The morning sun bathed Railay Beach in soft golden light, illuminating the towering limestone cliffs that framed the turquoise waters. Gentle waves lapped at the white sand, meeting the edge of the lush jungle. In the distance, longtail boats bobbed quietly on the clear sea as if guarding this peaceful, untouched paradise – a dream-like place, alive with quiet, natural beauty.

It was only a short flight from Bangkok, and Sean had arranged their little getaway by himself, covering both the flights and their stay. He wanted to surprise Jay for once, even if it meant risking his life by waking him up after only a couple of hours of sleep. Jay's 'sunshine personality' was always amusing, but his genuine surprise at the cramped legroom in economy was priceless. And Sean couldn't help but be more entertained by it than he probably should.

Still, none of that could rival the moment Jay fell asleep before takeoff, his head resting against Sean's shoulder. He looked so innocent and defenceless, snuggled into his neck as if Sean was the only source of comfort he needed. It was one of those rare, sweet moments Sean would hold onto in upcoming months, the kind that made everything else fade away.

Their lodge was tucked away near the beach with a stone path leading to the shore, where the faint sound of waves drifted through the open windows. The bedroom was dominated by a large bed with a canopy and soft mesh curtains, swaying gently under the ceiling fan's slow rotation. The small bathroom was clean and functional, and the cosy living room opened into a kitchenette, just enough for morning coffee. It wasn't luxurious, but it was perfect for their peaceful escape.

"Do you want to get more sleep or go out for breakfast?" Sean asked, setting his bag on the sofa. "I can also bring the breakfast while you take a nap."

Jay smiled faintly as he realised he had gotten used to it – the softness of Sean's voice as he offered him a choice, but also stubbornness that wouldn't let him escape without taking one. Part of him even started to appreciate it... having someone who took care of him without expecting anything in return.

"If you have in mind the café we passed on the way here, I'm in for going out."

Sean chuckled lightly. "You are in for butter buns, aren't you?"

"No idea what you are talking about," he said, feigning ignorance. "But if you insist, we can have them."

"Of course, I'm looking forward to a sweet breakfast."

Jay knew this playful tone of voice with a slight challenge. His eyebrow quirked teasingly. "Got it, I will get you all the buns in store."

"There is no need," Sean protested instantly, his complexion turning a few shades paler.

His eyebrow raised slightly higher, a cheeky smile playing on his lips. "I would do anything for you. Few buns is nothing."

"God, you are such a menace."

Sean chuckled and leaned in, kissing away his smirk. It felt effortless, like an extension of their banter – free and unbridled – yet beneath the surface, it offered an incredible sense of completeness, something only Sean could give him. Each kiss, every touch, drew Jay deeper into the kind of intimacy he never thought he would want.

It terrified him to the core, creating a conflict between his ingrained need for self-sufficiency and the slowly growing willingness to let go. Sometimes, Jay wondered if it would always be like this... a never-ending tug of war. Or maybe one day, he would be able to let him in?

"What are you thinking about?" Sean asked, lacing their fingers together and heading towards the door.

Jay hesitated for a moment. "You."

Sean froze with his hand on the knob, disarmed by Jay's sudden honesty, but quickly recovered and causally walked outside. "Oh? What about me?"

"Just... how you manage to get your way so easily," he shrugged casually, yet his voice carried an unusually gentle tone.

Sean tilted his head, looking at him curiously. "Is that so?"

"Yeah," Jay added, his expression a touch softer. "You're... relentless."

It was the closest he could come to admitting how much Sean meant to him, how much he was starting to rely on him, without actually saying it outright.

"I know! It's one of my best qualities," Sean joked, but the tender kiss that followed left no doubt that he understood. He had started to recognise not just the moments Jay struggled but also the times when Jay was trying to let him in, even if it was just a little bit.

"Yes, it is."

"Not finding it annoying?" he asked, half as a joke, half seriously.

Jay glanced at him with confusion, something deep inside telling him that maybe he should have been more honest – to try to step outside his comfort zone because Sean was worth it. In reality, it was one of the hardest things he did.

"No, at first it was unsettling, but now... I kind of like it," Jay said quietly.

The way Sean's face lit up made it so much worth it. The genuine smile that seemed to fill his dark eyes. It was the kind of reaction that made Jay feel both vulnerable and strangely secure at the same time.

