A/N: This was originally only going to be a single chapter, but it obviously got away from me, and since it's so long (this chapter is 13000 words oops) I had to split it into two. Plus, I wanted to release something on New Years as a gift to you all - wishing you guys all the best for 2022! Hope you enjoy this first part of Elias's POV, and hope you get excited for Part 2!

Loving the Good Boy - Morning

The alarm rang, shrill from under Alex's pillow, my boyfriend groaning and rummaging around blindly. I let out a sleepy chuckle, tapping his shoulder wordlessly as I fished his phone out from the same place it was every morning. After being together for almost three years, our shared mornings were well rehearsed by now. And, like always, my boyfriend merely blinked in confusion before his face broke out into a serene, half-asleep smile that lit up his entire face, a small fragment of brightness from someone that was sunshine incarnate.

"Mm, thanks, Eli," Alex mumbled, yawning and turning off the alarm, only to roll over towards me to doze off again. I instinctively opened up my arms for him, the tall boy fitting snugly in my embrace, head nuzzling into my shoulder with a little sigh of contentment.

Sunlight was beginning to drift through the slit in the curtains, though it could not even manage to be half as bright as Alex's smile. The sun tried to overshadow him, but in the early hours of the morning, it could only act as a foil to my boyfriend's captivating visage. The sunlight cast a long, crisp line of light across Alex's bare chest, which rose and fell peacefully. 

I grew more awake as I glanced down at the person in my arms, eyes focusing as they trekked down his smooth skin peppered with dark red welts, the colour rich and vibrant against his lighter complexion. These were accompanied by other little marks, fading and darker, but nonetheless captivating.

I licked my lips, the guilty criminals that left the evidence of many nights spent doing very little sleeping across my boyfriend's body. Some of the markings were obscured by the clean white blankets crumpled over his hard and trim waist, Alex's Adonis-like physique no less striking than it was during high-school, even if that was almost three years ago now.

After we graduated high-school, we had both gotten accepted into the universities and courses we wanted; Alex was currently in his final year of commerce, while I was completing my undergraduate science degree with a major in physics, with the aim of eventually, after even more years of study, to become an astrophysicist.

I smiled to myself at the memory of the day we found out our results together; I had been in awe at how calm Alex was, the boy just smiling at me and urging me to check my results, assuring me that it would be fine. His eyes had been so clear, so sure, and that had settled the nerves bubbling inside me. 

This boy had so much faith in me, so much more faith than I had in myself, and that was everything. To know that someone had your back no matter what, that they would believe in you when you struggled to believe in yourself, that even if things didn't go to plan they'd still be there to hold your hand and help carry some of the burden.

Not because they had to, but because they wanted to. Because they cared. 

And Alex cared so, so much. Sure, Alex was no master of words; he was still endearingly embarrassed to say cheesy declarations of love, and had only just gotten used to saying casual 'I love you's' in situations other than in bed. Instead, he showed me that he cared in every little thing he did; the tight hugs he doled out when he came home from his part-time job, his attempts at cooking me dinner when I was hung up with exam revision, the way he would make me cue cards to help me study, even when he still couldn't point out the Southern cross from any other random cluster of stars in the sky.

I still found it so perplexing, and so intriguing, how someone that looked like this - an almost impossible mix of sexual energy, masculine strength and incomparable beauty - could smile that softly, and care for me so gently. His body may have been all hard lines, and his face cut like cool marble, but inside he was anything but hard and cold. 

No, inside he was something else entirely.

When Alex had told me those few years ago by the lakeside that he wasn't Xander, I had accepted what he said, but at the time I wasn't sure if I believed him. I knew he wasn't lying - his eyes were honest, always so, so honest, and he wasn't a liar. No, he was a bit of an air-head, and sometimes his good intentions got the better of him, but he never lied when it mattered.

But, after getting to know him more and more, and falling in love with him with every second I spent by his side, I didn't care about the details of who he was. Because I fell in love with the boy that stumbled into the school showers that deceptively mundane day three years ago. And, every day after, I continued to fall in love with the boy that lay in our bed and my arms, right here, right now.

The boy that laughed like a summer's day. The boy that tasted like the spice of autumn. The boy whose embrace kept me warm in the winter. The boy that painted each and every day in the vibrant colours of spring. 

The boy that was so inherently kind and good, sometimes a little bit cheeky, and oftentimes a little dense. The boy who made me want to be a better person, just so he could keep smiling in that amazing way that he does. 

Falling for the Bad Boy - Part I

"Hey guys, this is Elias, he's new," Jason announced to the table, patting me on the shoulder with a wide grin. "Elias, these other losers are Tom and Noah. Lachie isn't here yet though, but I'll introduce you to him later."

"Hey, Elias," a blonde-haired boy - Tom, as Jason had pointed out - shuffled over on the bench in the spacious courtyard, making room for me. I was grateful that Jason had approached me in class after realising I was a new student, and that these other guys seemed pretty nice as well. Sure, it was hard to tell upon first impressions, but considering they were all smiling at me and trying to make me feel like part of the group already, it seemed like a good start.

I had been nervous about my first day at this new school, for two reasons. Of course I was nervous about making friends, since I was entering in Year 7 and most of the kids probably would've been here since primary school. Still, I was sociable enough, so even if I only found one or two people to hang out with, I wouldn't be upset. Some kids may have been focused on becoming popular, with a huge group of friends to latch onto their name, but I just wanted to find people that I enjoyed being around.

Hopefully, that would be Jason and his friends.

I had also been nervous about entering this school because it was more of an upper-class private school. I had only been to a public primary school before hand, and the moment I stepped through the gates to this new one I realised that things were very, very different. Buildings were taller, the uniforms crisper, the kids richer. Mum and dad could only let me go here since I got a scholarship, and I didn't want to disappoint them because the education here was supposed to be top-tier.

It was important for me to do well, to not let down my parents, but also myself. Sure, making friends was important, but so was my education. I hoped that the friends I would make realised the importance of studying too, and weren't the type to wag class or delve into unsavoury things.

"How are you finding the school so far, Elias?" Noah asked, chewing loudly on his sandwich as I unwrapped my own, shrugging with a small smile.

"It's alright, I suppose. It's only the first day, but everyone seems nice in my class, and the teachers haven't seemed too terrible yet," I said, some of the other boys laughing.

"Yeah, well, you lucked out, Elias. You didn't get Mr Crabby-Hands for maths," Tom said, shivering at the mention of his teacher, snapping his hands like pincers in the air.

"Or Mrs Cole for history. I think she mentally lives in the 1940s or something, where child-abuse wasn't considered abuse and merely discipline," Jason added, making everyone snort around him.

"Yeah, and you're lucky you're in Jase's class. Everyone in there are alright. Our class on the other hand..." Tom said, glancing at Noah, who grimaced in response.

"Oh, you got stuck with him, didn't you?" Jason sighed, patting his friends on my back as I listened on in confusion, wondering if they were talking about a specific teacher that was a student's worst nightmare.

"Who...?" I said, the three boys at my table jerking their heads and thumbs over to a table in the distance in eerie unison, my eyes following their movements.

The table was packed full of people, almost sitting on top of each other as they laughed raucously and threw food at each other. Although they were wearing the same lacklustre uniform as all the other students, they stood out from the crowd; their uniforms were purposefully dishevelled in an 'I couldn't care less' look, all of the people sitting there with hair brightly coloured and immaculately styled.

While the group as a whole stood out from the crowd, it seemed like one of the people amongst them commanded the attention. All of the students there seemed to gravitate towards him, circling around him like he was the centre of the universe.

