The penthouse was shrouded in a muted stillness, the kind that settles when something that once brought life into the space disappears. The city outside continued its perpetual hum, the twinkling lights of the skyline doing little to alleviate the heavy atmosphere inside. The moonlight reflected in a bottle of whisky, casting playful lights over the untouched glass beside it. Still, it couldn't break the silence that ruled over every corner.

When Sean stayed over, the whole place transformed. There was a warmth, an indefinable presence that chased away the overbearing emptiness. Sean's laughter, his scattered textbooks, the subtle scent of his cologne – these small things made the penthouse feel like a home, or at least how Jay suspected a home should feel.

But now, with Sean gone, the feeling of emptiness had returned with a vengeance. It was an all-consuming void that threatened to swallow him whole. He had been avoiding Sean for the past few days, ever since that kiss in the park. Hiding behind the usual excuses of being too busy with work, he had managed to create distance – no casual sex, no shared dinners, as if he had vanished entirely.

Jay stumbled into his bedroom and lifelessly dropped onto the bed. The quiet was oppressive, a stark reminder of what he was pushing away. His hand drifted to the pillow beside him, still faintly smelling like Sean, and he felt a pang of longing so intense he couldn't stand it. But it was better this way... or so he kept telling himself.

Suddenly, his phone lit up with a single message. Jay glanced at it, sighed, and dragged himself to the front door.

"What are you doing here?"

Victor grinned at him. "Officially blowing steam after exams. They didn't even ask, so I assume our reputation covered the details," he chuckled, then fished out a bottle of 18-year-old Macallan. "This is the real reason."

Jay rolled his eyes and let him in. "You are the only person with the audacity to arrive at someone's place in the middle of the night unannounced."

"You're welcome."

"God, you are really a pain in the ass," Jay moaned, dropping on the sofa in the living room. "Glasses are over there."

Victor glanced at untouched whisky on the coffee table but said nothing. Things must have been bad if Jay hadn't even tried to drink them away.

"Since when do we need glasses?" he chuckled, plopping on the sofa beside him and opening the bottle.

"Fair enough," Jay huffed.

Victor passed him the whisky. "So? Why are you a bigger mess than you were last time?"

"I'm fine," he responded, taking a swig, amber gold liquid pleasant burning down his throat. "Besides, you have bigger problems to deal with than my casual sex going wrong."

"Or it went very right, and you just refuse to accept it."

Jay sighed. "We both know this way is better. Sean is really great, you know? The type of person that makes you think you finally belong somewhere," he paused, looking down at the white label. "He didn't deserve any of this."

"What makes you think you don't deserve someone like him, huh?"

"C'mon, don't act like you don't know me," Jay replied, irritation creeping into his voice.

"I'm saying this because I know you so bloody well," Victor countered, grabbing the bottle from Jay and taking a long swig. "In the last seventeen years, you've pulled me out of trouble countless times, helped me through the worst shit, and now you're getting an entire apartment in New York so Alex and I can have a fresh start. There isn't a thing you wouldn't do for someone you care about, and it's fucking sad that you don't care about yourself at all."

Jay stared at him, utterly stunned. He had never heard Victor snap like this, and the worst part? He couldn't even argue with him.

"I know we're messed up and broken, with a shitton of unhealthy coping mechanisms that make it impossible to let someone in, but what if that's exactly what we need? Someone who accepts us as we are?" Victor asked, handing Jay the whisky. "I'm sure you didn't make it easy for him, but he still stuck around, didn't he? You can't seriously think he's doing it just for sex."

"Of course not, but that's precisely why I can't do this... letting go now will be easier for him. We both know I'm incapable of making anyone happy, and Sean deserves someone who can."

"You don't know that, Jay."

"And this brings us back to the point that I don't do relationships for a reason, Vic," Jay said, his tone signalling the end of the discussion. "How are you dealing with your shit?"

Victor raised the bottle with a self-deprecating smile. "This is how."

"Back to unhealthy coping mechanisms?" Jay laughed with a tinge of desperation, then he leaned back, looking at the ceiling. "We are a fucking mess."

