24/08/19

—

Nigel pursed his lips at the sight of the long dash his pen had created in the process of stalling with the blank journal page for so long. Anyway, this was nothing new. He didn't know what yet to chalk it up to but he'd been unable to write down anything proper many a day for the past couple of weeks. He took a short glance at the dash again before tossing the pen away and flipping so he was on his back.

It'd been like that. For the past couple of pages, all that marked the yellowed pages were the dates he'd written down. Past that, he couldn't seem to get anything else out. Feeling around his head, he picked up his cell phone, scrolling near bottom and clicking on the number before his nerves could talk him out of it.

It rang long and he'd just about put the thought of calling her aside—he wasn't really sure he wanted to hear her opinion of him going MIA anyway— when the line connected. There was silence spanning many seconds, one he didn't even know how to go about breaking.

"You haven't fallen off the face of the earth after all," Riele began, tone quite flippant. "To think I'd actually get a call from yours truly. To what exactly do I owe this pleasure?"

"Just thought I'd see how my favorite therapist was doing," Nigel felt his lip tilt up slightly at her sarcastic tone. He could just imagine her rolling her eyes. "Sorry I haven't been coming for my sessions."

"Did something happen back there?" she asked.

"Everything's—" he paused at the slight pang that shot through his abdomen as though to remind him how he'd broken apart just a few hours ago. "—not okay."

"Want to talk about it?"

Did he? Maybe. Maybe not. "I don't know," he ended up mumbling, eyes finding the plain ceiling and staying there. Anyway, she was the only one he knew who'd outrightly curse his parents out for hurting him. Alfie and Aries hated how he was treated like it was their pain but would never say anything bad about them since they weren't sure where that'd leave him.

"She was being really warm," he related, remembering her gentle touch to his arm. "She made brownies. They were really good." His lips trembled then and he didn't say a word more, shutting his eyes against the tingling he felt in them.

You're back.

Have a taste. What do you think?

Have more then.

Grateful for the silence she didn't interrupt, he bit hard into his lower lip before flinging his hand over his eyes. "Anyway, it was nothing," he said. "She was back to normal by this morning."

"Nigel," Riele sighed. "There's nothing normal about how they treat you. There couldn't possibly be any logical reason for it either. I know you hope and really, really wish they'd see you but there's no end to this. Your parents are mental. And there's no changing that."

Nigel didn't have anything to say to that. It was the same conclusion he'd come to even after replaying his whole life over and over again in his mind. His family life wasn't normal. There was no logical explanation his parents could have to back up their attitudes.

And still he hoped. Hoped that he'd done something that made them closed off. Something, anything. Because if he had, then he could at least remedy it. Apologize, persuade, grovel. But since he had no clue, then he didn't know where to start.

"I know I've said this a lot," Riele was still speaking. "But maybe you should actually get to considering moving out. I don't know, your friend's parents treat you as one of their own, no?"

"I can think about it," he muttered distractedly. Should he ask them? If they hated him or something? Then again, his mom didn't act like she did. She tolerated him, at the very least, even if it was smiling that practiced smile and managing to return a greeting or two.

His dad couldn't be bothered pretending with him. He could count on one hand the number of times his dad had indulged conversation with him and even that was only during the short week of normalcy following which he'd been brought back from the orphanage. After that week, their attitudes had gone to shit and he wasn't even sure where that left him.

Plus, he was somewhat scared to even hear the reason. His heart was nearly beating out of his chest at just the thought of hearing what the matter was with him. Anyway, no. Asking was out of the question for now. He'd like to delude himself just a little bit longer.

"Nigel," Riele's voice had the thoughts vanishing in a puff of smoke and he tried to bring his mind back to the conversation at hand. "You can take your time to think about it. I know you love them regardless but I am worried about your health."

Nigel couldn't help arching a brow at that. "I'm healthy though," he said.

"Your mental health," she clarified. "Anyway, enough of them. They leave a bad taste in my mouth."

He couldn't help chuckling at that.

"How are the little seedlings?" she asked.

"Alive," he said, turning on his stomach to stare for a minute at the green plants swaying lightly in the breeze from his half open window. "Little stunted but alive."

He turned back with a slight frown at the gentle knocking from his door. He'd been somewhat relieved at Saxon actually leaving him alone long enough to sort through his own emotions, something he hadn't wanted to do in anyone's presence. He'd even been thankful at his ability to finally take a hint. For once! Nigel took it back now.

"Do you need to go?" she wondered at the persistent thuds.

He ignored the knocking and approached the brown ceramic pots, his fingers toying with the light green leaves. "Isn't your birthday coming up?" he smiled. "Maybe I'll gift you a pot."

"So I'll what?" she snorted, tone much lighter. "Boil the leaves and drink?"

Nigel could just imagine her lip twitching, brows furrowing when his door swung open. "Can I call you back?" he asked at the sight of the redhead sliding on his extra pair of bedroom slippers and coming to make himself comfortable in his bed with the hamper he was carrying.

"Don't bother," she waved him off. "Just keep your appointment on Thursday."