"You kind of like it, huh? I'll take that as a win."

Jay paused, his eyes resting on the horizon filled with vibrant water in mesmerising shades of turquoise and emerald. He liked how Sean never made a big deal out of these moments, always making it easier on him. Jay appreciated it, even if he couldn't show it.

Sean leaned closer, his shoulder resting against Jay's and looked at towering cliffs. "Do you like it?"

"Is this why we are here? I thought you wanted to go north."

Initially, Sean chose the Chiang Mai and Pai regions as his destination because it was the kind of trip that fit his tight budget. Railay Beach was a different story. But now, none of that mattered. All he cared about was making Jay smile. Every little detail – the lodge, the flights, even the butter buns he knew Jay craved – was worth it just to see that rare, unguarded moment of happiness.

"Yes," he said straightforwardly.

Jay blinked in disbelief as he realised that Sean planned the whole trip just for him. "Why?"

"You really don't know?" Sean chuckled at his expression, then pulled him towards the café. "Come, let's get your sweet buns."

It sat by the edge of the beach, almost swallowed by the jungle, with simple bamboo tables and woven chairs directly set on white, soft sand. The air was filled with the rich aroma of freshly brewed coffee, mingling with the scent of local dishes and unmistakable sweetness that obviously lured Jay in.

Sean hugged him from behind, resting his chin on Jay's shoulder as they looked at a small chalkboard. "Do you want khao tom with all the sweets you plan to get?"

"Oh? Aren't you going to eat all these buns?" he pointed at the display. "I was sure you were dying to have them."

"As your loving boyfriend, I wouldn't rob you of something you like so much," Sean responded, kissing his jaw. "Do you want one of each flavour?"

Under the swaying palm trees on the soft sand, their table was covered with vibrant dishes, each inviting aroma blending into a perfect tropical morning setting. A steaming bowl of khao tom, the fragrant rice soup glistened with the plump prawns delicately seasoned with herbs. Kai jeow, a golden and slightly crispy omelette Sean ordered, stuffed with tender vegetables and a hint of savoury fish sauce.

At the centre was a plate with a collection of soft and fluffy butter buns filled with sweet coconut, rich pandan cream and chocolate, including one Jay probably looked forward to the most – strawberries and cream. To complete their breakfast spread, a small dish of fresh papaya salad with its spicy, tangy notes brightened the table. A fragrant cup of Thai iced coffee mellowed by creamy milk sat beside Jay's delicate green tea, with its earthy aroma offering a soothing contrast.

Sean leaned in, brushing a speck of powdered sugar from the corner of Jay's lips. "You know, the most surprising thing about you is how much you like sweets. You always look so serious, maybe a bit nonchalant, I never would have guessed," he teased, his gaze drifting over Jay's slender form. "Not to mention... where does it even go?"

Jay shrugged lightly. "Dunno, sex burns a lot of calories."

"You can't say things like that in public," Sean groaned, taking a long sip of his iced coffee. "It makes me want to do things to you that are definitely not allowed out here."

Jay smiled mischievously, his eyes full of dangerous sparks. "It's only not allowed when you get caught."

"You are playing with fire."

"Am I?"

Sean shook his head with amusement and kissed him. It was sweet with a lingering strawberry flavour. "Maybe instead of going kayaking to look for cliffs to climb, I should drag you to bed... or anywhere else suitable."

Jay's eyebrow quirked teasingly. "Why not combine the two?"

"Do you think it's possible if we go for sit-on-kayak?"

He ate a spoonful of rice soup, enjoying the delicate flavour of prawns and a hint of galangal and fragrant lemongrass while letting Sean's question linger. "There is no harm in trying, isn't it?"

Sean nodded with a playful smile, brushing off hair strands from Jay's face. Despite doing their best to keep them in check, some strands would always escape the mini ponytail, giving him a bit more laidback appearance. One that matched the playful side of Jay's personality, which Sean got to experience in private. It was another thing about Jay he loved... all these different sides that never ceased to surprise him.

