"Oh fuck, boobs," I spluttered, since the way I had fallen had meant my face had momentarily been cushioned by an ample chest that bounced in a way that could only be achieved in a trashy teen novel. "God, so sorry, I, uh..."

The antagonist of plentiful boobage in 'Say No to Bad Boys'  winced, pushing herself off the ground as she rubbed her lower back, grumbling under her breath. Amber's movements were slow as she looked up at her apparent assailant, plush pink lips pulled back in what was definitely about to be a string of profanity, but instead grew slack the moment she opened her eyes and peered into mine. Recognition flashed across her face quickly, and those lacquered lips of hers quickly moved once again in incredulity as I hurried to try explain that my face-in-boob accident was really an accident.

"P-please don't slap me, it w-was an accident-"

"Oh fuck it's the toxic ab freak," Amber blurted out simultaneously, shutting me up. Amber also immediately stopped talking, mouth hanging open like a fish, the cogs in her brain visibly turning as were those in my own mind.  

Because her words... They're so out of character... As if... As if...

Amber blinked, and then I blinked, before the both of us pointed at each other with wide eyes.

"You're not-" we said at the same time, just as Elias quickly rushed up behind me, arms looping themselves around my torso and helping me up with a worried frown.

"Alex, are you okay?" Elias asked, voice soft yet a little frantic, brushing off some invisible dirt from my shoulders. I just stared at Amber in a daze, Elias's hands on me beginning to rub harder circles into my top as he shook me slightly. "Alex, are you hurt anywhere? Did you hit your head?"

"I, uh..." I mumbled, brain in a fog as Amber slowly picked herself up from the floor, her eyes never leaving mine as she reached forward tentatively. Her movements were unsure but hopeful, blue eyes beginning to swim with tears.

"This might be crazy... But everything is crazy after... But are you... I hope... God, please tell me you're..." Amber began, voice quivering as she twisted and knotted her hands together, long nails clacking as her fingers trembled nervously. 

Wait... Could she be... 

My heart thumped loudly in my chest as I stared at this face that I had been so terrified of just months ago at Elias's soccer game. That same blonde hair, blue eyes, sharp features and red lips had always made me want to run away to escape the clutch of her acrylic talons, because Amber Cross from 'Say No to Bad Boys' was a piranha with an insatiable appetite for Xander's little tadpoles.

But this wasn't that Amber Cross, not with the way she was looking at me, eyes misty and desperate and...

"No way," I breathed out, stepping forward and catching Amber's slender wrist in mine, pulling her closer as if I could see her better. See the real her. "A-Ambs?"

"Oh my God, it's really you, Lex!" Amber cried out, jumping up and slinging her arms over my shoulders, burying her face in my neck and letting out a loud sob. I cradled her body to me, my cable-wire muscles tightening around the frame that felt so different from my sister's, and yet so familiar. The familiarity was in the way her arms made me feel safe and never alone, in how tight they held me, in the way her fingers fisted the back of my shirt. Yes, Amber Cross's body had a pin-sized waist and soft, ample chest whereas my sister was just soft and cuddly everywhere, but the feeling it gave me was the same.

I didn't know how long we just stood there crying and blubbering as we held onto each other tightly, until I heard the confused yet curious murmurs of the patrons around us, as well as Elias's awkward cough from beside me. It was only at the sound of his voice that I peeled myself from my sister, though the two of us didn't let go of each other's arms, not after being apart for so long.

I looked at Elias, who just had a pinched expression on his face as he looked at Amber cautiously, his expression fracturing just slightly when he took in my blotchy, puffy eyes after crying so much in public. I was sure my face was bright red from embarrassment as well as the tears, and I definitely looked like a mess. I felt a sprig of guilt well up inside at making Elias worry about me.

Maybe he thinks that I really hurt myself when I tripped. Or, he probably knows about Xander and Amber's relationship and how Xander was super hung up over her mystical lady clam. Which is now my sister's lady clam, which is fucking gross. Yikes.

"Oh, uh, sorry, Elias," I said as I laughed shakily, voice scratchy. "This is, uh, I don't think you've ever met..."

"Amber, isn't it?" Elias said, voice suspiciously even, his usual easygoing smile somewhat stiff on his face as he stretched out a hand. "No, we've never met before, but I've heard about you. It's... nice to finally meet you."

Amber visibly winced at that, giving me a sideways glance which said everything I was thinking. Yep, Amber's reputation was probably as well-known as Xander's. Xander's dick may be known as the one and only Excalibur and legendary slayer of females, but Amber's hoo ha was also known to make men transcend the boundaries of mortality and enter the realm of  pure sexual enlightenment. Our original bodies' reputations definitely preceded them. 

"Uh, yes, nice to meet you too," Amber pushed out, shaking Elias's hand for a brief moment before Elias dropped it to turn to me as Aubrey finally caught up to us, walking through the still-open door of the restaurant, her pretty face a picture of confusion.

