Dear Diary

Gregory is off to the army now. I miss him so much!

It's like now my life is at a standstill. There's a war and these are dangerous times. He's willing to fight for a country that cares so little for Black Americans like us. But Gregory feels it's all of our country to fight for. I support whatever he thinks is best.

I know he will come home safe because why else would this boy be meant for me? We will build our life together soon. I can't wait to be his wife and the mother of his children. As many as we can have.

I love him so much. I just pray we will be together soon.

However did her grandmother keep the faith that she and Gregory would have their happily ever after? The way things were going with Tristan it did seem like he would be the one for her.

That kiss awakened things in her she never felt before. Maybe it was pure lust as her grandmother felt for Gregory at first, maybe it was something more. Every time she thought of the kiss she touched her lips and remembered how his felt on hers.

Tristan was so cold to her the rest of the day and the next day. Normally they were to the point that they talked and joked with each other, but now he tried to avoid her. Any time she walked into a room he was in, he quickly walked away. Even Zee noticed it and asked about it.

"What's up with you and Trist? He do something to you?"

"No! Why would you think..." She did not want to bother her sister with it. She left the living room and went into the den. Tristan never came to that space. If he wanted to avoid her, she would avoid him as well.

But that is not what she wanted. She wanted him to notice her and think of her as more than a "little sister." Obviously, he was attracted to her. He said she turned him on. If he felt that way about her, there was something more to his feelings than even he knew.

She scoured the internet, looking for ways to entice a guy.

Learn the art of flirting. Give him eye contact. Laugh at his jokes.

All that would not matter if he never even looked her way again. She wanted the old Tristan back, even if he did not want the same thing she wanted. She left the den and headed upstairs and went to her room. She pulled her hair down from the bun and ran her fingers through it.

Nothing exciting there. She looked like a ragamuffin. The little homely girl who stood by the wall at school dances because no boy wanted to dance with her.

She rummaged through her things for any trace of make-up she owned. Every now and then she would pick up eyeshadow or blush or foundation, try and apply it, and then feel like it did not matter. She applied blush and some eyeshadow, then a brown lipstick on her full lips.

She brushed through her hair that came just past her shoulders. She parted it down the middle and began to flatiron it straight with a little bump on the end.

"There!" she said, pleased with her looks.

Then she looked down at her clothes. Joggers that were too big for her and one of her sister's t-shirts that was also too big for her.

She pulled off the shirt and found a fitted bright red tee. Red was Tristan's favorite color, or at least he had a lot of Cardinals red. Then she found some shorts to put on, showing off her nice legs. She added some flip-flops.

A nice improvement from how she normally looked.

She headed back downstairs and into the living room. Zee was gone, she had to go to work. Tristan should still be in the house. She walked over to the basement, listening to see if he was down there.

It was quiet. She should open the door and go down there, but she had no reason to go down there.

She let out a frustrated sigh. She checked the backyard, but he was not there.

She went back to the living room and stood there looking really dumb. Why had she tried to change herself for some dumb boy?

She ran back upstairs and to her room, slammed the door shut, brushed the lipstick off her lips with her hand then got in bed and cried.

That's when she heard Tristan stomping hard up the stairs and then he was knocking on her door.

"Jo, you all right?"

She did not want to talk to him. And she especially did not want to see him looking like she did. Nothing she would do could change how he felt.

"Leave me alone!" she yelled out at him.

She waited to hear him walk away, but nothing. If he was going to stand outside her door, she would hold her tears in. He did not deserve the satisfaction of hearing her cry over him.

After a few minutes, she heard him finally walk back downstairs.

She finished crying till she was all cried out.

"GiGi, I miss you!"

She sat up in her bed and picked up one of the journals. She did not want to read anymore, because it made her sad.

"Maybe I should write all my feelings down."

She rummaged through all of her things in her nightstand and found an old school notebook that she barely used. She ripped the used pages out, balled the papers up, and tossed them on her floor. She grabbed a pen.

Dear Diary,

I miss my GiGi.

I love her house, I am so thankful she left it to me and Zee.

If GiGi had never given us the house, I may have never met Tristan

Tristan is the man of my dreams. Gorgeous, sweet when he wants to be, and I know he cares about me, or else why would he have kissed me?

I want to kiss him again, and again, and again!

I want to wrap my arms around him and stay in his arms with my head against his chest.

I want to experience all the things with Tristan.

I don't know if it will ever happen, but if it's meant to be, it will be, right?

Well, I have nothing else to say.

She was not as eloquent as her grandmother with words. She needed to practice more. If she was ever going to be a good English teacher like her grandmother, she needed to be able to communicate her thoughts better.

She tried so hard to be like her grandmother but she failed in every way.

She closed the journal and jumped out of bed and went to her door, cracking it open to make sure Tristan did not sneak back up. Sometimes he was like a ghost and appeared from nowhere, without making a sound.

She walked across the hall to the storage bedroom and opened the door. It was a lot neater in the room, not that she had gotten rid of many of the boxes. Outside of the box of pictures and the box of journals, everything else was pretty much there but moved around a little neater.

She walked to the closest where she told Rocky to store her grandmother's clothes. She opened the double doors and looked over the hanging items. Plenty of dresses and suits. Things that seemed too fancy for her. Her grandmother had style, always dressed up as if every day was a big event.

She pulled out one of the suits, all white slacks and a blazer. It looked brand new. She held it up to herself as if she would ever wear it.

Then again, it would not hurt to try it on.

She grabbed as much as her arms could hold and took it all to her bedroom and piled it on her bed. She closed her door so she could try on some of the things.

The white suit looked great on her, though she would never wear a suit, and all-white at that. She looked at the tag and recognized that it was a fancy designer label. Something far out of her league. This one was a keeper in case she ever needed it for a job interview or something.

There was a jumpsuit that was black velvet with gold detail. Not her style at all, but she tried it on. It fit her perfectly. What would she ever wear this to? It looked like a fancy dinner party outfit.

Then there was a long floral printed dress that was too long on her. Her grandmother was only an inch taller than her, she should have gotten the dress taken up. She put that aside as a maybe if she could get it altered to fit her.

Then there was a black, sparkly cocktail dress. The sparkles were sequins which made the dress have some weight on it. After putting it on, she could not get the zip up in the back, but she studied herself in the mirror. Fancy shmancy dinner for sure. Not that she ever got invited anywhere like that.

She slipped that dress off and grabbed another dress that was light pink like cotton candy. It had a side zip and was not as fancy-looking. She slipped it on, zipped it up, and gasped at herself.

It looked amazing on her. Fit her almost like a glove without being too tight. It accentuated her shape, her small waist, and flat tummy and even made it appear she had a nice butt from what she could see from the side. It too was a little long, hitting past her knees, when it would have been better slightly above her knees.

Still, this was her favorite so far. It was summery and not dressy. Something she could wear every day.

She took it off and hung it in her closet.

After finishing the rest of the pile, there were several things she added to her closest. Smiling, pleased with her new clothes.

"Thank you, Grandma."

Maybe clothes would give her the confidence she needed.