i have the fucking money for it

i

just

need

to

yeet

self

out

of

closet

and fuckin EVERYONE is coming out because pride month

it makes me really tempted but I know i shouldn't right now

the thing about parents is, you don't know how they're gonna react

during the car ride home from my birthday party a few years ago, my mom said she'd support my brother if he were gay. but there were other friends there

she told me in private she'd have a heart attack if i were a lesbian

but then she told my brother she'd support him if he were gay

so what? my brother can be gay but i can't??

istg if they're messing with me and they're just betting on it or smthn i'm legit moving to a different state

my dad said he'd support me no matter what (since we've had debates about the LGBTQ+ community), but he says it in the "yeah i'm happy to do the dishes and the laundry" tone of voice

my ideal coming out?

my dad is sober, mom isn't stressed

they leave the house for a few hours, enough time for me to bake and frost a cake

i make chocolate fudge cake, bake it and frost it with the bi colors. in sprinkles i write on the top, "i'm bi." if there's time, i make some rainbow fondant rainbows

when my parents come home, i hide the cake but pull up the song girls/girls/boys on my phone

i talk to them about what they did, shopping or whatever. my brother knows what's happening, he has from the start of the day

i tell them to wait in the living room, because i have a surprise for them

they comply, waiting

i put the cake on the kitchen table and play the song

i tell them to come in

the music plays in the background

they look at the cake

♫ and never did i think that i ♫
♫ would be caught in the way you got me ♫

"i'm bi," I say, blood pressure through the roof

♫ push another girl aside and just give in ♫

i start tearing up, no, crying as my parents read the cake. i'm scared as they look at me

they smile. "why are you crying, briar?"

♫ girls love girls and boys ♫

my brother's already cutting himself a slice of cake, ignoring this pivotal moment in my life

"we love you" my parents say, hugging me.

they have a couple questions, obviously. i answer as we get ourselves a slice of cake. my dad makes a ton of bi jokes, like the title of this book. my mom asks about my wedding, am i going to be walked downthe aisle or am I going to take on the traditional "groom" role in the event that i marry a female. my brother asks some inappropriate questions (despite knowing the answers) and i tell him to google it.

and it's wholesome. we eat cake and at the end, i ask if we can go to a pride parade together

they say yes.

i buy pride flags for the whole family. rainbow for me, mom, and dad. bi for me as well. my brother demands a straight ally flag (if he even agrees to go to the parade at all) because no homo.

and we live happily ever after

but that's just wishful thinking on my part.