The living room was bathed in a gentle, silvery glow from the moonlight filtering through the expansive floor-to-ceiling windows, casting intricate shadows across the plush furniture and geometric-patterned rug. The city skyline and the serene river outside were cloaked in a tranquil stillness, with occasional flickers of distant lights reflecting off the water.

Jay closed his laptop and massaged the bridge of his nose, trying to chase away the tiredness that had settled in from days of relentless work. His return to London loomed on the horizon, demanding his attention and effort directed at his case log. Yet, a part of him yearned to stay longer, to linger in the moments they shared.

His gaze drifted to Sean, who had fallen asleep on the sofa, surrounded by his scattered textbooks and notes. The dimmed floor lamp illuminated his peaceful face, casting gentle shadows that highlighted his sharp features. His eyes traced the line of Sean's jaw, the delicate curve of his lips, and the serene expression that softened his usually confident and unapologetic look.

In the quiet stillness of the room, he found himself captivated by the details of Sean's face. The way the moonlight accentuated his high cheekbones and the gentle slope of his nose... the way his black hair fell softly across his forehead... stirred a strange mix of affection and unease. It was disturbing and sometimes made him feel like he was teetering on the edge of something profound and terrifying.

The thought of leaving Bangkok and moments like this behind felt increasingly difficult. But he realised it wasn't the city he was reluctant to leave; it was Sean. And this, in a way, terrified him. He was always perfectly fine alone, drifting through life without any attachments... without wanting anything or anyone. Yet, here he was, reluctant to leave the one person who had quietly become so essential to him.

Suddenly, his phone lit up, breaking the spell and pulling him out of his thoughts. With a slight sigh, Jay unlocked the screen and opened the group chat.

J.B.

Which hotel are we booking for next weekend?

Mandarin Oriental?

Christina Charlotte Emilia

No need!

We are crashing at Jay's 😏

Me

Oh?

Vivian

You have your own place in Bangkok, Jay?

And why I'm not surprised you are still awake?

Christina Charlotte Emilia

Right, it must be 3am there.

Hot guy or work?

Me

It's just a rental.

The hotel was too stuffy in the long run.

I will leave it to your imagination, Tina 😘

Christina Charlotte Emilia

No, thank you.

The last thing I need are mental images related to your sex life.

Vivian

Makes sense on both counts 😂

Are you coming back with us?

Me

That's the plan...

Vic

Missing your dearest job already?

Me

I'm certainly not missing you 🙄

J.B.

Sometimes, you two remind me of an old married couple 🤣

You know, the one you can't tell if they love or hate each other.

Vic

😂😂😂

Me

😂😂😂

Christina Charlotte Emilia

I'm pretty sure they would both rather die 😂

J.B.

Fair enough

Anyway, are we flying from Heathrow together?

Jay absentmindedly watched messages pop up on the screen as they finalised the details for the flight to Bangkok. A flight that would mark the beginning of his last few days here with... His thought trailed off, that unsettling feeling kicking in again, followed by the stubborn thought that he should never have let this get so far. But it was too late now. No matter how much he tried to deny it, Sean had gotten too close and had become too important.

He knew it was incredibly selfish of him to keep it going like this, starting something he would inevitably ruin, hurting someone who didn't deserve any of this. Sean had made him feel things he thought were impossible, made him feel like he belonged somewhere. This realisation scared him more than anything, and yet, he couldn't bring himself to let go.

Jay smiled faintly and gently brushed the hair off Sean's forehead. "I'm sorry... but can we stay like this for a bit longer?" he whispered, his voice barely audible. Knowing Sean was still fast asleep and couldn't hear him, Jay allowed himself this fleeting moment of honesty. It was the only way he could let these feelings surface, safely hidden in the silence of the night.

The morning light crept through the gap in the blackout curtains, casting a soft glow across the bedroom. Its subtle play on the textured walls and the dark surfaces created a serene contrast with the room's otherwise subdued palette.

