Ashaangi SS Bewitched

Chapter Twenty Three

Sivaangi looked at the time and dusted her bedspread. It was eleven twenty-four at night.

"Yepo dhan 11:45 agum?" Sivaangi huffed as she sat on the bed.

(When will the clock strike 11:45?)

Ever since they came back from the event, Ashwin and Sivaangi didn't had any chance to sit down and talk. Sivaangi didn't want the conversation to be over text or call and Ashwin was too impatient to wait for tomorrow.

So, Sivaangi asked if Ashwin could come to her room once everyone's asleep. He readily agreed, given he was concerned about her. They decided that he will come there around 11:45, making sure Harish is asleep or inside his room.

When the clock finally hit 11:45, Sivaangi pouted when Ashwin didn't show up. But her face lit up when couple of minutes later, she heard a soft knock on her door. She hurried to the door and opened it to see Ashwin standing there with a soft smile.

With her index finger on her lips, Sivaangi gestured Ashwin to be quiet and come inside her room. Chuckling softly, he nodded his head, kept his index finger on his lips and stepped in.

Sivaangi laughed on seeing Ashwin still keeping his index finger on his lips.

"Shoo, podhum. Vaanga, okarunga" Sivaangi sat on the bed.

(Shoo, enough. Come, sit)

Ashwin pulled a chair from the study table and sat facing Sivaangi.

"Yean? Enn pakathula lam okara matingala?" Sivaangi raised an eyebrow at Ashwin.

(Why? Won't you sit next to me?)

"Ma, unn mogatha paathu pesuradhuku inga dhan esava irukum" Ashwin said defensively.

(Ma, If I sit here, it will be easy for me to converse with you)

"Hmmm"

None spoke anything; just kept staring at each other. Ashwin chuckled looking at the floor drawing Sivaangi's attention to him.

"Yean vam?"

(Why so?)

"Naa lam ipdi nadu rathri 12 mani ku oru ponnu room la" Ashwin chuckled as he looked at Sivaangi, "Moonu masam munna yarachum sollirundha sirichurupen"

(Me, in the middle of night, in a girl's room... If someone told me this three month back, I would have laughed)

"Oho" Sivaangi swung her legs as she placed her palms on the bed and looked at Ashwin, "Chair ah koncham pakathula eduthutu varadhu"

(You can pull your chair, closer, you know)

"Vandhuuu" Ashwin dragged smirking at Sivaangi.

(Pull my chair close anddd)

"Ah. Vandhu onum illa. Dhurama irukingale nu sonen" Sivaangi averted her gaze and looked at her hand rested on her thigh.

(Ah, nothing. I just said because you were distant)

Ashwin looked at the distance between them. It was barely five steps. Shaking his head with a chuckle, he pulled the chair closer to Sivaangi and sat down. She looked up at him. He smiled and picked her hand from her thigh making her take a sharp in-take of breath.

"Sivaangi, yenna ma achu? Pesalama?" Ashwin asked softly, his thumb finger rubbing her back palm.

(What happened? Can we talk about it?)

Sivaangi went mum and stared at their joined hands before looking up at Ashwin. The evening event flashed before her eyes and she sighed, entwining her fingers with Ashwin's.

"Ashwin, naa evening nalla padunen ah?" Sivaangi asked in a soft voice.

(Ashwin did I sing well this evening?)

"Naa dhan sonen eh ma. You are truly gifted" Ashwin reassured Sivaangi, squeezing their joined palm.

(I told you right. You are truly gifted)

Sivaangi opened her mouth to speak her heart but closed. She sighed and tried to speak again but her lips shivered. Gulping, she cleared her throat as she tried to place her thoughts into words properly.

Understanding her struggle, Ashwin palmed Sivaangi's hand with his other hand and said, "See, I'm here. You can talk to me about anything"

Sivaangi nodded at Ashwin and took a deep breath.

"Inaiku evening ellaru munnadiyum paadunadhu...Naa eduthadhum paadunen. Ellarukum pidichadhu. Enoda pera kathunanga 'Sivaangi' nu. Idhellam ketu enaku oru mathiri overwhelming ah irundhuchu" Sivaangi smiled and then looked at Ashwin while tightening her grip on his hand, "But what if I have spoken on the stage before singing? Do you think the whole scenario might have been different?"

(When I sang this evening in-front of everyone...I started with singing. Everyone liked it. They screamed by my name, Sivaangi. I was overwhelmed to hear all that...)

Ashwin looked at Sivaangi, a bit taken aback. He tried to read her but she was looking expectantly at him, waiting for an answer.

"Why do you think the scenario might be different?" Ashwin asked in a soft voice. He kind ah get what she was trying to say but he wanted to be sure.

