He's been sitting at the kitchen counter for a good 7 minutes now while the elder kept herself busy preparing he's-not-sure-what for him. It's nerve-wrecking. She hadn't said or asked anything yet...which is weird. He never told her about the break-up and if he was seeing Ji-Eun before...and she never asked in any of her previous phone calls so he knew she didn't hear any news –

"Leftover porridge I made for your dad. He had to work late so I packed some for his dinner," She placed a bowl and a hot coffee mug in front of him.

Jungkook nods as she takes her seat. He could feel his mom's eyes on him as he takes the bowl closer. He didn't have the appetite but then thought that maybe he should just eat so there won't be much room for heavy conversations. He's really not up for it.

Maybe it's his nerves or maybe it's the fact that he hasn't had anything to eat since morning that he felt a bit drained out. Maybe all the overthinking had sucked all his energy down to a bar, and now he's just tired.

What was he thinking! He promised himself that he wouldn't return home until he finds her, as he didn't want to worry his mom with endless questions about where could Lisa be. He even booked a hotel room to stay in – even if he has a home here!

But his mind was too messed up and he found himself at her doorstep...hoping that she'd be there. You're so stupid – of course she won't be there! What you did to her was unimaginably hurtful – do you think she'd wanna relive every single moments with you?! And you know for a fact the kind of sweetheart that she is - she wouldn't come crying to your mom about it, she's too nice to do that!

Jungkook sighed as he takes another spoonful. Busan is almost as big as Seoul – where could he possibly start –

"You're here to find her, aren't you?"

Jungkook looks up immediately, startled at the unexpected question coming from the woman. The elder just held him with a steady gaze.

"Took you long enough,"

What?

"Mom, how –"

"I practically raised you both, do you think I won't know if something's going on with you two?" The disappointed tone sounded harsh, and Jungkook looks down to his knotted fingers. "I have two sons and a daughter and now I'm losing her! Tell me what you've done to her –"

Jungkook looks back up to her shaky voice as she wiped a tear off her cheek quickly. He knew he had done something awful when he can't even find the words to justify it. The guilt in him felt more and more like a path, and at this point he can't refuse to walk it – pretend that he's any better at his ground.

"I...I'm sorry...I'll bring her back mom – I promise I'll bring her back –"

...

"What happened back there – what have you done –"

"I said what I said! They didn't understand –" Jungkook huffed as he fastens his pace, stomping the ground as if the steps could somehow release the anger built up in his chest.

"Kook, stop –" Lisa reached for his hand to stop him but he snapped it away, too caught up in his own emotions. "They're just worried, I'm sure the news came off as a surprise for them –"

"Surprise? They knew it's what I always wanted! I already signed the contract with the agency - they've already set a date for my first day there! They're not worried...they're just being selfish! They just want me to stay here with them forever -"

"Don't say that," She catches her breath when she reached beside him, walking in his pace. "Can't you try to see it from their point of view?"

"Why – they didn't try to see mine –"

"They're your parents,"

"More reasons why they should understand why I need to move to Seoul,"

"Kook," It's apparent that she's tired as she began to slow down her steps. "You're moving far from them –"

"It's not far, Seoul is only half an hour away by train – I checked!"

"That's not the point!"

Jungkook turned when she raised her voice. He was angry at his parents before and now he's angry at Lisa. Why is she backing them up on this?

"You're supposed to be on my side!"

"I am –"

"Then why are you talking like the opposite?! You encouraged me to write and send it and now that I got in, you're gonna turn your back on me and agree with them?"

"That's not what I –"

"Then what?!" He can't help his sudden aggression as his loud shout echoes around them. Lisa stood in shock over his outburst and he could see the glint of tears appearing in her eyes...but Jungkook's too engulfed with his own frustrations to care for it! His feet feel tired as he saunters over to her. 

He was over the moon to share the news with his parents but all they could do was criticize the agency and the city. He did try answering to all their doubts but it was just too much when his mom kept implying how hard it is to make good of himself while doing music. They knew how passionate he's been all this while!

"You're telling me to see their point of view? Have you tried seeing your parents' point of view when they asked you to go back? No right? Cus you wanted to stay here. That's my dad and my mom back there – don't talk to me as if you know them better cus you don't! You begged your parents to stay here –"

"Exactly," The hurt and determination in her eyes is evident, and for some reason, her blunt answer stopped his tracks. Only now he realised that it is their first time shouting at each other.

"I begged my parents to stay here. I begged and I cried for weeks. You just told your parents ten minutes ago – for the first time - that you're moving to Seoul," She sighed down to the ground briefly and then at him again, wiping her tear-stained cheeks.

"You're their first son to leave Busan, Kook. Your brother is only five minutes away from them but you...you'll be so far! You're right, I don't know your dad...and your mom better than you but I know my mom and dad and they worry all the time – calling me all the time! I'm not asking you to not go. I'm asking you to at least have a little pity in them. Your mom cooks and does your laundry for you every day - think of how she felt when you told her that and how you reacted when it's not the response you wanted to hear and maybe then – oh, I don't know – you can stop being so stubborn and stop thinking about your own damn feelings!"

She turned and starts walking back, leaving him. After a few steps, she stopped. Jungkook stood in his spot - hoping that she'd come back and comfort him - even when deep down he knows what she said was right. 