Jay slowly became aware of his surroundings. The comforting warmth enveloping him mingled with the smoky, spicy scent that carried fresh undertones, a fragrance both familiar and oddly soothing. He remained still for a moment, savouring this rare feeling of waking up next to someone he cared about. This moment made him realise how much he would miss not just Sean's physical presence but the way their lives seamlessly intertwined.

In just one week, he would return to the desolate emptiness that had once defined his life. He had already begun to accept this inevitability, but the reality of it felt like a slow, twisting knife. Jay couldn't deny the truth any longer - Sean had become a crucial part of his life. Someone he willingly gave the last piece of himself... the one that held him together. Now, with nothing left, at least it hurt like hell. At least, this time, he finally felt something other than the overbearing numbness.

"Where are you?" Sean asked, softly kissing his shoulder.

"Hm?"

"You spaced out more than usual after waking up," he stated, loosely intertwining their fingers. "Something on your mind?"

Jay slightly shook his head, then turned around with a carefree smile. After all, pretending everything was fine always came easy for him. His fingers instinctively traced the sharp line of Sean's jaw before gently gripping his chin and pulling him into a slow kiss. It was another habit they had fallen into, a natural consequence of waking up together nearly every morning.

"Are you free today?"

"Kind of, why?" Jay responded, wondering where Sean was going with it.

Sean smiled brightly. "I wanted to take you to Chatuchak Weekend Market for the best street food as a thank you for helping me so much with my studies. It's so quintessentially Bangkok that you can't leave without visiting it at least once."

Jay's outward reaction remained composed, his smile unwavering as he listened to Sean's plans. Internally, however, his heart skipped a beat at the reminder of his imminent departure. It was a subtle pang, fleeting yet poignant, as a sense of sadness washed over him, mingling with a tinge of regret. Life taught him it was better to give up than hold on and that the outcome was always unchangeable. But most of all, Jay knew his regret meant nothing. Sean deserved so much better than this, and this was the only reason he could let go, knowing somewhere down the road, Sean would be happier this way.

"Sounds great," Jay said, his voice light devoid of any traces of turmoil brewing inside him. "It's Saturday, so I guess I can put work aside for one day."

Sean smiled as he realised Jay possessed the remarkable talent of subtly downplaying his desires, making them seem like mere excuses or afterthoughts. A tendency hinting at his struggle with expressing his own wants or needs. Sean suspected it was probably rooted in Jay's fierce independence, but it still left lingering concerns in his mind.

"Perfect," Sean chirped, excited by the prospect of spending a whole day together with no work or studying involved. "Now to think... Did you ever have time to do some sightseeing?"

Jay shook his head. "Not much, outside a few things we did when Tina was here last time."

"Really?" he asked, shocked, but then smiled inwardly when Jay nodded in affirmation. This was the perfect chance to take Jay for a whole weekend date-not-date. "We are going to fix it and visit the best spots in the city this weekend."

"Don't you have a massive exam on Tuesday?"

Sean rolled his eyes. "If I study for one more day, my brain cells will abandon me. So, instead, we are going to have fun," he added, jumping out of bed and pulling Jay into the bathroom.

Taking a shower together, brushing their teeth side by side with Sean's toiletries intermingled with his own... their entire morning routine had a bittersweet quality to it, like a fleeting glimpse of a domestic life that Jay felt he could never truly have. These moments often left him in a sombre, wistful mood, increasingly difficult to hide, and sparked countless little what-ifs. What if he stayed? Objectively, with the trust fund his grandparents left him and passive income from his investments, Jay could live anywhere he wanted without care. But he couldn't bring himself to do it. The ingrained sense of obligation ran too deep, as did the gnawing awareness that if he stayed, he would eventually become an obstacle in Sean's life, potentially ruining everything they had. This internal conflict tore at him, as he desperately wanted this life with Sean, yet believed, deep down, that it was beyond his reach.

"Jay?"

Sean's concerned voice pulled him out of his thoughts, and only then did he realise that Sean's hand was holding his, preventing him from overfilling the mug with tea.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, sorry, just spaced out a little. It happens when I don't sleep much."

Sean looked at him unconvinced but didn't push it. "Do you want to catch up on some sleep instead of going out?"

