ISAIAH

For someone who has spent more than a decade in survival mode like I have, never slowing down or taking a break, a week in the hospital feels like a death sentence. I'm going stir crazy just sitting here missing out on school, work and volunteering. I miss my friends, my family and even though they visit a lot, it's still not the same. Not to mention the pitiful looks they all keep giving me coupled with the sympathetic words that keep me rubbing off all wrong. Yes, I was in a car accident but I lived so their behavior like I'm on my deathbed is uncalled for.

Here comes another one. I think to myself when I hear the doors to my hospital room slide open. I stay still waiting to hear who has come to pile onto the already somber mood that I am in.

"Iz." The melodic voice of my girl calls out making me smile.

Now there's one person I don't mind coming to visit.

"In the bathroom, I'll be out in a minute." I reply.

I finish up and get off the toilet seat wincing when I feel a sharp pain in my head.

As I'm washing my hands I catch a glimpse of my reflection on the mirror and it makes sense why people keep looking at me the way they are. I look horrible and the gauze around my head from where I had brain surgery isn't flattering either. My dark skin is hiding most of my bruises but they are there and I am feeling each and every one of them.

Unable to stand the sight of my sorry self any longer, I adjust my hospital gown before limping out of the bathroom dragging my IV stand with me. Kennedy is standing in the middle of the room waiting for me looking as beautiful as ever.

"Berry."

She perks up and bridges the gap between us. "Hi baby."

That pet name will never stop getting to me, making me feel all warm inside. My free arm goes around her waist and pulls her close. She loops her hands around my neck and stands on her tiptoes to kiss me. I kiss her back, having missed her all day long.

"Should you be walking around on your own?" She asks when we pull apart.

"Please don't start." I groan.

"Sorry." She giggles.

She knows how I get when people start fussing over me, especially her.

"I missed you, how was school today?" I inquire.

I never thought I would miss school until I've had to spend a week in bed while my friends go on about their daily lives without me.

"Boring without you there." She replies caressing my nape.

I haven't washed my hair in a week so it's all tangled and messy. Not to mention I have a bald spot since they had to shave part of my hair for the surgery. Kennedy is still obsessed with it though so I have that going for me.

"I know you're just saying that to make me feel better." I groan.

"No I'm not, it's just not the same without my favorite person." She confesses managing to make me smile.

"Likewise, I seriously need to get out of here. I am so bored, I'm about to start eating my own hair." I lament.

I've never been one to sit around so this whole week has been torture for me. Parker had me put in a private room as soon as I left the ICU, it's the most comfortable I could be given I am in a hospital but it still sucks. All I want to do is leave and go back to my normal life but the doctors keep turning down my request to be discharged. It doesn't seem fair to me because I feel fine, even with all the bumps and bruises which I am managing perfectly if you ask me.

"Iz you just had brain surgery and the doctors don't think you're ready to go home just yet." Kennedy reminds me.

"But..."

"But nothing. I miss you but I agree with them and the fact that they still don't know what made you sick is more worrying." She reasons.

She's right, the only reason I am still here even though I am feeling better is because they are still running tests to determine what made me sick in the first place. I don't have cancer, any tumors or any of the commonly known diseases or even the rare ones. The doctors are stumped but my parents are demanding answers and won't let me leave here until they get some.

"I know, I'm sorry. It's just weird for me to be laid up like this." I admit.

"I understand but it's for your own good." Kennedy consoles.

"If you love me you will help me break out." I whisper to Kennedy.

She laughs and pinches my cheek as if scolding a child. "It's a hospital not prison."

"For me it might as well be."

She rolls her eyes at me and walks over to the bed pulling the covers back. "Just get back in bed."

"Only if you join me." I tease.

Her eyes widen. "Isaiah!" She exclaims scoldingly.

"Will you?"

"No, now get in bed." She demands.

"Can't blame me for trying." I shrug.

"Bed! Now!"

"So bossy, I like it."

She gives me one long hard stare that has me getting in the bed without another word. She sets the pillows up for me and covers me with the blanket being the ever dotting girlfriend.

Kennedy has been by my side the whole time only leaving for the day because she has school. The fact that she is still so dedicated to me after I almost killed her and Cairo is humbling. She hasn't worn her hair up all week to hide the butterfly stitches on her forehead but I can still see the white strips peeking out from under the contrast of her red curls.

Cairo was unharmed but I still can't stop feeling guilty no matter how many times I am reassured that I was not at fault.

How is it not my fault if I was the one behind the wheel?

"You're doing it again." Kennedy's scolding tone cuts through my thoughts.

"Doing what?" I mumble trying to play coy.

She gives me a look, lifting her eyebrow at me letting me know that she is aware of what I'm trying to do. I sigh heavily and lean my head back onto the pillows.