"Enoda voice, Ashwin. Naa paadura apo enn voice la iruka sweetness, neenga sonna andha melodious voice, naa pesura apo irukadhu"

(My voice, Ashwin. The melodious voice you said, the sweetness in my voice when I sing, it won't be there when I speak)

Ashwin didn't want to interrupt Sivaangi's flow of thoughts. He wanted to know why. So, he didn't react much and let her speak her heart.

"Podhuva ponnunga voice na sweet ah irukum nu solluvanga. Movies la kuda heroine voice matum sweet ah, soft spoken ah dhan stereotype panirupanga. Ipo things might be a bit different but growing up with these kind ah stereotypes; I have never felt heard in my voice ever"

(Generally, girls voices are supposed to be sweet. Even in movies, it was a stereotype that a heroine should have a sweet, softspoken voice. Now things might be a bit different but growing up with these kind ah stereotypes; I have never felt heard in my voice ever)

Ashwin felt Sivaangi's grip on his hand tightened as she sighed heavily.

"Enoda voice neraya ponnunga mathiri kedayadhu. Different ah irukum. Screeching? Cringy? Loud? Voice ah vida noise nu solli neraya thadava kalaai vangiruken"

(My voice isn't like most girls. Its different. Screeching? Cringy? Loud? People make fun of me saying my voice is just noise)

Sivaangi chuckled sadly,

"School la irundhu ketutu dhan iruken. Yenna ipdi kiyya miyya nu iruku unnoda voice? Paaduva dhan iva pesuradha kekave mudiyudhu. Paaru, kuttaya indha screech voice ah vachutu suthitu irundha una yarum serious ah eduka Matanga. Ipdi classmates, schoolmates, tuition mates, crushes, even friends – suma, just kidding, fun ku dhan nu per la easy ah enoda voice ah kindal pannuvanga..."

(I have been listening to all these from school. Why is your voice very funny? Her voice is bearable only if she sings. See, with your short height and screechy voice, no one would take you seriously. Like this my classmates, schoolmates, tuitionmates, crushes, even friends – they make fun of my voice but mask it by saying just for fun, just kidding...)

"Naa paaduna keka avlo nalla irukum nu veetla, relatives solluvanga. Friends kuda solluvanga. Aana enoda confidence break aga dhan senjadhu. Paaduradhuku kedaikura appreciation naa pesura apo people ena treat panra vidhathula odanje poeruchu..."

(My family, relatives used to tell me that I sing really well. Even my friends say. But my confidence broke anyway. Whatever appreciation I get for my singing, it broke when people treat me accordingly when they hear me speak...)

"My siblings played a great deal in building that confidence back. From how to dress up to how to carry oneself, from how to handle being bullied to how to stand my ground and own myself, they helped me through. It did help to a greater extent in life. Now...now these bullying, comments don't affect me like before. But still, I hear those voices whenever I try to make an effort to come out of it, not to hide back and own myself..."

Sivaangi sighed.

"Ongaluku oru vishayam theriyuma?" Sivaangi looked at Ashwin with brimmed eyes and a smile, "Anaiku soningale, talented aana singer, andha ponnu voice romba pidikum nu; Sivani"

(You know something? ... You told us the other day, talented singer, that you like her voice a lot; Sivani)

Ashwin gulped as he stared at Sivaangi, anticipating what she's about to say.

"Naa dhan Sivani" Sivaangi confessed, looking at Ashwin who looked shocked,

(I'm Sivani)

"All these insecurities have made me adopt a new personality. How people look at Sivaangi differs when they hear her speak and sing. Sivaangi can sing but Sivaangi can't be a singer. The world will only make fun of someone like me and I didn't want to go through it all over again. A singer's identity is their singing voice. For that I don't need my face; Sivaangi. That is why I adopted Sivani as an identity for my voice. That is why Sivaangi needs Sivani"

"I tried to come out from this façade but those voices...they pull me back. But...whenever I hear people celebrate when I sing, it fades those voices. It makes me hope that I can leave behind Sivani one day and show Singer Sivaangi to the world. That is why I asked you whether things would have been different if I have spoken before singing"

Both looked at each other, her hand still within his. Sivaangi studied Ashwin's face. She gasped softly and scrunched her eyebrows at him and he slowly nodded, surprising her.

"Yepdi theriyum?" Sivaangi gulped, "Anna...Anna sonnara?"

(How did you know? ... Did brother... did brother told you?)