A girl - someone from the class next door - was sitting on his lap and giggling in his ear, feeding the boy some berries. Her fingers were coated in deep red juice, the boy's tongue lapping at her fingertips as she leaned in close, lips smiling and eyes focused on the boy with his tongue curled around her forefinger.

The boy was, objectively, handsome, and it was no wonder he seemed to be the ringleader of that little group; bright blonde hair perfectly messy, startling green eyes that somehow glowed brighter than the flourishing tree draping sultry shadows over his face. The sleeves of his school shirt were pushed up over his elbows revealing strong arms, the tight fit of the garment doing little to hide his already well-developed physique. How someone could look like that at 12 or 13, I didn't know.

It was no wonder he had people falling over backwards for him, the girls hanging onto his every word, the boys desperately trying to emulate the charisma he oozed without a thought.

The boy suddenly looked over, feeling someone - me - staring at him, and seemed to scoff before turning to his friends and saying something, the group of them shooting me barely obscured side-eyed looks, gazes judgemental and cold.

"Ugh, don't bother with them, they're not worth it," Jason said, drawing my attention away from the group.

"Who are they?" I asked, Tom beginning to dive into a long-winded spiel about that group, and about their supposed ringleader in particular.

'Xander Hart,' Tom had said, the name fitting for the boy whose appearance did not look like an 'Alexander', and whose personality, from the small moment I had glimpsed, did not seem to befit an 'Alex'. 

Tom regaled me of tales about this boy, about his many escapades on school grounds and beyond, his violent streak and hot-headed personality, his issues with authority, his callousness and arrogance, and his general unsavoury character in which he flaunted his family's wealth as much as his (apparently very sizeable) cock.

Maybe it was just Tom feeding me rumours, or maybe the boy was truly that troubled, but either way I wasn't interested in having anything to do with him.

Even just meeting his green eyes that looked so cold and cruel once, I was sure we wouldn't be the type to get along.

So, for the next five years, I had nothing to do with Xander Hart at all.

Falling for the Bad Boy - Part II

"Hey, Elias!" Tom and Noah greeted, bumping fists as I rounded the corner to our lockers after collecting my class schedule. 

"Sup, guys. Enjoy the rest of your holidays?" I asked, the two smiling as they recounted their exciting travels overseas. 

"What about you, man?" Noah asked, making me shrug with a small smile.

"Well, I didn't go anywhere. Just stayed in town. I did go to the beach quite a bit with my family, which was cool," I said, Tom and Noah immediately launching in to discourse about local beaches compared to all of those they had been to themselves; the Maldives, Greece, Hawaii.

I couldn't help but zone out, unable to relate to them at all, not when my family didn't have the means to take me around to all of these places. Instead, we tried to turn our small house into faraway places for my younger sister; our terrible and unstable pillow forts became castles and palaces, worth so much more than the luxurious beach condos my friends always talked about.

None of my friends seemed to really understand that, but that was fine.

It had long since occurred to me that I wouldn't be able to find anyone like that here, but maybe there was someone out there in the world that would just... understand.

Like binary stars, which out of the two billion trillion stars in the universe, rotate through the cosmos together in fated pairs.

And, if there are two billion trillion stars in the universe, surely there had to be one out there for me.

I just hadn't found it yet.

I quickly murmured a 'bye' to my friends, grabbing my books and hurrying to the first class of the year. When I rounded the corner, I was surprised when a heavy weight barrelled into me with a low grunt. A weight that smelled like fabric softener and mint, with the lingering smell of fading cologne. The force of the crash didn't send me sprawling across the floor, but it was strong and sudden enough that it made me inhale sharply.  

The person that ran into me didn't look up, but considering the signature platinum blonde hair, tall stature and robust muscle, it could only be the one and only Xander Hart.

Having been in the same year as him for the past five years, I had a faint idea of what his reaction would be like; best case scenario he would cuss me out for bumping into him, even though he was the one that had his head buried in whatever paper he was staring at as he walked by. Worst case scenario, he would get violent, and that would be a very unpleasant start to my final year of high school.

But, surprisingly, he did neither.

In fact, instead of punching my lights out, he didn't even look up, his eyebrows just pinching in worry and his head dropping lower, bottom lip trapped between his pearly white teeth as he almost tried to hide himself behind his books.

And, instead of cursing me for bumping into him, he just spoke in a quiet, slightly panicked voice, layered thickly with a genuine apology.

"Oh, man, sorry, my bad," Xander Hart murmured, quickly scuttling around me and muttering to himself, something about not knowing where the heck his classroom was.

I found myself standing there in dazed confusion, before the bell rang for the start of the first class, spurring me back into motion and quickly forgetting about Xander Hart and his uncharacteristic reaction.

Maybe he just partied too hard last night, or woke up on the wrong side of the bed.

Either way, it didn't matter - I had no plans on interacting with him in this final year of school, just like every other slowly passing year.

***

"Dude, you're the captain of our team, and the best player I've ever seen - you're telling me you're not sure if you want to go professional? Coach said that there were some uni scouts asking about you, so if you wanted the path to a professional soccer career has literally been paved for you! There are people that would kill to be as lucky as you," Jason said, slapping my sweat-soaked back, my friend smelling like stale sweat and grass after training. 

"I just don't know that kind of lifestyle would be for me. I like soccer, but I'm not sure it's something I want to pursue as a career..." I said, scratching the back of my neck in embarrassment at the way Jason was going on and on about how amazing a career in professional sport would be.

"What wouldn't be for you? There's fame, money, and let's be honest, the wives and girlfriends of all of the famous sportsmen are fucking gorgeous. They're all models and shit. Come on, Elias. You know you're already popular here at school, but if you did this, you would join the big leagues. Maybe you'd finally find a girl that you're actually into," Jason said, making me groan.

"Jase, that... that life really isn't for me. I'd... I'd want something..."

Real. 

I didn't want people to recognise me as I walked down the street. I didn't want exorbitant amounts of money to blow on fancy cars and marble-lined mansions. I didn't want to date models or actresses or singers.

I just wanted to live a happy, quiet life with someone that would be happy with the same.

Someone that just wanted to live our lives side my side, happy with what we had together. 

I looked at Jase, wondering if he would understand what I wanted to find, but as he continued to talk on and on about the so-called 'perks' of a professional soccer career, I decided that he probably wouldn't.

"Hey, you go ahead first, I've got to talk to the coach about something," I said, Jason slapping my back again.

"Yeah, you go and secure that soccer career of yours," Jason winked, making me roll my eyes, waiting for him to disappear into the change rooms before letting out a heavy sigh. Unlike my words, I didn't see the coach, who had definitely already left for the staff rooms to make a quick exit, eager to get home after the first day of school like everyone else was.

I waited for a short while around the side of the change rooms, not wanting to make conversation with Jason or my other teammates, who would also be asking me about why I didn't want to take advantage of the my apparent good fortune at being scouted by soccer representatives.

While waiting for the majority of the team to finish washing up and head home, my eyes wandered over the campus, falling upon an upstairs classroom across the field. There was some movement in the large windows, and squinting I saw a small handful of students standing up. Since it was already so late after school, that classroom was definitely where detention was being held.

As the students stood, there were a few familiar faces of girls from my class, hanging back and giggling amongst themselves as they rearranged their uniforms and ran their fingers through their hair. A fiery-haired girl left first, scuttling out with her head down, while one platinum-haired boy - Xander -  seemed to stare after her forlornly. 

I briefly wondered what Xander did to land himself in detention yet again. I'm sure Jase and the other guys would've known about the recent gossip revolving around the guy, but it was only the beginning of the year and I had more important things to worry about than inane gossip.