"I can't help it." I confess.

She takes my hands in hers and intertwines our fingers. "You need to move on, he doctor said stressing over it is not good for you. Plus, it doesn't change the outcome, what's done is done."

"I know." I mumble.

She is right, they all are but my brain is still having a hard time wrapping itself around the whole ordeal. Maybe if I hadn't downplayed my dizzy spell during my morning run none of this would have happened. But it was my only symptom so how could I not have ignored it.

"Do me a favor?" I request Kennedy needing a distraction from my dark thoughts.

"Anything."

"Take out your drawing book."

"You want me to draw you?"

I nod. "Mmh, I love watching you work."

She smiles and nods. "Okay."

She reaches for her bag and retrieves her drawing book. After kicking off her shoes she sits cross legged at the foot of my bed facing me. She pins her hair out of her face with a couple of pencils exposing her injury and I have to fist my sheets so as to reign in my emotions.

Not the time Isaiah, not the time.

"Ready?" She asks me.

"Yes but let's keeps the bumps and bruises away okay." I request her.

"Are you the artist or am I?" She challenges.

I lift my hands in surrender. "I am at your mercy."

She smiles, opens a fresh page on her drawing book and gets to work. Watching her draw is as therapeutic as it's always been. It's something I can do for hours and this evening it helps me escape my daunting thoughts.

Kennedy and I manage to spend one uninterrupted hour alone before my mom joins us. Parker and Cairo usually tag along but today I am surprised to see that she is alone.

"Good evening you two." She greets kissing my cheek.

"Hi mom." I answer but Kennedy is so in the zone that all she manages is a quick nod.

Mom would be offended by this but she has lived with Kennedy for a month plus. That is long enough for her to understand how she gets when she is in her creative space.

"Where is Parker and Oak?" I ask her.

"They chose to stay home tonight but the doctor says she has some good news for us." She adds when she sees the frown on my face.

My ears perk up at this. "I'm leaving?"

"I think so but let's wait until we hear what she has to say before we jump into conclusions." Mom adds.

"Okay." I nod but the excitement is evident in my voice.

"Wow, that looks amazing Kennedy." Mom comments peering to see her drawing.

"You think so."

"I do." Mom nods.

"Can I see?" I ask sitting up.

I reach for her drawing book but she moves it out of my reach. "No, it's not done yet."

"But you let mom see." I pout.

She ignores me and keeps drawing ignoring my request to see what she is working on. Before I can beg some more, Dr. Arthur, who is in charge of my case joins us.

"Good evening everyone, how's my favorite patient doing?' She asks with a warm smile.

"Ready to get out of here so please tell me those are discharge forms?" I implore her.

"Actually yes they are." She answers.

"No way!" I yelp happily nearly knocking Kennedy off the bed. "Sorry Berry."

"It's okay. He's getting discharged?" She asks putting her drawing book away.

"Yes." Dr. Arthur nods.

"If you are discharging him, that means you figured out what was wrong with him." Mom inquires.

Dr. Arthur shakes her head. "We could find no obvious issue with him."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Kennedy inquires speaking for all of us.

"We tested you for everything we could think of and all tests were negative." She replies.

We all look at each other with more confusion because none of what she is saying is making any sense. My symptoms were real otherwise I would not have crashed my car into a fire hydrant and endangered people I love.

"So what caused the accident, the dizzy spells and the nosebleed?" Mom asks.

"He did." Dr. Arthur says looking at me.

"I did this to myself?"

"Yes."

"How?"

"I have been talking to your family and friends and it seems you're quite the overachiever. Basketball captain, top grades, nothing below an A, volunteering, two jobs." She comments reading through one of the documents in her hand.

"Yeah, so?"

"Let me put it this way, you pushed your body too far for so long that you ran out of fuel. This means you have been running on fumes for years, eventually those burnt out as well that's why your body crashed leading to the car accident." She explains.

"So his body was so exhausted it shut down?" Kennedy asks.

"Yes." Dr. Arthur nods.

Surprisingly enough her words make sense to me because my friends and family have been warning me about this for years. Mom looks at me with an I told you so look.

"So what is the solution?" Mom inquires.

"You need to slow down and take time to heal. Give your body the rest its desperately craving." Dr. Arthur advises.

"That's all?" Kennedy questions seeming skeptical that the answer is so simple.

"Yes, lots of rest. You need to start acting your age so you need to quit at least one of your jobs, take a break from basketball for a while and work on sleeping more hours, no less than eight a night." She demands.

"That's double what I usually sleep." I exclaim.

"Exactly, I am surprised you lasted this long. You need to take better care of yourself otherwise the next time you won't be so lucky." She explains.

