He stares unwaveringly at the small canvas before him, recalling one of the sweet nights that they've spent together. Briefly he wondered - for the millionth time - how could he ever swapped all these delicate and wonderful memories with something so alien...so new and so...so temporary. Did he hit his head and got amnesia within those 2 months?? Perhaps it would be a better scenario if he did. 

"I normally let the customers keep their own painting. It's already included in the fees. But this girl - she insisted to leave it here. If I'm not mistaken, she said she'll draw new ones since she'd learned how to paint," The owner said, also staring at the canvas in Jungkook's hands. 

His grips tightened. 'New ones'? That's a painting of him! Sure, it didn't have his face - but he knew that silhoutte is his and the lone street is where they had that conversation. Did she meant she's letting him go by leaving this painting here? Does 'new ones' means she's going to paint someone else??

The thought starts roaming in his mind and within seconds, he felt anxious again. "Ahjussi, are there anything else that maybe she left? Or told you about? Do you remember?" The old man's eyes wandered around - recollecting the memories from last month. 

"I can't remember much. Like I said, I have a lot of visitors," 

Jungkook nods. Of course, he can't force the man to recall on much. The fact that he still remembers Lisa alone is already an accomplishment by itself.

"What I do remember are those words she said...and herself," The man continues. "She came in looking a little lost. When I told her there's still an empty slot, she looked relieved and relaxed a little. She was quiet at first - following every steps carefully. It's not until the session was done that she smiled and laughed. I always go around and talk about the paintings they've done. I saw this and I asked her - I told her that her strokes are nice. It's a bit rough, but I can still see the outcome clearly so I asked her to practice and she'll get better. Then I asked her what this painting is about. She said it's about a boy who said she shines like the moon - brighter than any stars,"

He can't help but sigh a smile. 

"There was this look on her...and I felt like it would be intrusive for me to ask. She seemed like - like she was thinking about something really hard,"

"Did she um...did you see if she was crying?" Please say no, please say no -

The old man shook his head. Oh, thank God! "She was very memorable - that girl! The session ended and the customers were leaving, but she stayed. I was cleaning up and - and she helped me! I said 'no, no, you don't have to do that!' but she kept saying it's okay! She asked me if it's okay if she stays for a while. I made her hot tea and I think - ah yes, she said she's waiting for someone to pick her up -"

"Someone?" Someone who??

"Yes, yes!! She stayed for a while - not more than an hour I think - then a car came and stops right in front," The man gestured out on the street. "She got up and thanked me. When she got out the door, I noticed that she forgot this painting. So I chased her to give it, but she insisted for me to keep it. She said she'll practice and make new ones,"

"Ahjussi, did you - by any chance - saw the driver? Is it a woman or a man?"

"Aahhh...a man! I saw when she opened the door - it's definitely a man!"

Jungkook's heart drops within a second! A...a man...a man picked her up...she'll make new ones...

"Son, are you okay?" The voice echoes and Jungkook looks around the small space - his eyes are roaming wildly as if it's searching for something - for what, hope? He felt suffocated and the beatings inside his chest thumps louder and harder. "Son?"

He couldn't answer. Bile is rising in his throat and no words could come out - expressing the unpinned pain in his self. His worst nightmare is here...it's finally making a show and there's nothing he can do to stop it. She's making new memories and - and left him to ponder on all his mistakes! Had she moved on?

"Omo - don't - aish...don't cry here!" The vague request is left unattended as Jungkook's tears began falling uncontrollably. His shoulders are shaking with every loud and painful sob.

Why would she ask me to find her if she's moved on? Why did she answered his call and - and told him he's close?? Why would she worry about him last night if she didn't plan on coming back to him?! Is this a joke - a revenge on getting back at him for what he had done?! Just why -

She was the sun in his days and the moon to his nights. She's everything beautiful in every poem and verses he writes! He wanted to marry her...he promised he would marry her! What has he done?! He made a mistake - a big fucking mistake - and now it's staring back at him with an equally, triumphant smile and a middle finger, right up to his face! 

