Chapter 43
I suddenly remember that he isn't supposed to know that I'm dying.
"Killian, I'm just... um..." I start to say, trying to come up with a lie on the spot.
"Don't bother," Killian says lowly, but not angrily. "Dorian told me about the Curse of the Seer."
Fucking Dorian.
In that moment, I couldn't tell if I was upset or happy that Killian knows, because he's here, and that's all I've wanted for the last two weeks.
"He... He said you don't have much time left," Killian says, sounding choked up. "Please. No more lies. How much time do you have left?"
"Two weeks," I say, my voice the ghost of a whisper.
Suddenly, I hear the door crashing to the ground, and I jump. Killian wraps an arm around me.
"Say the word and I'll kill him, Katrina," Ares says, and I Know she's holding up some kind of weapon.
"No, don't," I say quickly. "I..."
"I'm taking her home," Killian says, as calm as ever.
Ares pauses. "Katrina, if you don't want to go with him, just tell me and I'll slaughter him here and now."
Killian scoffs, and I'm sure he rolled his eyes. I actually wasn't sure who would win a fight between them.
"No, I want to go," I say softly, and I do. I want to be near him, so close to him that my Sight is silenced as much as it can be, but I want to be far from him, so far that he can't see how much I'm suffering.
My suffering is nothing I can't deal with, but to see Killian suffer... it would be unbearable.
"Killian, you're lucky I owe Katrina so many favors," Ares says, a chill to her voice. "Otherwise, I'd enjoy seeing how red the Ultimum Viatorem bleeds."
I frown at that, but Killian chuckles. "Ares, there's no line Cain wouldn't cross for you. I'm afraid where my darling Katrina is involved, there's nothing I wouldn't do, either. Surely, you understand."
Ares pauses. "You know that Cain is never going to have an alliance with Crimson Shadow ever again, right?"
"Like I said, nothing I wouldn't do." Absolutely no regrets in his words. I wonder what exactly he said to piss them off so badly.
"You should leave before Cain comes," Ares advises. "Make sure to take the fur pelt on the bottom. Cain Charmed it so it would stay warm."
My throat dries. Cain was not the same cruel Blood Alpha he was before meeting Ares.
Killian stands up, pulling me into his arms, wrapping the Charmed pelt around me.
"Thank you," I tell Ares quietly before Killian has the chance to yank me into the in between.
"Goodbye, Katrina," Ares says coolly, but I can sense her distress and sadness. "If you change your mind, give a call. You're welcome to come back."
Killian snarls at her, and I feel myself being pulled into the in between.
As soon as we hit the floor, I feel nauseated and groan. Killian swears and teleports one more time, and I feel him set me down on the ground, throwing up into the toilet immediately.
Killian sits next to me, rubbing my head soothingly, even though I weakly try pushing him away, not wanting him to see me like this.
Though I suppose I would have to get used to him watching me bleed for the next two weeks.
I'm shaking by the time I'm finished, and I hear Killian run a bath.
"Ah, Katrina, I'm going to help you get undressed," Killian says slowly, uncomfortably, and it almost makes me laugh. All it took was him knowing I'm dying to finally have some shame.
"It's f-fine," I say, my teeth chattering as I talk. "I-I can do it."
"No, you can't," Killian says gently, firmly. "Either I help you or I get Maryn or Layla to."
No, I definitely don't want more people to see me like this.
"O-okay," I agree, and he kneels, carefully pulling my sweater over my head. If I wasn't in so much pain, if I wasn't freezing quite literally to death, I would have been embarrassed that Killian of all people was seeing me naked.
Luckily for me, he doesn't make any sexual nor mocking comments as he scoops my nude, shivering body into his arms and gently places me in the hot water. I keep my eyes shut for a few minutes as the scorching water surrounds me and attempts to ease my pain.
"What did you say to Ares and Cain back in Blood Lake that pissed them off so badly?" I finally ask. I'm sure that he has many more questions about my death, but that's the last thing I want to talk about.
"I took their pup and threatened to abandon him on a remote island," Killian says flatly.
I frown. "You would not have."
"Why didn't you tell me, Katrina?" Killian asks. Great, so we're doing this now.
I swallow. "I thought it would be easier. If you didn't know. I... I never wanted to hurt you."
"Did coming here to Crimson Shadow and using so much of your Sight speed up the Curse?" Killian fires out question after question. "And don't lie to me. No more lies."
I wince. "The Curse would have killed me anyways. Even before you got me. My days were always limited."
"And you're sure? Two more weeks?"
"Yes," I say quietly. "I am sure."
"So, there's time," Killian says, sounding relieved.
"Time?" I repeat in confusion.
"Of course," Killian says calmly. "Two weeks to figure out a loophole. There's always a loophole. We just have to find one."