"Tell me about this."

Jay grabbed the whisky from him and took a sip. "So, how are you really dealing with it?"

"I don't know," he sighed. "Relieved, angry, disappointed, and regretful in a way, and definitely a failure. Alex shouldn't have to go through it... all because I wasn't strong enough to protect him. Part of me thinks I should have to suck it up and be careful for a little longer."

"You already did enough," Jay said, passing the Macallan to Victor. "Ever since you were old enough to realise what was happening, you took everything on your shoulders so Alex didn't have to. You gave him an opportunity to explore things he likes and choose who he wants to be. We both know it's something you didn't have. But now it's over, the end, Vic. You can do whatever you want, and there is no reason for you to feel guilty."

"The end, huh?" Victor smiled, looking at him with appreciation. "I guess it is over... but you know what was the worst? Our mother didn't try to defend us. She even told me I should beg my so-called fiancée for forgiveness," he added, rolling his eyes. "I don't know why I expected her to have our back at least this one time. I guess she is loving and caring only when it suits her."

"Damn, I can't imagine how disappointing it must have been... Are you planning to keep in touch with her?"

Victor shook his head. "We decided with Alex it's better to cut them off. He was devastated, but it's healthier this way. "

Jay nodded in agreement, sometimes it was better to let go. "Look at the bright side. At least you are allowed to be gay now."

"You are the worst," Victor burst out laughing.

They spent the rest of the night drinking whisky and talking about things they couldn't face sober. By the time the sun rose, they were both wasted, but in a way, they felt lighter. Once a place of silence and solitude, the living room now held the echoes of their laughter and shared stories. The whisky dulled their pain, making it easier to face another day... or a massive hangover.

Several hours later, Victor tossed and turned in bed as the alcohol in his system mingled with jetlag, making sleep elusive. Frustrated, he groaned and was about to bury himself under the pillows when the doorbell echoed through the penthouse. Forgetting he was only in his underwear, he stumbled to the door.

Yawning, he opened it and glanced at the visitor. Tall, undeniably hot, but also looking a bit depressed.

"You must be Sean," he said, extending his hand. "Victor."

Sean shook his hand, unfazed by his lack of clothes. "I heard a lot about you."

"Let me guess, this bloody bastard called me a pain in the ass?"

"Something alongside these lines."

Victor chuckled. Sean seemed like a decent guy. "If you're looking for Jay, he's probably dead drunk in his bedroom, wherever that is."

"He wouldn't want to see me anyway," Sean sighed, painfully aware that Jay was avoiding him. "I crossed the line, so I can't blame him. I just wanted to apologise, so if you could give him this, I will be on my way."

He took the box from the cake shop, peeked inside, and smiled. Not many people knew how much Jay liked sweets, even less which was his favourite. "It's not that Jay doesn't want to see you. He does... It's just..." Victor hesitated, not wanting to betray Jay's trust. "It's complicated, and I can't say much, but focus on what he does, not what he says. I know I'm asking a lot without offering much in return, but be patient with him and don't let him push you away."

Sean was taken aback by the unexpected help, which reminded him much about drunken scribbles on his arms. "I will try," he said, turning to leave. "Good luck with your hangover."

Victor watched him go, a flicker of hope in his eyes. Maybe, just maybe, things could work out.

Neon lights cast a vibrant glow over sleek, modern buildings, their glass façades reflecting the bustling streets below. The air was thick with the hum of conversation and the rhythmic pulse of music spilling out from upscale clubs and bars. Lush greenery and meticulously maintained flower beds framed the sidewalks, adding a touch of nature to the urban chic. The atmosphere was electric, a mix of sophistication and indulgence.

They had been in Bangkok for a few days, turning their visit into an endless spree of parties and fun. Tonight, for the first time, the group split up as Jonathan and Vivian opted for a romantic dinner, leaving Tina with their two friends she had recently grown suspicious of. Jay and Victor were clearly hiding something from her. As they strolled down the street, she suddenly spun around to face them.

