I hate her. I hated her for so many reasons. But most of all, because she made me face what I didn't want to. I'm not even sure it's worth it. Maybe I hated her because she was right. Maybe I'd be better dead. Or I may hate her because deep inside a small part of me still hope she's wrong. It could even be the fact she brought back Sila's death for an instant. Still too much to handle, still too fresh for me to be indifferent to a slight reference to those events even after so many, many years. Elias footsteps in the hallway brought me a soft sense of warmth and calm for a second. He was coming to me. He always had.

"Phoenix." His deep voice called; my name soft when it came from him. "Don't think about that."

"Too late." I muttered under my breath. I hated how good he was a reading me.

"Phee..."

"I just- I can't keep doing this. I thought I was ready. I thought I was detached enough to do it."

"I know. I know you did. I also happen to know what's wrong. You're thinking about Sila. I also know you keep thinking she won't show up for you up there if you don't start to live again before reversing the curse."

"I hate when you do that." I say, walking to my room, Elias gently laying is arm around my neck pulling me closer to him, is warmth comforting.

"I need you to talk to me, darling." He says, opening the door and slowly sitting on the bed, pulling me down with him.

"I don't know how." I said as he gently passes in finger over my shoulder, like if it wasn't the first time he had touched me since Sila. As it hit me, I immediately knew it stroked him too. By the softening of his face, and the small tears forming in his eyes seconds before he carefully hugged me, like he was afraid to break me even more.

"I'm so sorry..." I whispered, tightly hugging him, his pine and citrus scent finally hitting me again, like reuniting with your childhood teddy. "I missed you so much."

"I waited so, so long for that Phee... I was so scared I lost you." He replied, softly grabbing the back of my head, like trying to get even closer.

It took us at least three minutes before bringing ourselves to separate. After that, he left for a few minutes to bring our food to his and Kara's room. He started eating, and said:

"I'm all ears."

He knew opening up was hard for me. It felt weird, like it was forbidden.

"I don't know how."

"I know. You're like me. I still wanted to try. Maybe if I ask you questions it'll help. I know that's how Kara managed to do it for me. Talking of her, I'm sorry she got rough with you earlier about the acting like a child thing. She didn't mean any of it. She's... sensible these days."

"Bleeding?" I asked, taking a small potato to my mouth.

"No." He replied before adding: "She doesn't want me to tell anyone yet, but I need to tell you. before your letter about the remedy and everything, we had been trying for a child. For months. It never worked and she carries it. She thinks it'll never work. Plus, she's kind of bitter about having to stop trying until we come back. Anyways, I need to hear about you."

A child? I was surprised. Really, surprised. But mostly happy. I was glad he had accepted to live forever. But I wondered if he ever thought about the fact he would surely lose Kara and maybe a future child. I wasn't happy anymore. I should stop thinking.

"I'm sorry. I'm sure it'll come one day. I hope so. You'd be a great father."

"Thank you, Phee. Now, stop avoiding talking about you and please, tell me what's going on with that girl"

He started easy. "I hate her." I replied.

Elias chuckled warmly. "I know that, Phoenix. I'm serious. What's happening. Tell me what happened since the ball."

"Well, I left the camp, and I took an abandoned boat to the sea and left for Septinia. I got to the party to try and find her, maybe approach her and see if she knew of her abilities. It didn't go as planned, obviously. I caught her making out with a red head in a fucking hallway, stupidly naïve by the way, and then I said some stupid shits, and I made her leave. I thought everything was fucked so I left and went back to sleep to the port. I went to do some business in the morning, and then I came back, and she was hidden behind barrels with her what I assume to be lover, which probably isn't anymore since that girl pled to be left of at her aunt house or something."

"I forgot how extreme you were at information dumping." He laughed softly. "There's obviously more. Like you said earlier, she threw daggers at you."  
***

After about an hour of storytelling with Elias, we freed the room so Kara could go to sleep and walked to the kitchen to do the dishes. He knew exactly how to make me talk. That's how he managed to make me talk before Sila. Doing the dishes. I don't know why it makes me open up. Maybe because it's boring and I need to fill the silence.

"You know, I think I never apologized to you." I said, my voice filled with regret

"For what?" He answered, cleaning a plate.

