When the day broke, it was time for Lan Wangji to leave.

"Lan Zhan." Wei Wuxian said with an heavy heart. He didn't meet Lan Wangji's eyes. "You should take A-Yuan back to Gusu."

Lan Wangji's eyebrows furrowed. Their original plan was to let A-Yuan stay at the Baoshan Mountain. It would better for all, especially Wei Wuxian, to have his son-like junior hanging around. But now Wei Wuxian changed his words. "Why?"

Wei Wuxian looked down to his feet. "As much as i would love to have A-Yuan by my side, i am not in the best condition to take care of him. Neither mentally nor physically. And A-Yuan is too young to understand what is going on. I don't want his health to be retarding because of me. It's best if he stays away from here. For the time being at least."

Lan Zhan didn't want to separate Wei Wuxian and A-Yuan. He knew how much it is gonna hurt both of them. But at the same time, Wei Wuxian had a point. A-Yuan was to juvenile to be understand Wei Wuxian's trauma and handle him.

"Alright."

But had they seen A-Yuan's tantrums coming for not wanting to leave. The little boy had got the entire mountain over his head. He clutched so tightly on Wei Wuxian's leg that three mighty trained cultivators present were needed to pull him off. He shouted and thrashed around.

When Lan Wangji finally got a hold of him, he hit the elder's face to be released, and tried to wiggle out of his grip. "A-Yuan!" Wei Wuxian shouted at the child when he attempted a second hit on Lan Wangji's face. "Stop your tantrums! Listen to your elders, don't hit them."

A-Yuan became silent and stopped wriggling. But he didn't stop crying. If anything, his crying got worse. It set a stone in Wei Wuxian's chest. Lan Wangji quickly rode over his sword and left for Gusu before A-Yuan could become physical again.

Wei Wuxian watched till even their silhouettes disappeared. The rest of the disciples around him had also gone. He felt a lump in his throat, he wanted to cry. He had just oust A-Yuan and shouted at him. His son was crying because of him. And he wasn't even there to comfort. "I am a fucking terrible person." He sighed.

"You are not."

Wei Wuxian turned back to see who said it. It was Wu Ming. Turns out, not everybody has left. Wu Ming was still there by his side. He kept a hand on the elder, "A-Yuan might dislike you for now, but he would understand someday when he is grows up."

"You don't understand, Wu Ming. A-Yuan is like a son to me. And when i saw him sob like that, and especially because of me ..." Wei Wuxian sighed, shaking his head, "i don't even have words for it."

"But you are doing it for him. You did nothing wrong." Wu Ming defended. "I hadn't meant to eavesdrop, but i heard your conversation with Lan-Er Gongzi earlier. And you are right, it would have been worse for A-Yuan to stay and have to see you in this state." Then a moment later, Wu Ming said, "Perhaps you could softly explain him next time you meet."

Wei Wuxian nodded. He turned to Wu Ming, and wrapped his arms around his waist, using his shoulder to cry on.

Unknowingly, Wei Wuxian had now rung bells in someone's heart within seconds, and brought blood to the someone's cheeks. Not understanding what to do, Wu Ming looked away, gently keeping a hand over Wei Ying's shoulder to comfort him.

﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

By the time it was supper, Wei Wuxian had stopped crying. The kitchen was situated on the way of his room to the dining hall. So when Wei Wuxian was called for supper, he walked by the kitchen.

But his feet stopped when he heard his name being used in the conversation among the ladies in the kitchen. He stopped before the door, a blind spot from inside.

"Ying-Er really tried to not show whenever he is upset." And Wei Ying could make out that it was his mother who spoke. "He hasn't even addressed me as mother yet. I can't do anything for my child. I am such an useless mother." When Wei Ying slowly peeked in, his A-Niang was crying.

He has made two people cry in a day. He is a terrible person. It was indeed a bad idea to live on. He should have just died. Lan Zhan should have never got him here. He failed as a father and now he is failing as a son. He can't do anything. All he has ever done is make people sad. He can only ever destroy lives. He is a monster, he will always be. He doesn't deserve this life. He doesn't deserve this family who is loving and caring for him despite getting nothing in return.

And before Wei Ying knew it, he was on his knees, sobbing terribly, banging his head on the ground till he bled.

