, you realized that all that sadness you had felt in the last days was because you were unsure about Eren, his feelings, and yourself. However, now a new fear was unlocked and that wasn't going anywhere.

You grabbed your phone and checked if he had messaged you, your heart skipped a beat when you noticed the text asking you if you were ok, you suddenly felt like a little girl with her first crush.

It was amazing how you saw him under two different lights, he could be a person you looked up to and on the other hand, you saw him as the sweetest person on Earth.

With a small sigh, you replied telling him that everything was fine and that you were going to rest since you were pretty tired, there wasn't much to say after that, so you changed yourself into comfy pajamas and went to sleep hoping to wake up still in this amazing dream you were living in.

**

If convincing Mikasa had been hard enough, talking to Jean was a totally different story. You felt so bad for basically playing with his feelings but rejecting him after kissing him seemed so selfish and scary.

He was your friend after all, losing him wasn't something you wanted but it would've been awkward even if you kept in contact.

So what better way if not to ignore him?

Yeah, that wasn't the best plan but you didn't dare to talk to him and make up a fake excuse like you did with Mikasa.

It had been easy the first few days, but with school, it had gotten harder and harder, mostly because he had most of your classes and he always sat next to you. It was always an "I'm busy let's talk later" or a "Yeah sure, I'll see you later" and then you ran away.

Meanwhile, things had gotten steady with Eren, you had programmed a detailed plan to spend time together without anyone knowing about it. It was almost funny, you would get dressed up, in hats and sunglasses to take a simple walk around the city, and you would regularly go to a bar far enough from where you lived and even eat together at his place, though you could never sleep over.

It was stupid, but you had told Mikasa that you kept hanging out with the same girl you had met at that party, the one that let you sleep at her place, though you didn't even remember her face.

Still, it was the only excuse you could come up with, but you didn't want to push it too far by staying at Eren's house day and night. You felt as if you were still living a dream coming true, it was the first relationship that felt so real and genuine.

You couldn't help but compare it to your old relationship with Jean, looking back at it... it wasn't that good. You were annoyed most of the time, he didn't really make time for you and when you were together it always ended with a big argument. It was tiring really, that's one of the main reasons why you broke up anyway.

It was nice while you were flirting but as soon as you got together, everything ended. There was no more flirting, no more cute gifts or dates, but with Eren, things never stopped.

It was still early to say, of course, but you were never annoyed nor bored whenever you were with him. If anything, you were always so joyful and excited.

However, rules were needed in order to not cause any misunderstanding. You had talked about it for an entire night and came up with the perfect plan: no demonstration of affection on school grounds at all, it was far too risky and you knew better than that. The best thing you could do was pretend to be strangers, easy enough.

So during class, you would act like you usually did, staring into the void and pretending to listen even tho you were daydreaming about your professor. Eren was a bit more obvious about it, you could feel his eyes on you many times but you brushed it off easily enough.

Mikasa thought you were too cold to him, which only meant that everything was going smoothly.

You had a list of excuses in case someone saw you together outside of school, you could even use your best friend as a witness to explain that Professor Jeager was helping with some assignments you had failed to send.

So far so good, no one had seen you.

"Y/n, please can you stop for a moment." You slowed down before you could walk out of the classroom, Jean approached you immediately and you felt your legs shaking knowing exactly what he wanted to talk about. "I've been trying to talk to you for weeks now, can you stop ignoring me?"

You sighed and your eyes immediately met Eren's, he had this cold stare that you couldn't really comprehend, but thank god Jean wasn't facing him and couldn't see his face. "I wasn't ignoring you." You muttered awkwardly.

"Then can we please talk in private?" He asked hopefully.

You really wanted to refuse and tell him to forget about everything that had happened, but that wasn't possible. "Excuse me." Eren stopped in front of you and you both walked aside since you were blocking the way. "You should hurry to your next class instead of chitchatting here." He glared at you but you knew that he didn't mean it in a bad way, it was just his way to tell you to focus on school and leave personal matters outside of it.

Once he walked away, Jean turned to you and rolled his eyes annoyed. "What's with him?"

You snorted. "I don't know." You tried to match his tone and then cleared your throat. "But whatever, let's talk but make it quick." You hated the idea of confronting him, but you had avoided him long enough at that point.

He grabbed your hand, his delicate fingers gripping at yours didn't make you feel anything anymore. "You're so cold to me these days, it's like you've become a totally different person." He sounded sad, however, he was right.

You had changed a bit, you felt happier and more relaxed. "Listen Jean, I know what you want to talk about." You moved your hand away, it was a way to get away from him and his feelings once and for all. After one year of his continuous jokes about wanting to get back with you, now it was time to stop all of that. "About the party-"

"You were drunk." He cut you off stating the obvious, as if that simple phrase could excuse what happened. You felt sick to your stomach just thinking about it. "But even if you were, the way you kissed me... it must mean something, right?" His eyes were desperate but at the same time, you could tell there was something else he wasn't telling you, he didn't seem to be completely honest. "You asked me if I still felt something for you, remember?"

How could you reject him without hurting his feelings? That was a real dilemma. Your palms were sweating but you tried to dry them rubbing them on your pants. "I'm sorry, that was very wrong of me, I shouldn't have done that. Truth is... I didn't really mean it, I was wasted and didn't really think about it. It's not an excuse, I know, but I wasn't trying anything, really." You couldn't help but pity the boy standing in front of you.