Dr. Arthur might as well have handed me a death sentence because she is taking away half my life from me. The look my mom is giving me is enough to let me know that this time I won't be getting away with my poor excuses.

At least basketball season is over so there won't be anything to miss there until I join college. As for work, well I will have to decide which one I will be dropping but looking at Kennedy, that will not be a hard choice. I will miss Gary but I love working at Frosty Dream so much more.

"Thank you doctor; I will make sure he adheres to all that." Mom assures her.

"My pleasure and please make sure that he does. I'll have one of the nurses come help you. I hope to never see you again young man." Dr. Arthur says looking at me.

"I hope so too, thank you." I reply.

Dr. Arthur and my mom leave so she can take care of my discharge forms. Kennedy and I are alone once more and she is looking at me with a look I cannot decipher.

"What?"

"Will you actually listen to the doctor this time?" She asks me.

"Do I have a choice?" I grumble.

"You always have a choice. You need to choose this, you need to get better because I cannot..." She trails off her voice getting all choked up. "I cannot go through this again Iz. I just can't." She cries tears trailing down her cheeks.

"Hey, c'mere." I whisper holding my arms open to her.

She crawls onto my lap and breaks down in my arms, her tears soaking my hospital gown. I know this accident has been hard on all my friends and family but especially for Kennedy who was at the forefront of it all. She saw what happened to me before the accident and that must have been scary for her.

We still haven't talked about it all but I hate myself for putting her through this. I know it will be hard but I never want to be the reason she cries like this again. So no matter how hard it may be I will do it, I will get better, for her, for me, for my family and friends. I cannot put them through an ordeal like this one again.

"I'll get better. I promise." I assure her holding her close.

"I know you will." She hiccups.

I pull her face away from my neck, clean her tears and kiss her rosy cheeks. "I love you."

"I love you too."

She falls back into my arms and only leaves when the nurse comes to take out my IV and help me get ready to go back home. It takes an hour for everything to get sorted but compared to how long I have been here that time flies by.

"Ready?" Kennedy asks me standing behind me holding the handles to the wheelchair.

I don't see the need for a wheelchair since I can walk on my own but the hospital demands it and the two ladies I am with are all about following the rules.

"You have no idea." I reply holding my bag on my lap.

"Let's get out of here." She says kissing my temple.

"Yes please."

My mom walks right by my side as Kennedy pushes the wheelchair. Leaving the hospital feels like true liberation and after a week in there I will make sure that I do everything in my power to stay out of said place.

On the way home Kennedy and I ride in the back while mom is up front next to her driver with her security detail in a car behind us. Kennedy is cuddled to my side drawing invisible patterns on my hands with the tips of her fingers.

I am lucky to have survived the accident and now that I've been given a second chance at life, I will make sure not to waste it.

"Home sweet home." Mom announces opening the car door for me as soon as we arrive.

"Thanks mom." I reply as Kennedy and I exit the car hand in hand.

We walk up the steps up to the house and she gets the door for me stepping aside to let me walk in first.

"Surprise!!!" Wesley, Baron, Kristie, Parker and Cairo yell as soon as I walk into the house.

My eyes widen as I gasp turning back to look at mom who is smiling at me. Kennedy looks surprised too meaning she had no idea about this plan. Seeing all of them smiling at me standing under a Welcome Home banner explains why they were not at the hospital in the first place.

"Awe you guys, you didn't have to." I say stepping forward to hug them.

"Yes we did." Wesley replies.

"Welcome back home." Parker invites hugging me.

"Thanks dad."

I pick Cairo up and earn myself a scolding look from everyone but I do not care, I'd missed my little monster.

"Is dinner ready?" Mom asks Parker handing my bag to one of the maids.

"Yes everything is set up in the dining room, right this way." Parker replies leading the way to the dining room where a feast has been prepared.

"We knew you wouldn't like a party so we settled for a family and friends dinner." Mom explains.

Just like the one I missed when we won the champions because I was too busy dying.

Do not go there Isaiah, wrong time, wrong place.

"Thanks mom."

"You're welcome. Everybody sit, let's eat."

"The magical words I always long to hear. Thanks Mrs. C." Wesley replies and immediately starts filling up his plate.

We are all used to his shenanigans so we let him be.

"So what did the doctor say is wrong with you?" Kristie asks me.

Before I can answer mom steps in and tells them all that the doctor said.

"Don't you dare say I told you so." I say turning to Baron once she is done.

Baron has been warning me that pushing myself too hard will come to bite me in the ass one day and it finally did. He is going to make a kickass doctor one day.

"I wasn't going to, I'm just glad to have you back." He answers.

"Thanks."