The three girls from my class sauntered up to Xander then, and I scoffed under my breath as I suddenly recalled something Jase had been talking about at lunch involving Xander, a science lab and multiple girls. 

Ah. I guess they're going for round two in detention. I don't need to see this, ugh.

I turned away from the classroom, not wanting to see whatever Xander and the girls got up to in their attempt to get detention for the next three weeks straight, instead heading in to the change rooms to wash up and head home. Most of the guys had already finished and Jase was one of the last out, offering to wait for me to go home part of the way together, but I waved him off, the boy slapping my shoulder with a quick 'See ya!' and heading out. 

The change rooms were quiet, and I sighed in relief, quickly stripping down and stepping behind the doors to the showers. I washed quickly, but allowed myself to stand under the steaming water for a little longer, the heat soothing my strained muscles and water washing away my fatigue.

It was when I finally turned off the faucet that I heard some noises from outside, eyes narrowing. Wrapping a towel around my waist, I stilled my breath to listen, wondering if one of my teammates had forgotten something and run back for it. 

"Fuck," a muffled voice cursed from outside, not belonging to any of my friends, making me pause cautiously. After a brief bout of scuffling noises, the voice spoke again, a litany of panicked curses. "Fuck, fuck, fuck!"

I frowned and moved to lock the shower door that I hadn't bothered with since I was the only one here, but as I moved forward the door suddenly swung open. Instinctively, I bit back a startled yell and plastered myself against the wall, the swinging door obscuring me from view. 

I was about to say a few choice words to whoever decided to ransack the school showers, but the accusations died in my throat when I saw who it was currently kneeling in a puddle of soapy water on the tiled floor. 

Xander Hart.

His uniform was dishevelled as it always was, but his expression was so far from what I had seen from him in all the years I've been at the school; instead of cool, cocky and collected, or borderline pissed, his eyes were wide and cheeks flushed, lip kneaded between his teeth as he seemed to shake a little. He looked terrified, so highly-strung that I wouldn't have been surprised if a ghost or gruesome monster burst through the door at any moment. 

Xander didn't even notice me, too wrapped up in whatever had him so terrified, his large fingers clumsily locking the door I had been aiming for just moments before. Still trembling, Xander thunked his head heavily against the door with a sigh.

For a moment, there wasn't a sound in the room apart from his heavy breathing and the steady plink of water against tile. It was only when I collected myself that I realised that Xander Hart was in the showers, and I was, essentially, naked.

Why am I suddenly running into this guy so much? I haven't even talked to him once these past five years, and suddenly he's everywhere?

And, wasn't he supposed to be in detention doing... things that warrant another detention slip?

"What are you doing here?" I suddenly asked, the boy jumping and almost falling onto his behind into another puddle of water, a strange choked and strangled noise leaving his throat as he spluttered in shock.

His emerald eyes immediately flickered over to me but missing my face, widening when he noticed me standing there in just a towel, before immediately scuttling back across the tiles away from me.

What the...

"Holy shit! OhmyGodIamsosorry," Xander yelped in a rush as he tore his eyes away from the towel wrapped around me. The moment he spoke, his eyes widened in fear as he whipped his head towards the door, clapping his hand over his own mouth. 

I looked at Xander in confusion, gripping the towel around me tighter as the boy's eyes had inadvertently brushed over it. 

Maybe a teacher caught them doing a... certain biology experiment in the classroom and he's running away?

"Like I said, what are you doing h-" I tried again, Xander leaping up so quickly I jumped in surprise, almost dropping the towel preserving my modesty. My eyes widened when Xander shushed me frantically, not looking at me at all but still staring at the door as he softly backed me up against a wall. 

His fingers flapped over my face and initially missed my mouth entirely, before finding my lips and covering them with another panicked "Shush!", the smell of his cologne rushing up as he blanketed me in his warmth, which contrasted so harshly with the coolness of the tiles pressed against my back. 

"Please be quiet, I'm trying to hide from them!" Xander said, finally turning to meet my eyes. As I stared into the depths of his green irises, I swore I could see the emotions that flicked through them, each so obvious and expressive that it left almost nothing to the imagination. 

Shock, recognition, panic, worry, fear.

The boy seemed to freeze, and the hand over my mouth was uncomfortable. It was when my fingers brushed his wrist to make him drop it that he seemed to realise what he was doing, his hand disappearing from me like I was made of hot coals, the boy stumbling back.

Xander's mouth opened and closed as he struggled to find his words, making me frown. He glanced at the door, then back at me, before knotting his fingers tightly into his school shirt and looking strangely small despite his large stature.

"Please just be quiet for a second, until they go away," he pleaded, running his fingers through his hair, voice so quiet and soft that the dripping tap was almost louder than he was. The boy bristled noticeably when footsteps sounded just outside the door, his body shaking as he gave me a pleading, desperate look. "Please."

I opened my mouth to ask him who 'they' were, because I couldn't imagine anyone making Xander Hart this terrified. When teachers had a go at him he had just scoffed and revelled in their anger. He had no respect for authority, nor his peers, so for someone or something to make him so scared was... incomprehensible. 

The door handle to the showers clicked loudly as someone tried to pry it open, Xander growing even more pale and looking like he was about to pass out from terror, the boy darting over to the corner of the shower as if he could just disappear into the tiles.

"Xander, we know you're in there," a feminine, coquettish voice called out from behind the door, and I raised a brow. 

Okay... that's not the voice of the rabid beast I would have expected Xander to be running from.

Why is he so terrified of... a teenage girl?

"Open up, baby," another voice chimed in, and I immediately looked at Xander to see his reaction. Oh, God. The boy was white as a sheet, slowly sinking down onto the ground as he covered his face in his hands as if even his deathly still breath was too loud.

Instead of the tiger I had always expected Xander Hart to be, he looked more like a frightened kitten in that moment. 

Even though we certainly were not friends, I couldn't just leave him like this. He was terrified, and I may not know why, but his obvious panic was enough for me to intervene.

Xander almost fell over trying to stop me when he noticed me moving towards the door, but I ignored him and opened it, positioning myself to obscure him from sight with my body. 

I saw three girls standing there, recognising them as the ones from detention just earlier. They shrieked in surprise when they saw me and not Xander, before shamelessly staring at my body which made me frown, lips pressed tightly together. Their gazes made me uncomfortable, and maybe I could understand why Xander was running away.

So contrary to everything I've seen and heard of him. Knowing him, he'd be more than happy with the way these girls are chasing after him, something that would definitely feed his ravenous ego... 

 Clearing my throat, I jerked my head to the exit.

"These are the male change rooms, you're not supposed to be here. I won't tell the teachers if you get out of here now, but if you hang around here again I'll have to inform them and you won't be let off lightly," I said, voice stern but not raised, the girls scuttling off immediately.

When I turned back to Xander, I was surprised to see him staring at me with wide eyes, head slightly tilted to the side. His pink lips were slightly parted, and it was as if he was seeing me properly for the first time. 

That would make two of us.

Keeping a tight hold of the towel around me, I jerked out a hand at the shocked boy to help him up. The knees of his pants were thoroughly soaked through, and yet he didn't seem to care about it. 

The change was as startling as it was sudden.

The face that had been scrunched up in terror morphed into something else entirely; his brows smoothed out, eyes softened, lips curling up in a smile that was by no means his usual smirk. In fact, the smile seemed to light up his entire face, eyes crinkling as he gripped my hand tightly and warmly, pulling himself up.

Xander had always been good-looking, any one with eyes would know that that was simply a fact. However, I hadn't been convinced that beauty was reflected in his personality, which was brash, arrogant and sometimes even cruel. But, when he smiled like that, it made me think that maybe, just maybe, the person on the inside wasn't all bad.

