I stare at the stupid red leather book.

"Do something," I whisper, and poke it.

"I don't think that's how books work," Kage whispers back, glancing up from his own book.

The two of us had been in the library for hours trying to find something relevant in the stupid books from the Archives.

I tried reading the other books, but the stupid red one kept drawing me back to it. The book wants me to read it, I can tell, but my Sight does not.

My Sight will kill me if I push too hard on this, I can tell.

"Why would they put a blank book in the Archives?" I groan. "Most worthless piece of shit ever."

Kage laughs softly. "You just have to know how to read it."

"There's nothing to read!" I hold open a blank page to demonstrate my point.

Kage shrugs. "I'm sure you know deep down how to read it. Your fear is blocking what you Know."

His words shock me. "How is it that you're the smartest and youngest one in the circulus?" I ask, laughing nervously, because I'm sure he's right. I know how to read it. My Sight just won't let me see.

Kage's cheeks redden. "I'm not that young," He mutters. "I'll be 18 in a few months."

"Baby," I tease, and his blush deepens.

"I don't think Gabe would appreciate you calling me the smartest," Kage laughs. "He doesn't like his intelligence challenged."

"You're probably right," I agree chuckling. He made it a point to correct everyone, even over innocuous things.

Kage's eyes glaze over and he freezes for a moment before his eyes refocus. "Killian told me to remind you that you have training with him in an hour," He tells me.

I cringe. Killian and I had been avoiding each other for the last six days, only seeing each other at circulus meetings and dinners, in which we sat as far away as possible.

"Is something going on between you too?" Kage asks quietly, glancing up from his book.

"No," I answer quickly.

Doubt flashes in Kage's eyes. "Because it seems weird between you two. You won't even look at each other."

I shrug, and try to make my voice ambivalent. "Not surprising since we hate each other."

Kage laughs. "You don't hate each other. Killian definitely doesn't hate you."

"I don't know what that means."

"Yes you do," Kage mutters. "You both are impossible."

I throw a book at him, which he catches, laughing. "We're supposed to be friends," I whine. "You can't say that."

Kage grins, and he looks so similar to Killian when he does that, it makes my chest tighten. "Not in a bad way," He amends. "You're both just so... stubborn. Always have to choose the path of most resistance."

"What was it like," I ask, changing the subject away from Killian and I. "Growing up with Killian?"

Kage shrugs. "I didn't see him much until recent years. He was with the Viatoribus until a few years ago when he got the Alpha position. I only visited the Viatoribus during the summer."

"You spent time with the Viatoribus?" I ask in surprise. I thought only Killian did.

He nods. "Our mother wanted both of us to spend time with them. She's a strong wolf, and attributes that to growing up in the Viatoribus. Even if Killian didn't get his arm dissolved by that she-wolf, he still would have been sent there by our mother. Training is much better there."

"Did you enjoy your time there?" I ask curiously.

Kage shrugs. "I liked it enough. The Viatoribus are always nice to those with traveler blood. Not so much to outsiders."

"Do you ever think about leaving Crimson Shadow and joining them?" I ask.

"Sometimes," Kage admits. "I almost did once Killian came back."

"Why?" I question one confusion.

The shadows around Kage swirl a little darker. "It's not easy growing up in the shadow of the Ultimum Viatorem and Alpha of Crimson Shadow. Literally," He says drily. "Our mother always preferred Killian. The Ultimum Viatorem is the holy grail of all travelers."

His words send a pang in my heart. "I know what that's like," I say quietly.

"Your sister?" Kage asks in surprise. "But you're a Seer. That automatically makes you more special."

I laugh darkly. "Not all packs are as kind to Seers as the Viatoribus and Crimson Shadow. In Iron Claw, Seers are shunned for their Gift. Surprisingly, people don't like when you learn their darkest secrets and then start throwing up blood."

Kage winces. "It isn't an easy Gift," He acknowledges. "But surely your parents appreciated your power?"

I smile sadly. "Not really. It freaked them out. Gwen was a much more manageable kid, that's for sure. Perfectly behaved, well-liked by everyone who meets her. Even the last Alpha of Iron Claw pursued her. Everyone does."