"For the curse. For putting that on you."

"I know you are. But I'm okay with it. I made peace with that with Kara. Surely, I'm not happy I'll have to see her die. And if we ever have children, I'll have to see them fade too. But you know, if the curse never happened, I wouldn't have her. And that's even worst than losing her." He gently spoke, his voice calm and steady, too much to be natural.

"I wouldn't say I'm happy for you, because it's weird, but I'm glad you found a way to see that as a little good. Maybe it'll be my turn one day. I-I just don't know if il ready yet. To find someone else, I mean." I gently took off my ring and put it in my pocket. The girl, Sorana, had noticed it. I knew. I just hoped she wouldn't bring it up again.

"Here. Take this. Keep it with you. Because I love you, Phoenix. More than anyone in this beautifully cruel world. If I want someone to have it, it's you." Sila hand passed through the bar of her cell and handed me her ring. I took it, still feeling my tears rolling down my cheeks.

"Darling...." I said, my voice shaky. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'll find a way to get you out of here. I promise. I can't leave you here with them."

I don't think I can handle this. I would do anything- ANYTHING, to take her place. So, she could live. She deserves it so much more than me.

"Phoenix, look at me." Her soft voice gently spoke, as she reached for my hand through the bars.

I rose my head to her, whipping my tears away. The sight my eyes met was the second worst thing I could ever see. She was already so different after four days in. It had felt like an eternity. I knew thought. That was our last moment alone together. We would meet again tomorrow on a pedestal, exposed and scarified. She was so-so different from just few days ago when we were happy and in love. Thinking this could carry on forever. It didn't. Her once perfect curly hair was now tangled and dirty, her clean and soft skin bloody and muddy. But the worst part was her eyes. Once so full of dreams and hope, that she could change things. Make them better for all the future children of the world that would be born like us. Sinners. I had believed in that fantasy as much as she had.

"It'll be just fine. You'll be fine." She added.

"I'm not the one I'm worrying about."

She wiped her tears too, and smiled before whispering: "I know, phoenix, I know." Her voice broke. My heart too. Everything fell apart. My beautiful- beautiful Sila. Gone in not less than three hours. I could only hope to go before her. So, she could ease the god when we got there. Maybe she'll be able to persuade them to let us go in peace instead of sin. Like she persuaded me to trust. To love. To feel.

"I love you more than anything Phoenix. I know you don't believe me when I say this, but you are a good person. Deep down in your beautifully scared heart. I wish I could kiss you one last time. And show you how much I am in love with you. I wish we hadn't wasted our time convincing each other we weren't in love. I hope you forgive me for that time when I broke your mom watch. I hope you remember how we felt when we first kissed. I hope you remember that night when we said "I love you" for the first time. I promise you, Phee, with all my will, that I will find you again in our next lives. And we won't hide. Now go. Go before they find you here. We will meet again. I promise. In our next lives. In that one, Ill hold you for so much longer. I'll find you I promise."

I slowly rose to my feet, and I knew what was coming next. I had to walk out. Just-

"Phoenix!" Elias voice urged. "Are you alright? Did you start having those again?"

I nodded slowly, before blinking away the tears forming in my eyes.

"I'm sorry." I said, piking up a wine glass.

"How long?" He said, drying the plate I handed him.

"Since I first saw that girl. Sorana." Her name felt weird on my tongue. Too bitter.

"Does she remind you of Sila too?" He asked and I nodded again, raising my head from the bowl I was washing to meet his eyes. "It's weird, isn't it? How similar they are." He added. "Her eyes- they're practically the same."

I knew that all too well. For the small amount of time I had seen those eyes, Sila's voice always manage to slip into my mind and say "I promise you, Phee, with all my will, that I will find you again in our next lives. And we won't hide." Every. Fucking. Time. The gods thought I hadn't suffered enough so they sent me this woman.

"I would recognize those eyes everywhere. But its not Sila. Sila was kind. Passionate, lovely, delicate, she shined. And that smile- I would know if she came back as someone else. It's just a coincidence.