"Thanks," Xander said, dropping his hand from mine, my now empty hand hovering alone for a moment. 

Xander smiled at me again, that weird, uncharacteristic, otherworldly smile, and I was confused, because this wasn't the Xander I'd seen all these years.

"You..." I started, words failing completely.

Who are you?

Falling for the Bad Boy - Part III

"Xander has been fucking weird, lately," Jase said, spitting out the boy's name with vitriol as he threw on his shirt, stuffing his training gear haphazardly in his bag.

At the mention of Xander's name, my interest in the conversation I had been only half-listening to was revived, and I looked up from where I was folding my uniform in curiosity. I didn't say anything, Jase more than content to talk.

"He's actually been showing up to class, but he just sits by himself like a fucking weirdo, not talking to any one. It's so weird. And instead of being loud and disruptive, he's just... quiet."

I thought back to when Xander had bumped into me that other day, his quiet and mumbled "Sorry". Xander did seem quieter than usual, but there wasn't anything wrong with quiet. Not when Xander's 'quiet' wasn't disruptive or a nuisance, but instead just calm and gentle.

"Oh, yeah. I don't know, it's so weird. Like, he was always cocky, but now he's acting like he's too good to talk to anyone, even his friends. Like, who the fuck does he think he is?" Tom added, rolling his eyes.

I remembered Xander's terrified face as he ran way from the girls in the showers, his wide eyes and radiant smile as he thanked me for doing nothing amazing at all. He smiled like the sun, and yet looked at me like I hung the moon for simply offering him a hand. Was that someone who thought they were better than everyone?

"He's been hanging out with that new girl in our year though, remember? That red head," Tom added. 

I raised a brow, pointlessly rearranging the things in my sports bag to pass time, despite being ready to leave.

"That's true. I've heard that heaps of the girls that Xander used to fuck are pissed off, saying that she's not hot enough for Xander and shit."

"I mean, I've seen her around. She's not ugly, just... really average?" Noah said, Tom nodding in agreement. 

"Well, everyone's saying that they're a thing now, since they've been hanging out together heaps. See? Anna just messaged me, apparently she saw them at the library together a second ago, laughing and stuff." Jase said, pulling out his phone and blowing up a grainy picture of Xander and the new girl at the library. Everyone crowded around him, and I lightly elbowed Tom out of the way so I could see a little better, raising myself onto my toes to peer over Jason's shoulder.

The girl was mainly obscured in the picture by a towering bookshelf, but a sliver of bright red hair and bare shoulder was visible. She was pointing to something written in a notebook, and Xander was leaning on the table casually, eyes squinting as he seemed to laugh with unabashed amusement, white teeth flashing in a bright smile. 

Huh, so I guess he does smile like that all the time?

"Fuck, he actually looks so whipped for this chick?" Tom whistled, Jase snorting.

"Are you kidding me? He's probably being nice just so he can fuck her, and then he'll dump her like all the other girls. Everyone knows he has slept through most of the girls in our grade, especially after his ex changed schools. Still hung up on her, probably," Jase said, Noah humming.

"I mean, compared to this girl, his ex was super hot," Noah said, Tom rolling his eyes. "What? It's true!"

"Yeah, hot but a bitch," Tom said, Noah punching him in the arm with a laugh, signalling my time to tap out of the conversation.

"I've gotta head home now guys. See you at school on Monday," I said, not wasting any time leaving. I caught the first tram I saw, taking it until I reached the stop closest to the train station. It was on the short walk between stops that I heard voices in front of the library, the only noise in an otherwise very quiet neighbourhood.

"O-Oh, sorry... we really... our train..."

My steps faltered at the familiar - yet curiously unfamiliar - voice, followed by a startled gasp. My feet immediately picked up. As I got closer, the voice was growing clearer, and rounding the corner I could clearly see the owner of the voice.

Xander was standing there, arm held out to the side as a barrier between the guy getting up in his face and the smaller girl behind him, who gripped onto the back of Xander's shirt and waist with tight fists. She was the girl in the picture and the one that Xander was supposedly currently trying to sleep with, but I didn't linger on her for too long, not when Xander let out a pained groan that he was obviously trying to bite back.

"Please get off, I don't want to cause any trouble..." Xander tried, voice placating and soft in an attempt to calmly defuse the situation despite the trepidation in his tightly coiled muscles. I was momentarily startled by how politely Xander was trying to speak to the obviously aggressive and antagonistic stranger, something I hadn't expected from the boy, who was clearly physically stronger and taller than the aggressor. 

There was something nice about that, but I didn't have time to dwell on it when the red-head from behind him said something, pushing out from Xander's protective wing, only resulting in the other man's face to contort in anger as he bristled.

"We were being real friendly towards you, but I guess that was wasted considering you're a bitch and your boyfriend here is a pussy," the guy spat, Xander wincing but still standing firm, solidly shielding the girl from the brunt of the man's aggression. 

The only pussy here is the guy that resorts to violence when rejected. How could Xander be considered weak when he's clearly trying to protect someone, even when he is so clearly terrified?

"Xander, look out!"

I immediately dropped my bag, rushing forward just as the asshole assaulting my classmates swung his arm back, priming for a punch. 

I gritted my teeth as I caught the punch in my hand, the force making me have to dig my feet in to not tumble right into Xander and the new girl. 

"What..." Xander breathed out from behind me as I narrowed my eyes at the guy, who was surprised that someone came out of nowhere. I twisted his hand, forcing him to take a few steps back as he snarled, turning to look at Xander who was blinking in confusion.

"You alright?" I asked, quickly glancing over Xander's toned body to check for injuries, the boy unresponsive as he just gaped at me. Worried, I turned around to him more fully, beginning to reach out to shake his shoulder. "Xander, are you..."

"Watch out!" 

The girl behind Xander that I had momentarily forgotten about screamed, but it was too late. I had turned my head in response to her cry, but the world immediately span as heat blossomed on my face as pain shot up through my head. 

I tumbled forward, expecting to hit pavement, but instead my fall was cushioned by a sturdy weight that wrapped its arms around me like a cocoon. 

I groaned in pain, wondering through the haze of shock if my nose was broken. 

"Oh my God, are you okay?!" Xander gasped, those seemingly rough hands tenderly gripping my chin to assess the damage, careful yet firm. I winced as I opened my shut eyes to look at Xander, whose brow was furrowed in concern that reflected in his honest eyes, that panicked expression similar to the one in the showers returning.

I immediately had the instinct to placate him, to make him not worry, because he looked far better when he was carefree and smiling.

"I'm fine..." I mumbled, tensing in pain, the boy only looking more and more distressed. When a small trail of blood dripped from my nose, Xander seemed to still, the concern morphing into anger.

Oh, no, did my blood get onto his shirt or something... God, if he punches me again I'll probably die...

But then, Xander turned his eyes away from me, slowly picking himself up with careful, slow movements, steely gaze locked onto the guy who punched me. 

My heart stuttered, Xander saying something that was lost on the ringing in my ears, before the other guy was suddenly on the floor. It all happened so fast, my eyes not even looking at the fleeing assholes but fixed on Xander, whose back looked so strong in that moment, the harsh glare of the sun blocked by his shadow. 

I wondered how the red-haired girl felt behind shielded by that broad back, if she was both soothed yet overwhelmed at the same time, a confusing and complexing mix of feelings. Soothed, because of the comfort of realising someone was there to protect her. And overwhelmed, because, for a moment, her heart seemed to stop in her chest.

However, all of that was blown away when Xander turned around with wide eyes, knuckles red as his hands shook, face crumpling as he dropped down into a squat, mumbling to himself almost incoherently.