Dinner is amazing and I am so glad to be back home with everyone. My friends stay for a couple of hours but they have to leave when they all notice that I am struggling to stay awake. We all plan to hang out tomorrow though since it's the weekend and I won't be working or at practice.

"Thanks for coming guys, see you tomorrow." I say to them as we say goodbye at the door.

"Take it easy now, take care of him princess." Wesley replies.

"I will." She promises him.

Once they all leave I turn to Kennedy. "Spend the night?"

She's been staying with Astrid ever since the accident but I need her tonight.

"You didn't even have to ask." She replies making me smile.

We walk back inside and after saying goodnight to the family we head up to my room. As soon as we walk in, Ruby is all over me. I haven't seen her in a week so I have definitely missed her a lot. I give her some much needed attention as Kennedy takes her time in the bathroom getting ready for bed. Once she's had her fill for me, she retires to her dog bed so that it's now my turn to get changed. After I am done I join Kennedy in bed.

"I just texted Astrid that I won't be home tonight but she told me that she already knew." Kennedy says putting her phone away.

"Typical Astrid, what about your parents?" I ask her.

"It's still weird and I'm still not ready to move back home but we are getting there." She replies.

"Good, I'm glad."

She snuggles into my side holding onto me tighter than usual.

"Hey, what's wrong?" I ask when she goes all silent on me.

"When the doctor said that you did this to yourself for a moment I thought she meant that you tried to self-harm." She explains looking up at me.

Given that she knows my history I do not blame her for thinking that. "I wasn't; I would never do that to you or mom." I reply.

"I know but still I was so scared. In a way you have been self-sabotaging just not intentionally. Can you tell me more about why you are the way you are? I want to understand why you feel the need to push yourself so hard." She requests.

I hate talking about my past and Kennedy knows this but since working with a therapist didn't work maybe this will. I've talked to her about my past before but I've never gone into detail.

"I don't know where to start." I mumble.

"Start with this." She says running her thumb over my wrist where my semicolon tattoo is.

"Okay." I sigh heavily.

We readjust ourselves on the bed so that we are lying facing each other. I take a deep breath and open that heavily bolted door that I hate so I can let Kennedy in with me.

"After Caleb was arrested for his crimes against mom and I, life didn't become perfect for us overnight. The trauma he left behind was overpowering and one day it became too much for me. Mom came home one day after work to find me unconscious on the bathroom floor. I'd taken some pills I'd found in our medicine cabinet in an attempt to make the pain stop. She called 911 and I was taken to the hospital. My stomach was pumped but I'd taken too many pills and was in the ICU for two weeks. The doctors didn't know if I'd make it but mom stayed by my side the whole time refusing to let me go. Eventually I came to and got better.

The look on mom's face when I woke up in that hospital room will haunt me forever. She looked so sad, hurt and guilty. She blamed herself for me trying to kill myself. I never wanted to see that look on her face again so when she suggested I see a therapist I didn't fight her on it. Therapy worked but only for a while. Mom was still worried and always fussing over me which was ruining her life. That was the day I decided to embrace the Isaiah that everyone sees today. The happy, outgoing persona is to keep mom from worrying about me all the time and my friends as well. I work all the time and push myself hard because I am afraid that if I stop my demons will catch up to me and this time they will win. I can't do that to my family and friends so I do what I can in hopes that I can fake it long enough for it to become my reality."

After my long rant it feels like a weight has been lifted off my back and I open my eyes to see Kennedy crying. My wet pillow lets me know that I am crying as well.

I'm already talking so I continue. "I got so used to faking being happy all the time that at some point I forgot what being truly happy meant anymore. No one saw me for who I truly was and it was so lonely but I couldn't let anyone see that side of me. It was my burden to carry, my demons. That's until I met you." I pause to cup her face. "My Berry, my ray of sunshine, my happy place. With you I can be myself, you make me truly and genuinely happy. You heal parts of me that you didn't break and everyday is worth living as long are you are in it. I love you so much."

Kennedy leans in and kisses me, salty tears and all. "I love you too and I am so glad you fought your demons and I got to know you. I will always be here for you because you are my happy place too."

She kisses my wrist and my heart swells with so much lover for her I feel like I am about to burst. The tattoo on my wrist is evidence of darker times but it's also a pivot of the day my life changed. It's a reminder of where I've come from and why I fight every day to stay sane, grounded and happy, well as happy as I can be but I try and that's all that matters. For my family, friends and especially this girl right here by my side. For her I will fight all my demons because they will not rob me of the future I imagine for us.

For my own sake and everyone that I care about I will do my damn best to live and happily. I deserve to be happy and so do they without worrying about me all the time.

Kennedy snuggles to my side and for the first time ever I am able to fall asleep before midnight. I guess my body realizes that we are safe and happy now and that it's time to start changing.