Memories were cloudy, but when he finally came into his consciousness, he was lying on a bed, tucked in a warm blanket. His tear cracks burn when he opened his eyes. There was a figure beside him. He took some time to recognise who it was. It wasn't his mother or father. Nor Lan Zhan or Wu Ming.

When his eyes gained more focused he realised it was Lady Baoshan, her back facing him. He tried to get up to bow, but lost his balance and fell on the bed again.

"Ahh, you woke up."

"Lady Baoshan." Wei Wuxian said, embarrassed, now slightly remembering the events that led him here.

Lady Baoshan smiled. "Don't worry. I didn't tell your parents that you fell. I had an intuition you wouldn't appreciate it. I told them i am taking you in town for lunch. So you better finish up this food, or they might get worries again if we don't reach home again."

"Where are we?"

"In my Cabin."

"Oh." Wei Wuxian looked aside. He wasn't in a mood of eating anything. He already lost his appetite. He heard Lady Baoshan sigh.

"You wouldn't eat, would you?" And to that, Wei Wuxian softly shook his head. He doesn't even want water. His mouth is sour. Lady Baoshan stroked his head once. "I know you didn't just trip and fall. So without beating around the bush, tell what's up."

"I can't do this." Wei Wuxian confessed. "I should have just died. This is useless."

"Alright." Grandmaster Baoshan said. Wei Wuxian was glad that she didn't stop him atleast. "But tell me why. Just once. I won't pry if you don't want to tell."

At one side, Wei Wuxian wanted to tell her everything. Let the words stuck up in his chest out for once and all. But then again. He feared he might upset grandmaster. Fuck it, he thought internally, he's gonna let it out.

"All i am doing is make everyone sad by being here. Everyone has been doing so much in my favour. But all i do is upset them. I rather not live than to live to just make others miserable." He said with tears flowing down his cheeks.

"Is it all about others?"

"Huh?"

"Do you just wanna die because you aren't doing anything good for others?" Grandmaster said, adding air quotes. "What about you? You are not doing anything for yourself either. If you can't make yourself happy, how can you expect to make others happy?" Her words made sense. Wei Wuxian has been melancholic himself, how can he spread positive energy to others?

There were a few long seconds of silence between them. "It's hard, to lose all those you loved. Far worse when you see them die in front of your eyes. I know what you are feeling. I had went through it too, once, long time ago."

Wei Wuxian's brows creased. How could someone as great as grandmaster be the same as someone like him. "You... You have too killed your loved ones?"

Baoshan chuckled. "No, not exactly. But i had to see each one of them wither away in front of my eyes. It's fun being an immortal, until you realise that the others around you are still aging. I saw my parents die, my brother, my children too. I lost all my friends, my enemies, my masters. And him too, my other half, whom i had once loved above my own life."

With a pause again, she said, "For years i was depressed, heart sick. I tried to hand myself, cut my nerves, drown myself, all to kill myself. Just because i was lonely. I had no one to talk, to love, to care. I don't want you to make the same mistake as me, Wei Ying. Putting aside others, what did you feel when you got another chance to live?"

Wei Wuxian paused. He closed his eyes. "Speaking honestly, something in me was glad. There was a hope for me to be happy again. Happy for real. And i won't lie, i don't really even remember the last time I felt happy about myself. When i saw my parents are really here, i thought... I thought i could have a family again. But i am also scared, that if i accept them as family, i will lose them again."

"Wei Ying, you won't lose them. I promise, i will protect you and your family." Lady Baoshan said. "And you are not making anyone sad, you are troubling no one's life. If anything, your parents and others are happy to have you. We are just worried, because we love you. We care for you. We want to see you happy and healthy. No one here thinks you as a burden. In fact, we are happy to serve you."

"I know. But my mother was crying today, and because of me." Wei Wuxian said. "Even if it is for her love for me, i am still making her worried by my presence."

"And you think she'd be happier seeing you gone?" She said, now getting up from bed. "It's not at all difficult to make your mother and father happy, Wei Ying. Just try calling them A-Niang and A-die, and see how their faces immediately bloom like flowers. Ying-Er, just once, for me, be a little brave. I won't be able to help you if you don't help me help you. And if you are really unable to be a little more brave, it's okay, meet me here, tomorrow, and we will continue the soul lifting ceremony."

Random but when writing the title, i started singing the song "antifragile" and yk where the part goes "antititititi fragile"? My friend comes up and goes, "you are more like anti-titty and fragile"