"Are you sleeping together again?"

They looked at her, genuinely baffled. "Where did you get that idea?!"

"I don't know... maybe because you're constantly sneaking around?" she replied, her eyes narrowing as she studied them carefully.

Jay sighed. "Do you really believe we would need to sneak around to have sex?"

Tina considered this for a moment and admitted to herself that he had a point. Neither of them ever felt the need to hide it. "Then what's with all the secrets?"

Victor shot Jay a knowing look, silently urging him to explain about Sean. He hoped Tina might help convince Jay to reconsider his decision to leave. But Jay only shrugged as if he didn't care if Victor told her... as if the outcome was already decided.

"He met someone but refused to stick around," he started, briefly explaining to her the situation with Sean. "At this point, there is no reasoning with him."

Saying Tina was shocked by the revelation would be a massive understatement. It was unbelievable how well Jay had hidden his struggles; even now, it was hard to tell anything was wrong. But the fact that Victor had arrived before the rest of them suggested just how bad things were. Despite being a tight-knit group, they always had an awareness that Jay and Victor understood each other on different levels, facing issues the rest of them couldn't comprehend. It was a bit sad, but no one ever questioned it.

"So, let me get this straight," she said, her tone thoughtful but edged with frustration. "You met a great guy who genuinely cares about you and decided to push him away because you think it's better this way? Better for whom, Jay?"

"It was just fun, Tina."

"It's clearly more than that!" she argued, her voice rising. "Why are you so insistent on being alone and throwing away every chance you have at being happy?"

"Just leave it."

"I won't!" Tina yelled. "I will never pretend to know what it feels to be you... to understand what you are so afraid of, but for god sake, Jay...you can't expect me to just stand by and watch you push away something meaningful because you think it's better. That's a bloody dumb excuse, and you know it! You love him, don't you?"

"It's none of your business!" Jay snapped, turning to walk away.

"James Henry Sebastian William Anderson, come back here!" Tina shouted after him.

Jay spun around, glaring at her. "Don't you dare call me that."

"Why don't we go for a drink and calm down?" Victor interjected, stepping in to diffuse the situation.

They settled into the private room at the bar, a dimly lit space adorned with plush leather seats and ambient lighting that cast a warm glow over the surroundings. It provided the perfect atmosphere for their conversation.

As the alcohol continued to flow, Victor and Tina attempted to persuade Jay to stay longer and give things a chance, but he stubbornly refused to listen. To keep her frustration under wraps, Tina delved into the vast selection of cocktails, trying to maintain her composure. Meanwhile, knowing Jay's coping mechanisms the best, Victor simply decided to get him dead drunk to prevent Jay from doing anything stupid.

Unfortunately, the plan backfired, leaving him with two utterly wasted companions and no feasible way of getting them back to the penthouse by himself. With a sigh, Victor rummaged through Jay's pockets, retrieving his phone, and dialled the only person he could think of.

When Sean arrived, Jay was still passed out on Victor's shoulder, looking incredibly innocent. Sean smiled faintly and looked questioningly at Victor.

"It was for his own good," he explained, then unceremoniously pocked Jay's cheek. "Hey, someone's here to take you home."

"I don't take them home...," Jay mumbled without opening his eyes.

"He's different."

"I don't care."

"You do... more than you think, you stubborn bastard," Victor rolled his eyes. "Can you carry him?"

"Sure."

"Perfect, then I will take care of her."

Only then did Sean notice a purple head behind the table, sleeping on Jay's lap.

"Oi, Tina! Wake up!"

"Go fuck yourself or each other. I don't give a shit... you are both the worst," she hissed, sitting up. Her drunken and tired gaze rested on Sean's face. "Hot... keep him away from Jay... or he will do something stupid," she mumbled before downing the rest of her cocktail.

"For fuck's sake... it's Sean."

"Oh, then give Jay to him and problem solved."

Victor sighed with resignation. "I'm so sorry about this."