"I punched someone in the face. That's really not good. Oh shit," Xander muttered, running his fingers through his hair as he pinched his cheeks like he was punishing himself. 

The contrast between the Xander from a moment ago and the one now made my stomach flip, and I coughed, the motion only making my nose ache once more, causing me to double over in pain.

"Oh my gosh, are you okay? Xander, help!" the girl beside me yelled, Xander immediately snapping out of his lamentation, dropping onto his knee beside me, his gaze so concerned and tender I couldn't bring myself to meet his eyes, because every time I did I felt dizzy all over again.

***

What is happening right now?

I sat, frozen, as Xander Hart hovered in front of me with a focused expression etched onto his sharp features. He was nibbling on his lower lip slightly, a habit of his that I had only recently become aware of, and there was a small crinkle in his brow that hadn't smoothened out ever since I got punched. He dabbed the damp towel carefully against my skin, touch feather-light, cautious yet thorough. 

Has Xander Hart always been like this? This... gentle, kind, considerate? Have I, and everyone else, judged him completely wrong this whole time...?

I felt shame build in my gut, realising that I had maybe become one of those people that I had disliked in the past. People who judged based on appearance, on rumours and whispers. I had avoided this boy for the past five years because of what I had been told, of the persona people had built for him, and in doing so I never actually saw him in the living, breathing flesh.

Have I been missing out on this person for five whole years?

No, but I remembered seeing him in detention, the way he spoke back to teachers, the way he skipped classes and seemed to care for nothing at all.

I frowned, trying to grapple between the image I had of him and the boy in front of me right now, carefully cleaning the blood off my face, apologising under his breath when the towel got closer to my sore and bruised nose. The incongruence between the two Xanders made my head ache, adding to the throbbing pain I was already experiencing from being punched. 

Which is the real you?

I grabbed Xander's wrist tightly, the boy blinking and pausing his movements, confused.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked slowly, peering into Xander's eyes cautiously, looking for any flicker of dishonesty in them but only seeing my clear, unclouded reflection in them.

"This?"

"Helping me," I said, before swallowing thickly and looking down at the bloodied towel in his hands and the paint redness of his knuckles, feeling heat spread up the back of my neck. "Being all..."

Kind. Confusing. Protective. Amusing. Caring. Wonderful...

I couldn't voice these words, embarrassment seeping through my pores at those thoughts. Xander suddenly chuckled, as if something I said was hilarious, and I panicked as I thought I said those words aloud.

"You helped us first," Xander said, shrugging with a smile. "I mean, I should be the one with the bloody nose, not you. You're not supposed to be the one getting into fights. Why did you step in? You didn't have to."

You're not supposed to be the one getting into fights.

Something about that struck me as odd, and I looked at Xander again. Did he know about how some people viewed him? Surely he had to - the whispers in the halls were hardly whispers, after all. He must know that people thought he was hot-headed, that he wouldn't think twice about punching a guy's lights out for a minor transgression, let alone something like what happened earlier today...

But the person in front of me wasn't the person he was supposed to be. 

The confusion in my mind cleared up almost immediately.

Because it didn't matter to me. What people said Xander was, what people said he did, that didn't matter at all.

I only saw the Xander in front of me, in this moment. 

That was the only Xander that mattered.

And this Xander was someone that was so concerned about me, that he forgot that his hand was bruised and swollen, a fact that made my lips quirk up slightly in endeared amusement.

When I placed the icepack from my face against his hand, trying not to focus too much on how his hand felt wrapped in mine, I couldn't help but think -

Seriously, how can someone that looks like you be so cute?

And then the new girl - Aubrey, I now knew - descended the stairs, and Xander's attention was immediately snatched away.

Falling for the Bad Boy - Part IV

"Ugh, look at him. Looks like he's already back to normal. Don't worry about him, Aubrey, he's not worth it," Jase said, jerking his head over to Xander's table, which I had already been glancing over at on occasion throughout lunch the moment Xander had been dragged by his best friend to their usual table. Xander had immediately been engulfed by numerous arms and flirtatious giggles, and I found myself scoffing alongside the rest of my friends. Though, they turned their nose up in disgust, while I...

I stifled the tightness in my chest, turning my eyes away from Xander who was being hugged by a pretty girl. Her arms rubbed up and down his strong arm and grabbed at his hands, the same hands that had so carefully caressed my cheek on the weekend.

"Hm? I'm not worried? Is there something I be worried about?" Aubrey asked, genuinely confused as Noah and Tom just looked at her in pity, likely thinking that she was yet another one of Xander's conquests, a thought that made me want to roll my eyes.

I wasn't quite sure if Aubrey had feelings for Xander, considering we had only known each other for a few days, but I wouldn't be surprised if she did. Xander was handsome, almost unrealistically so, and coupled with how kind he was, any one would be a goner. 

Including me.

The realisation that my interest in this new Xander was more than platonic had crept up on me in the early hours of the morning as I lay wide awake in bed. I still didn't quite know how to feel, because a guy had never made my heart skip a beat like this before, but then again, I had never met anyone that was quite like Xander.

This interest was only a bud, barely anything, but I had the feeling that it had the potential to become everything.

"You're way too nice for someone like Xander!" Noah suddenly said, drawing my attention out of my busy mind, Aubrey now looking more confused.

"Yeah, you're better off with someone else. Maybe, someone like Elias here...?" Jase said teasingly, winking at me as Aubrey just blushed, shaking her head and waving her arms, before shooting me an apologetic look.

"Not that you're unlikeable, Elias! You're really nice, I'm just not looking for a relationship right now! I mean, with school and everything..."

Her words run true to me, since from what I had seen over the weekend, Aubrey and Xander were simply friends at the moment, and neither of them had made a move.

Yet.

And hopefully never, if I could help it.

I groaned internally at my horrible thoughts, chastising myself for even thinking them. If they liked each other, who was I to interfere? If anything, they would go well together. I didn't know what my friends were on - Aubrey wasn't 'average' in terms of looks, but had a fresh, innocent kind of beauty that you could see if you spent time beside her. When they stand next to each other, Xander and Aubrey look like a good couple, both kind, bubbly, gentle.

And, besides, it wasn't as if Xander would even like a guy.

When I looked at Xander again, I could see his blatantly uncomfortable expression, and felt a sprig of anger build. Could none of his friends see that he was uncomfortable? That he's tense and frowning, and not smiling like he should be?

Do they even see what I see? Are they even looking at him?

No, it was obvious they weren't. 

But I was.

And, right now, he was looking back at me.

I smiled a little as Xander's expression turned hopeful, my eyes extending an invitation, which he readily took.

When he left that other table, the girls around him confused and his best friend looking like he tasted something sour, I felt anticipation swell up inside me.

Aubrey also perked up when he approached, waving him over happily despite the surprised grumbles from the rest of the table, from people that didn't even look at the boy approaching us.

"Hey, Xander," I said, the boy stuffing his fingers in his pockets, looking a little shy as his cheeks reddened slightly, small smile playing at his lips.

"Hey. Got any room left on your table?"

For you? Always.

Falling for the Bad Boy - Part V

I brushed the grass off my knees and wiped my sweat-soaked forehead with the back of my wrist, squinting into the sun to look at the stands. The person I was looking for stood out amongst the crowd, somehow commanding my attention each and every time. 

I swallowed dryly, from exhaustion as the end of the match drew nearer, but also because Xander's appearance made it a little hard to breathe.

He wasn't wearing anything flashy, just a plain white T-shirt and dark jeans, but the clothes hung off his body like they were honoured to be worn by him, doing their best to show off his taut physique. He was far away, but I could just make out his face as he clapped, whistling as he and Aubrey cheered.