He felt a palm slowly tapping on the back of his shoulder but he just couldn't give a shit! Everything...it's all for nothing?! He lost her - it became so clear that he really lost her!! It's all your fucking fault - you fucking did this to yourself!! You waited too long - now what the fuck are you crying for?! Own up to your shit, you asshole!

...

The hot tea served by the kind ahjussi is now cold and tasteless - resembling his bitter heart. His tears had dried up, along with the hopes of finding Lisa again. He wasn't sure what was running through his broken heart and helpless mind during the breakdown, but the outcome rendered his thoughts to one simple revelation: she's better off without him.

Lisa had been too kind on him despite everything he had put her through. Her dream was him, and she never failed in showering him with all her love. She had sacrificed years of her life to be with him, following his every steps. Never once did she complain of her discomfort in the environment he'd put her through. 

Recalling all the memories they had together made him realize that. And recalling that night at the street when she told him about the hate that happened years ago...it left him wondering if she had given the signs and he was just too self-absorbed to even notice them. He can't remember the 'what', 'when' and 'why' - but he often caught her staring out by herself. He never asked further than a simple 'you okay?'. 

Briefly Jungkook thought of their conversation when he was invited to Seoul Music Awards last 2 years - when his 'Euphoria' was nominated for Song of the Year. He was so happy and excited over it! It was his first time being invited to such a prestige and fancy event. He was making a name for himself and the industry was welcoming him with that honor. 

He wanted Lisa to accompany him - the song was about her so it's only right that she's there with him! He already called her up and told her about it, and she was excited too. Then came the call from the agency shortly after, telling him that he'll be going with the producers. They did ask him if he'd like to add a chair - to which they'd have to pay for - and because he was a newbie and wasn't sure if the agency would mind or not, he said 'no'.

He got back home to Lisa's cheerful face - excitingly telling him how she was going to go buy a dress for the event. He felt so shitty the entire time he was explaining the situation. She was calm and she understood, but there was that hint of disappointment behind her smile. Jungkook didn't want to provoke anything, so he lets her stay in that bubble. She had kept herself busy and mostly quiet the entire night...and Jungkook lets her. 

God, he was a terrible boyfriend! He could've done better - fought harder. She was - at the end of the day - the reason he managed to be here! He didn't even mention his muse when he accepted the award on stage. He was so nervous - thanking everyone from the agency to his parents, forgetting to include her. But still...he came back to her proud smile, congratulating him and telling him how good he looked on television. 

Indeed, Lisa deserved more before and she deserves more now. It hurts to think that she might've figured out how naive and stupid it was for her to have stayed with someone so unappreciative all these while! It hurts more to think that he's now a lesson of 'what not to do' for her new man...

"Do you feel better now?" The old man asked. 

He'd been sitting in front of him in silence - probably internally cursing at Jungkook for taking up so much of his time! Jungkook nods slowly.

"It's okay...it will be okay. You are still young. You can find another girl,"

Another girl...he thought of how simple it sounds. He had 'another girl' before and it wasn't simple at all!

"Ahjussi, thank you...for the tea. And for helping me," His smile is weak. "I'm sorry I'm taking so much of your time, I didn't mean to cry just now -"

"Aish...don't worry! I'm not in a rush. If I go back early, I'll just ended up feeding my dogs and sit quietly until I sleep,"

Jungkook nods, sighing a small laugh. "Do you live alone with your dogs?"

"Yes, three of my dogs. They're old, like me," The old man laughs. 

"What about your wife? And your kids, do they live nearby?"

"No, no," He shakes his head. "My wife passed away last year. We never had kids...she uh...we can't have any children,"

"Oh, I'm so sorry ahjussi!"