Nigel chuckled but still promised her before releasing her to her work. "Why aren't you in school?" he asked after a quick glance at the digital clock on his side table that read a little past noon, stretching out beside his friend and rifling through the hamper.

"You're asking me," Aries commented lightly and was only spared a glance as Nigel finished an orange souffle in two bites and tore into a packet of cookies. "You certainly know how to help yourself."

Nigel ignored him, stuffing chocolate chip cookies in his mouth. Should he still be prudent and cautious for something brought specifically for him? "What happened to your forehead?" he asked when he freed his mouth long enough.

"I didn't come here for myself," Aries said and when all he earned was a pointed look, he let his shoulders slump. "It's nothing. I walked into my door."

"Such a big bump?" Nigel stared at the red swelling on his forehead. "Why don't you use my door to show me a replay?"

"Get lost," Aries muttered sulkily before grabbing a bar of milk chocolate from the snack hamper he'd brought to cheer up his friend and settling more so he was seated half-upright against the headboard, legs dangling out.

Nigel shot another look at the chocolate between his mouth before taking the rest of the snacks out of his reach.

"I'm fine. Really," he reassured. "What really happened to you though? Saxon sounded. . . out of it."

"He called you?"

"Lighten up, he was just worried," Aries said. "So?"

"You were right," Nigel kept his gaze on the packet of cookies he was munching on. "I did hope they'd turn around to how they once were." That one week of normalcy. One he'd never let himself forget despite the many other gaps in his memories.

"And?" Aries pressed when he remained silent.

"I was right," he responded with a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "It's a lost cause."

"Then you truly—"

"No," Nigel shook his head, unable to help himself. "That never stopped you. It never stopped me from hoping either." He was the only one who'd end up hurt in the end. He and Aries both with their inexplicable trust. But who asked them to be his parents.

Aries didn't say a word more and just ate snacks with his friend in comforting silence, the few he'd be allowed to pilfer anyway. "I should get going," he said when five started to roll around. "I don't want your mom to meet me."

"You can stay the night," Nigel's gaze found the swollen skin of his forehead but he said nothing of it again. He didn't really need to. Plus, it wasn't like his mom ever came by his room.

"It's fine," he said. "I also want to drop by Alfie's. He wasn't around either and he wasn't answering even texts. I'll stay over at his if you're so worried."

"Who's worried about you?" Nigel scowled, especially after seeing his grubby hands swiping a couple crackers while he headed for the door.

"Sure, sure," Aries laughed from outside. "I'll see you later."

Nigel snorted and ignored him but didn't stop the slight smile on his face. He stayed like that for another couple minutes before grabbing a Dr. Pepper from the hamper and getting out. "You're really something," he commented on reaching the kitchen and seeing of his friend accepting a brown paper bag that was no doubt filled with food.

Aries flushed red to the tip of his ears. "Yeah, if you say so," he started for the back door then, darting a parting wave at Saxon. "Thanks for the food, Sax. Nice talk."

Saxon smiled slightly before glancing at his twin who had made himself comfortable against the wall near the door, happily drinking out of his can. "I made sandwiches. Ham," his lip pursed uneasily when Nigel just stared at him. "If you want it?"

"Sure," Nigel said, setting his drink down on the island. "So, you called Aries?"

Saxon felt his shoulders tighten the slightest. He went through many replies in his head before settling on, "I didn't think you'd want to talk much with me in any case."

"Darn right I didn't," Nigel commented without inflection, picking his soda once more to drain it before shooting a long toss into the trash basket at the opposite end of the kitchen.

Saxon walked over with the small plate of about six to seven triangular sandwiches. "I just wanted to help," his lip pursed again as he tried and failed to see how he felt about that. "What's your problem?" Actually, he knew very well what it was. He didn't want his help, much less anything to do with him.

"I'm not mad," Nigel arched a brow, lip quirking slightly as he watched his twin's face get dyed a bright shade of red. "Thank you."

Saxon hadn't been expecting that of all things so just brushed past him to reclaim his seat in the living room, flipping through his coursework like he'd been doing prior to Aries' arrival.

Nigel trailed behind him, now with a can of iced cola as he picked up the tv remote and started flicking through channels.

Saxon glanced up when dead weight settled across his knees. He glanced at the legs that had been carelessly propped on him then at his twin who was laying sideways as he settled on a particular variety programme, returning the glance back on feeling his gaze on him.

"Watch with me?" he asked with a smile.

Saxon didn't respond, returning his attention to the book in his hand. He glanced up at the spike in volume only to see his twin watching him with a grin. "Back to being your usual inconsiderate nuisance of a person, I see," he snorted.

"I try," he said, smiling wider when Saxon kept the book aside to focus on the tv too, taking the last sandwich and pointedly ignoring his twin pushing lower so more of his legs were stretching lazily over his thighs. "Don't I?"

"At being a nuisance?" Saxon asked, amused.

Nigel only rolled his eyes but didn't look at him again though a soft smile hung on his lips.

Saxon smiled too and turned back to the variety programme.

So long as he was happy.