Somehow, they managed to get them into the taxi. However, a few minutes away from their destination, Tina abruptly woke up, insisting she was about to be sick. Although nothing happened, the taxi driver, wary of a potential mess, pulled over and asked them all to get out. Since it was only a short walk to the penthouse, Sean and Victor decided it would be quicker to give Jay and Tina a piggyback ride than to wait for another taxi.

"You care about him a lot, don't you?"

Sean looked at him surprised, then his gaze shifted to Jay's face nestled on his shoulder. He smiled softly. "Yeah, I do."

"Then don't let him slip away... he needs you more than you can imagine."

"I want to believe it, but he doesn't make it easy."

Victor looked at him thoughtfully. Maybe it was alcohol flowing in his veins, but something told him he could trust Sean.

"I know..." Victor sighed. "It takes a while to understand him because he always looks so perfectly fine, but Jay... he... had been alone for too long. It makes you question if he even knows how to be with someone and let them in."

He looked at the starless sky and adjusted Tina's position on his back.

"I guess you could say we lived together for eleven years. Dorm neighbours," he added for clarification. "Always together through whatever shit we got ourselves into, and even I don't know everything. But I can tell you this. You are more important to him than you think. This is why he is struggling so much."

The late afternoon sun streamed into the bedroom as Victor opened the blackout blinds without hesitation, flooding the room with bright light. He spun around to face the bed, grinning mischievously.

"Wake up, sleeping beauty."

Jay pulled the pillow over his head and grumbled, "Fuck me... What do you want?"

"I came to tell you we are going out to nurse Tina's hangover with street food, so you have the apartment to yourself," Victor said playfully, then glanced at Sean. "Good luck with that," he added, gesturing towards the bed and leaving them alone.

Sean chuckled lightly and gently lifted the pillow. "Did you manage to sleep off your hangover?"

"Yeah, mostly."

"Here," Sean said, holding out a steaming mug of green tea.

"Thanks," he smiled faintly, taking a sip. It was his favourite, but Jay wasn't surprised Sean knew it. He sighed lightly and reclined against the headboard. "What are you doing here?"

"Someone had to carry you back home."

"Sorry, that asshole dragged you into it."

"It's not a problem," Sean replied, then hesitated briefly. "I wanted to talk with you about something anyway."

"About what?"

"This," Sean said, setting the mug on the bedside table and gently resting his hands on Jay's jaw, then kissed him softly. "I'm sorry, but I can't keep pretending this doesn't mean anything. Because it does... more than I imagined it would. I know this isn't what you signed up for, and I respect it, but... I can't do this anymore... not like this."

The thought of losing Sean was paralysing, taking Jay back to that little boy who wondered what was so wrong with him that no one wanted him. But this time, things were different. He was on the brink of losing someone who genuinely cared about him, all because he was too afraid to admit how much he cared in return. His instincts screamed at him to let go, to retreat to the safety of his walls where he could convince himself he would be fine. But deep down, Jay knew he wouldn't be.

He had reached the point of no return long ago, that night when he kissed Sean at the beach. At that moment, he had already chosen what he wanted. He just didn't know what to do with it. He still didn't, but this week without Sean had been torture... killing him slowly with each passing day.

As if moving on its own, Jay's hand gently rested just below Sean's jaw, making him realise how perfectly it fit there. He leaned in slowly, their breaths mingling in the small space between them. This kiss carried a different weight – slower, more sensual, imbued with an honesty that had been absent before. Jay's lips moved tenderly against Sean's, conveying emotions he had yet to fully admit to himself. It was a kiss that spoke of more than desire; it hinted at deeper feelings and a tentative step towards acknowledging what Sean truly meant to him.

"Are you sure about this?" Jay whispered against Sean's lips.

"Yes."

"I'm not the easiest person to be with."

"I know."

"You're going to regret this."

"I won't."

"I don't do relationships."

"I'm aware."

"Then what do you want from me?"

"Nothing."

Jay looked at him, confused.

Sean smiled gently, intertwining their fingers together. "Why don't we keep it simple? I'll be yours and you'll be mine."