I sigh. "Killian..."
"Don't," He says lowly. "Don't you dare give up on your own life. You are not going to die. We are going to find a way around it. There's... There's always something to be done. I will save you Katrina, I swear it."
I shake my head. "Killian... No Seer outlives the Curse. I have Seen my death a million times over. There is no other future."
"Your Sight can be wrong," Killian snarls. "If you think I'm going to just let you waste away in bed, waiting for your death, and not do anything to stop it, you're even fucking dumber than I thought."
I sigh. He doesn't understand. Seers knowing their death is innate, something we know from the start. He doesn't understand that the Curse is simply what Nature demands, that there is no loophole because it is the natural course of life.
"I promise you, Katrina," Killian says desperately, and I'm very glad I'm blind and can't see him or See him. "I will save you. You... you can't die."
And then I realize that this runs deeper than him just not wanting me to die because he... likes me. This is about his Seer friend that died during their childhood, about his mate. He's worried he'll have to watch another person he cares for die, and not be able to help.
And this is why he never should have found out.
I jump when Killian's hand touches my hair. "I'm just going to help you wash your hair," he says softly.
"I can do that," I say nervously, suddenly reminded of how exposed I am, and once again, I'm grateful that I'm blind.
"I want to," Killian says firmly, tilting my hair back into the water.
His hands are gentle, tentative as they work soap through my hair and massage my scalp. Despite the hot water, a chill runs down my spine at the contact. To be touched so tenderly by someone... I would not ever get used to it, did not have the time to get used to it.
Killian's gentle touches lull me into a feeling of so much security and comfort, I doze off, and when I wake up, I'm in his bed, in one of his shirts, with his arms wrapped around me.
I almost cry with relief at how much quieter Killian makes my Sight. My death was inevitable, but he at least muted some of the pain that comes with it.
"Are you awake?" Killian murmurs, stroking my hair.
"I seem to remember you telling me that's a dumb question," I muse, snuggling into his warm chest, and his arms tighten.
"Cute, darling, very cute," Killian chuckles. "I'm going to have a healer come by soon. Take a look at you."
I sigh. "Killian, don't you think I would know if that would work?"
"I'm not leaving any stone unturned," Killian says, his voice terse. "Don't worry. I have a ton of ideas. This is just the first one."
I sigh again. "Killian, please. No more plotting. No more plans. I just... Can we just spend the next two weeks relaxing? I don't... I don't have it in me to fight this."
And I don't. I'm tired, so tired of fighting against my Sight. Death will be a welcome reprieve.
"No," Killian says firmly. "I have never stopped fighting for you, Katrina, and I'm not going to stop now. I don't care if you stopped fighting. I'll fight hard enough so you don't have to."
"Killian-" I choke out, but I'm interrupted by a knock at the door.
The healer.
****
Unsurprisingly, the healer was able to do nothing to stop the bleeding, was able to do nothing to prevent my death.
Killian was undeterred, just promised me that we would resume looking for solutions tomorrow after resting. I knew that this obsession with finding a loophole for the Curse was his way of pretending that he had some control over the situations, but this was already in the hands of the Fates.
There is no loophole. I Know it. And where the Curse is involved, Knowing cannot be wrong.
"Go to sleep," Killian orders bossily. Ah, some things never change.
"Why aren't you more mad at me?" I ask quietly, my heart beating fast as I lay in his arms.
"Believe me, Katrina," He says lightly, stroking my hair as always. "I am furious with you. As soon as we find the loophole, you'll face the full extent of my rage."
"I'm sorry," I wince. "I know... I lied a lot." Not just to Killian, but to his circulus too. I would have to face them tomorrow, and the thought was terrifying.
Killian pauses. "When... When you were leaving... Were you lying then too?" He asks, for once, sounding unsure.
My heart beats faster. "Can you be more specific?"
"You... You said you don't love me," Killian says hesitantly. "That you never could. Did you mean that or..?" His voice trails off.
I swallow. The moment I had tried so hard to prevent, to avoid.
"I..." I begin to say, unsure how to say it. Confessing feelings is not something I have ever had to deal with before, was not ever supposed to deal with. "It was a lie," I admit quietly.
Killian freezes. "Say it."
"I-I can't," I stammer out.
"Say. It."
Luckily, my Sight saves me by hurting me, making me twist out of Killian's arms and throw up blood into a handy bucket on the floor.
Finally, my vomiting dies down and turns into coughs, before I'm done bleeding, at least for a few more minutes.
Killian pulls my shaking frame into his arms. "I'm going to stop this, I promise," he whispers.
I smile slightly at his ignorance. What a blessing it must be to not have the Sight, to be afforded something as silly as hope.
He can't stop this.
Nobody can.
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