Amber seemed to recognise the protagonist as well, eyes wide as saucers as she squeezed my hand, as if warning me of her presence. 

Ha, joke's on you, my dear sister - I've been thirdwheeling the protagonist and her love interest for the better half of a year already. I am immune to the charms of the protagonist and all of the drama that accompanies her!

"Alex? Elias...? What's going on..." Aubrey asked, looking between the two of us before looking at Amber. Immediately, Aubrey's features grew hard, her pink lips pressing tightly into a line as she seemed to glare at Amber, who stiffened and scuttled closer to my side. 

Oh God, Aubrey's hatred of her original nemesis must be ingrained into her DNA! Aubrey, don't worry, my sister is definitely not going to be a threat upon your chances with the love of your life, trust me! No need to glare at her like she's a poorly-written character whose only personality trait is having big boobies!

"Fuck, what's the protagonist doing here, is she going to kill me?" Amber hissed to me as she tugged me down so she could whisper in my ear, which only made Aubrey glare at her even more, her red hair almost coming alive like true flames that would burn down any and all obstructions on her road towards true love.

"No, she's not going to..." I started, cautiously glancing at Aubrey who gave me a confusingly accusing look, which I returned with an awkward laugh. "Uh, Aubrey! This is Amber, my... uh... good friend. Like, we've known each other since childhood kind of good friend, basically like family, you know? Good friends."

It's not like I can call her my legitimate, blood-related sister that has reincarnated into the body of the ex-girlfriend of my own current reincarnated body... Because then my friends would definitely think I hit my head hard when I tripped.

"Oh, so you're Amber!" Aubrey chirped, though her smile did not seem to reach her eyes. "I didn't realise you and Alex were still such good friends."

I felt a shiver travel up and down my spine, and I'd wager that my sister experienced the same phenomenon under the heated gaze of the protagonist, inching even closer to my side. 

"Aubrey," Elias cut in, voice firm as he grabbed her forearm, giving her a look and a slight shake of his head, biting his lower lip. Aubrey pouted a little, the two of them having a conversation with their lovey-dovey eyes, before Aubrey seemed to deflate and step back, Elias looking at Amber and I with a smile.

"It seems like the two of you haven't caught up in a while, Aubrey and I can eat by ourselves if you want to hang out together instead," Elias said, Aubrey's head whipping towards me with steely determination, pleading with me for something.

I stared back at the protagonist in confusion, before it clicked.

Ohhhhh, I see! This is an excuse for you two to get some alone time! I'm sure you're misunderstanding something about me and my sister, but that's only natural since the original beings were a former couple. Smart thinking, Elias! Your number one wingman has got your back, Aubrey!

"Alright," I said, smiling brightly. "You'll have to pay for my meal another time, Elias. Just let me know when." 

Elias's strained smile seemed to soften a little at that, the soccer captain nodding and looping his arm around Aubrey's, steering her away as I grinned after the almost-couple's boldness, before turning back to the girl beside me, who was glancing between me and the other key characters with a gaping mouth.

"Lex... I... What's even going on?"

"Like Elias said, we have some serious catching up to do. Come on, let's go home, and you need to tell me everything, and I'll tell you everything, and-"

"Yeah," Amber said, her grip on my hand tightening even further, like she was scared that if either of us moved a step apart we'd be separated by the impossible rift of time and space and reality once again.

Because even after all that's happened, being reunited with each other seemed to be the most unbelievable occurence of all.

***

Amber and I sat tightly together in the pillow fort we made the moment we got back to my giant mansion. It still made me do a double take every time Amber would turn to me, the face of someone I had been terrified of melting into the familiar expressions of my sister, and the change only made me tear up every few minutes. Amber had been the same, fighting back tears as she piled pillow after pillow on top of one another, stopping to give me a hug between each one.

"Do you want to spill first, or should I?" Amber asked, leaning her head onto my shoulder as I draped my arms around her. 

"You. Ambs, if you're here... then did you..."

"Die? Like you?" Amber answered, laughing dryly. My throat clammed up at the thought of my sister dying, overlaid by the memories of my own crash that I had suppressed since arriving into this new world. "Don't worry, Lex. I didn't... 'follow' you, if that's what you were wondering. Classic drunk driver situation plus pedestrian crossing accident."

"Fucking truck-kun," I mumbled, Amber snorting. 

"Yep, 2-0 to truck-kun, zero points for us," Amber said, the two of us sharing a bleak laugh before my sister sighed again. "It was an accident, truly, but... I wasn't angry, you know? Or sad, or... I mean, even when I was bleeding out on the road, all I could think about was that you were probably waiting for me. Guess I was right, huh. But who knew you'd be waiting here."

"How long since..."