"There's no way I'm passing up a tour with a personal guide for something as mundane as sleep," Jay laughed lightly, brushing off the issue.

"It's okay, we can..." he trailed off, realising there wasn't another weekend and this was their last undisturbed moment together. "Damn, now I feel responsible as your personal guide to make this the best weekend ever."

"Impossible," Jay replied with a one-sided smirk.

"Oh? What am I competing with?" Sean asked curiously. Jay just shrugged enigmatically and took a sip of his tea. "You're going to leave me hanging, aren't you?"

Jay smiled behind the mug but didn't answer. After all, he couldn't admit to Sean that he had already given him the best weekend ever.

"Fine. Be like this... I will simply make you eat your words."

"Is this a challenge?"

"Of course! You are not going to forget this weekend for the rest of your life," Sean announced, sounding dead serious.

"I have no doubt about this," Jay responded with a brazen grin.

The sun was already high in the sky when they arrived at Chatuchak Weekend Market, casting a golden hue over the sprawling expanse of stalls. The weather was predictably hot and humid, with the temperature hovering around impending doom - at least in Jay's book, as Sean seemed unbothered by it.

The market was a bustling labyrinth of vendors and shoppers, a vibrant cacophony of sounds and colours. Stalls were packed tightly together, each a treasure trove of goods ranging from clothing and accessories to antiques and souvenirs. Vendors called out their wares, their voices blending into a harmonious hum that added to the market's lively atmosphere.

Under the makeshift canopies, shoppers navigated narrow aisles, their faces glistening with a thin sheen of sweat. The air was filled with the sizzling sound of food being prepared: skewers of marinated meat grilling over open flames, the sharp hiss of stir-fried noodles in hot woks, and the bubbling of oil cooking up crispy spring rolls. The smoky, spicy aroma of street food mingled with the occasional sweet scent of ripe mangoes and freshly cut pineapples from nearby fruit stands.

"You were right... I'll definitely remember this day for the rest of my life because it might just end today," Jay moaned, trying to find any respite from the oppressive heat.

Sean glanced at him, raising an eyebrow in amusement. Despite standing on death's doorstep, Jay somehow maintained a flawless appearance with no trace of sweat. On impulse, Sean loosely laced their fingers together and pulled him forward. "Come on, I know just the thing to help."

Jay looked down at their joined hands - something that never happened outside sex - but didn't say anything or pull away from Sean's gentle grip.

Moments later, they arrived at a stall selling fresh coconut water. The vendor expertly hacked the top off a chilled coconut and handed it to them with a straw. Without letting go of his hand, Sean held it out to him. Jay took a long sip, the cool, sweet liquid providing instant, refreshing relief.

"Better?"

"Yeah, but I'm still convinced we are going to die soon."

Sean laughed lightly and started walking without letting go of Jay's hand. "Let's find you some mango sticky rice for late breakfast."

"It's fine. We can get Khai Jiao instead," Jay protested, resigned to the idea that Sean apparently wasn't planning to let go of him. Besides, he didn't dislike the gesture; on the contrary, it gave him the illusion that they could be something more. Even if it was just for a day.

Sean paused briefly, realising that Jay had just given up his preferred sweet breakfast for him. Of course, he did... there was no other explanation. Without minding the crowd around them, Sean spun around and kissed him briefly. "Let's get both," he chirped, then pulled a stunned Jay towards food stalls.

His heart stopped briefly as he processed what had just happened. He was slowly getting used to Sean's affection, but it had never been so openly displayed in public. This moment seemed to step outside the boundaries of their casual agreement - an agreement that had become anything but casual, as Jay had come to realise. Did he mind Sean kissing him like this? No. But it was unsettling how much he wanted it.

His self-defence mechanisms kicked in, a subconscious reflection of his deeply seated conviction that he was simply unlovable. Falling in love was dangerous, especially for someone like him. It scared him, and he instinctively wanted to pull away, to retreat behind the safety of his walls. Yet, despite the fear, part of him resisted, refusing to let go of Sean's hand.