The turquoise waters shimmered in the midday sun, reflecting the dramatic limestone cliffs. Their jagged edges contrasted against the softness of the clear sky, where only a few clouds drifted lazily. A gentle breeze rippled across the sea, creating a soothing rhythm as it moved toward the distant shore. Hidden coves and caves dotted the coastline, waiting to be explored, while the tranquil sea stretched endlessly ahead.

The sit-on-kayak glided effortlessly over the crystal-clear water as Sean paddled at a relaxed pace. Jay sat behind him, arms casually wrapped around Sean's waist, his chin resting on Sean's shoulder. Every so often, Jay would leave a series of sensual kisses along Sean's neck as if testing his patience. On occasion, when Jay's fingertips brushed over sensitive skin below Sean's waistline, the kayak wobbled dangerously, nearly landing them in the water.

"What kind of cliffs do you usually go for?"

Jay's eyes swept over the cliffs around them, assessing their jagged surfaces. "For deep water soloing? I like something that starts easy but gets intense fast. Overhangs are ideal, especially with many sharp angles with thin holds, the kind that forces you to commit or fall."

He liked seeing him so excited and carefree, even if it sounded like Jay had a death wish. "How high do you usually climb?"

"130 feet, sometimes push it to 150 if the cliff's right for it," Jay said, still searching for a good spot. "And when I'm really in the mood... even higher."

Sean blinked, doing the mental math. "That's, what, 45 metres? Seriously?"

"Yes, it's just enough to feel alive."

"You mean just enough to die?" Sean deadpanned.

Jay shook his head. "It's fun... after all, the sea is more forgiving than rocks."

He wasn't sure if he would ever find falling off the cliff to his doom fun, but he wouldn't ruin the experience for Jay. "How did you get into it?"

"When we were seventeen, we went to Mallorca during summer. During the hike, I saw people do deep water soloing for the first time. No ropes, just you and the rock, with the sea below. It looked... freeing," Jay paused with a slight smile. "I climbed a few cliffs, and that was it. Hooked. After that, the higher I went, the more addictive it became."

Sean couldn't help but smile as he listened to the excitement in Jay's voice. It was similar to the one when he talked about his work but more authentic. And then it struck him. Jay sounded genuinely happy.

"What do you like the most about it? The challenge or risk?"

Jay shook his head, his hair brushing over Sean's ear. "The freefall."

"I didn't see it coming," Sean responded, surprised. "Why?"

He fell silent for a while, wondering how he could respond without explaining what was at the core of his reasons. His grip on Sean's waist tightened slightly, a subtle shift that signalled a growing trust, where rather than withdrawing, he leaned into Sean for comfort. Though there were countless things he couldn't articulate, perhaps even those he might never share, this time it felt easier... maybe because Sean couldn't directly see him.

"Freedom," he said finally. "The moment you let go and drop into the water is incredibly liberating. No pressure or expectations. And, of course, the contrast between adrenaline rush and the calmness that settles over me... even if it's just for a few seconds."

Sean stopped paddling and leaned against him as if saying: I'm here. He was aware that none of this came easily to him, and the idea that Jay was trying instead of brushing him off instantly made him foolishly happy.

"I apologise if it will come across wrong," he started, resuming his unhurried rowing. "But it sounds like a rebellion against your calligraphy tattoo... which, ironically, came in later."

"It does, doesn't it?"

Hearing his playful tone, Sean took it as an invitation to probe further. "What about the mountain one? How does it fit into it?"

"This one is about resilience and overcoming challenges," he said after a brief hesitation. "The mountain has a sense of stability, yet its atmosphere is forever changing... just like some things in life. While the reflection is... well, it's just a reminder to check in with myself sometimes."

Even though Jay couldn't see it, Sean smiled gently. It meant the world to him that Jay was trying to be more open despite his evident discomfort. Yet, it felt very bittersweet because soon they would be thousands of miles apart. He pushed the thought aside. This weekend was supposed to be about them in the present moment without clouding it with impending separation.

"It's fitting... it seems to reflect the way you balance strength with... uncertainty," Sean said softly. "It's like this tattoo captures a part of you that's always trying to keep things steady, even when everything around you is shifting."

"I guess that's the point, but I'm not sure... I'm doing a good job at it," Jay murmured, his breath warm against Sean's skin. There was a vulnerability in his words, but in an instant, it was gone as his voice turned light and playful yet again. "Though you know, I could get the same balance by sitting here while you do all the rowing."