"Only a month," Amber said, gesturing up and down at her new body with a grimace. "One second I was bleeding out, and the next I was in this body. Ugh, I'm still so fucking traumatised, Lex! Waking up in this body was legitimately worse than the dying part! I woke up, and I was fucking naked, in a random bed, with some fucking axe body spray cross morning-breath college dude next to me! Who was also naked, might I add! His dick touched my fucking leg it was horrific! It was like a wet, shrivelled sausage and... Ugh. Anyway, I ran the fuck out of there, but then I had no idea where I was, and guess what, that place I ran out of was apparently Amber's own fucking house! So I had to go back in and deal with Mr Dehydrated Sausage before I could freak out in the safety of the antagonist's bedroom!"

"Oh my God, I'd rather die again if that happened to me, Ambs. I was truly blessed that Xander was taking a break from stuffing lady potholes the night I came here," I said, patting my sister comfortingly on her shoulder as she shivered at her vivid memory.

Amber began to get more riled up as she remembered all of her plights from the last month, beginning to rant about how all the men at her school saw her as a piece of meat and that the old Amber had loved and coveted that kind of attention. She regaled to me about how she threw her phone into the pool at her house because random guys kept sending her pictures of their junk, and how she had to break up with three irate men when she realised that the other Amber had been dating all of them at the same time. 

"One of the guys tried the whole 'no baby you're mine, let me remind you who you belong to' shite while unzipping his pants, and of course I said helllll no to his little rape fantasy and plucked his raisins straight out of his puny little body. Oh, and guess what, because this body has obviously had lots of downstairs pokey fun, I went and got tested, right. Turns out she had fucking chlamydia. Like, what the fuck, Lex! I'm a virgin, I want to unsubscribe to this crap!"

"Wait, oh God, I just realised something and I want to barf," I said, paling. "These bodies have, you know... before... like... Xander's peen has said hello to your... oh, ew. No, no, nope. Nuh uh. Blegh. Barf."

"Gross! Ew, yuck, get out of here, fuck! Ew, no, I need to scrub this from my mind!" Amber yelled shrilly, the two of us slapping at our bodies like that would remove that fact that Xander's ship has docked itself in Amber's harbour on many occasions before, which meant that my new body and my sister's new body have... Nope, nope, nope! Incest was not in the story tags, bye bye Alabama, sayonara prison!

"Where's truck-kun when you need him?" I wailed, Amber nodding as she buried her head in her knees. 

The two of us were silent as we tried to stave off the impending projectile vomit of disgust, until Amber quietly piped up. 

"That gross fact aside... Being here, it was the worst. And I felt so alone, surrounded by all these people who kept looking at me and seeing someone else, someone I didn't want to be," Amber sniffed, turning up her head after a moment, before knocking her knuckles on my hard chest. "But since it brought me to you, in the end it was so worth it."

"I know exactly how you feel," I said, closing my eyes. "Well, at first. I was lucky, I think. I was... lost, at first. Without you being here. But... Elias and Aubrey, they were by my side, you know? Of course, they didn't fill the void you left, but they help me not drown in it."

"Oh, gosh. Lex, you have to tell me everything. When I saw those two there, I thought I was going to get killed. I've been avoiding the protagonist and Xander at all costs, you know? They're red flags for any antagonist! But who would have known that Xander was you all along."

"This is going to take a while, but I guess I'll start at the beginning," I said, Amber listening intently. "Okay, so it all started when I woke up in this sack of bricks on the first day of school..."

I recounted my trials since coming to this world, about how the protagonist was thrust into my orbit and how we became friends instead of lovers. I told her about how I've been trying to get her to fall for Elias, and how in the process I befriended the second lead as well. I told her about how dense the two of them are, but how I think I've been making progress, since they've definitely gotten closer in recent weeks.

Amber listened quietly, only punctuating my retelling with the occasional hum or gasp, until I finished catching her up with everything that had transpired since I came to this novel world.

"So..." Amber said, tapping her chin as she digested everything I told her. "The only way I, the number one antagonist from 'Say No to Bad Boys', can survive is to help the protagonist reach her happily ever after, isn't it? And that's obviously with Elias, since he has always been lovely and unproblematic. And that's the only way we can both live a drama-free life, isn't it?"

"Yep, that's the short of it," I said, Amber nodding with determination. 

"Alright, count me in. I'll help you get the protagonist her man. Operation 'Say Yes to Good Boys' is a go!" Amber cheered, grinning up at me widely, and I couldn't help but mirror her expression. 

Because my other half was back, so everything was going to be okay.

Right?

A/N: Hope this speedy update makes up for my extremely slow updates recently! :) The plot is beginning to move forward, and yet the relationship of our favourite zero-brain cell protagonist and his long-suffering main lead seems to be hitting road block after road block. The roadblocks are harder than Lex's abs, it seems!

Thanks for reading! x