Aubrey screamed as she waved her arms at me, making me smile a little, before the smile faltered when she turned to Xander and grabbed his arm, shaking it wildly and murmuring something in his ear. 

Come on, Eli. They're friends, we're all friends, so you need to stop getting riled up over every little thing. 

Despite the rational part of me condemning my thoughts, I couldn't help the way my stomach twisted every time someone got close to Xander, because if they were close to him there would be no room left for me.

"You got this, bro," Jase said, slapping my back as we lined up for the final penalty kick, the one that would decide the match. 

I managed to shoot Jase a smile, pulling my shirt up to wipe away my sweat once more, glancing at the stands again.

Xander was leaning his elbows on his knees, eyes watching me intently, worrying his lip between his teeth again, like he always seemed to do.

The corner of my mouth lifted as I turned towards the goal, determined.

Yeah, you've got this, Eli. You've got to make him keep his eyes on you.

I gave everything I had for that final kick, relief flooding me when it sunk into the back of the goal, cheers erupting from the crowd and my teammates as they rushed over to me. I looked over at the stands again, noticing that Xander was standing up with a wide grin and clapping enthusiastically and jumping up and down. Such a tall, strong guy with a smile that wide was adorable, and I couldn't drop the smile from my face even if I tried.

I hurriedly shook hands with our bitter opponents before jogging over to my friends, who climbed down a few rows of seats to lean against the field railing.

I didn't know what I was going to say to Xander, since all I knew that I wanted to see him, but when he neared all I could think was that I didn't want to part ways just yet. 

Swallowing nervously, I fiddled with the metal railing to try and still my nerves, because how did someone go about asking someone like Xander out?

I glanced at Aubrey then, before apologising to her in my mind, using her presence to hide my budding feelings.

Well, here goes nothing...

"Do you guys have plans for the day?" I asked them both, while only looking at one.

***

"Sorry guys, gotta go," I said, not even bothering to dry my hair before grabbing my bag, giddy. 

"What? Where are you rushing off to?" Jase called after me, making me turn back to him with a grin.

"I've got a date," I said, winking, Jase spluttering and yelling for details which I just waved off with a laugh, running to meet up with Xander and Aubrey.

Shampoo-scented water dripped down my neck, but I didn't care, letting the sweltering sun do its work. I didn't want to keep Xander waiting any longer, or maybe I couldn't want any longer. Sometimes it was hard to tell.

Running to the meeting spot, I read over Xander's messages again, pulling them apart in my mind. 

Xander's ex is here. Xander is avoiding his ex. Xander wants nothing to do with his ex, the ex that he was supposedly still hung up over.

Thank God.

It would be a lie to say that I wasn't ecstatic to hear that Xander apparently had no pleasant feelings about his ex, but I wasn't going to take any chances. If he was left alone, even with Aubrey there, and that girl took away his attention...

At the thought I quickened my pace, only relaxing when I saw Aubrey and Xander standing by themselves at the school gate. No ex-girlfriend in sight, good.

"Sorry, were you guys waiting long?" I breathed out when I reached them, Xander shaking his head and holding out an arm, which I stared at in confusion. Xander laughed, grabbing onto the strap of my heavy sports bag, attempting to take it from me.

"Let me carry it. You must be super tired after the soccer game, I can take it for you," Xander said, and I didn't know how I remained standing upright when my knees suddenly felt like giving way. 

This guy, always catching me off guard. Calm, Eli. Calm. He's just being nice, don't read too much into it or you'll regret it for sure.

"No, it's fine, it's fine," I assured Xander, who just shrugged but said the offer was still there, before letting out a little snorted laugh.

"You could've tried to dry your hair more," he said, flicking at one of the curly tendrils of my hair, a droplet of water transferring to the tip of his finger, which he flicked at me. 

CALM, ELI. CALM.

I had managed to school myself into a facade of calm by the time we boarded the train, but, after a series of very fortunate events, there was no way I could even pretend to be calm. 

Not when I had a whole lapful of Xander.

Xander was warm and heavy, the full weight of a muscular man pressing me into the seat, and yet he sat so stiffly like he was trying not to crush me. My nose rested against the back of his neck, the smell of his cologne mixed with the freshness of shampoo and something that was uniquely him suffocating me despite the shallow breaths I was puffing out against his skin. 

The train lurched, and Xander almost toppled off me, so it was only appropriate for me to snake my arm around his waist to hold him steady. Definitely very, very appropriate and not at all suspicious.

Nope, not at all. The train is very bumpy today, it would be best to hold him a little tighter, to make sure he didn't hurt himself. I was just being a good friend, surely.

I had to will myself with every fibre of my being not to bury my face against his upper back, so I settled on squeezing his waist instead. When he didn't wriggle against my grasp and instead sunk into my arms, I hid my smile behind the boy in my lap, committing the feeling of his body on top of mine to memory.

When we arrived at our stop and Xander got off my lap, I could still feel the weight of his body on my legs, his heaviness leaving an imprint on my thighs and the slight tingle of pins and needles, which I didn't even mind.

No, I didn't mind at all.

Falling for the Bad Boy - Part VI

"It's because he looks like a prince!" Tillie yelled, hiding her face in my leg again as I just blinked at her, not expecting that this was the reason for her shyness. I couldn't fault my younger sister, though - it was great that she had good taste. She was only young, but if she was able to pick out the good guys from the bad at this stage, I wouldn't have to worry about her when she starts dating in the future. Very distant future, I hoped.

"Is that why you're being shy?" I asked Tillie gently, giving Xander a cautious look, wondering how he was going to respond. I understood that little kids weren't everyone's cup of tea - Jase and lots of the guys from the team were uncomfortably awkward around Tillie when they met her.

If Xander doesn't like kids...

I didn't have time to worry about that at all, because Xander suddenly laughed, his face lighting up like the summer sun. Kneeling down, the boy I was growing to like more and more with every smile met Tillie on her level.

"It's okay to be shy, I'm shy too," Xander said gently, Tillie immediately pulling her head away from my leg to look at Xander, still shy but curious and more at ease at his gentle tone. "Because it's my first time seeing a princess like you in real life!"

Tillie and I both stared at Xander then, my sister beginning to smile a little while I internally combusted, unable to hold back the incredulous laugh that escaped my lips. 

Oh no, he's good with kids. That's it. It's game over for me.

I like him. I like him a whole lot.

***

"She's really fond of you already," I said, mentally adding that I more than shared that sentiment, smiling wryly to myself. "I, um, didn't realise you were so good with kids."

Xander - no, Alex, because he was definitely more of an Alex - shook his head bashfully.

"I don't think I'm particularly good with them. To be honest, I think Tillie just got dazzled by my princely good looks," Alex said, shooting me a small wink, which shot straight to my heart. 

This guy needs to stop... There's only so much I can handle today, and he's already done too much. I don't think I can take it any more, I just want to...

Alex seemed to realise what he said, face immediately turning bright red. 

"Oh, shit. I just called him- I mean, myself, good-looking. Wow, I must sound like such a dick, I am so sorry you had to hear that, oh God. Who even says that, I'm just..." Alex rambled, his ears now turning a ripe cherry shade as I had to grip my cup tighter to suppress my laughter, only to fail miserably when Alex sunk onto the table. 

Cute. He's so cute. This is too much.

"Dude, stop laughing at me!" Alex whined, only making me laugh even more. 

"Sorry for laughing," I apologised ingenuously, Alex just huffing in embarrassment. Swallowing, I inched forward in my seat, leaning an elbow on the table. "And, well, it's not like you were lying anyway."