Sean's eyes widened as the hidden meaning behind Jay's words sank in. It was more than just a joke. It felt like Jay was hinting that he could find balance by leaning on him, even if just a little. Sean knew it was just an idea for now, that Jay wasn't quite ready to let go, but it was no longer an unattainable dream.

They eventually paddled towards a towering limestone cliff. Its face raised sharply from the deep turquoise water with no trace of sand or shore, only the dark shadows beneath hinting at the depth below. The stillness of the sea mirrored the imposing rock, creating a perfect backdrop for the climb. Jay's gaze lingered on the surface, evaluating the height and fall zone. Finally, he smiled. It was precisely the kind of challenge he had been looking for.

With the kayak securely tied to a small rock jutting out near the base of the cliff, Jay began his ascent while Sean hung back, watching his first approach. From his vantage point, he could see the subtle shift in Jay's expression. It was genuinely carefree, something Sean hadn't seen before. But it was his eyes that captivated him the most. They sparkled with quiet excitement and boundless passion.

At that moment, Sean understood why Jay loved this so much. Despite coming from an affluent background that could offer him anything, Jay had never had the luxury of choice. His future had always been mapped out for him, just another family expectation to meet. People looked at him and only saw Margaret's son, assuming he would follow her exact footsteps. It was as if Jay, as a person, with his own needs and wants, didn't matter.

But here, clinging to the side of a cliff, Jay was free from all of this. There were no expectations, no family obligations. Up there, he wasn't bound by anything except the next move, the next hold. He was just... himself.

And Sean wanted to see him like this forever – untamed and happy. The smile he could still see, even from a distance, was the one he had been trying to bring back for so long... genuine and unguarded.

As Sean watched Jay climb farther away, a realisation struck him. He wanted to be the one person in Jay's life who imposed no expectations, someone who gave him the freedom to just be. He knew how much Jay loved his job and how hard he was working for the dream he was allowed to have despite all the restrictions. If moving to London would make things easier for Jay, Sean would do it without hesitation. He still didn't know if he would accept Margaret's offer or find a different way, but one thing was sure: he wanted to be wherever Jay was.

Suddenly, Sean's eyes widened in pure terror as Jay simply let go of the cliff. He knew this was part of the thrill, part of the reason Jay loved deep water soloing, but watching him release his grip from such a height stopped Sean's heart. In that split second, a realisation hit him with crushing force—he could lose Jay so easily. The thought terrified him more than anything, and the sound of Jay's body hitting the water made it worse, leaving him absolutely paralysed with fear.

Jay resurfaced, calm and unfazed, resting his arms on the edge of the kayak. Water dripped from his hair, glistening in the sun as it trailed over his skin, catching the light in shimmering beads. His breathing was steady as if he hadn't just plunged from a terrifying height. In contrast to Sean, Jay seemed at peace and alive in the rush, his body practically glowing with the exhilaration of the fall.

"See, fun?" he said, looking at Sean's pale face with amusement.

Sean slowly turned his head to face him, momentarily pushing aside how mesmerising Jay looked in that moment. "Are you sure you aren't suicidal?"

Jay laughed and pulled himself onto the kayak. "You do realise the idea behind it is to not die, right?"

"Laugh all you want," Sean murmured, burying his face in the crook of Jay's neck, inhaling the familiar scent of cedarwood and cypress. "But you have no idea how terrifying it is to watch you let go like that... yet, it's impossible to look away because you look so incredibly happy and free. I'm glad I got to see it... but can you let me stay like this for a while?" he asked, hugging him tightly.

"Of course," Jay said softly, pushing his own discomfort aside and relaxing into his embrace. "Anything you need."

These few words meant more to him than Jay could possibly imagine. Sean lifted his head and captured Jay's lips in a slow, tender kiss with growing intensity. Jay responded instinctively, his hand resting on the back of Sean's neck, pulling him closer as if the space between them could no longer exist.

Time seemed to dissolve around them, the gentle lapping of water beneath the kayak fading into the background. Jay leaned into Sean with a soft sigh, their bodies instinctively shifting as they found a comfortable rhythm together. The intimacy felt raw and electric... passion that melted the world around them into a haze.