They settled in a shaded area with fans spritzing a fine mist of water over the crowd, providing relief from the heat. The table was filled with a selection of small dishes. The tantalising aroma of spicy Som Tum mingled with the crisp scent of Gai Tod and the smoky sweetness of succulent Moo Ping skewers. The vibrant spread was completed with the rich, coconut-infused fragrance of mango sticky rice and the comforting warmth of Khai Jiao.

"Why do you like Japanese sweets the most?" Sean asked, dipping a piece of fried chicken in sweet chilli sauce.

Jay smiled faintly as he realised how much Sean knew about him... about all these little things most people wouldn't even notice. "There was a small bakery near my school owned by an old Japanese lady," he began, memories flooding back with surprising clarity. "Victor and I stumbled upon it in Year 5. Miss Yoko took a liking to us and always gave us extra mochi. One day, Vic mentioned that my birthday was coming up. She smiled and asked us to come back on the day. She made me a strawberry shortcake as a birthday gift, and she did it every year for both of us until we graduated. So, I guess it's sentiment."

He remembered that day as if it was yesterday. It was his twelfth birthday and the first cake he had in years... The first person besides Victor in over six years to wish him a silly happy birthday. Ever since, strawberry shortcake has been his favourite, alongside mochi. But he couldn't share this part with Sean.

Sean never expected Jay to be sentimental but understood where he came from. The birthday cake his mother used to make was his favourite and only dessert he would willingly eat. It made him wonder what Jay's mother did, but before he could ask, something else drew his attention.

"When is your birthday?"

"Fifth of March."

Sean's heart sank slightly as he realised he had missed it and didn't dare to hope he could make up for it next year. However, his disappointment was quickly replaced by a smile. "Wow, you are exactly seven months older than me... Mine is on the fifth of October. What a coincidence," Sean added with a light chuckle.

Jay made sure to remember this date, even if he would be gone from Sean's life by then. Still, it was important, and he genuinely wanted to know more about him. "What did you usually do?"

"My mother always made chocolate cotton sponge cake, trying to keep the sweetness level as low as possible," Sean said, smiling wistfully. "Then we would have a picnic at the park and visit botanical gardens, although in my teens, we shifted to dinner at home. It wasn't much, just family time, but I miss it."

Jay had a minimal concept of family time, but he didn't need to understand this to know that Sean still struggled with the loss of his parents. "Which park did you go?"

"Suan Luang Rama IX Park."

"Can we go there?" Jay asked without hesitation.

Sean looked at him surprised but then smiled. "Of course, we could head there late afternoon, and then you will get to see the best sunset in Bangkok."

Suan Luang Rama IX Park appeared as a verdant oasis in the heart of Bangkok, a haven of tranquillity amidst the bustling city. Expansive, manicured lawns stretched before them, interspersed with vibrant flower beds and serene water features. The air was filled with the scent of blooming flowers and the soft rustling of leaves, creating a peaceful and soothing atmosphere.

They wandered along the winding paths, talking about everything and nothing, their laughter blending with the sounds of nature. Tall, graceful trees provided shade, their reflections dancing on the surface of the ponds. Ornate bridges arched over the water, connecting various sections of the park and offering picturesque views in every direction.

As they walked, the sky gradually transformed into a canvas of warm hues - golden yellows, soft oranges, and deep reds blending seamlessly. The sun was now a glowing orb, casting a gentle light that bathed the entire park in a magical glow.

They settled in a quiet spot on the grass near a small lake. Jay reclined slightly on his hands, stretching his legs out in front of him. The day's heat had given way to a pleasant warmth, and a gentle breeze rustled the leaves around them. The reflections of the fiery sky in the lake created a stunning mirror image, amplifying the beauty of the moment.

Suddenly, Sean's fingers brushed over his hand; the touch was so gentle that Jay almost missed it. He turned his head to look at Sean, who was gazing at him with an intensity that took his breath away.

Then, with the burning sky as their backdrop, Sean leaned in and kissed him. This kiss was different from any they had shared before - slow, tender, and overwhelming in its sincerity. In that fleeting moment, his defences, so carefully built over the years, crumbled as he kissed Sean back, allowing himself to feel alive one last time... slow and tender goodbye to something that was never meant to be...