I really hate staying up past midnight if I'm alone. For someone who's supposed to be so smart I can be pretty stupid sometimes 😅😅. Not sure what it is about midnight but it's like all my inner turmoils bubble over and I just end up like 😕. It gets worst when I reflect on the past 💀 it's like my mind wants to kill me haha. But oh well doesn't matter anyway, it'll all be over soon. That glorious day is almost here when I can finally let go of everything and be exactly who I want to be. Well hopefully it does. I can't keep going on like this.

In a few days I'll officially be an adult. I should let go of everything holding me back right now and start a new leaf in adulthood but they might just find me again. They always do somehow 😞. If I had a dollar for every time they found me while I hid I'd be pretty fucking rich right now. Hell I can't even smile no more. How the hell am I supposed to hide things if I can't smile no more? Kind of fucked up life is this now? I can't smile 😐 my face is straight until someone makes me laugh and I wanna cry because I smiled with it. Life isn't easy anymore 😞. I want my childhood back although that was absolute shit as well. Now I see the persons who made it so bad everyday and we smile as if nothing happened all those years ago to make the bitter person I am today.

But you know what, I'm fine, again it doesn't matter. I hate talking about my feelings. Let's focus on you guys how has everyone been?

What exciting thing happened today? The most I did today was eat and be lazy as usual 😂😂😂. Maybe I should join a gym so,I can finally go up the stairs again without feeling like I ran a marathon. This diet I'm on us gonna starve me 😭😭😭.