Ashwin shook his head and sighed, "Ma, I love listening to Sivani's songs and I have heard you singing. At the back of head, I have always found both the voices to be the same. But I brushed that thought aside, thinking it is just my brain playing games. And then, I saw your hesitation today and then hear you sing"

Ashwin paused, reading Sivaangi's face before saying,

"It was just a thought. I didn't want to ask you, because I didn't want to be intrusive in your personal. If in case, you were Sivani and you haven't told me about it then you must have a reason and that you'll tell me one day, when you are ready; That's what I thought" Ashwin sighed and added, "Until you told me today, I didn't know for sure"

They both stared at each other in silence for a couple of minutes before Ashwin broke it,

"Sivaangi, first oru vishayam purinchuko. Nee nenaikura mathiri unoda voice screeching oh loud oh cringy oh kedaiyadhu. Your voice is unique and there's nothing wrong with that"

(Sivaangi first understand one thing clearly. Your voice isn't screeching or loud or cringy as you think. Your voice is unique and there's nothing wrong with that)

Sivaangi blinked at Ashwin. He said,

"Sivaangi, up to now, it was you who have faced all those things that happened with you. Not just face, you have built yourself to be immune to other's opinions and worked on yourself. Your family and friends might have already motivated and comforted you. I can't add anything new to it but all I want is for you to look around yourself and realize on your own"

Sivaangi slightly frowned on listening to Ashwin's words.

"You said growing up you had to deal with all those people making fun of your voice. After certain point, it doesn't affect you like before because you realized that their opinion doesn't matter. The confidence you have on yourself, it was you who realized your worth. Ever since you came here, have anyone here made you feel that way? I'm sure they didn't because they know Sivaangi and they love you for that"

"Give the world the same chance. What if they love Sivaangi more than they love Sivani? You yourself said when you hear people celebrate Sivaangi for her singing, those bully voices you hear fades. So, why not do it more? Why not let Sivaangi sing again and again, to an extent you here those voices no more?"

"You asked things would have been different if you have spoken before you sang, right" Ashwin paused, looking pointedly at Sivaangi, "Yes, it would have made difference"

Sivaangi frowned.

"The crowd wouldn't have just loved your singing performance but also your cheerful personality. They wouldn't have loved Singer Sivaangi just for her voice but also for who she is" Ashwin paused on seeing Sivaangi's glistened eyes and continued, "You don't have to hate a part of yourself, Sivaangi. You don't need Sivani because Sivani is just a fragment while Sivaangi is the real you and I know it in my heart that everyone will love Sivaangi more than Sivani. You just have to give yourself a chance"

Ashwin's fingers reach out and wiped the tears that streamed down Sivaangi's cheek. He gave a soft smile and that is it. She leapt from the bed and threw herself in Ashwin's arms, sitting on his lap.

Anticipating her action when he saw Sivaangi leaping from the bed, Ashwin steadied himself and safely wrapped her in his embrace. Running his long fingers through her hair, he let her cry, whispering sweet nothings in her ears.

Sivaangi pulled back when she felt better. She stared at Ashwin up-close. Suddenly conscious of their proximity, she tried to pull back but couldn't as he tightened his hold around her waist.

"Ashwin" Sivaangi's voice was low.

Ashwin stared at a blinking Sivaangi. With a soft smile, he leaned down and pressed his lips on her forehead making her close her eyes. She smiled when she felt his lips trail from her forehead to her cheek.

Her heart raced when he kissed her cheek, his nose tracing her skin. She bit her lips when he trailed his lips to her earlobe and nibbled her earlobe making her clutch his bicep.

"Enaku Sivani voice romba pidikum dhan" Sivaangi felt a shiver run down her spine when she heard Ashwin's warm base voice caressing her ear. She felt his lips curl when he said, "Aana enaku adha vida adhigama Sivaangi ah dhan pidichuruku"

(I do like Sivani's voice a lot... But I like Sivaangi so much more than Sivani)

Feeling butterflies in her stomach, Sivaangi's cheek hued as she pulled back and looked at Ashwin. His brown orbs spoke with her black ones and a smile touched her lips. She let her fingers thread through his thick mane as she softly pushed herself against him and look up at him.

An equally affected Ashwin let his hand securely wrapped around Sivaangi's waist. He felt her small palms cradle his face and pull his head down. He closed his eyes when she kissed him on his forehead and he smiled when she kissed him on his both cheeks.

Garlanding her arms around Ashwin's neck, Sivaangi whispered against his ear, "Enaku ongala romba pidichuruku Ashwineyy"

(I like you so much, Ashwineyy)

A small smile broke out on Ashwin's lips that progressed into a wide grin on processing what Sivaangi said. Chuckling softly, he wrapped his arms around her and rested his head on her head. The duo basked in each other's warmth. Speaking out about what they feel for each other gave jittery yet exciting feelings for them.

When they finally broke apart, Sivaangi stood up from Ashwin's lap and sat on the bed. Nervous, she pushed her hair behind her ear as she looked at Ashwin who is staring at her with a serene smile.

"Seri ma. Time achu. Naa kelamburen. Nee thoongu" Ashwin stood up.

(Okay, it's getting late. I'll leave now. You sleep)

"Hmmm" Sivaangi stood up as well.

Ashwin, for a second, contemplated what to do but then he shrugged and stepped forward to Sivaangi. She looked up at him expectantly. He hugged her making her smile and wrap her arms around him. Kissing her head, he pulled back, greeted her good night and left. Filled with each other thoughts, they both kept on rolling in each other's bed and finally slept around early morning.

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