Alex paused, turning his attention away from the cookie he was devouring, looking at me like I had grown two heads. I fidgeted in my seat, suddenly very concerned that I had overstepped the invisible line drawn between us.

Shit. Was that too much? Am I making it too obvious? No, maybe he will just think you're joking, that this is just banter. Guys banter like this with each other normally, right? I wouldn't know, I've never act like this around Jase and the other guys...

I robotically picked up my mug and took a long sip to stop myself from saying anything else incriminating. 

"Hey, Elias..."

I paused, gripping tighter onto my mug.

Calm, Eli. Calm.

"You're pretty popular, right? I mean, at the game earlier, there were lots of girls in the crowd who are into you, you know?" Alex continued, and I frowned.

Maybe, but I only care about one person, and that person isn't a girl. That person is sitting right in front of me, oblivious to my feelings, feelings that he obviously doesn't share.

"Why are you asking...?" I said cautiously, testing the waters as I tried not to make any ripples, worried I would capsize and ruin this entire thing. 

"Oh, no reason," Alex said with a small smile, reaching forward for another cookie and munching on it happily. "Just wondering if you, I don't know, like anyone?"

If I had a mouthful of my drink right now, I was sure I would have spit it out all over the table.

"Why are you... Does it... Does it seem like I like... someone?" I churned out, trying not to stare at Alex, because the person that I liked was one and the same, and sitting a few mere feet in front of me, a few mere feet too far away.

My mind whirred to life, picking at Alex's words, hope building and crumbling at the same time. 

Does he know? Could he be trying to figure out if I like him in a roundabout way? Maybe, what if, potentially, hopefully... Could he maybe feel the same way as I d-

"Oh, no, I was just asking out of curiosity," Alex said, waving his hand in the air and going in for yet another cookie. "I mean, there are heaps of nice girls at school, I wouldn't be surprised if you liked someone. Especially Aubrey - she's really nice, and very pretty, don't you think?"

What?

The hope that had been building was unceremoniously shattered.

See, Eli? You idiot. You shouldn't hope for too much, for more than what you're given...

 "Aubrey?" I echoed, the name painful on my tongue. Alex nodded, smiling softly, and I winced. 

"Yeah, what do you think of her?"

"Aubrey's really nice, she's a good friend, I think," I started, before the words faded into silence.

Wait... Is Alex asking because he likes her? 

I suddenly felt very sick, the emotional turmoil becoming too much at the thought of my two friends becoming a couple, while I'm left broken-hearted and pining for someone that I had no chance with.

I didn't want to ask the question, too afraid of the answer, but I had to know. If I knew now, I could shutter away these feelings, before they couldn't be put away any longer.

"Do you like her?" I asked, hoping my voice didn't wobble.

Alex spluttered, slamming his hand down on the table incredulously, eyes wide. 

"Nooo, no no no, nope, big nope with a capital N," Alex said, face twisting into what was almost an expression of disgust, like the idea of him liking Aubrey was so unpalatable that he wouldn't even prod at it with a ten foot pole. "I mean, I'm fond of her as a human being, like, in a friendly way. I don't see her like... that. Not to say that she isn't attractive, I mean, I can see why people would like her like that, because she's really pretty, but I don't see her like that, you know?" 

I studied the boy in front of my intently, for a second wondering if his reaction was because he was poorly hiding his true feelings for her. He did seem like he would deny any feelings because of embarrassment, and yet...

I believed him. Maybe it was part hope and part foolishness, but I wanted to believe him.

Because, if I did, then I still had a chance.

Falling for the Bad Boy - Part VII

Alex lay beside me, a light snore passing through parted lips, and I was conflicted between being helplessly endeared and frustratingly annoyed. 

Endeared, because Alex had no right looking that adorable when sleeping, one hand rubbing absent-mindedly at his belly where my T-shirt had ridden up, his other hand stretched upwards and resting daintily on the pillow beneath his head.

Annoyed, because while I was here panicking because the boy I liked was currently in bed with me, he was fast asleep without a care in the world. I think I was leaning more towards annoyed, since I had been trying unsuccessfully to fall asleep for three hours, and it was now the early hours of the morning and I was exhausted after everything that happened today.

When I woke up this morning, I definitely didn't think the night would end like this, with Alex wearing my clothes and in my bed, making my sheets smell like him.

But the exhaustion that comes with feelings didn't start here. No, Alex had been testing me the entire time he was at my house, starting from how he was so effortlessly friendly with Tillie, how he was so polite to my parents and captivating them in the span of a single dinner, and how he had pressed up against me in the constricting confines of the pillow fort just hours prior.

I sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of my nose as I closed my eyes, recounting all of these events, only making my heart toss and turn like I was in bed.

***

"So, Alex, are you in the same year as Eli here?" dad asked, Alex nodding with a smile, looking at me.

"Yeah, we're in the same year, but we only became friends recently. Honestly, it's a shame we didn't become friends before," Alex said, eyes softening and becoming strangely wistful, which made me swallow my dinner hastily as I slapped at my heart.

Heartburn, or heartache. Sometimes it was hard to tell.

"Ah, so you're not on the soccer team with Eli. I thought I would remember you if you were," mum said with a little laugh, patting Tillie on the back of her head as the girl ungracefully leaned over the table to give Alex more of the potatoes she had made. "We definitely would've remembered a handsome friend like you, wouldn't we, Tillie?"

"Alex is the most handsome friend Eli has!" Tillie said surely, shovelling more and more potato chips onto Alex's plate, my friend giving me a desperate look to bail him out, which made both of my parents laugh.

I couldn't help but chuckle myself, pulling my plate closer to his to take some of his chips while mum distracted Tillie.

"Thanks," Alex murmured to me, leaning closer, our arms brushing. "If I keep eating everything Tillie gives me, I think I'll lose my abs."

I snorted at that, trying to fight back my smile as I imagined Alex with more of a pudgy build, only able to find that phantom image of him adorable. In fact, more rounded cheeks and a soft, huggable body would better match how soft the boy was inside. 

"Don't worry, you'd still be, and I quote, 'the most handsome friend Eli has' even without your abs," I assured him, Alex rolling his eyes and elbowing my side. Looking at him, I could clearly see the blush spreading on his cheeks and down his neck, chuckling again. It was so entertaining that he was so bashful whenever someone complimented his good looks, because I would've expected that he would have been hearing praises about his appearance since he was born. 

Well, it only makes him more adorable, if that's even possible. 

"So, have you thought about what you want to do after Year 12, Alex? Eli here has no idea what he wants to do, or at least, he hasn't told us. Makes us a little worried, hm, Eli?" mum said, making me huff a little, stabbing at my vegetables.

"Oh, don't worry, you definitely don't need to worry about Elias," Alex suddenly said, patting me on the back, shooting me a wide, knowing grin, which made me raise a brow. "I mean, I know how hard he works in school and things, plus how he balances it with soccer. He's amazing, kind, smart, and hardworking, so there really is nothing to worry about."

"Alex..." I whispered, fork shaking where it was resting in my hand, clattering on the plate. 

"Hm?" Alex hummed, looking at me happily, like he didn't just make my heart explode in my chest. "What? It's true! You're going to do so well, if you don't believe it, then believe me at least!"

This boy. This boy needs to stop being so cute, we're in front of my parents and I can hardly hold myself back. And God, Alex doesn't even know what he's doing to me, does he? How can he say such things with so much conviction? So many people have told me similar things, but they were just empty words that might as well have been air. Just platitudes that they said because that was what you're supposed to say.

But when Alex said these words, I could tell that he meant them. Wholeheartedly and unwaveringly. His belief in me was startling, and for now, I could cope with the thought that even if he didn't like me romantically, he still thought of me so fondly. 

