"I do not have anything to be embarrassed about!"

So what she kissed a boy she liked. Big deal. So what he did not kiss her back, and in fact was repulsed. That was a him problem, not hers.

After reading a few entries in her grandmother's journal, she was reinvigorated. It was as if she was talking to her grandmother in person. Learning about a part of her life when she was young, hopeful, and determined. Obviously, her grandmother got her man because she was here, a product of that. She wondered what other stories she was in store for reading more entries later.

She knocked on her sister's door to tell Zee about their grandmother's journals. Maybe she would want to read them as well when she was done.

"Zee!" She opened her door and walked into the room but Zee was not in her bed.

Zee's room was such a mess, it looked like a hurricane ran through it. Her bed covers were bundled on the floor, and there were clothes, books, and trash on her bed like she ate in her bed. There were dirty clothes all over the floor you could barely see the floor. Discarded towels sat in the corner. There were boxes and boxes of tennis shoes in every brand lined against the wall. Her sister was a sneakerhead and before moving into their house, she kept them stacked up in their closet in the cramped apartment, or the corners of the room, or under her bed.

It was a hard task keeping their room clean, and their mother was not much of an enforcer.

She felt bad seeing her grandmother's room, the room she shared with Gregory once upon a time in shambles. She picked up the towels and some clothes to at least get rid of some clutter. She tossed them all in her closet in the laundry bin that was overstuffed. She stacked away a few pairs of shoes but she was not going to find the boxes they belonged. She lined them up on top of the boxes.

"There!"

The floor could at least be seen, but the room was still chaotic. How could Zee live in such disorder? She was not the neatest, but she was not a slob either.

She checked her phone to see if her sister left her any new messages on why she was gone. She had not. She decided to call her.

"Hey, Zee."

"What's up, sis?"

"Where are you? It's Sunday morning and you're not here. I never get to see you between school and work."

"My bad, sis. I stayed with my girlfriend last night."

She did not know her sister had a girlfriend. This was a new, relationship. When they shared rooms they would stay up late at night talking about everything. She would talk about boys she liked, and Zee would talk about girls. Now that they had their own rooms, it was like they were on different planets.

"Okay, well-"

"I'll be home later, we can hang. Oh, I should take you out on the town. Hit the outlet mall. I need some new kicks."

She looked around her sister's room. No, she did not.

"Okay, shopping should be fun. Let me know when you'll be back and I'll be ready."

She was still on a budget so she could not tear the mall up. No job, no extra funds. All she had was the trust fund and she needed that to pay for the next three years of college. If she dipped too much in it, she would be short. She would not let her grandmother down, she would finish college and become a teacher like her.

When she made it into the kitchen, Tristan was there, sitting at the kitchen table instead of in the dining room, eating a bowl of cereal.

As always, head down to his phone as he ate and ignored her.

She grabbed a bowl from the cabinet, sat it on the table, and poured some of his Cinnamon Life cereal sitting on the table. Her almond milk sat on the table, and she poured that into her bowl. She sat at the table with him and dared him to say anything.

Watching him stuff big spoonfuls of crunchy cereal into his mouth, milk dribbling down his lip...it was like she was watching a slow-motion video. She bit her bottom lip and held her breath.

He stopped and looked up at her, a scowl on his face.

"Why are you here? There's a whole other room for you to eat your breakfast."

"Why are you still eating my food?" she said before she stuffed her mouth with cereal.

"I'm not eating your cereal, you're eating mine."

"Because this is my almond milk." She grabbed the container of almond milk for emphasis. "You eat mine, I eat yours."

He sat back in his chair and mumbled something.

"What? What was that? Speak up."

"I didn't realize you had a smart mouth. I thought you were quiet and shy."

"Can be," she said with a shrug. "When I meet new people I'm very shy. But once I get to know them-"

"You think you know me? Is that why you kissed me? You don't know me at all." He stood from the table. "I don't kiss. I don't do girlfriends."

He walked to the sink and dropped his bowl in the sink but came back over to her, leaning a bit close. "I just fuck."

Well...there you have it. At least he spelled it all out for her.

He walked away and left her in the kitchen. All she could do was finish her breakfast in silence. She was so over him. If he wanted to be the rude, bad boy, let him.

She decided to go outside on the back porch, get some sun, and enjoy some more of her grandmother's journals. To think, at that young age, her GiGi knew everything she wanted and went after it.

Her GiGi was her idol.

Once she was comfortable with a container of ice cold water, a slight breeze blowing on the small porch, back to the good old days with her GiGi and grandfather she went.

Dear Diary,

Because I am the baby of the family, my sisters and brothers think I'm a freak of nature or something. They baby me, boss me around, and think I don't have a brain of my own. I do! I'm really smart.

When I told Evelyn about Gregory, she laughed at me. Whatever for? So I will just keep my thoughts to myself from now on, share with my diary and that's it. I love words. I love talking, I should write a book one day. My daddy says that's no real job and with my brains I need to be a teacher.

I like that idea as well. A teacher married to a lawyer. That's what Gregory wants to be. He told me so when he walked me home from school the other day. He does that a lot. But he pretends we're just friends and not meant to be.

I'll let him keep thinking that...for now.

I wonder what our first kiss will be like. Pure magic for sure. I would just do it myself, but that's not ladylike. Have to let the man make the first move, even if that is a bit old-fashioned.

Well, I guess I will wait. Patience is a virtue.

Words of wisdom from her grandmother. She should have waited and let Tristan kiss her first! That's where she went wrong. Guys liked to be guys, take charge, and all of that.

Even though Tristan said he did not want a girlfriend, surely he only meant with her. He was a nice-looking guy, and he had girls he talked to, did he not consider any of them his girlfriend?

Or was it like he said, just sex?

Why did she feel like there was something there, no matter how many times he pushed her away? If all Tristan wanted was to sleep with her, would that be okay? She never had a boy interested in her to go any further.

This was the type of thing she wished she could talk to someone about.

But taking her grandmother's advice from her diary, just wait.

She let out a sigh and looked up the yard, at the church's parking lot that was across their alleyway. It was Sunday, it was quite busy, so she people-watched for a moment. Mothers and fathers with their children, having family time. That family structure she never had in her life. She wanted that.

When she looked toward the backdoor, Tristan was standing there watching her through the screened door. He was so quiet she had no idea how long he stood there.

"You need something?" she asked him.

He did not say anything, simply stood there and continued to watch her. His handsome face, watching her with no expression whatsoever.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

Still, he said nothing, but he finally turned away from her and walked away and into the kitchen.

She smiled, oh yes, all she had to do was be patient and wait. There definitely was something there.