"What for?" The man's small smile appeared with a frown. "I met her when I was serving in the army - I was just a Jungwi in Marine. She was the most beautiful nurse I've ever seen - I fell in love right away! So I woo-ed her," He chuckled. "Back then...it was a bit tough to woo a girl. You have to be at the right time and you have to first meet the parents. Her parents didn't like me at first, because I was a uniformed man. If anything happens to me, their daughter would be left alone. I understood that...I thought hard about it and finally, I went to my captain and request for transfer - to a desk job. The pay was lower, but I didn't mind,"

Jungkook listened attentively as the old man sighed and shook his head a little.

"When I told her that I quit the field-work, she was so mad at me! She tried to chase me off - for how many times, I can't remember! Of course, I couldn't stay away you know...I was a man in love! Finally, she told me that it's impossible for me to marry her. She said she had an accident and she can't give birth. Aish...we cried so much that day! She asked me, why would I want to marry someone who can't give me kids - a - a legacy, she called it! And she's right...anyone in their right mind wouldn't have. But I wasn't in the right mind...I was a man who believed in my eyes and heart. I've always trusted my feelings more than anything. So I married her the next week!"

Jungkook can't help his small gasp. 

"It wasn't easy...back then, you can't just simply tell everyone that your wife can't bare children. I didn't want her to feel embarrassed or humiliated - especially by my family - so after a while, whenever someone asked when we're going to have kids - I would tell them that I can't give her kids...that the problem was me. She would feel bad when it happens, but we got used to it. I'm happy, even with just her. We argued a lot. She had this loud voice and she would always shout at me. But she took care of me well. She cooked my favourite food all the time...cleaned me and my stuff up. We didn't have a lot, but she never complained. I started painting and she asked me to open a shop to sell it. That's how I got this place,"

"She sounds like an amazing person, ahjussi. You must miss her a lot,"

"She was...I'm not worried about it - I know I'll meet her again. We promised we'll meet each other again and I believe in that," He seemed to be staring into distance.

The pain beats in Jungkook's chest. They promised...just like he and Lisa did.

"We were lucky...and unlucky. We didn't have all these material things to hold on to back then. We had to work hard to keep people in our lives. My family lived in Daejeon and hers in Gangwon. We would argue a lot on spending our money for visits - where we should go with the little that we had. Your generation have phones to just call your families - it's so great! We couldn't afford house lines back then," He chuckled. "But it was good...I mean...I had her - so it's good,"

Jungkook smiles and nods back down to the small canvas on his lap.

"Young man...if she is really the love of your life, she will come back to you,"

Jungkook sighed. "I don't know, ahjussi. I did something wrong...and I think it's too late now,"

"Too late, too soon - no such thing! Everything happens at just the right time when it's supposed to happen, that's what I learned," He fixed the glasses on the bridge of his nose. "My eyesight wasn't great back then but I never properly checked on it. I spent a whole day checking on hulls and propellers that I got so tired and missed a step. I fell with my head down first, and got a cut. They sent me to the hospital where I met my wife. Before I made the decision to step down, there was news of a stranded vessel because of a broken rudder. It wasn't my ship, but it made me think that it could've been me who mislooked. It's fortunate that no one got hurt and the vessel was towed back safely. The captain had to go under a lot of scrutinies...it made me think - there must be a reason why this happened while I was deciding to leave or not,"

"If you look closely at the things that has happened in your life, you'll find that the chain was there - has always been there. And this mistake that you made - however big or small - it will somehow bring you to where you're supposed to be. You just have to believe in it, and believe hard,"

"I don't know...I think my mistake is so big - like there's no way she'll ever come back to me,"

"She might - she might not. You see, there's always a reason behind everything. You - suddenly showing up to find here, there must be a reason -"

"I showed up here cus she gave these hints and I thought - I thought she wanted me to find her. Now I think I might be wrong,"

The old man stood and taps on his shoulder lightly. "Look closely then. Believe,"

...