Dear Diary,

Gregory is home and I told him I could not wait any longer for him. I wanted him right then, right now.

We made love for the first time.

Johanna quickly shut the journal before she finished the passage. No way could she read about her grandmother and her grandfather and sex. This was an invasion of privacy. It felt so wrong. Yet, she was itching to get the details.

She opened the book back up to that page.

Gregory wanted to wait till we were married, I told him, we were getting married so why wait? He would be the only man I ever loved and would give myself to.

He said he wanted to make it romantic and not just do it in his car or somewhere hidden. He did not want me to get a bad reputation, not that I cared.

So his older brother let him use his place and we met there. I was not scared at all. I yearned for him so much and had waited too long.

There is something about nakedness. I was not shy about having all my clothes off in front of him. And Gregory, well glory! I don't know if it's the army that has him so fit, or if he was always this sculpted like a statue, but I could not take my eyes off his chest. The muscles, the...

She stopped reading because she felt like her body was on fire. Maybe she would read more later, but right now she needed a cool drink. It was Saturday morning and Zee was sleeping in. She showered and dressed in her grandmother's pink dress.

All dressed up and nowhere to go again. At least she felt cute.

She headed downstairs to make something to eat. As soon as she entered the kitchen, she saw Tristan standing at the counter, drinking from his blender cup, some kind of gross concoction for sure. Dressed in jeans and a crispy white shirt and white on white Nikes. A simple gold chain around his neck. The man looked good enough to eat.

She stopped, wanting to run away, but managed to move her feet toward the fridge to open it.

Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Tristan watching her. She grabbed the oat milk and walked to place it on the table.

"Is that a new dress?"

Oh, he was talking to her now?

"No, it's my GiGi's. I finally went through some more of her things." She reached for the cereal from the cabinet which was right where he stood. He did not try to move and give her room, her hip brushing against his leg setting her body on fire.

"Looks good on you."

"Thank you."

She did not know what else to say to him. As she poured her cereal, she could feel his eyes burning holes through her back. At least he had not run out of the room when she entered. At least he was talking to her after two days of the cold shoulder. That was progress.

"I like your hair down as well."

Why was he flattering her with so many compliments when he only thought of her as a sister?

"Thanks."

He walked over to her at the table where she stood.

"Jo, I don't want it to be weird between us after...you know. We still have to live together and we can't keep trying to avoid each other."

"I'm not the one running out of the room every time I walk in."

"True," he said with a nod. "It's just hard for me to express myself any other way. I don't want to fuck this up. You, us, as friends."

"And nothing more?"

"Come on Jo, you know it would never work out."

She scooped up some cereal as she stood there, chewing as she contemplated what to say to him. Maybe he was right. She could not change this boy, she would not even know how. He was older and more experienced and knew what he wanted, while she had no clue.

But when she turned to look at him, she knew her answer. Once she had a taste of those lips, felt his arms around her, the heat between their bodies, his hardness for her, she could never just be his friend.

"Maybe it's better we keep our distance from each other, as best we can. We can be cordial, but I'd much prefer not to be alone and in the same room as you."

She grabbed her bowl and exited the kitchen.

It was how she felt and she was okay with that decision. She would continue to look but not touch. Have her dreams and fantasies.

It felt good to speak up and tell him how she felt. He could not have his cake and eat it too. Kissing her like that then leaving her high and dry and parking her in the friendzone.

Men!

As she sat in the living room, eating her cereal and watching TV, she heard Tristan walk down the hall. He did not even look her way, he headed out the front door and out of the house. She turned and looked out of the window and watched him get into his truck and drive off.

Now she was all alone.

After she finished her cereal she loaded her bowl into an already stuffed dishwasher and turned it on. No Tristan, she decided to peek into his bathroom.

It was the smallest bathroom. Too small for even her. It was considered a guest bathroom while the two upstairs ones were bigger and nicer. There was a toilet, sink, and standing shower only. Despite feeling like a broom closest it was surprisingly neat and smelled clean.

No decor on the walls. No dirty towels hanging around. A lingering smell of Irish Spring soap. There was nothing on the sink top but a bottle of hand soap. There was a roll of paper towels mounted on the wall that she knew was not there from her grandmother. Also, the toilet seat was new. Her grandmother had a cushioned seat before, like hers upstairs, but this was the traditional hard seat.

There was a very small closet with a stack of towels and washcloths, bars of soap, shaving cream, and a pack of razors. Very simple. His toothbrush, toothpaste, mouthwash, floss, and facial cleanser were in the medicine cabinet behind the mirror. All were very neatly placed while her sink area was a mess.

It was good he was not a slob in the guest bathroom so whenever they had company they would not witness his mess.

She left his bathroom and looked around the kitchen. Surprisingly, with all three of them living there, all so different in tidiness, she was shocked the kitchen looked better than even when her grandmother was there. The new floors and appliances helped. No food stacked on top of the refrigerator like her grandmother had it. No small appliances covering the countertop either.

She turned to the connecting laundry room. Where things heated up a few days ago. She stepped inside. Same place now it felt so different to her. Those kisses with Tristan would be watched in her brain forever.

Bored out of her mind, she opened the backdoor to stand on the porch. It triggered the alarm system but there was no camera back there. She sat on the brand-new steps to get some air and clear her mind.

The summer seemed to be going by so slowly. Her grandmother's sudden death changed everything in her life.

"Hey JoJo, what are you doing out here?"

Zee opened the back door and walked out. She almost forgot her sister was home today, she had not heard a word from her all day.

"Just out here thinking."

"About what?" Zee sat beside her.

She could never tell Zee about the kiss or her feelings for Tristan. Even if she had not warned her away from the hot guy. Zee would never understand because boys were different than dating girls. Girls were probably not after one thing, sex.

"School and stuff." She easily lied to her sister. "I'm ready to go back"

"Don't rush it. Enjoy the summer and do nothing."

"Yeah but, it gets boring here."

"I thought you were reading and writing stuff."

As if that was all she was doing. She and Tristan worked on the garden together, not that she cared. She glanced over at the garden, their garden. She could call it that because Tristan and she planted more than even her grandmother had done. It would be something they could say they did together.

"You get to go out and do things!" She snapped at her sister. "When are you going to give me driving lessons and then give me your car?"

"Damn sis, why are you mad at me? You could have asked to learn any time once I got my ride two years ago, but that was on you."

"Well..." She had nothing to add, she never cared about learning how to drive and having a car. She still would have nowhere to go if she had a car.

"Want me to take you somewhere?"

She had nothing. She was taking her anger on Tristan out on her sister. Even if he was still home she would not want him to see her so upset. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, although the kiss she wanted to forget stayed at the forefront of her thoughts.

Just a kiss. Just a kiss. It meant nothing. He does not want you.

You're just his little sister. His roommate. Maybe a friend.

"Can we just go to Tandy Park and hang out?"

"Like when we were kids? Sure, come on."

No matter what, at least she always had her sister.