"If that's how you feel - what's yours is yours and I hold no accountability or I'm in no position to say anything at all, then let me know. I'll take the first flight back to my own. She's been my mom too in case you didn't notice,"

...

Jungkook grew restless as he waits for his mom to scream at him but the woman stays silent. He didn't dare to look into the judging eyes of his own mother over his stupidity. Her anger is evident - the whole room's radiated with the energy, he could feel it in his bones! 

"I know...I was stupid and - and selfish and...I betrayed her trust...she didn't deserve it," He admits again over his long and painful confession of what had happened between him and Lisa. "Please say something, mom," He pleads as another minute felt like an hour long.

He could hear the elder taking a deep breath, and Jungkook prepares himself in the calm before the storm. 

"You are," Her voice is unexpectedly soft, unlike how he imagined it would be. He braves himself to look up to his mom. Her expression remains impassive, but her eyes seem like they hold a knowing smile. Perhaps she's telling him that he deserves to feel like shit over everything -

"I thought I had a deja-vu when I saw you upfront earlier," She turns to the window out in their connected living room. "I thought I saw my child standing in the same spot you stood just now...looking in as if she wasn't sure if she could go into her own house. As if it doesn't belong to her anymore. It was the exact same look you had on your face,"

What -

"You mean...she was here? She came back?" Jungkook sat up almost immediately.

She nods slowly. Oh...she did return! A new kind of hope blooms in his chest.

"I called her in. I was so happy...and mad...the last time both of you came back was two months before. I scolded her so many times that night for not calling and telling me that she's coming. I missed both of you so much but I understood how busy you were. She said it herself. She was always smiling, my Lisa...I was too caught up - I can't remember why I made gamjatang earlier that day, but when she showed up, I took it as a sign that it's because she's visiting," His mom laughed a little. Jungkook's heart fell at hearing the way his mom spoke about her.

"I should've noticed the way she looked at me...but I didn't. Not until she long left. It's the way she hugged me before she left...as if she missed me too. She kept telling me to not stand for too long or my feet will get tired and - and she hugged your dad too - I can't remember the last time she did that, was it when both of you were moving? She roamed around the house and kept staring at the pictures - I had to call for her a couple of times to come eat and she came down from your room," 

"Anyways, I passed her a few of your letters because you weren't there. I went into your room two or three days later and saw them on your desk. I thought 'maybe she forgot to take it'. I told her about it about it the next week when she called, I think. She just laughed about it, saying how silly that she forgot to put it in her bag. I told her to ask you to call me. And it's so odd that you didn't because you'd always call me in the same day whenever I asked her to tell you. She never forgets to tell you. It's been like that for a couple of times. She kept saying 'yes, eomma, I'll tell him' but you always called later than when you should. That's how I knew something was definitely wrong. You were never present in her phone calls anymore since that night,"

As if his guilt can't grow any bigger, now both his chest and head feels heavy. "I...I'm sorry, mom. I was in a rut and...and I didn't know what to do!" He reached for his mom's hands in his. "I wanted to tell you so many times - I wanted to ask for your help but I feel...I felt stuck. I kept denying and trying to move on from the mistake I made and I failed! I thought...she hated me and you would hate me and I -"

"You're my son, how can I hate you?"

"I know! I know...but you loved her too and I did wrong to her -"

"Yes, you did! But now what can you do about it - you waited too long!!" There it is...the shout he needed to hear. "Do you remember when you wanted to move to Seoul? You told me that you're not a boy anymore - that you're a grown-up and you know how to take care of yourself. Well, taking care of yourself includes taking care of others that you chose to be in your life - that's what being a grown-up is! She spent half of her life taking care of you - she kept convincing me that Seoul will be the best for you and that's how you repay her? I'm so embarrassed of you, Gook! This is not how I raised you or your brother! You begged me to help her stay, you cried to me, declaring how much love you have for each other! Do you know how I feel hearing this from you? I'm an accomplice here - I helped you hurt her -"

"Mom, don't say that -"

"It's true! She could've been good and fine with her own family but we made her stay here and now -" His mom is in tears and it's all his doing! "I could've saved her from you. My own son...how could you embarrass me like this?"

His hands started shaking as he suppressed his own cry. 

"I...I'm sorry - mom, I'm sorry! I...I was lost for a while -"

"And now you've come to your senses, I know! But you have to know...surely you know...not everyone can forgive cheating. Not everyone is as forgiving as me -"

Jungkook's eyes immediately found his mom's. Her cheeks are now blemished in hues of red. The waters glistens under the the yellow kitchen light as more fell. 

"You are just like your dad when he was younger - always so easy to feel proud and boasting about what you have. When you're excited, you wanted the whole world to know. You have no patience and it's so easy for you to dismiss other things. I had to constantly remind your dad to think of me, remind him that he loves me! Do you know how tired I was? That's why I always tell you to marry her quick. So things like this won't happen and even if it does, you'd have time to think things through,"

"Did dad cheat on you?" 

"Before we were married, yes," 

Jungkook sighed heavily in relief. Thank God...he wouldn't know how to look at his dad in the same light if it happened recently. 

"My point is...I was there. I was her and I know how it felt like to be pushed away so easily. I made a choice to forgive your dad but it was a very hard choice to make. So I don't know if she'll ever forgive you -"

"She will," He finds himself answering right away. His mom smirks at him and huffs. "I know she will. It might take a long time, but I know she will. Please mom...I need to find her. Please help me,"