Living the moment from his point of view, you would've probably gotten so angry to the point of never wanting to talk to the other person ever again. Yet Jean didn't say anything like that, he was just looking at you, trying to make sense of your words. "Are you sure? I won't judge you, you know?"

A small sigh escaped your lips, you had shown him false hope that night and now you were taking it all back, leaving him with nothing more than confusion. "How can I put this in a way that doesn't sound too bad?" You murmured with a small pout. "Jean, I like someone else."

"What?" He snapped almost immediately. "What do you mean? Who?"

You stepped back, you didn't want to stay too close to him. "It doesn't matter who, but it is true. I have feelings for someone else, I don't want to play with your emotions and I feel bad for what happened."

He gulped, eyes now low and not meeting yours, you could feel his uneasiness. "Can you just tell me something?" He asked and you nodded, the least you could do was give him some answers. "That night... did you already like the other guy?"

It was awkward really, you pressed your lips against each other in a thin line. "I was... confused." You admitted. "I didn't know if I liked him that much, I wasn't sure if my feelings for you were gone."

He nodded. "So that kiss, it helped you understand your feelings?"

"Yeah." You admitted. "It confirmed what I already suspected, I like him a lot and I... I don't feel anything for you if not friendship."

"I see." He snorted. "But, I mean, maybe you just needed a pause to clear your thoughts or something? I'd wait for you."

You shook your head. "No, it's not like that." You tried to stop him. "It's been a long time already, we've broken up almost a year ago, you know that."

"Yeah, but I thought that it was temporary since we're always together anyway. You know you are the perfect girl for me."

Those words made you feel upset, if you were the perfect girl then why was he talking about getting with Mikasa when he was with you. If you were such a perfect match, why didn't he try to win you back instead of waiting and joking around. "I am not and you know that better than I do." You rolled your eyes, suddenly you didn't feel so sorry for him anymore. "So stop this and let's move on, thank you." And with that, you walked away.

You still had a few classes before you could go home, you really couldn't wait to go rest and forget this awkward scene that just played in front of you. It was exhausting to say the least, you were mentally drained.

What was even more surprising was the text you received as soon as you sat down in your classroom. It was a message from Eren, he was probably worried about what was happening before, you couldn't help but smile as you opened it.

From Eren:

When you're done with class come to the parking lot, I'll drive you home.

It felt like all your worries suddenly disappeared, he had this effect on you that you couldn't even begin to explain. He was like that rock you needed in your life whenever you felt trembling.

To Eren:

Are you sure? We aren't supposed to make contact at school, others may see.

From Eren:

I'm sure no one will question a student getting into a random car, don't worry about it.

You pouted but decided to accept his offer, he was right, no one would've cared about you getting into a car. After all, you were very tired and listening to Eren's voice was just what you needed to rest at your best.

So you waited patiently for the end of that boring lecture, nothing new to you if it wasn't for Jean's continuous stare in your direction. It was as if he was trying to read your mind and see what was going on, and why you were acting that way.

Gosh, you didn't know how you could've kept hanging out with him and the others the same as before. You could only hope that he would eventually move on from this infatuation of his.

Nothing felt better than the sound of the bell dismissing class, you were finally free to leave that place and forget everything that had happened.

You swore you had never walked that fast in your life, and just like that you were outside and in the parking lot, you didn't even need to stop and search for his car, you could tell which one it was immediately. "Hi." You sighed tiredly as you got in it.

Eren flashed you a big smile before cupping your cheeks with his hands, he then leaned towards you and kissed you, a long peck on your lips that made you melt against his touch. "I missed you." He murmured, his breath hitting your skin.

It was so heartwarming, you couldn't help but giggle. "I missed you too, it's really hard to pretend I don't like you." You grabbed his hands and then looked around carefully. "But we should go, I don't want anyone to see us."

He snorted but started the car. "You're too nervous, I'm telling you no one will see us here." He patted your leg, you sighed leaning against the seat, he drove out of the parking lot and then away from the building so that you could relax a little. "So... how did your talk with Jean go?" He asked out of the blue.

That made you realize that he had been just as anxious as you, maybe for a different reason but still. You couldn't picture Eren as the jealous type because to you he looked so calm and composed, but you didn't mind the thought of him getting irritated and protective over some other boy.

"It went... ok." You sighed and offered him a small smile. "I told him the truth, I don't feel anything for him anymore and what happened was a big error."

He nodded. "If he's smart enough, he'll move on." Eren commented, but, in reality, you weren't too sure about it. "And you don't need to feel guilty, because I can see it from your face that you feel bad for him."

You chuckled a bit. "I mean, it's hard because we've been friends for a long time. I don't know, I told him I like someone else and I hope that's enough for him to forget about me." You looked around and noticed that he wasn't going in the direction of your apartment. "Where are we going?"

He blinked confused before eyeing you. "I thought we were going to my place? You know, to spend some time together so you can rest a bit. You did leave early today after all."

Your heart skipped a beat, how could he be just so perfect? He really had everything figured out, didn't he? There wasn't a man as gentle and caring as him in the entire world and you were damn sure about that. "You're simply the best." You murmured as you stared at him with puppy eyes, he laughed a bit and you sighed. "Let's go to your place, maybe if I can think of a good excuse to use with Mikasa I could even stay for dinner."

"Sounds good to me."