Including my mate.

"She didn't seem that great to me," Kage shrugs. "Average she-wolf."

I snort. "You wouldn't say that if you talked to her. It's her Gift, did you know that? To make people around her feel comfortable. Can't control it, just happens. People open up to her easily, don't even realize it's happening."

"Seems manipulative," Kage mutters.

I shrug. "Not her fault. She can't stop it, like Knox can't stop his enhanced strength and Layla can't help her tears being poisonous. It's an intrinsic quality. To be charming. She was always bound to have a powerful mate. My parents were over the moon with joy when she found out that she was mates with the former Beta of Blood Lake. My family has never had any status in Iron Claw, and then their eldest was mated to the freaking Beta of the most powerful pack."

Kage looks confused. "She has a mate?"

"Had," I correct. "Long story, but he turned out to be a snake and betrayed the Blood Alpha and Luna, so she killed him. It ended up not mattering, because Gwen learned how to wield weapons from the Blood Luna herself. That's like Shakespeare teaching someone how to write," I say wryly. "Raised her status herself and became the Weapons Master of Blood Lake. And now she's the Luna of a pack. My parents couldn't be more proud."

My words hurt, but they're true. I can See how much more they like Gwen, how relieved they are to have a powerful daughter. I wonder if that's why they stay away from me. Because they know I Know.

"Is that what you want, Katrina?" Kage asks softly. "Power, glory? To be like Gwen?"

I crinkle my nose. Growing up, all I wanted was to be like Gwen. Be well-liked, popular. Normal. Now? Not at all.

"I just want a long, happy life," I answer honestly, and my heart wrenches. The one thing I could never be given.

And that night, before I go to sleep, the thought haunts me.

****

I wake up knowing exactly when I'm going to die.

I no longer had a year.

Three months.

Killian is underneath me, and he chose the worst possible day to start reappearing in my bed. I'm so horrified, so scared, I can't even find it in myself to be mad at him.

"Katrina?" Killian asks in worry. "What's wrong? You're shaking."

Three months.

Dead before I even see my 20th birthday.

Sobs escape my body, and Killian pulls me closer, wrapping his arms around me tighter. I cry into his chest so hard my throat feels raw.

"Katrina, what's going on?" He asks in panic.

I can't answer, too distraught by three months.

A year wasn't much longer, but I was supposed to have more time.

Six feet under in a few months.

I cry harder. If I wasn't so upset, I would be embarrassed that Killian was seeing me like this.

Killian grabs my face forcing me to look up at him through my tears. "Katrina, tell me what's going on," He pleads. "Tell me what's wrong. I'll fix it. I'll do anything."

His desperate words make my body shake harder with sobs. He can't fix this. Nobody can. It's my curse, I was always meant to die this way.

I just didn't think it would be this soon.

I was supposed to have more time.

Killian continues to beg, promising to help, promising to protect me. His words don't matter. He doesn't understand how powerless he is. How powerless I am against this.

Finally, when I calm down enough to stop crying, I wipe away my tears.

"Get out," I tell him, my voice scratchy.

Killian's eyes widen. "What?"

"Get. Out."

"Katrina, tell me what's wrong," Killian begs. "Please, I can help. I will do anything. Just tell me what's going on."

"It was just a bad dream," I choke out. Technically not a lie.

"A bad dream wouldn't have you sobbing like that for an hour!" Killian snarls, his eyes blazing, before he immediately cools off. "Please, Katrina. Just tell me what's wrong. I can help."

I have to push him away, or he won't ever let this go.

"What's wrong is that you're constantly here!" I yell, trying to sound mad. Trying to sound like I mean what I'm saying. "I don't like you, and I never will! So stop appearing all of the time! Just stay the fuck away from me and I'll be fine!"

Killian's face twists with pain.

And he disappears without another word.

I allow myself to cry for another hour, and attempt to come to peace with my impending death.

I knew this was coming. The bumped up timeline means nothing. It doesn't hurt knowing that I only have three months left.

If anything, it makes my resolve to find the missing wolves even stronger.

I pull myself together and wipe my tears.

I have a ball to get ready for.

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