I wanted to be the kind of person Alex believed in. The amazing, kind, smart, hardworking person he saw me as.

***

I laughed to myself as I was relegated to being the third-wheel, Tillie hanging off Alex as she pestered him about what they needed to do next to make the pillow fort. Apparently, Alex was the architect, Tillie the head of construction and I... moral support.

"Okay, so Tillie, Miss Head of Construction. Now that we have the support structure up, we need to put on the roof," Alex said seriously, Tillie nodding and running over to get the blanket, presenting it to Alex with gusto. 

"Is this blankie okay for the roof?" Tillie asked, staring up at Alex and awaiting praise, my friend chuckling and ruffling her hair.

"Yes, that's perfect! No wonder you're our head of construction," Alex said, Tillie giggling and hugging Alex around his legs before dragging the blanket over to the perfectly positioned chairs in the lounge.

I leaned into the couch, thankful that it was there to save my weak knees. Even though my friend and my sister had momentarily forgotten about me, I wasn't upset. Being forgotten meant that I could ogle at Alex without him noticing, and every time he smiled, every time he pat my sister on the head, every time he carefully helped her build the pillow fort of her dreams, I found myself hopelessly falling for the boy more.

My imagination did run wild, for a moment. I imagined us 10 years into the future, Alex running around the house with our kid on his back while I watched on, taking photos that I'd save and treasure forever. 

I had never considered kids before, since I was only 18 and, well, there were other things I had to worry about right now. I hadn't even thought about marriage before, but when it came to Alex, it was easy to imagine this kind of mundane, simple, happy future. 

"Is it done, Alex? Is it done?" Tillie chanted, bouncing up and down on her tiny heels, Alex giving her a thumbs up in approval. My sister squealed, running back over to me after remembering my existence, tugging me over to show off her hard work.

"I'm going in first!" Tillie said, dropping onto the floor and scuttling across it on all fours before diving into the pile of pillows on the ground, giggling happily while looking around the cosy walls over her pillow fort.

Alex and I shared a glance and a smile, before turning back to the very pleased girl in her castle.

"Will the princess please invite us into her castle?" I asked, Tillie nodding and allowing us in.

I tapped Alex on the small of his back, urging him forward, maybe lingering my touch a little too long. I didn't know if I was disappointed or relieved that Alex didn't react to my touch, immediately crawling in.

As he bent down, his tight jeans seemed to stretch even further, making his shapely ass even more pronounced, and I swallowed audibly, unable to tear my eyes away.

Eli, Eli, stop checking his ass out. Stop looking at his ass. Ugh, why can't you stop looking at his ass, you're hopeless.

I sucked in a tight breath, crawling in to the pillow fort behind Alex, mentally chanting to myself to not stare at his ass, even if it was hovering right in front of my face.

I failed miserably.

It was soon apparent that there was very little room inside the pillow fort for two teenage boys and a young girl, Alex manoeuvring himself as close to the blanket walls as he could, but unable to stop the need for me to half lean in to his broad, strong chest.

Trying to get comfortable, I shuffled further in, only to slip on an unstable pillow. My shoulder dropped against Alex's body, palm bracing itself on the first solid surface it could find, the familiar feeling of jeans and body warmth making me flush.

Eli, Eli, take your hand off his thigh. With how you feel about him, if you grope him any more it'll be sexual assault, even if Alex has no freaking clue about what's going on.

"Sorry," I muttered, taking my hand off Alex's body, which only made me more unstable and droop into his arms again, his arms bracketing me in to help steady my body. "Sorry..."

My words melted into silence when I looked up at Alex, eyes widening a fraction when I saw how close he was. He looked at me as well, the two of us staring at each other, breaths mingling and if I just leaned up slightly, our lips would...

I snapped my parted mouth shut, clearing my throat and looked away, cursing myself silently.

He doesn't feel the same way, what are you thinking about, kissing him like that?

"Mn, it's fine. We can't offend the princess in her own castle by complaining that it's too small," Alex said easily, completely unaffected by our close proximity, his easy-going smile both healing me and breaking me to pieces.

This boy is going to be the death of me, I swear.

***

Alex's breathing began to even out, the boy beside me slowly slipping off into sleep. I, on the other hand, couldn't stop my mind from whirling around and around, so full of thoughts about the oblivious person in my bed.

I couldn't get the image of Alex's naked torso from my mind, that sultry image so incongruous with the image of the charming, endearing, funny boy I had grown to like. No, the Alex that stood there in my room under the dim lights and waxen moonlight was something else entirely.

Light hair wet with raindrops, the water sliding down his neck slowly and lazily. His white T-shirt, already fitted but now clinging shamelessly to his body, not shy and showing every indentation of his defined muscles. The way his back flexed when he pulled that soaked material over his head, the taper of his taut waist slightly glossy with moisture, my eyes noticed it all.

The urge to just push the boy in front of me onto the bed had been so strong, but I was neither a rapist nor insane, so all I could do in that moment was stab my fingernails into the palm of my hand and rush out under the guise of getting him a laundry bag for his wet clothes.

My stiff neck almost creaked as I snuck a look at the boy lying next to me, his lips now slightly parted as he breathed easily, carefree. My heart stuttered as I stared at him, the boy wearing my clothes and bathed in my colours, and yet still so far away.

Tentatively I reached out, breath stilled and half expecting him to wake up and push me away. However, when my hand brushed against his sleeve he barely reacted, merely shuffling in the sheets and letting out an unconscious sigh, too lost in dreams that I was sure were not about me.

I chuckled pathetically, somehow unable to pull my arm away, greedy for his warmth that seeped into my palm. 

It seemed that I was greedy for a lot of things when it came to Alex.

Greedy for his attention, for his gaze, for his smile, for his laugh.

For his love.

Because, at this point, maybe, perhaps, definitely...

"I think I'm in love with you," I whispered into the silence, the words at first hesitant but then settling in my heart, sure and steady, and very, very frightening. 

Of course, Alex didn't stir, already fast asleep. His ease at sharing a bed with me made me smile wryly. I wondered if he was so at ease lying by my side because he was so used to it, having been intimate with so many people in so many beds in the past. I wondered if he would be so at ease lying next to a different person; any of the girls that fawned over him, that ex-girlfriend he apparently never got over, or even Aubrey. 

And, I wondered, if he was at ease because it was me in the bed with him. Just me, plain old Elias Fourie. Someone that didn't make his heart skip a beat or his breath stop. 

Because he wasn't in love with me like I was with him.

I was about to let out a sigh when Alex suddenly rolled over, mumbling something nonsensical about 'clichés' and a 'stupid author'. His warmth crowded my space, enveloping me in the feel of him, his arms unconsciously fumbling around and latching around my torso. His strong muscles wrapped around me as he continued mumbling, nose nuzzling into my shoulder, and I had to bite my tongue to withhold the surprised sound from escaping my mouth. 

"Oh, God," I whispered to no one but myself, Alex's mouth parted uncaringly as small, breathy snores left his mouth. With one of my arms pinned under Alex's neck, I could only use my other one to slap at my face helplessly, wondering how I got so lucky to be tortured like this, by someone who wasn't even conscious.

I didn't know how long it took me to fall asleep when Alex was nestled in my arms and snuggled up against me, and when I woke up he was already gone.

But the patch of warmth he left in my bed was still there, and under the light glow of the morning, I smiled.

Yeah, I think I'm in love with you.

A/N: Once again, Happy New Year everyone! Where I'm at, it's just past midnight, so I finished editing this chapter on time! Hope 2022 treats you all well, or at least better than 2021 did - and hope you look forward to the part 2 of Elias's POV, I'll try to write up the rest of it and release it as fast as I can!