It was around ten o clock when we exited the kitchen and went each our way to our rooms. I slowly entered the bedroom, and the warm ambiance of it made me ease a little. The fireplace was lit, a small bedside table lamp was too, its reflection making the maroon curtains look brown. I hissed a little as I sat on the bed. Elias had done is best at bandaging my wound, but I would take some time to heal. I took off my clothes and slid into the bed. The sheets were soft against my skin as I turned off the light.

I wriggled in bed. My mind immediately started racing. My heartbeat went faster at each thought replacing the other. My thoughts were the only thing I couldn't control, and it was killing me. Well, that and Sorana. I walked to the chair near the door and put on the pants a shirt there. Then I reached for the small tray on top of the fireplace and took the bottle of rhum that laid there. I then opened the large window and sat on the edge, taking the wind in my braided hair. I opened the bottle and took a big simp out of it. I looked up to the stars and found the brighter one.

"Happy birthday." I said to the night sky, letting the wind take my words, as I held the bottle for a toast. "I love you." I added as the first tear sled down my cheek. Then another. And another. Until I couldn't wipe them fast enough. And I chunked. Half the bottle. I took the time to enjoy the burn down my throat.

"Who are you talking too?" a soft and warm voice asked.

I stayed where I was, facing the stars. I took a deep breath and whipped my tears the best I could so I could hide everything I couldn't control. I slowly turned around and got off the window edge. My eyes were probably swollen. I didn't care.

"What do you want." I asked coldly.

"I- I wanted to apologize. I went to far tonight. I didn't mean it. I didn't think before saying this and- well I never thought you would care. If I knew- I wouldn't have done it. And please don't jump off that window." She said, as she got closer.

"That wasn't what I was doing."

I slowly walked to the woman and took in the blue- grey of her eyes. Man, how I had missed eyes like that.

"It looks like it." She said, raising her head slightly to look straight into mine.

"Look, I-I guess I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have slammed you on the wall like that."

"It's fine. I think. Now, can you tell me why you need me? You said you would"

"What do you want to know." I replied as I crossed my arm over my chest.

"Why do you need me?" She asked, walking to the window and closing it like she read into my mind. She was wearing a night gown too long and too thigh for her. It probably was Kara's.

"If.... If you want a larger shirt for sleep, I can give you the one Killian landed me. He surely won't mind." As I spoke, my eyes looked directly to her heavy breasts. I clearly hadn't gave my permission for that. I avoided her gaze for a few seconds before looking at her again.

"I- I'm fine you can keep it." She replied, blushing at my remark.

"Were are you sleeping tonight?"

"With Killian. There's a couch in his room." I nodded at Sorana statement and said:

"To answer your question, I need you to help me find an old necklace that could really help me and Elias."

The women eyebrows raised at my words.

"A necklace?" She asked, playing with the end of her mid breast length black hair.

"Yes."

"And where is that necklace you're talking about located, exactly?"

"In a cave heading north." I replied shortly.

"Why do you want it? Is it a family heirloom or something?"

"Its not an important matter."

"It is. If you want me to accept-"

"I don't need your consent for that. I said you would come, and you will."

"Do you even know how annoying you are?"

"Im not. I'm.... Determined." I said, looking down at the short women. Her eyes narrowed locked on bed behind me.

"When do we leave, again?" She asked, focusing back to me. Her eyes drifted again to my ring. She definitely hadn't forgotten, then. I decided to go over it this time and answered.

"At sunrise. Be at my door as soon as the first ray peeks in."

"Yes. Fine." She said, turning back to the door. I watched her grab the knob, and something in me screamed to not let her go. I don't know what above force it was, but I grabbed her arm, her soft and warm skin sending shrivers down my spine as I spoke, my eyes meeting hers.

"Thank you for apologizing." Stupid. Dear gods. Why did I have to do this. The Raven-haired women breath cut as she answered:

"Y-you're welcome." Her eyes scanned me up and down before getting out of my grip. "I'll be there tomorrow."

I nodded to Sorana before letting myself fall on the bed, my mind returning too its habitual chaos.
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Hey everyone! I am so incredibly proud of this chapter! I think it might even be my greatest ever! I believe that Phoenix is an incredibly complex and beautiful character. I love diving into her past and present, and slowly discovering what king of woman she is. I can't wait to dive even farther into her character, as well as her relationships with Elias and the others! I hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as I did, and have a great week.

Love, Ariana💕💕💕